Demonic Desire (Becoming Lust Book 2)

by Destiny Diess

  So, again, I slammed my hands into his chest and pushed him away. The black mystical portal drifted in a circle against the side of the building. I stormed over to it, listening to him follow me.

  God was testing me today. I get threatened by someone who wanted Trevon—my ex-boyfriend and her ex-boss—all to herself and then run into another damn lunatic.

  “You’re wrathful. The Queen of Lust is wrathful.” The Wrath shook his head. “It’s festering. What’s the kingdom going to say, knowing that this pretty little mind of yours is corrupt? That you’re unstable?”

  “What is your damn problem?” I asked, turning on my heel and watching him step into the portal. “Are you another one of the demons who doesn’t believe in me either?” I clenched my jaw and stepped toward him, wrapping my hand around his throat. “Well, let me tell you, Wrath… I will be the queen. I will follow in my father’s footsteps. And if you get in my way, I’ll take your soul, cut off your horns, and keep them as a fucking trophy like I did with the heir to Sathanus’s throne.”

  Chapter 18

  The next day, I shook the snow off my coat and walked into Ollie’s Diner. Whistling kettles, the scent of pure coffee beans, and the light pink staff uniforms, Ollie’s was buzzing with people this morning.

  Dr. U sat in a red booth near the windows, staring out at the slush on the sidewalks. After quickly gazing around for any sign of Mycah, I slid into the booth opposite of Dr. U. She smiled widely at me and sipped on her black coffee mug. “So…” She arched a hard brow. “What’s wrong?”

  A waitress that I hadn’t met before placed a mug of Jazz Mint tea in front of me and took my order. When she disappeared behind the bar, I glanced back at Dr. U. “Why do you think something’s wrong?”

  “Don’t give me that,” she said, brown eyes staring pointedly at me. “I can see it in your eyes.”

  I took a deep breath. I had never asked Dr. U to prescribe me any drugs before because I knew that it was stepping over a fine line. But I needed something to stop these hallucinations before they got worse. I wanted to control them before the Courting Pit. I couldn’t go into the Crowning Ceremony worried about Javier saying something to me.

  “Fine,” I said, rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans. “Something’s wrong.”

  “What is it?” she asked.

  It was so difficult to admit that Javier was torturing me aloud. But I had to tell someone, and that someone couldn’t be Eros. Not yet. I wanted him to know because it’d be the right thing to do… but I couldn’t tell him I’d been dreaming about his brother. That would break him. It would break us. It could hurt everything we had built together.

  “The dreams of Eros’s brother haven’t stopped…” My brows furrowed together. “They’re just getting worse. I’m even starting to hallucinate.” I took a deep breath and lowered my voice. “I feel like he’s taking over my life, but he’s a dead man…” I gazed out the window, watching the snow collide with the window and melt almost immediately.

  Dr. U grasped my hands. “It seems like his death is weighing on your consciousness.”

  Of course, it was. I killed him. Trevon probably still had nightmares about killing someone with his bare hands… but Trevon and I were different. Trevon was possessed by a demon. I was a demon who was struggling to control my urges.

  “Dr. U… I need medicine.” My words came out so quietly that I barely heard myself. “I need these hallucinations to stop. It’s getting hard to control them.”

  Her eyes widened. “No,” she said. “Absolutely not.”

  “Please,” I said.

  “You know I can’t do that.” She furrowed her brows at me and brushed her fingers against my knuckles. “Dani… why is his death bothering you this much?”

  I sucked in a deep breath, not wanting to relive that moment. Just thinking about taking his soul, about feeling the pleasure pass through my lips… it made me crave more. I swallowed hard. “I have to tell you something…” I said, needing to get it off my chest.

  Dr. U had become a mother-figure to me and… I wanted her and Mom to be proud. But how could she be proud of her daughter who had killed someone with a kiss, had been dreaming of having sex with that man, and couldn’t stop the urges she had to kill someone again?

  “What is it, Dani?” Her voice was soft, and I closed my eyes, picturing Mom.

  When I reopened my eyes, I tried to open my mouth, tried to tell her I killed someone but nothing would come out. She would be disappointed in me. What if she judged me for it? How would she even react?

