A Kingpin Love Affair (A Kingpin Love Affair #1-5)

by J. L. Beck

  The whiskey warmed me all over again, as my insides burned like fire. “This is so fucked up,” I whispered into the air. Sitting the whiskey back down on the table, I looked over at both of them.

  “How did you find this all out?” I questioned.

  Jared smirked, and I knew it was going to be an interesting conversation. “Well, asshole over here couldn’t handle losing you. He needed something to hold onto. I went to my father to do a little digging and he told me. Turns out, on your mother’s dead bed, she let our father know. She told him everything.”

  I stared deeply into Zerro’s eyes. In them, I could see the flames of fire flicking back and forth. He had come for me. He had wanted to save me. He may have been a man of death who held pain and heartache, but he knew love. After all, his vengeance was fueled by his love for his mother.

  I took a deep breath trying to digest all of it. It felt like one of those huge pills you had to take when you were sick. The bigger the pill the harder it was to swallow.

  “Let me get this straight, John and James are brothers. My mom married John, cheated on him with James because John was abusive. She then ended up pregnant with me, but only managed to stay with John because he said he would take me away. John’s anger stemmed from his brother working for Zerro’s family who had killed numerous colleagues of his who had tried to bring them down. My mom never told James until she was dying. John took my mom’s death as a perfect chance to get revenge and made a deal with the new King of the family knowing if his life were on the line, I would step in?” My mind was reeling. I was angry, mad, sad, abused, and used. I felt not only my life had been a complete lie, but everyone I had known along the way was a lie, too.

  All of this explained a lot but not soon enough. I should’ve known these things all along. I should’ve been told these things from the start. Times like now made me wish my mother was still here. Tears threatened to escape from my eyes, but I forced them back. I had been strong this far, I could go the extra mile, right?

  “It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Zerro was.” Was he trying to justify the lies?

  “It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twisted the knife that had been put in my chest. Saying the words made it true.

  “Stop, Bree,” Zerro commanded. He knew I was right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I was feral with rage.

  “No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cried out as my hands gripped my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It felt like everyone I had known was laughing in my face.

  “Shhh,” Zerro whispered in my ear as I lifted my head taking notice he had crossed the room to sit next to me. I had no words. Nothing could fix this mess, a mess that had been started far before my time.

  “I can’t believe….” I said in disbelief repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.

  “You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears secretly escaped my eyes as they slid down my cheeks like the truths that slipped from Jared’s mouth.

  “I’m not strong enough to do this, Zerro,” I cried into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I didn’t care I was breaking down in front of Jared. I couldn’t cope with this anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain that shook my body.

  “You’re strong enough, Piccolo… You’re stronger than anyone I know…” His voice was so gentle and made me want to beg him for forgiveness even though I knew I didn’t have to. He had killed John because he deserved it.

  “I hurt you… The things I said…” I cried harder and tears saturated his shirt. I couldn’t handle the betrayal I was feeling. John may have planned to sell me out, but Zerro had been there. I may never have been a part of his plan, but I was now… He had saved me.

  “Shhhhh…. We all say things out of rage and anger. When I told you I was indebted to you, I meant it. Our fates were sealed before we were even thought of…”

  “But….” I tried to say…

  “No, but, Bree. Neither of us knew what was happening. I hurt you after you saved my life, and even if John wasn’t your father, I know there is a part of you who loves him regardless, and I ripped that part of you to shreds. I let my anger and my need for blood to get in the way of it all. Even if he deserved to die, I shouldn’t have done it that way.” Regret was rooted deeply in his voice. He was never sorry. He was never caring if he ripped people from their loved ones.

  “How can we move on…? So much chaos, lies, and betrayal have taken place.” I was mumbling my words as I spoke into his chest. His body was warm encasing me in a protective shell. In his arms, I felt right at home as if this is where I had always belonged.

  “I’m going to go call my dad,” Jared said dismissing himself. I didn’t look up to say anything, not even a thank you. I wasn’t sure if I could ever thank him for freeing the secrets that would tear me apart only to build me back up.

  “None of this is your fault, Bree. No one blames you. We had no choice in any of this. Life has a way of making choices for us.” His words were making my heart pound. I gripped his shirt tighter, wondering what to do next. I had no home, nowhere to go and no family—none that I knew at least. I was supposed to be hiding, and I knew Zerro killing John put the FBI on our backs, and with Mack still looming out there somewhere, I knew our deaths would be inevitable.

  “What do we do? This clusterfuck we call life is falling to pieces before our eyes. You have lost your whole family to death, as have I. Are we next? Is this all we live for? Revenge? Hate? Anger?” I was on the verge of a panic attack. Zerro adjusted his hold on me, pushing me at arm’s length so one of his hands could cup the side of my face.

  “If anyone has taught me life is more than just death—it’s you. Life is so much more than what I thought it was. I was simply going through the motions, breathing the air, and waiting until the last moment when my heart would stop beating. We can overcome all of this.” He was convincing. He was more than convincing, but I had just been ripped apart.

