She released a big sigh. “I didn’t know being a Christian would be so … hard.”
A tiny smile toyed at the corners of Ben’s lips. “It’s easier when you aren’t by yourself.” Angling his head to gesture toward the restaurant, he said, “Putting yourself in those kinds of situations is asking for trouble. The Bible warns us not to yield to temptation.”
Angela remembered the urge she’d felt to snatch up that glistening mug and gulp the cold liquid. She nodded. “I know, but …” But she didn’t know what else to say. There were no arguments that made sense, no words that would excuse her from knowingly doing wrong. Setting her mouth in a grim line, she stood silently before Ben, observing how the late evening sun threw shadows on his face. It made him appear stern and unapproachable.
“Well”—Ben pulled his hand from his pocket and jiggled his car keys—”I’ve got to go. Bible study at church. You … take care, Angela.” He turned his back and strode quickly to his waiting pickup.
Angela remained at the edge of the asphalt, watching until Ben’s truck pulled out of the parking stall and headed toward the street. She had two choices—leave or return to her friends. She thumped her head with the butt of her hand as she realized she’d left her purse under her chair. She’d need to retrieve it.
Stepping back into the restaurant, she took a breath of fortification before returning to the table. Instead of sliding into the seat, she reached under the chair for her purse, fully intending to grab it and run.
But Alex shot her a broad smile. “Hey! You’re back! You were gone so long we thought you deserted us. Pizza’s here. Better grab some before Todd eats it all.”
Todd slapped a piece of sausage and mushroom onto Angela’s plate. “Yeah. Come on, sweetheart. You came to eat, right?”
No other mention was made about the beer she’d left to turn warm in the mug. The spicy smell of the pizza was tantalizing—she hadn’t eaten since eleven thirty. She was hungry. Eating wouldn’t hurt anything, right? The welcoming smiles of her friends lured her into her chair.
She picked up the pizza. As she took the first bite, she realized she hadn’t asked God to bless the food. The rock of shame returned, filling her stomach so thoroughly she had a hard time swallowing the bite of pizza. She managed to choke down half of a piece while listening to the others laugh and joke. Some of the jokes made her ears burn. She contributed nothing to the conversation.
Sitting there, listening, she came to the realization that she no longer fit with this crowd. The camaraderie was gone. Why had she thought she could slip back into the old crowd and have things be like they used to be? She wasn’t the same person. Her Bible told her she was a new creation. She needed to start acting like it.
Dropping the half-eaten slice of pizza onto her plate, Angela reached beneath her chair and picked up her purse. She opened her purse and withdrew a few bills. “Here.” She handed the money to Janine. “For my part of the pizza. I–I’ve got to go.”
“Hey!” Janine’s eyes flew wide. “What’s wrong? You sick?”
Angela shook her head. She wasn’t sick, except maybe sick at heart. And Janine certainly wouldn’t understand that. “No, but I can’t stay. I attend church—Grace Chapel—and on Wednesday nights they have a Bible study. I’m going to miss it if I don’t get going.”
The two men hooted with laughter.
“Angela—at Bible study?” Todd slapped the table. “Now there’s a joke!”
Alex roared, and Janine punched his shoulder to bring him under control.
Angela felt her cheeks fill with heat. Gathering her courage, she said, “It isn’t a joke. It’s important to me. And, for future reference, I–I’d like to be able to see you guys, but I can’t—I won’t—be doing any more partying. So if you want to go to a movie or something sometime—”
Todd cut in. “Yeah, kiddo. If a good G-rated cartoon comes to the theater, I’ll give you a ring.”
Janine giggled and Alex snorted. The three of them sent smirking grins at one another, enjoying their private joke.
Angela hung her head. Ben was right. These weren’t her friends, or they wouldn’t try to hurt her this way. Without saying good-bye, she turned and hurried from the restaurant.
twelve
Ben pulled into the parking lot of Grace Chapel, killed the engine, but then just sat behind the steering wheel, staring across the wheat fields that faced the church. Angela had gone back into the Ironstone. He’d seen her. After warning her, after encouraging her, she’d turned around and gone right back to a potentially dangerous situation.
Lord, I can’t do this again. I can’t watch someone else I love travel the road to addiction….
He straightened in his seat as the reality of his prayer struck him. He loved Angela. And more than just as a sister in Christ. Somehow his employer to employee, mentor to mentee relationship had developed into a man-to-woman relationship. But shouldn’t the realization that he had fallen in love be a happy one? He didn’t feel happy. He felt burdened. And betrayed.
How could God allow him to give his heart to someone so risky? Kent’s face appeared in his memory—not the healthy Kent, but Kent-after-drug-overdose. Loving Kent had been risky, too. But, he argued with himself, loving Kent while he made his horrible choices was different. They’d had a relationship that went back to their babyhood.
But Angela? There was no long-standing relationship, no storehouse of memories years in the making. Of course I should continue to love Kent. He is my childhood best friend and lifelong cousin. But—he popped the door open and stepped out—I
cannot invest that much of myself in Angela. It hurts too much.
