Carnival

by Jane Harvey-Berrick

“I will.”

  He nodded, and with a last look, climbed into the golf cart. Her mother didn’t look at her or say a word as they drove away.

  “It’s all over, baby,” I said, holding her in my arms. “They’ve gone. It’s all over. You were amazing, you are amazing, and you’re going to be a fantastic mom. I’m so fuckin’ proud of you.”

  “I meant it when I said that I loved you,” she whispered.

  “I know, baby mama. I know and I love you, too.”

  So even though I didn’t get to beat the shit out of the lying bastard sheriff, or kick his entitled son in the ass, it wasn’t the worst start to the day that I’d ever had.

  It had been an emotional couple of days for Sara after her parents and Liam showed up at the carnival. We spent the rest of the morning in bed, just holding each other, talking a little, but mostly enjoying the stillness.

  Sara said she wasn’t hungry, but when I persuaded her to join me for a walk along the midway, she changed her mind.

  I smiled when she ate a corndog coated with a thick layer of batter, followed by funnel cake covered in powdered sugar, and I laughed when she tried to eat strawberry flavored cotton candy and it got in caught in her hair. It was a lot of junk, but Aimee would make sure she’d get her fruit and vegetables in another meal. This was about letting go.

  I held her and reassured her and told her every chance I got that I cared about her, that I loved her. The words felt odd but comfortable at the same time—I guess that summed up our whole left-field relationship.

  And she’d believe me eventually, I was confident of that.

  But her meeting with Liam and her parents had left her shaken, and I knew that she felt guilty about Owen and his mom. I’m not a man who believes in truth for the sake of the truth. Because the truth can hurt people without changing anything, without making anything better. But in this case, not speaking up was going to let a predator get away with it. I thought it was the right thing to do—the only thing to do. And it was the only way that her parents would understand the decision she’d made to leave.

  After she’d finished stuffing herself with junk, I bought her a bottle of fresh orange juice, figuring she could use something healthy.

  We walked past the largest of the carousels, the red and gold paint gleaming in the sunshine, the prancing horses frozen in time as if they’d just been photographed putting a winning nose over the finishing line. All of the horses were white with colorful bridles, but there was one lone lion, his mouth open in a roar, his white fangs and pink tongue a contrast to the horses.

  “He looks annoyed,” said Sara, taking a quick picture.

  “Sure! He’s the King of the Jungle, and now he’s got a pole through his butt and has to travel in circles all day. He’s probably pissed and dizzy.”

  Sara giggled.

  “You’re such a goof, Zef! I never knew that about you.”

  I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. Truth is, I’m not much of a joker; I leave that to Tucker. But something about Sara brought out a new, light-hearted side of me. I was surprised to find I was comfortable with that.

  I shrugged and grinned at her.

  “Wanna take a ride?”

  She started to laugh.

  “Seriously? You want to go for a ride on the kiddie carousel? You know it doesn’t go fast, right?”

  “Yeah, sure. So long as I can ride the lion.”

  “Oh no way, buster! I want to ride the lion.”

  “Uh huh, that dude is mine. You can have one of the horses.”

  “Oh my God, seriously? You won’t let me ride the lion?”

  I leaned down and whispered in her ear.

  “Baby mama, you can ride the beast any time you want.”

  She blushed bright red and slapped my arm.

  “You’re such a perv!”

  “Can’t help it—you’re hot.”

  Jude was the ride jock for the carousel and raised a pierced eyebrow when I said that Sara and I were taking a ride. He nodded, grinning over my shoulder as Sara climbed up on the lion’s back.

  Nope. Not happening.

  I strolled over, lifted her off and plopped her on a horse.

  “I can’t believe you just did that!”

  “I’m a man of my word,” I smiled.

  We took three turns on that ride and Sara snapped a ton of photographs of me goofing off, and she was smiling again.

  Result.

  By the time we packed a suitcase for Dan’s wedding, she was coming to terms with her new reality. I knew that she’d talked to her dad a couple of times and I was pleased about that. Even though she thought that she didn’t need her family, I knew that she’d want our kid to know their grandparents one day.