  “I need time. I need sleep. I need to be alone.” I could barely believe myself as I said the words. I had never wanted to be alone in my life, but now more than ever I needed to be. I wanted Zerro, but I needed to piece this puzzle together. I needed to know where he and I fit in it—if we fit in it together at all.

  “Okay, that’s fine. Just tell me you’re okay. Tell me no one hurt you while you were being hidden. Tell me everything inside of here is okay,” he said pointing to my heart. Was everything okay in it? Placing his lips against my forehead, he whispered, “I know I’ve hurt you. I put your life in danger. I could’ve had us both killed numerous times. I threatened your life back at your childhood home, and I want you to know it killed me to hurt you. It ripped me apart inside. Your heartbeat is my own. Your voice my own. Your fears my own. You’re mine, and I will never do anything to jeopardize that again.”

  His words were beautiful and heartfelt, and the tears burned down my cheeks as I pulled from his touch. I needed to get my bearings on everything, and no matter how much I wanted to believe his words right this second, I couldn’t. Getting up, I turned around and walked down the hall to the room I was brought to when I first arrived. The moment I closed the door, the tears, the pain, and the earth shattering realization’s hit me. This was my life now.

  Chapter Seven

  Zerro

  “Fuck,” I said harshly, my fist hitting the table hard. I didn’t want to start breaking shit. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore, but I couldn’t handle the emotions running through me.

  “Is everything okay?” Jared asked concerned as ever. He was always fucking concerned. However, now his concerns were real. I was dating his half-sister, or was I? From her words mere momen
ts ago, I was beginning to think we had nothing. Then again, if I were just thrown the shit storm she was, I would be doing a whole lot more than just needing time.

  “Everything is just fan-fucking-tastic,” I scoffed, slamming back a gulp of the whiskey sitting in front of me. I needed a drink about as badly as I needed Bree’s sweet lips against mine.

  “I take that as she didn’t take it nearly as well as I thought she would.” He was joking... or trying to. It was a shame Bree had been caught up in all of this. I had taken the sweet, shy, and innocent woman I loved and morphed her into a broken killer. She was broken and it was my fault—no, it was John’s fault.

  “You mean you actually expected her to accept what you said right off the bat? We have bloodthirsty criminals breathing down our backs left and right, and then we have to throw shit on her. I can’t even imagine what she is thinking right now,” I growled out in frustration. I didn’t want to be too loud, but I needed to let some of the aggression out. Killing John did nothing for me. I thought it would make me feel fuller, happier. Instead, it made me feel worse… even if he did deserve to die.

  Shrugging his shoulders, he took the empty seat on the leather couch across from me. “No. I just got off the phone with my dad and he wants to meet her. I told him we found her… More like she found us, but that’s beside the point. I think my dad can point us in the direction of where to find Mack.”

  Stretching my legs out, I settled further into the couch. Another slam back of Whiskey, another feeling escaping.

  “I just feel…” I wasn’t even sure where to start and why the fuck was I pouring my soul out to Jared. He didn’t care.

  A smirk pulled at his lips. “We both know what you feel. There isn’t anything you can do to change it. I know your emotions are conflicted, but you need to give her some time. We need to let her go through everything so she’s strong enough to carry on when the time comes.” Was he already sticking up for her in a brotherly way? I wanted to laugh.

  “Already pulling out the brother card, huh?” I said laughing.

  Grinning, he shook his head. “Nah. But if you break her heart, I will probably break your face. How’s that for the brotherly card?” His comment sent a spiral of happiness to form within. Bree may have lost so much, but she had gained so much, as well. Jared, a person who would be a better brother to her than anyone I knew. James, a father who would claim her as his own. And me—a man, who against all odds, had opened his heart to love.

  “I would love to see you try and break my face,” I taunted knowing very well even Jared wouldn’t be able to take me down. He could say he would all he wanted, but I knew better.

  Rolling his eyes like a girl, he laughed. “Whatever. That’s not the point, asshole. The point is you know we lost my mom. It has only ever been my dad and me, and I don’t want to go into pussy foot country and spill my guts to you, but to have someone else is just... exhilarating. For the first time in years, my dad is moving around again. He’s coming here to see her, and though the truth was a damn—nation to her, it was a joy to us.”

  The faraway look in his eyes told me he was going back there. I knew the look. I had endured it many times. He had lost his mother, too. Not to the same fate I had, but far worse. There was nothing to stop what had happened to his mother.

  “It’s okay, Jared.” I tried to sound convincing, but he knew when to call my bluff, and there would be no better time to do so than now. I was a hypocrite. I knew it. I told people to move on from their own problems while I still boiled in my own.

  “Just make sure she’s okay enough to talk later,” he said blinking slowly as if he were trying to bring himself back to the present. He couldn’t still blame himself for her death. It wasn’t his fault. He was just a kid.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Jared,” I said surprising even myself. I never stepped into the arena with him. I never tried to be the friend he needed. Turning on his heels, I saw a deep anger rooted in his eyes.

  Clenching his teeth, he spoke forcefully. “Take your own advice, Zerro. Don’t try to tell me how to handle my shit when you’re barely getting by with your own struggle.”