As he strode across the parking lot, he sent up another prayer. Let me love her with Christian concern for a fellow believer, but take the other love out of my heart, God. He slipped into a folding chair on the outside aisle, closing down thoughts of Angela to concentrate on the Bible study.
The minister announced the passage for the evening’s study, then began reading from Genesis 6—God’s directions to Noah on the building of the ark. Ben listened, his brows pulled down, wondering what Pastor Joe had in mind.
When he read his closing verse from chapter 7, suddenly Ben understood. “‘And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him.’” A smile tugged at Ben’s cheeks as the minister faced the gathered worshippers and asked, “Has God ever commanded you to do something that made no sense?”
Loving Angela made no sense. It promised to get him hurt. He was doing it anyway. But was it something God had designed, or was it just his own heart’s desire?
“Think about how Noah must have felt, being told to build a three-story boat—nowhere near a body of water, but right in the middle of the desert—and then fill it with animals because rain was going to flood the earth.” Pastor Joe released a light laugh. “I have to tell you, if I’d been Noah, I probably would have been rolling on the sand, holding my stomach, and laughing hysterically. It made no sense!
“Many Bible scholars believe the concept of rain was new. That the earth was like a huge terrarium, with a perfect balance of moisture. If that’s true, then the idea of rain falling from the sky was unheard-of and would have been completely incomprehensible to Noah’s way of thinking.”
He chuckled softly. “I can imagine Noah scratching his head, trying to make sense of these commands of God. Build a boat, one three stories high, right here on the sand. Fill the boat with the male and female of every kind of animal from four-legged beasts to winged creatures to those that creep upon the ground—a daunting task! Watch the sky because clouds will form and dump water enough to flood the entire earth.
“How many questions must have filled Noah’s head! Did he ask these questions?” He consulted his Bible, shaking his head. “We don’t know. But”—he lifted one finger—”what does that last verse I read tell us? Read it with me….”
A chorus of, “And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him” echoed through the room.
P
astor Joe continued, sharing the importance of trusting God to know what’s best even when it doesn’t make sense to the human mind. Ben listened, but at the same time his thoughts raced, trying to balance his feelings for Angela with what God would command him to do.
“Pray for her.”
Yes, Lord, I know I should pray for her. And he had been—regularly.
“Pray for her now.”
The urge was too strong to ignore. Closing his eyes, Ben set aside the sound of the minister’s voice and began to pray.
Angela parked her car, opened the door, and swung her feet to the asphalt. But then she sat motionless, half in and half out of the car, debating with herself. When she’d left the pizza restaurant, her feelings were so battered she planned to skip the Bible study and just go to Aunt Eileen’s apartment to lick her wounds. Yet, as she’d turned toward Elmwood Towers, something had tugged her heart toward the church.
Now, sitting in the parking lot, aware the study had started at least ten minutes ago, she felt reluctant to disrupt the service by entering late. She lifted her feet, ready to pull them into the car and head to the apartment after all, but that mysterious tug returned.
“Okay, okay!” she mumbled, snatching up her purse and Bible and pulling herself from the car. “I guess if I make a fool of myself walking in late, it’s no worse than the fool I’ve made of myself already at the Ironstone.”
She stepped through the church door then closed it as quietly as she could. On tiptoe, she made her way to the sanctuary. Scanning the room, she discovered a spattering of open seats, most of which were toward the front. No seats on the back row were open. She cringed. She did not want to walk in front of anyone and make a spectacle of herself.
Then she spotted several metal chairs, still folded, leaning against the wall near the doorway. Balancing her purse and Bible in one hand, she crept to the chairs and lifted one by the underside of the backrest. She carried it to the far end of the back row and managed to set it up behind the other chairs with a minimum of noise. A couple of people turned to look, but both smiled in a welcoming manner. She smiled back, the tension in her shoulders lessening.
The chair creaked slightly as she settled her weight into it, but she kept her gaze forward, focused on the minister, and hoped no one else noticed the sound. From what she could glean from coming in midstride, the topic this evening was following what God asks.
How appropriate. She listened, absorbing the words of the minister as he talked about Noah and his neighbors.
“You see, Noah’s neighbors were wicked people. So wicked that God saw no reason to allow them to continue in sin. The Bible doesn’t tell us how they reacted to the sight of that huge boat growing in the sand, but if they were ungodly, wicked people, we can surmise they probably gave Noah a hard time. Maybe called him names, asked him if he’d lost his mind.”
The minister leaned on the podium and pointed at the listening congregants. “How many of you welcome that kind of treatment?”
Angela shook her head. She’d just experienced it. She didn’t like it at all.
“How do you think Noah reacted?”
His expectant face encouraged responses, and several people contributed their thoughts. Angela listened to all of them, but she liked the one delivered in a familiar voice—Ben’s—the best.
“I think he turned a deaf ear to his neighbors and only listened to God’s voice. How else could he have continued working on the ark for the number of years it must have taken without giving in to the taunting of the crowd and putting his hammer away?”
