He had a kind face, and Angela found herself feeling very at ease with him. Surely a minister won’t turn away from me if I share my failings, will he? She searched his face and, seeing only interest, found the courage to share her deepest secrets.
“Yes. There is.” She swallowed the nervous giggle that tried to find its way from her throat. “And it’s a biggee.”
The minister laughed softly. “There’s nothing too big for God. What is it?”
“I need friends.” Blurted out that way, it sounded childish. And selfish. Thinking about the other requests—a sister who fought cancer, a man who lost his job, a family whose house was destroyed in a fire—Angela felt heat climb her cheeks at her own audacity in requesting prayer for something so frivolous.
But the minister didn’t even blink. “You don’t have friends?”
Angela grimaced. “Well, I do … kind of.” She took a deep breath. “You see, four months ago I had a huge circle of friends. They’re still out there, but I don’t feel like I can be with them anymore. With those friends, I started using drugs. Then I provided drugs for a party. I got caught, and a judge gave me a one-year sentence. I spent the first two months of the sentence in drug rehab, and now I’m serving the remainder in community service.”
Pastor Joe simply nodded. His gentle face showed no shocked recrimination.
Grateful for his acceptance, Angela plunged on. “I became a Christian while I was in drug rehab, and I really want to do things right now. I don’t want to mess up. But I haven’t found very many people who are Christians who want to be my friend. The drug thing …” She sighed, Ben’s face once more appearing in her memory. “Well, it gets in the way. And I can’t be with my old friends because they still do things I shouldn’t be doing now that I’m a Christian. So …” She held her hands out in a gesture of futility. “I’m … alone.”
Leaning forward, the minister rested his elbows on his knees. His relaxed position helped Angela set aside the remainder of her worries about rejection. “First of all, let me assure you of one thing—you aren’t alone. Ever.”
Angela nodded. Aunt Eileen had told her the same thing.
“You have a built-in support system with the Holy Spirit, and He is an ever-present friend on whom you can depend.
But”—he smiled—”that having been said, I understand the need for earthly friends. Like-minded people of faith who will not only support you in your Christian walk, but who will also be there to hang out with, have fun with. Fellowship is important, too.”
Angela nearly sagged with relief. He didn’t think she was being silly! She leaned forward, eager to have her next question answered. “So how do I find these friends? My experience has been that some Christians are so put off by my past, they can’t accept me today.” It stabbed her heart to say the words, yet they were truthful. She desperately needed this man’s advice.
The minister’s face pulled into a slight scowl. “I’m sorry you’ve encountered judgmental attitudes. I understand why people react that way. Sin is difficult to face when you try so hard to avoid it. Yet Christ encourages us to look past the sin to the sinner, to love the sinner in spite of the sin.” Tipping his head, he added, “Now, that doesn’t mean we blithely accept the sin. We must caution those who walk in darkness that they’re choosing an unhealthy pathway. We want to guide them to the light. But we must admonish in love. Do you understand the difference?”
Angela puckered her lips as she considered what he’d said. Was it possible Ben had tried to do what the minister mentioned? Admonish her in love? Perhaps his words weren’t so much of condemnation, but of concern. Oh, she hoped so! Pastor Joe waited for a response. She believed she understood what he meant, so she nodded.
His gentle smile returned. “Angela, I believe you will discover many Christians are able to love the sinner in spite of the sin. Please don’t dwell on those who have chosen to judge you. Forgive them for hurting you and move on. Also, use the experience to help you react kindly to those you encounter with less-than-perfect pasts. That way you’re using the experience for good.”
Angela hoped she would never make anyone feel as soiled as Ben—whether intentionally or unintentionally—had made her feel. She returned to her original question. “So where do I find these Christians who will be able to accept my past?”
“Well …” Pastor Joe sat up, raising his shoulders in a shrug. “As a matter of fact, we have something coming up that might be just what you’re looking for. Wait here. I’ll be right back.” He rose and strode from the room while Angela waited, licking her lips in anticipation. When he returned, he handed her a folded brochure. “Our young adult singles are traveling to Camp Fellowship, near the Oklahoma border, for a three-day retreat over Labor Day weekend.”