  Ollie’s door’s bell jingled, and my gaze shifted to the front of the cafe. Kasey and Mycah walked in and stood near the cashier, waiting for pickup. My eyes widened, and I hopped out of my seat. I needed to talk to Kasey too, even more.

  After muttering a quick “hold on” to Dr. U, I hurried toward my friends. “Kasey!”

  Dressed in a cute white halter top and black jeans, Kasey turned away from me when I approached. Mycah gave me a small, sympathetic smile, her chubby cheeks rounding. She interlocked her and Kasey’s fingers in support.

  “Kasey,” I said. “Please talk to me.” But she didn’t turn around. Instead, she stood with her back turned toward me. “Kasey, please.” I grasped her wrist lightly, and she pulled her hand out of my grip.

  “Look, Dani,” Kasey said, lips set in a tight line. “I don’t want to talk to you right now. My parents are dead because of you. My brother is dead because of you. And Eros won’t even listen to me because of you.”

  Her words hurt because every single one of them was true. Most of her family was dead because Eros wanted to protect me. Though I couldn’t feel her pain, I understood it. My parents were dead because of hers. It hurt to lose Mom… but to learn that I had lost Dad too… it killed me. I didn’t want her to hurt.

  “You’re hurting.” I reached for her hand. “I know how it feels.”

  She ripped herself out of my grip and shook her head. “No, you don’t. You don’t know what it’s like to walk in to see your mother and father dead, lying on the ground in the middle of the throne room.” She narrowed her eyes at me, a vicious, grueling expression crossing her face.

  Some people glanced over, including Dr. U. My heart tightened in my chest, memories of Mom lying dead in the street, of the blood gushing out of her body, of her once bright eyes lifeless. I pressed my lips together, my eyes filling with tears. “I watched my mother die because of your parents, Kasey. They killed her for power.” My voice was shaky, yet it rose with every word.

  Dr. U hurried over to us and grasped my arms. “Dani,” she said, her soothing voice not able to calm me like it did when I was four. “Dani, calm down.”

  “Don’t talk to me about hurt,” I seethed, my chin quivering. “I’ve been dealing with this for my entire life.”

  Kasey furrowed her brows at me, her green eyes intensifying. “My parents didn’t do a single thing to you.”

  As soon as the words left her mouth, the darkness festered inside of me. My demon begged me to release it so I could take her soul too. Her lips looked too tasty to pass up, and my wrath was too overwhelming to control.

  Dr. U wrapped her arms around my torso, pulling me out of Ollie’s without even getting our belongings. “They destroyed my entire world, Kasey. My entire fucking world.” The door closed, and I watched her face contort into pure anger through the cloudy glass.

  Snow drifted down around us, hitting my bare arms… but all I felt was an immense heat. How dare she tell me that her parents did nothing to me. How dare she tell me that I couldn’t understand her pain when the same thing had happened to me.

  My blood was boiling. I was seconds away from losing it all and transforming into a demon right here in the middle of Fifth Ave. Dr. U grabbed my hand and hurried down the sidewalk. I gazed out into the street, imagining Mom’s dead body, those piercing red eyes, the sanguine blood through my tears.

  I tried to pull my hand away from Dr. U—wanting to go back to Ollie�
�s and give Kasey more than just a piece of my mind. I wanted her to live through that day with me. I wanted her to hurt because of it. I wanted to hurt her.

  Dr. U paused, took one long look at me, and shook her head. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath. It was the first time I had ever heard her swear.

  Before I could pull my hands away from her, she pulled me into the nearest alleyway and tugged us behind a garbage bin that stunk of rotten eggs and sewage. I ripped myself out of her grip and dug my claws into the green bin, breaking right through the metal. Kasey had the goddamn fucking nerve.

  Dr. U grasped my face, her fingers brushing against my cheekbones. I could feel every single vein in my body pulsing, my vision turning dark, the hunger in my soul raging. Horns burst out of my forehead, darkness completely filling my vision.

  Something smelled good, and that something was Kasey.

