by M. D. Massey
“I broke it,” he said in a near whisper.
“How?”
“I was angry.”
“You have to learn to control that. You’re going to tear yourself up if you keep letting all that rage fly around.”
“I know. But… I don’t want to talk about it.”
Addie unwrapped his hand. Gazing into his eyes as they watered, she could see how much emotional pain it caused Henry. She found his reaction confusing, but she knew there must have been a good reason. She was as gentle as possible, but he winced when she touched it, tender, but the bruising was gone.
“There’s swelling. I’m going to rewrap it with a different bandage, and hopefully it will help.”
“Thank you,” Henry muttered. The pain in his hand reminded him of how his emotions exploded when he made Sophie true dead. It also continued to remind him that he was alive.
Addie left and came back to the bathroom in less than a minute.
“By the way, I saw Claire punch you.” Henry looked down at his bare chest. There were a few drops of blood on it. “I heard what she said. And some of what the girls were carrying on about in the kitchen. Your wanting to help me is causing tension. I don’t want this to divide you.”
“I’m sorry you witnessed that. I’m going to help you, whether Claire is happy with it.”
She finished wrapping his hand. “Well, get yourself cleaned up and dressed. I’m going to go make breakfast.”
Addie turned and left Henry alone with his thoughts. He looked into the mirror, staring into his eyes, clenching his jaw. The bitter feeling ran through his body like a shower of hot sparks. He had an intense desire to punch the reflection, but he controlled it. He growled and walked out of the bathroom.
Addie walked into the kitchen. “Well, if someone would like to start a fire out in the grill, that would be wonderful. I’ll prepare the eggs. I’m out of propane, so we’ll need a regular fire. There’s dry kindling just inside the barn.”
“I’ll take care of it.” Nick was leaning up against the counter next to Claire. She touched his hand, showing affection. Nick smiled at her, his hand grazing across her lower abdomen. Addie handed him a box of matches. He pulled his gun out of the back of his pants just as he walked out the door.
“I know it’s not my place, but I think you girls need to be easier on Henry. He’s in a lot of turmoil.”
“Believe me, I understand that better than anyone,” I said with confidence, but I still felt ashamed for my past behavior. It bothered me that she thought she knew enough about his situation to comment on it. No one knew the extent of his turmoil like I did.
“Well, he’s hurting.” I crossed my arms. “I can see it in his eyes. He doesn’t know how to get it out, other than aggression and the bottle.” She pointed at the empty vodka bottle sitting in the sink. What we didn’t know was that Henry stood right outside the door, listening to the conversation.
“His pain goes way back, well into his childhood, but you don’t really know too much about his situation, so I ask you to leave it, Addie. Please”
“You’re right, Elaina. I don’t know much about him, but I can tell you Henry depends on people, on you, to keep him right.” That made a little sense. “He needs you, and he needs this group to stand together to keep him on the straight and narrow. And, from my own personal experience, division isn’t what an emotionally weak person needs.” I bit my lip, trying to keep my own emotions at bay. Addie took my hands. “It’s going to be okay.” I couldn’t look at her for fear that I would cry. I wanted my old strong exterior, which shattered ages ago.
I heard Henry’s heavy footsteps come into the kitchen. I glanced his way. His face was relaxed, and his eyes, his beautiful emerald eyes, sparkled. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pulled away, and I could feel that he was uncomfortable being in the same room as Claire.
“Henry, I would like to apologize to you.” He looked at her with a blank stare. “I shouldn’t have punched you like that. I was upset, feeling like you were taking everyone’s life for granted so you could be the hero…yet again.”
“Well, that was a backhanded apology,” I mumbled.
“I don’t want to be a hero, Claire. I didn’t ask for this. It’s a burden that I carry, and I want to help Addie. It’s the least I can do for her since she has helped us with a place to stay and food. It’s my job, as the leader of this crew, to help when I see fit.”
“You barely know her!”
“Umm, Claire, she’s standing right in the room with us.”
Addie grabbed the bowl with the eggs in it and walked out the back door.
“Why are you so resistant?” Henry asked, trying to control his temper. His good hand was clenched to the point that it shook.
“Have you forgotten what’s happened over the last couple months? You can’t save the world, Henry!”
“Yes, he can,” I murmured.
“Really, Elaina? Do you really think Henry can save the world?” I whipped around and glared at her. I swallowed hard, trying to push away the tongue lashing I wanted to give her. I was unsuccessful.
“How dare you!” I glowered at her. “If it weren’t for this man right here, we would be dead. Do you not understand that?!” I tried to keep my voice even. “If you don’t want to keep going, by all means, go back. I have my doubts and worries, but he’s what keeps me going. I want to marry him. I want to have a stable life with him. And I want a family with him.”
That made Claire pull in a sharp breath. “Do you think it’s easy, knowing I could be bringing a baby into this fucked-up world? Do you think I’m excited to be playing house with someone?” The screen door closed. Nick walked in, the hurt in his face evident. He looked at Claire for a long moment, then stormed out of the kitchen. “Nick, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!”
He turned around when he got to the door and faced Henry. “I’m ready whenever you are.” Henry nodded, and Nick stormed out the front door.
