by J. L. Beck
I watched as his knuckles gripped the steering wheel with strength I had never seen before. Was he going to kill me next, too? Would it even matter? I wasn’t sure I would care at this point.
“This is the life of the Mafia, Bree. This is what happens when someone betrays someone. You knew I was on the hunt for someone. You knew if I found him, I would kill him. It just so happened to be bad luck it turned out to be your father.”
My eyes felt as if they were about to roll out of my head as I listened to him. He wasn’t even sorry. It sounded more like a I’m-sorry-I-Killed-Your-Dad-But-It-Had-To-Happen thing.
“Do you hear yourself?”
“Do you?” he screamed back, his face growing red with anger.
“Let me go.”
“Fuck you, Bree,” he growled, ignoring my comment as he turned the car on, threw it into reverse, and pulled out of my driveway. We hadn’t even talked about what had happened to him, to me. Hours ago, I would’ve been glad to know he was alive and wanted to save me, but now—now I wanted to be the one to put the bullet in his head and bury him six feet under.
“I will never love you again. You’re the dirt beneath my feet,” I whispered my voice dark and unsettling.
For a moment, I didn’t think he heard me, but then a sigh escaped his lips. I directed my attention to the road while I allowed the tears desperately wanting to fall to build inside of me. I would rather drown myself than look weak in the face of someone like him.
“The funny thing about it is you love me anyway.” I could practically see the smile on his face, and it made me sick. It made my insides twist into a hateful rush of anger.
Seething, I refused to say anything else, allowing myself to think more about my father. I wasn’t even given a chance to say goodbye. My heart ached. How could I move on from this?
Pushing myself further into my seat, I heard Zerro’s phone ring. My mind wondered who it could be. Had he already called someone to bury my father?
“What?” Zerro growled his face contorted in anger as he switched his hands on the steering wheel so he could talk and drive. I could hear the person on the other end yelling.
“I told you I was going out,” Zerro mumbled focusing on the road and ignoring me. More talking on the other end and then a loud sigh filled the car. “Yeah, because I already killed him. I have her in the car with me.”
Turning, I narrowed my eyes at him. Who else had known about this plan? Were there more people? There were a lot of questions unanswered. I really wish I could’ve asked my dad why he did it. Why he caused this big huge blowout. I wish Zerro would’ve let him talk.
“What the fuck?”
I listened as intently as I could and watched Zerro’s face go white as a sheet. Whatever was being said on the other end wasn’t something I wanted to hear I was sure. I had suffered enough heartache for the day. For a lifetime.
More talking on the other end and my mind began to wonder. What could be going on? Zerro’s eyes looked worried, and from a single look, I knew whatever was being said would shake the already unstable ground we were standing on.
“Yeah… Yeah… We’ll talk about it when we get there,” Zerro said hanging up the phone before the person on the other end could say something else.
“Who was that?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
“Jared.” Rolling my eyes, I should’ve known. I should’ve known he would be the first person to go to after all of this.
“What did he say?”
One hand gripped the steering wheel while the other ran through his dark hair, pulling on it as if to relieve some tension. His eyes captured mine in a hold so intense shivers ran down my spine. I loathed him, but at the same time, my heart tugged toward him. I hated him for doing what he had done… I wanted to forget… I wanted my life to be normal.
“He found out something. And it’s about to change both of our lives.” Balling my hands into fists, I narrowed my eyes at him. He had already done something that had changed both our lives forever. It was doubtful there was anything to make it worse.
“What might that be, Alzerro, because as of right now, nothing can make what you have done worse than what it is.” My jaw ached as I clenched it. I wanted to lash out. I was so angry, so sad. I wanted to hate with everything in me.
The muscles along his jaw ticked with anger as he kept his eyes on the road ignoring my hateful comment. When he didn’t answer me right away, it only managed to add fuel to the burning fire.
“Huh? Tell me, Alzerro, because right now, there isn’t much more that can fucking go wrong. I’m homeless, parentless, and I don’t have a fucking dime to my name. Every fucking thing has been ripped from me.” Every word I said flew from my lips with ease as if they had been sitting at the entrance for some time waiting to be unleashed.
Turning his face to mine, he looked at me and then back to the road before speaking.
“I’m sorry all this misfortune has happened to you, Bree.” His eyes looked sad, but there was nothing else able to give way to a bleeding heart. He wasn’t sorry, and he didn’t care.
“Right,” I mocked turning my body and mind away from him. The trees and open fields would be better company to me than the manipulating monster sitting beside me.
As the miles passed, and the silence consumed us, my mind kept drifting back to my father. I closed my eyes just for a moment to relive his smile and simple touch. My father might have killed Alzerro’s mother, and even if I didn’t agree with it, I knew there had to be a reason. Unlike Alzerro, I knew it wouldn’t be something good. If my father worked for the FBI, there had to be a reason. It was hard enough to imagine him as someone who killed others.
Minutes passed; just as my exhausted mind began to shut down, and my eyes began to close, we pulled onto another road, and minutes later into a driveway. The house was a simple cookie cutter style looking similar to everyone else’s on the block. It definitely wasn’t Mafia style. Refusing to look at Alzerro, I undid my seatbelt and opened the door and hopped out. There were no other cars in the driveway, and I wondered why.