  “Dani… Dani… calm down.” Dr. U still stood in front of me, brushing her thumbs against my cheeks. I had expected her to cower in complete fear, but she stared deeply into my eyes and refused to look away. “She’s hurting right now,” she said.

  “I’ve been hurting for the past twenty years.” My body trembled with pure rage. “I’ve had a hundred, thousand nightmares of those beady red eyes.”

  “I know, Dani…” Her eyes softened. “But you know that you can’t compare your pain with hers. Everyone hurts, and everyone hurts differently. That’s the first thing I taught you, isn’t it?”

  An image of me choking Kasey with my bare hands flashed through my mind. Javier. Damn, Javier was fucking with my mind again. When I tried to look away, Dr. U forced me to stare at her. “Dani… Dani… please look at me.”

  I grasped her wrists, my claws dangerously close to the veins in her arms, yet she still didn’t back away. She stared up at me with so much strength that it scared me. And, then, she asked, “Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story? One that your mother used to tell you?”

  My body relaxed at the mere mention of Mom. A story? Dr. U brushed her palm against my hair, smoothing it out, and a tear rolled down my cheek. “A story?” I asked quietly. “A good story, one of Mom and Dad, together and happy.” All I wanted was to hear their story, to know that at some point they had been happy together and that this pain resulted from something good that they shared. My eyes filled with more tears, and I wrapped my arms around her, grasping for her warmth. “Please, Dr. U.”

  “Sorcerer of Temptation, so fierce and passionate, seal me to your horns, to your fingers, to you everlasting lust.” She grasped my face in her hands. “You used to mumble in your sleep when you were younger.” She glided her thumb against my cheekbone and sighed. “Don’t lose yourself, Dani. I know you’re going through a lot. But don’t lose the angel inside of you, hold on to her for as long as you can.”

  I furrowed my brows at the mention of my angel. “You… you knew about me?”

  “All these years,” she said into my ear. “There was always something special about you.”

  Chapter 19

  After my chat with Kasey, I decided that I needed to talk to someone in Hell about my problems. Dr. U could bring me back down to Earth when I lost control, but she didn’t understand my demons—metaphorically and literally. So, I walked into the Kingdom of Lust through the portal to meet my only friend.

  Maeve stood at the portal’s exit, immediately curling her arm around mine. “Tell me all the deets,” she said. She pulled me onto the white stone walkways toward the Garden of Passion. “Oh!” She paused for a second, rummaged through her purse, and pulled out a brown bag. “I saved one for you.”

  I opened the bag and smiled down at it, my heart warming. The sweet scent of Fervor Crisps drifted through my nose. I plucked one out of the bag and sunk my fangs into it, moaning in delight. “Thank you so much.”

  If nobody else could help me, Fervor Crisps could.

  After I had finished it, she stuffed the bag back into her purse, looped her arm around mine again, and walked with me into the garden. The roses twinkled under the pink suns, their perfume scent wrapping around every inch of my body.

  When we walked through the entrance, some Lusts glanced over at us and whispered. I straightened my back, feeling a bit self-conscious. I could hear all their harsh words running through my head. I wasn’t fit to rule. Nobody would follow me. Sathanus would have my horns in less than a week of me claiming the throne. And I wanted to snap at them, but I didn’t want to lose control again like I had earlier.

  Maeve rolled her eyes. “Ignore them,” she said to me. “They’re immature and don’t know the true power you possess.” Her fingers curled into my forearm. “So, why’d you want to meet? Who is fucking with you?”

  “Kasey,” I said. Rage pumped through my veins, and I clenched my fists. Control, Dani. “She hates me, absolutely hates me. I don’t even know what I did.”

  Well, that was just a white little lie. I knew she was annoyed at me because I aided Eros in killing his parents. But it was well deserved and so was Javier’s death. I didn’t regret killing him.

  “She doesn’t hate you,” Maeve said, picking a rose and lifting it to her nose. “She’s envious. She wants the throne, just like her mother wanted the throne.” She bumped my hip with hers and smiled. “What makes you think she wouldn’t try to take it from you? Envies will do anything to get what they want.” She winked at me, her green eyes glowing ever so softly. “I would know.”

