A Kingpin Love Affair (A Kingpin Love Affair #1-5)

by J. L. Beck

  Then the darkness came and there was no point trying to fight it. It was inevitable.

  Chapter Two

  Zerro

  My body ached badly as I threw my legs over the side of the bed. The cotton sheets felt soft against my skin—soft just like Bree’s skin. I had to shake my head to get the memories to leave my mind.

  “You’re too weak to be getting up and moving around,” Jared said interrupting my thoughts. I looked up from the hardwood floor and up to his face. His eyes were dull, reflecting no light. His face was sunken in, and it looked as if he hadn’t shaved in months. I didn’t have room to talk, though. I don’t look much better I’m sure. It had been three weeks since I had last seen Bree, since I had last touched her. Since I had allowed Mack, the fucking snake, into my cabin. Just thinking about it caused my blood to boil.

  “Funny, last I remember you didn’t have a medical degree,” I retorted in a smartass tone, adjusting myself. My leg was fucked up from the gunshot. I had lost a shit ton of blood, and though the shots I had taken to the chest hurt, nothing hurt as bad as trying to move my leg when it had stitches and pins in it.

  Leaning against the door of the room, he smiled at me as if he thought what I said was actually funny, when really I was just trying to be an asshole.

  “You don’t need a medical degree to know you should be lying in bed. Resting. Cooling off. Staying hidden.” In one whole sentence, he named four things I would rather not be doing.

  “No…” I hissed out as a burning sensation flowed through my leg. “I would rather not just lay here while Bree is out there and that ass fucking hole has her. I would rather do anything, but sit here and hope and pray for something good to come from all of this.” I sneered.

  “Hoping and praying won’t do shit in this situation, but going into something without a plan won’t help either. Do you want to put yourself in line for death again?” I kept my eyes trained on the floor as I attempted to stand for the first time in weeks. My body was worn and tired, but at the same time, it was begging for a release of energy. To get up and move around. Nothing Jared was saying was going to stop me from doing what needed to be done.

  My foot hit the floor, and although there wasn’t any weight on it yet, I was slightly hesitant to stand. It hurt like a bitch lying down, so I’m sure it would be no better standing. It didn’t matter though; I had to start somewhere. Putting most of my weight on my arms, I pushed myself up slowly attempting to push the majority of my weight onto my good side. Once I was ready, I shifted weight to the other side, ever so slowly.

  “I swear to fucking god, you have a death wish, Zerro. A death fucking wish,” Jared muttered under his breath angrily.

  “No death wish, Jared…” I hissed out between clenched teeth as a burning sensation radiated up my leg. It hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. “I have a need for revenge. A burning, all-consuming rage to have revenge on Mack; to get Bree back. Sitting here in this fucking bed, not getting better, not moving, and allowing myself to think about it more, just adds unneeded fuel to the fire.”

  In my rant to Jared, I didn’t even realize I had come to stand on both feet while holding the side of the bed. Releasing a deep breath, I let go of the sheets and stood by myself. I looked up at Jared and watched him walk over to me—waiting for me to fall to the ground I was certain. I wasn’t used to feeling weak, to needing someone. If anything, the need for help just made me angrier. I wasn’t coping with the shit that went down. I was simply waiting it out until the moment I could sink my knife into Mack’s flesh.

  “Bree needs you, Zerro. She needs you to come and save her wherever the fuck she is, but she also needs you to be strong and healthy because, without those things, you’re useless to her. If you go barreling in there without a plan, without fully being healed, you become a liability.”

  Fuck. Running a hand through my hair and down my face, I allowed a sigh of release. As much as I fucking didn’t want to admit it, which was a lot, Jared was right. He was right, and I’d be damned if it didn’t make it fucking worse.

  “You’re right… but Bree… she needs me…” I was struggling with my next words because I still wasn’t sure about where Bree and I stood. Her father had killed my mother. I had almost killed her. Fuck. All I knew for certain, even after everything that had happened, was that I loved her, and when I found her, I would release her of the debt and give her the freedom she deserved. I would protect her for the rest of her life, even if it killed me to protect her from myself.