Angela examined the brochure while he continued.
“There will be Bible study classes, as well as activity periods with opportunities for small groups to gather and several large group functions. It’s a weekend meant to grow young adults in their Christian walks, and also to bolster relationships among the attendees. It would be a way for you to get better acquainted with our young adults, and perhaps friendships can be formed that will continue after the retreat.”
Angela’s heart thumped in hopefulness. “Do you really think it would be okay for me to go? I mean, considering my past …”
The man took the brochure and seemed to examine it closely, his brows tugged down. When he looked at her, his eyes sparkled with mischief. “I saw nothing in there that says rehab graduates need not apply.”
Despite herself, Angela laughed. “Okay. I’ll fill this out tonight and write a check. Thank you for telling me about it.”
“You’re welcome.” Pastor Joe placed his hand on Angela’s shoulder. “Angela, being a new Christian is tough. It’s like a baby learning to walk—lots of stumbles and scrapes and bruises. But the more you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue to try, the stronger your legs will grow. I’ll be praying for you as you get your Christian feet under you.”
His image became blurred as tears filled her eyes. His kindness touched her, easing the bruises Ben’s censure and her friends’ unkind treatment had left on her heart.
“Let’s pray right now.” He lowered his head, folded his hands, and began petitioning the Lord on Angela’s behalf.
Angela listened, his words wrapping around her like a warm blanket, soothing her and assuring her God was listening. By the time he’d finished, she felt certain God had planned for her to attend tonight so she’d learn about the retreat weekend. She could hardly wait for Labor Day to arrive to see what friendships God would provide.
He ended his prayer with an amen then said, “Just drop the registration tear-off in the office on your way out.” He rose. “And enjoy the retreat.”
“I will. Thank you.” Angela hurriedly filled out the registration form, wrote her check, and headed for the office.
Ben lifted his head after completing his prayer and spotted Pastor Joe with Angela, their heads bent in prayer. Relief rushed through his chest. If Pastor Joe were to begin mentoring Angela, he could back off—be relieved of his self-imposed responsibility.
But what if it wasn’t self-imposed? What if it was God’s prompting that had made him want to reach out to Angela in the first place?
He pushed that thought aside. Surely God wouldn’t expect him to go through the heartache of witnessing someone’s descent into drug addiction. God loved him too much to put him in a position destined to bring him despair. It was better to allow Pastor Joe to assume mentoring with Angela. Pastor Joe was stronger, better equipped to deal with Angela’s special needs.
Rising from his chair, he said good-bye to the members of his prayer group and promised to continue praying for their needs over the course of the week. The others offered their good-byes and moved toward the foyer area, but one member of the group, Stephanie, stopped Ben with a manicured hand on his arm.
“Ben, do you have any needs I
can pray for this week?”
Ben looked into Stephanie’s brown eyes. In the past, he’d gotten the impression that Stephanie would like more than a casual acquaintanceship, but he saw no hint of coquettishness in her expression. Deciding she was sincere, he nodded.
“As a matter of fact, there is. It’s something related to …” He paused, uncertain how to phrase things to make sense without giving too much away. Then he realized he didn’t need to give Stephanie the details. God knew the details. A simple request would be sufficient. “If you’d pray for God’s will in a situation at my workplace, I would appreciate it.”
Stephanie didn’t pry—just offered a smile and a nod. “I’ll certainly do that.” Her fingers tightened on his arm. “And you be sure and keep me updated, will you? I always like hearing the praise reports.”
Ben quirked one brow, grinning. “Oh, believe me, if there’s reason to praise, you’ll hear about it.”
“Good.” She removed her hand, but her bright smile invited further conversation.
“So did you sign up for the singles’ retreat? I’m really looking forward to it. The speaker they’ve secured is supposed to be very good.”