  The powers that be at Fairplex were pissed that we were canceling two days of shows on such short notice so we could fly out for Dan’s wedding. They were trying to cite breach of contract, but Zach was holding his own in that argument.

  It looked like I was going to be getting more use out of the tux I’d bought for Kes and Aimee’s wedding last year than I’d bargained for. The plus side was that when I tried it on at Sara’s request, she said I looked hot. It worked for me.

  I didn’t know what she was going to wear as it was supposed to be a big secret, and she seemed equal parts anxious and excited to be going with me as my date. Like I’d leave her behind.

  I’d been back to Georgia a few times since I was released from prison, but it wasn’t my favorite place to be. At least the wedding was going to be in Atlanta and not my home town of Savannah. I’d made too many mistakes there, too many bad memories blotting out the good ones.

  After our flight landed at Hartsfield-Jackson Airport, I turned on my phone, immediately getting a string of messages from Dan.

  Fuckin paps everywhere.

  Lis on the rampage. Holy shit!

  Got you rooms at the Ritz Carlton.

  Driver waiting for you at baggage claim.

  So much for it being a low key wedding.

  “Oh, man,” breathed Tucker, scrolling through the newsfeed on his cell. “The paps are going crazy, calling it the wedding of the year, whatever the fuck that means.”

  We made our way through the crowds to pick up our luggage and saw a big dude in a suit holding a sign that said, Grifter Family.

  “Little prick,” Kes muttered, shaking his head, a smile pulling up one side of his mouth. “Are you gonna kick your brother’s ass or do you want me to do it?”

  “Feel free,” I said generously.

  We introduced ourselves to the dude in the suit and then got a helluva surprise when we tried to leave the airport and were jostled by paps.

  “What the fuck?” I yelled, as were surrounded by a growing crowd.

  “Are you Daniel Colton’s brother?”

  “Is it true that Daniel is gay and that this marriage is just a publicity stunt?”

  “What do you think of the rumor that he’s going to be traded to the Green Bay Packers?”

  “Are you going into modeling like your brother?”

  “Is that your wife? What’s her name? Are you going to call the baby Daniel?”

  I braced my arms around Sara and tugged her through the doors, seeing the rest of the Daredevils doing the same thing, wondering where the paps had gotten their dumb questions from. I knew better than to answer—they’d make up whatever they wanted anyway.

  It was like a feeding frenzy at the shark pool, a scene from Jaws with an all-you-can-eat buffet.

  Our driver, Milton, used his bulk to clear a path to the waiting limo and all but tossed us into the back seat.

  “Sorry about that, ladies and gentleman,” he said, seemingly unperturbed. “The news of the wedding broke while you were in the air, and there was a false rumor that your brother would be making an appearance at the airport. The Falcons’ management didn’t have time to send backup.”

  “That was fucking insane! Is it like that for him all the time now?”

&nb
sp; I caught Milton’s gaze in the rearview mirror.

  “Mr. Colton is very popular.”

  I shook my head, knowing how much Dan would hate all of this, and glanced down at Sara’s strained face.

  “You okay, baby mama?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. Don’t worry,” and she gave me a brief smile.

  “It’s my job to look after you.”

  She made herself more comfortable in my arms.

  “And it’s my job to look after you.”

  “Lookin’ forward to it.”

  Zach glanced over at us, a grin of amusement on his face.

  “You guys are so cute together! I didn’t know you could be so sappy, Zef.”

  “Fuck off,” I said easily, not giving a damn what anyone else thought.

  Although Zach was right. I’d never been like this with a woman before. The surprise was that I liked it.

  There were more paps at the hotel and I couldn’t understand their interest in us. It was beginning to sink in what a big deal my little brother had become, but I still didn’t see what that had to do with us. I was resigned to the fact that information about my stint in the pen was going to be very public knowledge. It wasn’t a secret, but it wasn’t something I broadcast by choice either.