The minister must have liked Ben’s response, too, because he nodded and smiled in Ben’s direction. “That’s a good point. When the voices of ‘the world’ surround us, it can be very easy to give in to them, to allow them to influence us. But if we close them out by focusing on the still, small voice of God, we can be assured of walking the pathway God has chosen for us.” He paused for a moment, his face pursing in sadness. “I wonder how many people miss a tremendous blessing because they allow themselves to be pulled off course by the tauntings of an ungodly crowd.”
Angela remembered her impulse to return to the apartment this evening as a result of her friends’ teasing. She would have missed this lesson and the resulting blessing if she had followed through on that impulse. Gratitude washed over her. Thank You, Lord, for tugging me here.
“Now,” the minister continued, as Angela leaned forward, eager to hear more, “how do you think Noah was able to do all that God commanded him without getting off course?”
A lady near the front raised her hand. “Noah had a long relationship with God. The Bible says his father also walked with God, so surely Noah had seen faith in action by watching his father.”
Angela’s heart flip-flopped. She’d not had such influences while growing up. Would that stymie her ability to follow God unconditionally?
“And,” the woman went on, “he’d taught his sons to follow God, too.”
“What makes you think that?”
Angela could tell by the pastor’s tone his question wasn’t a challenge but an invitation for the woman to share her thoughts.
“Because God told Noah he could bring his sons onto the ark. I think that means God recognized Noah had passed on the tradition of trust in God to his children.”
The pastor gave a thoughtful nod. “Interesting … And what that means, if I’m following your train of thought correctly, is Noah had a built-in support system of people who would encourage him to continue work on the ark even if the townspeople proclaimed it a foolish waste of time.”
The woman’s head bobbed up and down in agreement.
Turning his attention to the entire congregation, the minister said, “This brings up a good point. We should be strong enough to stand alone if need be. The Holy Spirit can give us the strength to do that, when we ask. Yet how much more secure we feel when we have a body of believers standing behind us.
“Noah had his wife, his sons, and his sons’ wives assisting in his efforts. God could have given Noah the strength and ability to do all of the tasks necessary to build the ark and gather the animals on his own, but God allowed Noah’s family to contribute.” Tipping his head, he raised his eyebrows. “Perhaps we can take a lesson from this and add that God wants us to have the support and assistance of other believers.”
Angela hung her head, tears stinging her eyes. The support and assistance of other believers … Those words echoed through her head. Who did she have? Her list in the tablet at home was alarmingly short.
And how would the list grow? She didn’t know how to lengthen it. The last name on the list was Ben’s, and as much as she wanted him to be a part of her support system, it seemed he found fault with everything she did. Her past mistakes had put a huge barrier between them. Now, because of what she’d done long before she met him, he didn’t trust her with Kent, and he didn’t trust her to be with her old friends.
If she tried to form a relationship with other Christian people, would they react the same way as Ben had when they learned about the foolish things she’d done? Would they be able to look beyond the old Angela to the Angela she was trying to be with God’s help? How she wanted a support system of believers, but she didn’t think she could take being turned away time and again when others learned about her past mistakes.
God, I want a support system of believers. I need help right now. People who will pray for me and help me grow in You.
Pastor Joe brought the study to an end with a gentle admonishment to trust God to know what’s best even if it doesn’t make sense. “God’s ways aren’t our ways, and He sees what is waiting around the bend even when we can’t. Let us walk in faith on the pathway He directs, trusting it will always be in our best interests.”
He mentioned the prayer needs of the church membership, welcomed a few more requests from the attendees, and then dismissed the people to gather in small groups for prayer. Angela watched as some people rose and left the sanctuary and ot
hers shifted their chairs to create groupings. Her heart pounded with the desire to join one of those groups, to be a part of praying.
She glanced around the room, seeking Ben—he would at least be one familiar face. But then she saw him again in her memory, his disapproving frown, and she heard his admonishing words. Joining Ben’s group would be a mistake. Why set herself up for more rejection?
So she remained in the corner, separated from the others. Loneliness smashed down on her, bringing the sting of tears. Lowering her head, she closed her eyes. Even if she wasn’t part of a group, she could still pray. She sorted through the requests mentioned by the minister, lifting them one by one to the heavenly Father. And when she’d completed the list, her thoughts returned to her own needs.
Dear Lord, I need … friends. People like Noah had with his family, people to support me and help me in the task You’ve given me. Please, Father, won’t You bring some friends into my life?
Her prayer was interrupted by the touch of a hand on her shoulder. Her heart leapt in hopefulness. Ben?
thirteen
Angela’s eyes popped open and she raised her head, a smile forming on her face without conscious thought. The smile wavered when she found not Ben but Pastor Joe standing beside her chair. She pushed the disappointment aside and greeted the man in a whisper.
“Hello. I—I enjoyed the study this evening.”
Pastor Joe grabbed a chair and slid it across the linoleum floor. He placed it next to her then sat down, his gentle smile lighting his eyes. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” He kept his voice low, too. “It’s good to see you here on a Wednesday evening. I hope you’ll make our Bible study a regular part of your week.”
She nodded, eagerness filling her. “I’d like that. I know I have a lot to learn.”
The pastor smiled. “Is there a prayer need I can address for you?”
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