Ben had heard that, too. “Yes, I did sign up. And I’m glad you mentioned it, because I need to remember to put in a request for early leave on the Friday before Labor Day. My boss will need to cover the close-down duties that day.”
They continued to visit, discussing the retreat and who all had signed up to go. Then the conversation lagged, and Stephanie glanced around the room. “Oh! I didn’t realize we’d been chatting so long. Everyone else is gone.”
Ben noticed, too, for the first time that no one else remained in the sanctuary. He hadn’t even seen Angela leave. A feeling of regret niggled, but he pushed it aside with a light chuckle. “We’d better clear out. The custodian is probably eager to shut things down for the night.”
“Yes.” Stephanie fixed him with a sweet smile. “Would you like to go grab a cappuccino or something? Talk a little more?”
Ben groped for an adequate response. Part of him was tempted. Stephanie was attractive, and spending time with her would certainly help remove thoughts of Angela from his mind. Yet he realized accepting her invitation might give her the impression of interest in her, which didn’t exist. He wouldn’t use her to soothe his own concerns.
“It sounds like fun, Stephanie, but I need to get home. Maybe another time?” He softened the refusal with a smile.
She smiled, too, giving a shrug. To his relief, she didn’t appear offended. “That’s fine. It was just a thought. You take care, and I will be praying.”
Ben walked her to her car and opened the door for her, giving her another good-bye. Her warm smile, accompanied by a cute little fingers-only wave, made him swallow and back away. Why hadn’t he noticed before how appealing Stephanie was?
He watched her vehicle pull away before climbing into his truck. As he drove toward home, his thoughts bounced back and forth between the two women with whom he’d conversed privately this evening.
Angela, with her autumn-colored hair and intriguing pale blue eyes.
Stephanie, with hair the color of a walnut shell and dark eyes to match.
Angela, who wore an expression of seeking.
Stephanie, who gave an aura of self-assurance.
Angela, with her questionable past.
Stephanie, with her sterling reputation.
If a person put them side by side in a beauty contest, Angela would certainly come out the winner. But as a potential life’s mate? In that contest, Stephanie’s attributes were certainly the preferable ones from a Christian viewpoint. Perhaps he would be wise to explore the opportunity of a deeper friendship with Stephanie.
His heart contracted painfully as Angela’s image crowded out the one of the other woman. Now, stop that! he commanded himself. Hadn’t he decided that a relationship with Angela was not beneficial to him? Caring for her only brought pain and misery. He’d traveled the pathway of destruction once before as an unwilling observer. He would not put himself in that position again, no matter how his heart raced every time she came near. He’d just have to set aside those feelings.
“Mind over matter,” he reminded himself as he pulled into the driveway of his fourplex. Surely if he distanced himself from Angela, he could forget her.
He shut off the ignition and froze for a moment. Forget her? Did he really believe that was the right thing to do? Lowering his head, he prayed, “God, please forgive me. Of course I don’t want to forget Angela. You placed her needs on my heart. I made a promise to mentor her, to support her in prayer, and I will honor that promise. But, God, please … her past … She can’t change it, and I can’t seem to change how I feel about what she did. As long as the issue of her drug use is between us, there can’t be anything more than a casual friendship. Help me see her in the way You would have me see her. Let me be her friend, her mentor, but please … guard my heart.”
fourteen
Ben dropped the reports into their file and closed the drawer with a snap. He glanced at the clock and then shook his head at his own impatience. The anticipation was as bad as it had been when he was a kid planning to go to summer camp.
He admitted part of the anticipation had to do with the opportunity to distance himself from Angela for a few days. The past two weeks had been rough, and prayer had been his constant companion. As he’d promised, he prayed for her daily, for her to resist the temptation to fall back into drug use and for her to grow in her Christian walk. But he hadn’t watched closely enough to see if his prayers were having any effect. Looking at Angela brought a rush of longing he wanted to squelch.