  Four doormen tussled with the crowds outside the hotel to get us inside. At least Milton had help this time. I tipped them all well. It was the least I could do.

  Sara perked up at the sight of the glittering chandeliers, marble floors and huge leather couches.

  “Ooh, can we live here?” she teased.

  “I don’t think they’d be too welcoming of Bo.”

  Sara’s face fell.

  “I feel so bad leaving him and Ollo behind. Why wouldn’t he come?”

  I shrugged and pulled her closer.

  “Ollo doesn’t like leaving the carnival.”

  “But, he’d have been with us.”

  “Being with us might stop the comments, but it doesn’t stop people staring.”

  She frowned a little as she wrapped her arms around my neck while we waited to check in.

  “People stare at him when we’re at the carnival,” she said. “Sometimes they say stuff, too.”

  “Yeah, they do. But then he’s on his own turf and he has a comeback for anything that might be said and turns it into a laugh. He also knows that every carnie there has his back.”

  She tilted her sweet face upward, her eyes large and worried.

  “He knows that you’d have his back, all of you. He could have come.”

  “It’s more than that,” I tried to explain, searching for the right words. “The carnival is where he feels safe. It’s his home.”

  She sighed, resting her head against my chest.

  “He’ll be fine. He said he was going to visit with Yolanda. You know, the woman who has the dog act. Bo’s real good friends with her Golden Retriever, Maverick—they’ll be okay.”

  “I know, I just miss them.”

  It felt strange taking a break from our lives, but it was great to get away for a while, and I was really happy for Dan marrying his college sweetheart. Lisanne had been really good for him, and her family had looked out for my brother when I was in prison. I’d never thanked them for that, so now would be my chance.

  The rooms that Dan had reserved for us were even more impressive than the hotel’s luxurious lobby. Each of us had a two-room suite with a separate bedroom and dining area, and a balcony with views over Atlanta.

  The air in the room was chilled, but when I stepped out onto the balcony, I felt the full humid heat of Georgia in September, and imagined I could smell peach blossom. A smile crept across my face when I saw the SkyView to the south, a giant Ferris wheel silhouetted against the sunset.

  “Hey, baby mama! Do you want to take a ride over there?”

  Sara walked onto the balcony, slipping under my raised arm as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “Oh wow! It feels like home,” and she laughed.

  Her happiness shot a bolt straight into my heart—she already thought of the carnival as her home. I held her tightly, thankful that she’d come into my life.

  That evening, we had a family dinner, and I saw Lisanne gazing wistfully at Sara and Aimee, and I wondered how long it would be before Dan was calling me up telling me I was going to be an uncle. Maybe a while yet; her career was really taking off, and her band’s debut album had just entered the top #100 chart.

  I spoke to her parents, as well. They were friendly but reserved, and I knew I’d have to earn their trust, but starting with an apology didn’t suck.

  It was one hell of a wedding.

  I had no idea how Dan and Lisanne had pulled it off, that was for sure.

  Because the paps had learned that the guests were all staying at the same hotel, they’d staked the place out, assuming that’s where the wedding would be, too.

  Instead, a simple ceremony had taken place at the botanical gardens, and before word had gotten out, we’d all jumped into limos and been driven through the light afternoon traffic to a subterranean downtown jazz club, only just this side of sleazy, and very, very private.

  “This is more like it!” yelled Dan, pulling at his bow tie and wrapping one arm around his new wife.

  Lisanne grinned, pulling his head down for a kiss.

  “They look so happy,” sighed Sara. “She’s so beautiful, and I love her dress.”

  “Yeah, she looks nice,” I agreed.

  “Nice? She looks amazing!”

  “You look better,” I whispered, kissing her ear and nipping the lobe.

  Sara glowed, her eyes bright and happy.

  “Tera helped me find this dress,” she confessed. “She was really amazing—all these sales assistants were falling over themselves to help her, well me, I guess. It’s like she snaps into being this whole other person. You can tell she’s the daughter of a senator.”

  “Kes is a senator’s kid, too,” I pointed out.