  I was so lost in my own shit storm, I hadn’t realized Jared had placed his hand on my shoulder. I turned my head glaring at his hand. I knew it was just a gesture of reassurance, but nothing would assure me she was okay—at least not until I had her in my arms.

  “I know you love her. There isn’t any reason for you to have to say it out loud. Just know if you don’t get yourself healthy, you will be useless to her and to me.”

  My eyes left his hand and went to his face. He was looking at me as a friend. Talking to me as a friend. I knew why—because we were friends. Always had been, but I didn’t trust people for a reason. Trusting Mack got me into this situation. What if trusting Jared pushed me into my own grave?

  “You know nothing about love or my love for her. I will get better and I will find her. I will kill Mack and her father. Then I will move on with my life, never thinking back to this very moment,” I growled, so angry with myself and with Jared. It’s an irrational thought because Jared has done nothing wrong.

  I caught a glimpse of a smile crossing his face and had I not been in the condition I was in, I would’ve wiped the floor with his face. It didn’t matter what all he had done for me. He was to respect me, treat me as I was.

  “You’re so right. I know nothing of love. Nothing about it,” he said taking a couple steps back as he headed for the door. “I can tell you love will only get you so far. If you love her as much as you say you do, you will heal. There is no way Mack would kill her—you and I both know it. He took her for a reason.” Jared’s voice was almost reasoning with me, and I forced myself to continue to stare at the wood grain in the floor.

  We were in Jared’s home and everything in it represented him… I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again… he was right. Gritting my teeth, I forced out the words I had never said to anyone. “Thank you… for helping me.” I lifted my face, my eyes landing on a photo on the wall. It was one of him and his mother before she was killed. Just like mine.

  He looked similar to her. Dark hair and eyes. Beautiful as ever. It made me wonder how he had even started working for me. He was one of the good ones, and to be caught up in this drama wasn’t fair to him. I owed his family more than that.

  “Zerro, get better, get the girl, and be happy. You have nothing to thank me for.” He completely dismissed me and turned around to walk out of the room to leave me be. As much as I thought to be alone was the right thing, I knew it was wrong. Thoughts of Bree came to the surface, and I wondered what she was going through. How much longer could she hold on? Was she still alive? It was those thoughts that reminded me I love her. I would do whatever I could to apologize to her for my actions. I refused to allow her to think the last memories of me were of some evil monster because, though it may be true, I’m also someone else. I’m a lover... and I love her.

  *

  “How does your leg feel?” Jared asked as he set a bowl of soup in front of me. It had been a few days since I had started walking around again, and I was just getting used to moving around more and more. My muscles ached, and sometimes I felt like I might collapse, but then I would think of Bree and all she must have been going through.

  “It’s fine,” I responded, dipping my spoon into the broth of the chicken noodle soup. It smells delicious and my stomach growled in approval. Though I was hungry, a tinge of guilt burrows itself into my mind, and I dropped the spoon into the bowl. I couldn’t eat not knowing what was happening to her. It didn’t matter what
was said, or what had taken place. The way I treated her… There was simply no excuse. I should’ve known better.

  “You don’t have to feel guilty about eating,” Jared chimed in. I couldn’t force myself to look at him. I didn’t want him reading my thoughts. I was supposed to be the King, the man who ran everything with an iron fist. Instead, I ran nothing. My empire had crumbled, and everything that meant the most had been stolen from me.

  “It’s not guilt,” I lied. I was on the verge of losing my temper again. I was tired of being caged, being told what to do, and how I needed rest. What I needed was Bree. I didn’t care about anything else. I would get my revenge.

  “Well, that’s a crock of shit.” He laughed, setting his spoon down on the table. I didn’t know where to go from here. There was nothing I could say to help me. I needed to take action.