The front door opened as my eyes roamed the front of the house. Alzerro was left standing in front of the car waiting for me. The look on his face told me he was over dealing with me. Which was fine—I was over dealing with his killing sprees, his attitude and him, in general.
“No need to babysit me, asshole,” I said under my breath as I walked passed him completely ignoring his extended hand. The last thing I wanted from him was affection. I heard his intake of deep breath and his heavy steps behind my own.
“Welcome.” Jared’s voice met my ears, and I looked up to his face. Was this his house? What the hell were we doing here? Was this our new hideout?
Instead of saying something bitchy, I simply kept my mouth shut as I walked passed him and into what I assumed was his house. It smelled like a man and looked, well… like a bachelor pad. The walls were painted a deep gray. He had leather couches and a huge flat screen with various electronics in front of it. As I rounded the corner coming to stand in the living room, I took in the kitchen. It was simple but sleek. All black appliances lined the far wall, and it was then I started to wonder what made Jared and Zerro so different?
“I think you should sit down, Bree,” Zerro said behind me, his hand landing on my shoulder heavily. I looked down at it before bringing my gaze to meet his. His hand had brought me immense pleasure, but with it had come pain. Dark, stab yourself in the heart, pain. Such deep and angry pain, I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to come back from it. I had saved myself from the hole, not with an ounce of help from this man—he had killed my father and yet, he still felt he had the right to protect me? To tell me what to do. He had lost those rights a long time ago.
“I think you should remove your hand from my shoulder,” I growled, taking a step back so his hand slipped from my shirt. In his eyes, a fiery rage stirred like a volcano ready to blow.
“Bree…” I turned my attention to Jared, wh
o had concern etched into his features. His dark hair was a mess, and his eyes looked haunted as if he had been worrying over something. I knew something was going on. I guess there wasn’t any better time to tell me than now.
“Tell me. Someone needs to tell me what the fuck is going on,” I demanded. Gone was the broken woman I was minutes before.
Both Zerro and Jared looked at each other, worried expressions matched one another’s.
“I think we should—” Jared tried to say, but I interrupted.
“I think you should tell me.” My eyes narrowed at the two of them. Keeping secrets in the situation we were in wasn’t good for any of us.
Zerro’s large hand curled into his hair as he went around the couch to sit down.
Taking a deep breath, Jared exhaled. “John isn’t your father.”
The words hit me like a brick wall, and suddenly, my mind was spiraling out of control. He was lying?
“You’re right because he’s nothing but a dead body on my childhood home’s wood floor.”
Jared cringed at the words I had expelled from my mouth.
“No, I mean John never was your father.” There was no real emotion behind what he said, and I took a hesitating step back. These people were trying to control me. They were making up lies. Zerro just didn’t want me to tell someone.
“You’re lying,” I cried out, not wanting to hear anything else he had to say.
Jared shook his head, dark locks falling onto his forehead. “My father is your father. We’re half-siblings. When I was digging for some info—”
“Stop,” I cried out as I backed up further until I was against a wall.
“I had to help Zerro find you. I went to my father and asked if he could help. I knew nothing, Bree. I swear—”
“Just stop. Make it stop,” I screamed, my throat aching. I couldn’t handle this. My fingers gripped at my scalp to bring something else to life. To make me feel something other than the pain of betrayal and death.
“Bree, we’re half siblings. John lied. He wasn’t your father.”
“I don’t fucking care… I don’t care…” I repeated over and over again as I slumped to the floor.
“Let me take care of her and get her cleaned up. Then you can talk to her,” I heard Zerro say to Jared. I was over everything. I wanted to turn it all off. I wanted to hate and for the anger and sadness to go away. I wanted to turn it off. Having no heart meant there was no chance it could be broken.
Jared nodded dismissing Zerro. Looking up at him with tears, I could see the resemblance. Our noses were the same, our eyes held the same warm brown, and his lips were shaped the same as mine. Even though the proof was right in front of me, and there was absolutely no way to deny it, I still would. I couldn’t believe it. Not now, not ever. Zerro bent down and scooped me up in his arms. I didn’t want to be held or touched by the man who has caused me so much heartache, but I didn’t think I could manage to walk—hell, even stand.
He carried me down the hall to the right and then into a bedroom. Sitting me on the bed, he turned around and closed the door. The silence ate away at everything that made us who we were.
Pulling at my shoes, pants, and shirt, I ripped them off. I didn’t want to be covered in dirt. I didn’t want to be reminded of this day ever again. I could feel the tears coming again, but refused to allow them to escape.
Once in my bra and panties, I crossed the room to what I assumed was the bathroom.
“You can’t run from this.” He sounded as if he had a fire in his voice. Was he angry? He had no reason to be angry.
“I can and will do whatever the fuck I want, Mr. King. You lost the right to say or do anything to me the moment you betrayed me.” Once in the bathroom I slammed the door and locked it. I didn’t want to see his face. I wanted nothing to do with him. My heart ached with every beat as if it were going to burst from an overflow of heartache.