  What was I supposed to say to that? Nothing, that’s what, so I did just that. I let him walk away, down the hall to his room, leaving me to sit in the emptiness to think about all the fucked up choices I had made. Funny, when you’re alone, your mind tends to wander. I started to wonder if everything would come out okay, if we all would get our happily ever after, or if we all were headed down the road to war. Only time would tell.

  *

  Hours had passed as I continued to sit in the chair across from her watching her sleep. Her body was worn and tired, her breaths were deep, and her chest rose and fell in rhythm with my own beating heart. This moment took me back to the very last time we had sex—when we were on good terms. How I had awoken her from a very similar position.

  “Ride my hand, baby…” My own words echoed through my mind as I remembered every push and pull of our bodies. The way we became one, how I would’ve loved to do nothing but stay wrapped up in who she was for hours. Then I think I would’ve given everything up for her. Hell, I still would, but things were different now. Death changed people. It changed things. Technically, we’re still enemies, but for her to be one, Jared would have to be one, too. I could never turn my back on them.

  A deep moan pulled me from my thoughts as I watched Bree roll over in bed. She was wearing one of my shirts and a pair of my boxers. Her shirt was riding up on her back, and her lower back and ass were showing.

  My cock was stiff and ready to take her. Of course, it was always hard with her around, but there was something so much more important that needed to be handled. I needed to know what had happened to her while she was gone. Where she had been taken, all she had endured. God, I was a fucking douche bag for not asking these questions before doing anything with her.

  Ringing my hands together, I clasped them in front of me. Did I really want to talk to her about all of this? I know I had said how sorry I was, but I needed to know she was okay. I needed to make this right.

  Slipping from the chair, I tiptoed across the floor and to the bed. For a moment in time, I stood staring at her beautiful face. It was more than the face of an angel. It was the face of my savior. The woman I loved, who I had hurt, betrayed, and somehow, still managed to keep. Her nose scrunched together as if she was having a bad dream and her pink lips parted a sigh escaping.

  Right then, my heart did a little pitter patter. Yes, the totally fucking girly kind where sighs fall from lips and eyelashes bat. I was pussy whipped and I didn’t even care. Not one fucking bit.

  “Hey, Piccolo…” I whispered against her skin as I clasped the side of her cheek gently. She stirred only slightly and one eye opened.

  “It’s still dark out, so if you’re waking me up, somebody better be dying. Wait—no, scratch that... somebody had better not be dead. Too much heartache going on around here.” I could tell by the humor lacking in her voice she wasn’t kidding.

  “I just needed to talk to you. I needed to let you know your father, Jared’s dad, is coming to meet you. I know you said you needed some time to digest everything that had happened, but we don’t really have time. We need to devise a plan and…” I trailed off. I was the motherfucking king, but here I was bowing to her. Putting myself on the line. I had never had to ask someone if things were okay between us—simply because I never cared enough to ask.

  “And?” she asked puzzled as I sat on the bed next to her. My dick was still hard, and the way she was looking at me was making it more difficult for me to focus on the task at hand. Fuck. Yeah, that’s what you needed to be doing…

  “And…. I need to know….” Pause. “If everything between us….” Pause again. Would I ever be able to fucking man up? Fuck having a cock—if I looked down, I guarantee I would have found a pussy since I was acting like one.

  Sighing, I looked her straight in the eyes as if I were looking straight d
own the barrel of a gun. “I need to know we’re okay. I know it sounds fucked up, but I need to know you’re all right. I need to know you aren’t lost somewhere in that pretty fucking head of yours.” She knew what I was asking because not even a second passed before she started giving me answers.

  “Well, basically, I was held in a hole for three weeks. When I say hole, I do mean one in the ground, surrounded by dirt. I was talked down upon and treated like shit for hours upon hours. Then… someone who says he knows you baited me to get out of the hole. Technically, I baited him, but it doesn’t matter…” Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath to calm myself. If he touched her, there was a cement block with his name on it.

  “Anyway, I got out of the hole with the intent of running or doing whatever I could to escape. Instead of having to fight him though, he just kind of let me go…” She sounded surprised, which in turn kind of surprised me. Why the hell would they let her go? There had to be a motive.

  “Who was this man? What did he look like? Did he touch you?” The questions came out rushed, and I felt myself reaching out to touch her, simply in relief to remind myself she was here. I was a pussy. A total fucking pussy. Next thing you know, I would be watching The Notebook and talking about The Vampire Diaries.

  Smiling, a sexy as all fucking hell grin, she said, “Relax, Mr. King. Nothing happened. He didn’t hurt me. He was wearing a mask and didn’t give me his name, but he did have super green eyes. Like the greenest eyes I have ever seen, and he told me something…” Seconds passed as I watched her work through her thoughts.

  “He told me something about thanking you, and he was returning the favor. Something like that. It was odd, but I wasn’t going to stick around and ask questions. He told me to run and that’s what I did.” Inwardly, I sighed in relief. My mind suddenly wandered to a green-eyed boy I had as Intel. Devon? Was that his name? It had been forever since I last talked to him. I had cleaned him up, gave him a place to stay, and took care of him for months. In return, he would feed me information pertaining to the cops, FBI—you name it. Maybe I needed to pay Devon a little visit.