  “Call it whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care. I needed to figure out a plan, and then I needed to implement it because I would get her back, and I would gut Mack. No one lied to me and got away with it.” Simply admitting he had pulled the wool over my eyes angered me. It made me feel weak in the eyes of my people, and I wasn’t weak.

  “Whatever. Do what you need to,” he said, frustrated with me, I was sure. I couldn’t blame him, but I was tired of being caged. I was tired of being told what to do, and to that I needed to rest. My leg was better, my chest no longer hurt, and the pain was a distant memory. All that mattered was Bree. I would blaze a trail of fire across the world to find her. She was mine, and I would make it known to the world.

  Chapter Three

  Bree

  “Get up you stupid bitch.” I heard the voice before I could register what was happening. Cold water fell on me, dousing any further movements. I was strong, really strong, but this shit was wearing on me. They kept me in a fucking hole, thrown in here since day one. Every time they came to torment me, they wore masks as if they thought I didn’t know who the fuck they were. I didn’t know who they were, but I knew they worked for Mack. Mack. Just saying his name caused my blood to boil.

  I had very little given to me, and I knew there was a purpose behind this. They didn't want me to get comfortable. They didn't want me to feel at home, and I didn't. Food was sent down in small rations, just enough to keep me from starving to death. Crackers, peanut butter sandwiches, and small bottles of water quickly became my only meal throughout the day.

  Once in a while, if I were lucky, a bucket of water was sent down so I could clean myself. On those rare occasions, I also got a change of clothes.

  These clothes were never my size and always had a distinct smell to them, which only made me feel dirty all over again. They wanted to break me with their words until I was nothing, but I refused to give them the satisfaction. At night, as I lay my head on the soiled mattress with springs poking out while wrapped up in a worn blanket, I hugged my pillow thinking of my life before all of this.

  The hole was cold, a bottomless pit of nothing. It only served as a place to hold me captive from the life I once lived. From the life, I had grown to know in just a few short weeks. A life with him. My mind was an indecisive mess. I couldn’t tell what day it was let alone what month. It felt as if I had been hidden here for an eternity.

  “Was that really fucking necessary?” I growled unable to hold back my anger a second longer as I looked up to the only place allowing light into my darkness. The entrance to my own personal hell. I had held onto hope in the beginning when Zerro would come and save me, but after three weeks of this shit, give or take, it had slipped away. I knew if he were coming he already would have, and for some reason, the thought only stirred the fire to get out of this fucking hole that much more.

  “Was it needed?” he mocked laughing down at me, his voice making me want to vomit. “Of course it was needed. Your stupid ass wouldn’t wake up.” I clenched my fists, digging my nails into the dirt covered ground to the point of pain. But I didn’t whimper. I didn’t even wince. The point of this hole was to shatter me until I no longer recognized the person I once was. Make me resilient to them. Make me break. Make me forget about my life outside of this place. What they didn’t take into account was, instead of it breaking me, it built me up. It made me stronger.

  “Weird, I didn’t hear you say wake up. All I heard was you call me a stupid bitch. Clearly, you’re the bitch, but you do know you are also the stupid fucking one as well, right?” I narrowed my eyes, locking my own with his. His mask was firmly in place, but I could tell, one day I was going to push him just enough to reveal himself.

  I watched as he threw the bucket down, dirt swirling around in the air as it landed by my feet. “You’re lucky the boss wants you alive; otherwise, I would’ve fucked that pretty pussy already. Then I would’ve slit your throat and watched you bleed out.” Somehow, I managed not to cringe, not even a tiny bit. I didn’t even care about what he was saying.

  Instead, I smiled. “You’re stupid because when Zerro comes for you, you’ll be running for the fucking hills.” I wasn’t sure why I said it, as I was losing hope he would come, but I had to have something to hold onto if I wanted to get out of here alive.

  “Listen up, bitch. Whenever he comes for you, which he won’t, it will be to kill you. Have you forgotten you’re the enemy in his eyes?” He was mocking me. His eyes promised all kinds of things, and I knew, if he ever got his hands on me, he would try something.