I pulled away from the door just as the pounding started. I knew if he truthfully wanted in this room, he could get in.
“Leave. Go away. I hate you,” I screamed placing my hands over my ears to rid myself of the noise.
“Bree, stop being childish.” I could hear the terror in his voice. He thought he was losing me. Good. He needed to. He needed to know I was out of his grasps.
“GO. AWAY,” I screamed again, standing to turn the shower on. I allowed the water to run making the bathroom fill with steam.
“I’ll leave you alone for right now, but later, we need to talk.” He sounded so full of himself. He didn’t know me—not like I thought anyway. Ignoring him, I slipped into the hot stream of water. I arched into the water—God, how long had it been since I had a decent wipe down since I had actually been clean?
“My life…” I cried. Though the hot water was pouring down over me, my tears still stained my cheeks. John wasn’t my father…. I sunk to the bottom of the tub, my heart and mind aching as I placed my hand on my chest. I could feel the chain beneath my fingertips and the weight of the heart dangling against my chest. It had become heavy as if it were carrying the weight of my sorrows. I could feel every muscle in my body tense up as I wrapped my fist around the heart on the chain. What had happened? Everything I once knew had changed. A sob escaped my tightly closed lips as I pulled on the heart, yanking the necklace from my neck. I held it tightly in my hand as I processed all my emotions. I needed to let go, but how could I? I had so many questions and no answers.
Before I realized what I was doing, the sound of the metal clanking against the glass doors of the shower echoed through me as I slipped back into the dark abyss of my mind. To a memory, time, a place, where John was my father. My last thought being the only thing once meaning everything to me was hovering over the drain, just on the brink of falling into the darkness never to be seen again. Just like me.
“Bree,” Dad yelled to me from the bottom of the stairs. Mom was sick again, and this time it had been a long time since she had her normal break. She would go through times when she was really sick, and then times when she was okay.
“Coming…” I called out. Pulling on a sweatshirt,. I shuffled around the corner, and down the stairs. My eyes automatically landed on my mother. Her frail body was lying on the couch, and though she was smiling, I could see this time around the treatments had been hard.
“Bree,” she called out for me, her voice hoarse, as if she needed a glass of water. Dad came to stand next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder with a warm smile.
“She’ll be okay, Bree,” he reassured me, even though we both knew reassuring would only get us so far.
“Mom…” I said breathlessly, anxiety filled my belly sloshing around with every step I took toward her.
“Hi, sweetie. How are you? How is school?” she asked all motherly, completely ignoring the big huge elephant in the room.
“Uh….” I looked back to Dad, who gave me a reassuring smile. I wasn’t sure if I should even talk to mom about anything. One thing could cause her stress and the excess stress would only make her cancer worse.
Her warm hand landed on mine as I took a seat against her body. Pushing the tears to the back of my mind, I tried my hardest to see her as I saw her when I was five. Happy, healthy, and vibrant with life.
“Tell me…” she said softly, her eyes smiling.
“Well, school is good, excellent even. My grades are good, and I was asked to the dance.” I went on and on telling her the good things—the things she had missed out on because she was in the hospital.
“That is so good, I’m excited. Has dad taken you dress shopping yet?” I shook my head. The idea of going to the dance was actually the furthest thing from my mind.
“No, but I will…” Dad broke in, smiling, bringing the happiness back into the air.
“Good. Make sure she gets something sparkly… and pink… It fits her…” she mumbled her eyes glazing over. The meds must be kicking in.
“Don’t worry about her, Bree. you know how she gets once the meds
start working.” Dad smiled, the warmth of it alone radiated to me as I gently lay her hand beside her and stood from my seat.
“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I asked, looking at her and then back to him. The way mom had been acting lately made it seem like she wouldn’t make it. Though, I never would say it out loud.
“Bree…” Dad came to stand next to me, his hand landing on my shoulder as he turned me in toward his chest. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him.
“I will always be here for you. I will always care for you, and I will always provide you with the things you need and want. You will always be Daddy’s little girl.”
I smiled against his chest as I hugged him a little tighter.
“Turn around. I have something for you,” he said softly as I turned around while he reached into his pocket.
Forcing myself to stay put, I waited as he placed a small pendant against my chest. It was a gold plated heart with little words scribbled across it.
“What does it say, Daddy?” I asked with excitement and curiosity in my voice.
“It says ‘You can always count on me.’ Things are going to get bad with Mom, but I want you always to remember, no matter how bad they get you can always count on me. Always.” His voice cracked as he turned me back around. This time it was he pulling me into an embrace.
“Always, Bree.”
I allowed his words to soothe me as I took every single one of them in—and they did.
I pulled myself from the memories, no longer able to digest what had happened. If John was really so bad, then why did he act like he cared? All those years he pretended to be something he wasn’t.
Picking up soap, I vigorously scrubbed my body, trying to rid myself of the emotions swirling within me. I wanted every memory of who he was scrubbed from my mind. I wanted Zerro gone. I wanted the pain to go away. It was completely consuming me. I should’ve known it was all too good to be true.
*