Rising from his desk, he scanned the area for Philip. Although he couldn’t see Philip, he could hear him from behind the partition of the kitchen area, bantering with one of the clients. Ben crossed the room and ducked behind the partition as Angela crossed his path, leading two clients to the washroom to clean up after sorting recyclables. He released his breath in a whoosh, thankful for the chance to hide behind the tall partition and get his racing heartbeat back under control.
Ben waited until Philip gave the client a clap on the shoulder and turned away, signaling the end of their conversation, before speaking. “Philip? I just wanted to remind you—”
“That you’re leaving early.” Philip grinned. “I know, I know.
You’ve only told me twice already today.” Shaking his head, he chuckled. “I’m beginning to think you really want to get away from here for a while.”
Ben laughed, too, but he was certain he looked as sheepish as he felt. “It isn’t the job. You know that.”
Philip nodded. Ben had shared his confusion about his feelings for Angela with Philip and Philip’s wife Marin. Both Philip and Marin were praying for the situation, for God’s will to be made known.
Suddenly Philip frowned. “Odd, I just remembered. It seems Angela …” His voice trailed off as he passed Ben and headed around the corner, toward the break area.
Ben followed, puzzled.
Philip went to the check-in sheet hanging near the time clock, and he poked the pages with his finger. “I was right. Angela leaves early today, too.”
Ben’s heart turned a somersault. He broke out in a cold sweat. “Do you know why?”
Philip shrugged. “Something about weekend plans, and she needed to leave two hours early. I had to get it approved through the probation officer, and the approval came in yesterday, just under the wire. She was pretty relieved. Must be something important.”
“Yeah, must be.” Ben pinched his chin, thinking. When he and Stephanie had talked about those who had signed up for the weekend, Angela’s name hadn’t been mentioned. In all likelihood, she simply had plans for the long weekend just as he did. The plans didn’t have to be for the same thing. Yet, as he tried to assure himself, doubt continued to gnaw at him.
He had to know. Although he hadn’t spoken to her beyond casual greetings and farewells s
ince he’d warned her in the parking lot at the Ironstone, he headed out of the break area and went looking for her. His heart pounded as he approached. It doubled its tempo when he tapped her shoulder and she turned, her face breaking into a smile.
“Ben. Did you need something?”
Unconsciously, his gaze swept across her rumpled hair. Those curls, as always, created a desire to run his hands through the shining locks. He cleared his throat. “Yes. Um … Philip mentioned you have plans to leave early today?”
She nodded, and then her face clouded. “I’m sorry. Should I have mentioned it to you, too? Philip didn’t say anything when I asked him about it….”
He shook his head. “No, no, clearing it with Philip was the right thing to do. He is the head honcho around here.” Her smile returned, but it trembled around the edges, giving her a winsome expression. He stuck his hands in his pockets. “I just wondered if … well, if you had specific plans for the weekend?”
Her fine brows came down in puzzlement, and for a moment he thought she would refuse to answer. But then her expression cleared and she offered a graceful shrug. “Yes, my plans are quite specific. I’m going on a church retreat.”
Ben’s heart thudded against his ribs. “Church … As in Grace Chapel?”
Her eyebrows shot high. “Yes! Are you going, too?”
The anticipation melted away to be replaced by a heavy weight of dread. An entire weekend with Angela? Getting through the workdays had been excruciating. What would he do when she was there at breakfast, lunch, supper, and throughout the evening? Maybe I should cancel my plans….
He instantly nixed that thought. He’d been looking forward to this weekend for too long to abandon it now. “Yes. Yes, I’m going, too.”
“Oh, wonderful! Pastor Joe said it would be a perfect time for me to formulate friendships. You said yourself I needed to make Christian friends instead of hanging out with my old crowd.”
She seemed to search his face, and he got the impression she needed his approval. He managed a brief nod. “Yes, that’s a great idea. With four different churches sending their singles to the camp this weekend, you should have several opportunities for building friendships.” Now why did the thought of Angela forming relationships beyond him make his chest feel tight?
Promising Angela Page 10