  “Oh, I forgot that. He doesn’t care about it though, does he?”

  “Because it’s not about where you come from that matters; it’s how you treat the people in your life. Carnie lore.”

  She laughed and smoothed down the pale blue silk that floated over her curves, framing her perfectly.

  She really looked beautiful. I wanted to slide her out of that dress and enjoy all of her mounds and curves. We weren’t at that place yet, but I thought we would be soon. Sharing a bed with her was fuckin’ beautiful torture.

  The guests were an interesting mix. There was Lisanne’s family: her parents were both math teachers and seemed overwhelmed by the boisterous crowd. Her grandmother on her mom’s side was knocking back brandy and flirting with a bemused linebacker friend of Dan’s. Her grandfather on her dad’s side was talking bikes with Kes, and her little brother, a lanky college sophomore, was trying out his flirting skills on Lisanne’s bridesmaid, Kirsty, and failing.

  Luke was deep in conversation with Lisanne’s gay friend, Rodney, and Zach was throwing increasingly irritated looks their way. Aimee and Sara were talking babies and pregnancy, whispering horrified stories to each other and giggling a lot.

  The guys in Lisanne’s band were having a bet to see who could pull more girls: a rock star or a football player, and there were plenty of women who were interested in both.

  Tera was talking to the Falcons’ coach and I saw them exchanging business cards, which made me smile. Tera never missed a chance to network or talk up the Daredevils.

  It was loud and noisy, and full of love and laughter. This is my family, I thought. These are my people. It was a good feeling.

  Daniel looked so damn happy, he was dancing with Lisanne in his arms, as if they were the only two people in the room. He’d abandoned wearing his CI hearing implant, probably because there was too much background noise for him to process it easily. He said crowds like this sounded like a bunch of ducks quacking.

  I wondered what it would be like
to be in his world right now, surrounded by people, but in a world of silence. He couldn’t hear the band playing or his friends laughing; he couldn’t hear the quiet humming of his new wife as Lisanne’s own happiness spilled out into music as she sang along.

  “Hey, congratulations,” I said, interrupting their moment and earning a dark look from Dan as he lip read my words. “I’ve just come to kiss the bride, doing my Best Man duties, ya know.”

  Lisanne gave me a warm hug and shot a warning glance at Dan. I loved how whipped he was.

  “I thought I’d better do my speech before everyone’s too hammered. Or would you rather just keep the partying going?” I asked hopefully.

  Dan gave me an evil smile.

  “You’re not getting out of this, big bro. It was worth wearing the monkey suit just to see you make an ass of yourself.”

  Lisanne smiled reassuringly.

  “I’m sure it’ll be amazing, Zef.”

  “Ah hell,” I sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it. But just so you know, I’m not giving you a super-couples name like Danisanne.”

  “Fuck, no!” said Dan, looking horrified. “Sounds like a drain cleaner.”

  “Lisanniel?”

  Lisanne shook her head and grimaced.

  “That’s even worse—sounds like something you’d gargle with after brushing your teeth!”

  I laughed.

  “Yeah, that might actually be worth mentioning.”

  “Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Zef!”

  “Stop with the f-bombs, Daniel!” Lisanne muttered, glancing around her, but he just laughed.

  “Come on, big bro. Let’s get this speech over with.”

  Dan waited for the song to end then climbed up onto the stage.

  “Alright, you motherf—guys, listen up! This here is my big brother, Zef, and because I feel sorry for him, I decided that I’d let him be the Best Man. Although Lis already knows that I’m the best man. Right, baby doll?”

  The crowd cheered and Lisanne blew him a kiss.

  He let the applause die down, then looked out at his guests.

  “It’s been a long road coming to this day, but I wouldn’t have changed a single step of that journey. Because any of the times I fell or screwed up, Lisanne, my wife,” and he paused as the guests cheered again, “because my wife has been there with me since the first day we met. I can’t tell you the number of times that I wanted to give up, but she never let me. I wanted to be a better man for her . . .”