  I exhaled through my nose. If Kasey was anything like her mother, she would try to kill me for the throne. She’d kill her own brother and one of her best friends. Unless, after all this time, Kasey was just pretending to be friends with me.

  “I just thought she was different.” I lowered my voice, hoping that I didn’t sound naïve by letting my human emotions blur reality. “I thought we were friends.”

  Maeve stayed quiet and gazed down at her feet, a guilty expression crossing her face. “Demons aren’t always who you think we are. We hurt people. Sometimes we do it unintentionally, sometimes we do it intentionally, and sometimes we can’t control ourselves.” She curled her red-painted toes into her sandals. “That’s one of the hardest lessons you’ll learn down here.”

  I pulled my hand to my chest and drew my thumb across my ring. For twenty-four years I had grown up with best friends who had never betrayed me. Then when I met Eros, everything spiraled out of control. First, Trevon. Now, Kasey.

  Dad was right. There would be friends that I could love from afar but couldn’t trust. I just hated that Kasey would be the one I couldn’t trust. We had so many memories together.

  Tears welled up in my eyes. “My father…” I started, my voice raspy.

  Don’t cry, Dani. Kasey isn’t worth your tears.

  But she was. Kasey, the one person I had grown closest to, was worth all the tears I had. I didn’t want to lead this kingdom without her. Why couldn’t she see that her parents had hurt me and Eros? Why couldn’t she see how bad they really were?

  “She’s a traitor.” Javier’s voice echoed in the back of my mind, fury laced around every one of his words. “Just like Eros when he killed his parents. All I wanted was to make you a fucking Lust Queen. All I wanted was to give you a taste, but you took my soul.”

  I pressed my lips together and pushed away my tears. This thing was driving me crazy. My entire world was falling apart. But I had Eros, I had Lucifer, and now I had Maeve.

  Maeve stopped in the field of flowers. “Your father, what?” She furrowed her brows.

  “My father told me I couldn’t trust some of my closest friends. I should’ve listened.”

  “I thought you never got a chance to meet him.”

  “I didn’t. He…” I thought back to my journal he left me and smiled. I wanted to go look through it some more. Maybe he left a note about Mom in there, hidden away. “He left me his journal.”

  “His journal?” she said, lips curling into a smile, eyes sparkling green. She threw her arms around me and p
ulled me into a tight hug. “If you have his journal, you have everything you need to rule the kingdom, right?” When I nodded, she tugged me toward the castle. “Well, then, forget about Kasey. You don’t need her. You don’t need anybody to help you rule.”

  I paused, then smiled. She gazed back at me, her dark hair blowing in the light wind. God, I had barely known her for a week, yet she had so much confidence in me. Her hands dropped to mine, eyes following when her fingers brushed against my family ring.

  She tugged her hand away, as if it burned her like Mom’s pendant had burned Eros the first morning I met him. “Did your father leave you this ring too?” she asked, staring down at it. The color turned to black from her fingers, then slowly faded back to pink.

  “Yeah,” I said, smiling down at the heart-shaped pendant.

  “It’s really beautiful,” she whispered, eyes playful. “I wish I had one.”

  Chapter 20

  When I reached the castle, I walked to Dad’s office, sat in his big comfy chair, and opened his journal. His tattered letter to me fell out of it, and I grasped it in my trembling hand. Maeve had comforted me about Kasey, but Kasey was the least of my problems.

  Javier was still fucking with my damn head.

  Between hiding my angel from all of Hell to holding my demon back on Earth, I felt like I was holding all of Heaven and Hell on my shoulders. I smoothed out the letter on the oak desk. The words I didn’t want to read seemed to come right off of the page.

  There are people who want our blood and our souls.

  I have seen the strongest men and women sucked into the darkness, never to return.

  Demons are not afraid to betray.

  Maybe I was one of those women who was being sucked into the darkness. Maybe Kasey was one of those who would betray me to gain power. And maybe Sathanus’s threats were more than just empty threats, maybe they were promises.

  I took a deep, shaky breath. How did I let it get this bad? Could I really rule an entire kingdom? I felt like such a fraud, walking down the streets, trying to get people to believe in me when I didn’t even believe in myself.