  Instead of luring myself into a deeper conversation where he would make me feel like I was beating my head against rocks, I simply zipped my lips. Allowing what he said to bother me would just bring more self-doubt, and given the situation I was in, it would be the last thing I needed.

  “Did you hear me, bitch? I said you’re the enemy. Your father killed his mother. What don’t you understand about that? E.N.E.M.Y. That’s what you are.” He spelled the words out as if I were a dumb fuck who couldn’t comprehend what he was saying.

  “I know how to fucking spell. I don’t care if he thinks I’m the enemy, my father didn’t do shit.” I was astonished. After everything, I was still sticking up for my father. I mean, he wasn’t here trying to figure out where his fucking daughter was.

  An evil laugh left the masked man’s mouth, and I narrowed my eyes at him. From this distance, I couldn’t make out his height to weight ratio, and even if I could take him, I didn’t have the slightest clue on how the fuck I was going to get out of this hole.

  “You know nothing about your father, do you?” He wasn’t really asking a question. I knew he was about to tell me something I didn’t want to hear.

  “I know he’s my dad and that’s all that matters.” I had nothing more to say, so instead, I looked at my feet covered in dirt from the ground. I felt dirty, used, and abused, even though no one had touched me. Yet.

  “You hear this…” I rolled my eyes. He must be talking to the other masked man who occasionally delivered shit for this nob job. “Little ole bitch here thinks her dad is the good guy in all of this.” I could hear his gruff laughter even though I was trying to block it out. I need to find a way out of this mess, out of this god for-fucking-saken hole.

  “Is there a chance I could possibly get a shower someday… like soon… maybe?” I goaded, completely unfazed by their need to instill fear in me. I wasn’t scared of them. I knew I should’ve been, and there was probably something seriously fucked up in my brain for me not to be, but they hadn’t done anything other than belittle me.

  “A golden shower maybe?” the man joked, even though I was sure he wasn’t kidding.

  “No thank you, asshole…” I muttered under my breath throwing myself against the dirt covered wall. Where were we exactly? There was no way they could keep me in here forever. Someday, I would have to be released, right? Or would they keep me down her? Would they kill me? Anxiety crept up on me fast. What if I was really down here forever?

  I dug my nails into the dirt as if to root myself into the wall. I would be okay. I could do this. I was strong. I knew wha
t I was up against. My breaths were coming in and out at an outrageous pace, my chest heaving with every inhale as I sunk to the ground. My chest felt as if at any second, my lungs were going to collapse, the dirt surrounding me becoming the last thing I would ever see.

  “Calm down, Piccolo.” I heard those words every time I closed my eyes. His deep voice basked me in a river of heat. Just thinking about him caused my heart to beat erratically.

  I could do this—I had to do this. Standing up, I paced the small hole. How the hell did I get down here anyway? They probably fucking threw me… wouldn’t put it past them.

  I needed to find a way out. I needed to do something even if it was dangerous, even if it provoked them to take action. If I didn’t, I surely would die down here.

  Quietness surrounded me. The only sounds heard were the chirping of the birds and my own heartbeat. Where the hell did they go? No fucking way would they walk away leaving me here.

  “Hey, fuckers, let me out of here,” I screamed. It wasn’t useless really. Yeah, my voice might hurt, but talking would annoy the fuck out of them, and eventually, one of them would have to come down here and do something about it. Then again, maybe all the noise would get someone’s attention.

  “You are all a bunch of cowards. You think you are a man because you can keep me in this hole?” I continued on, my voice holding so much anger and hate, if I didn’t know I was the person screaming, I would think it was someone else.

  Silence loomed, and instead of it doing something to calm me, it just pushed me closer and closer to the edge of boiling.

  “Answer me, cowards. I’ve taken on bigger fucking men than you. You’re all sad excuses of the Mafia, FBI, or whatever the fuck it is you do…” I was really fucking close to kicking rocks, which was great since that’s all I could fucking kick—rocks or dirt.