“Nick, please! Wait!” Claire stopped when the front door slammed before she could get to it. She cried. I wanted to run to her and comfort her, but she had been a hormonal bitch to everyone. I had trouble forgiving her for being a hypocrite. My heart broke for my brother.
“I better go talk to him,” I said to Henry.
“Okay. Be careful.” He brushed my cheek with his lips. Claire dropped to the floor in front of the door with her head in her lap, sobbing. Thomas sat on the couch, looking unsure as to what he should be doing or where he should be looking. As I opened the door, he got up and guided Claire to the couch.
Nick sat on the dilapidated front steps, picking up tiny pebbles and throwing them toward the old country road.
“Mind if I join in?”
“It’s of your choosing,” he mumbled.
I sat beside him. There was nothing across from Addie’s house but an empty wheat field. I searched for pebbles to throw. We were silent for a few minutes. I didn’t want to push the conversation. I wanted him to lead it.
“Elaina, where have I gone wrong with her? I don’t understand.” His voice wavered, sounding heartbroken.
“I think she’s scared to death. When that happens, sometimes shit flies out of her mouth.”
He shook his head, fighting the ache filling him. “When Jenna died, I was crushed. But interacting with Claire made me realize that what I truly wanted had been in front of me for years. I thought my insecurities were put to rest when she came back with my guitar. She risked her life just to see me smile. I don’t understand where I went wrong.” He beat himself up for no reason.
“I don’t know what’s going on with her. She’s subconsciously pushing us all away. Her hormones are probably all out of whack or something.”
Nick smiled and shook his head a little. “You have a way with words, Elaina. What am I going to do? Am I ready to be a father in this madness?”
“You’re going to be an excellent father. I can’t imagine it any other way. I’ve nev
er seen you in so deep with someone. You can’t let her push you away. She needs you.”
“I don’t know how to bring her back to me. She wouldn’t even talk to me this morning after Henry barged in, telling me what we were going to do. Then when she came out and decked Henry…and, might I add, that was a killer punch…” I smiled, “I thought she was all right with me. That she accepted my fate, you know?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what’s going on inside her head. I can’t take any more of this arguing and division, though. I can’t, Nick. I need Henry as my husband, you as my brother, Claire as my best friend, and Thomas, well…as a younger brother. I just want us to be a happy family, being there for one another without all this bickering.”
“I want to work toward that again. It’s just so difficult with all these fucking things.” He pointed to an undead staggering toward us. I sighed. Nick held up his Sig and took the poor savage out. We continued talking, like shooting a former living person was no big deal.
“Do you feel sorry for them?” I asked.
“Them?”
“The undeads. Do you feel sorry for them?”
“For the most part. They didn’t ask for this to happen to them.” I waited for it. “Like me.” And there it was.
“I know. It’s killing Henry inside. It really is. I’ve been woken up in the middle of the night by him talking in his sleep. He’s so tortured, apologizing to everyone, calling for his mother, sometimes crying… I can’t imagine living with what he does. He’s like a nuclear bomb waiting to go off, a finger hovering over the big red button.”
“I understand, but he officially changed my life.” He grabbed his arm where Henry bit him.
“Does it still hurt?” I touched the spot.
“Sometimes. I try to ignore the pain. I have better things to think about.” The door opened behind us, Henry stepping out onto the porch.
“Uh, sorry to interrupt. I heard a gunshot. Everything okay?” He saw the undead lying in the middle of the road. “Ah. Addie said breakfast is ready.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at him, the worry rushing through me. He shut the door quietly behind him. I looked at Nick. He saw the flood coming.
“Hey…Hey. Listen. He’ll be fine.” I couldn’t speak as my tears pushed their way through. “Elaina, listen to me. I’ll do everything I can to protect him, as he would me. I don’t want you to lose him. As much as he pisses me off, I know how much you love each other.” He embraced me. “Come on. Let’s go eat.”
I nodded, still unable to speak. He helped me stand.
“Lainy…” That was the first time he called me that since we were kids. He guided me to the door. “Take a few deep breaths.” I did. The first breath burned, but I managed to get a few in before I put my hand on the door handle. It took all of my strength to open the door.
I walked in, seeing Claire sitting on the couch, staring out the window. “Go on. Go sit at the table. I’ll be there in a few.” He gently pushed me off toward the kitchen.
Nick sat next to Claire. She looked down at her intertwined fingers in her lap. He watched the tears drip from her eyes, landing on her hands. After several long seconds of silence, Claire whispered, “I’m sorry.”
“Saying ‘playing house’… It was like a knife in my heart, Claire. I don’t know what I have to do to prove that my heart is with you. I thought you felt the same.”
“I do,” she whispered again.
“Then why say such hurtful things? You’re pushing everyone away. Do you realize that?”
She nodded. “I do now.” Her voice was so soft, it was almost inaudible. Nick grabbed her face with his chilled hands, forcing her to look into his brilliant eyes.
“I cannot walk this earth knowing that you wish us…this…” He gestured between them, “didn’t happen. I live for you and our little one.” He rested his hand on her stomach. “I know this is scary, but I’m here for you. I’ll do my damnedest to stay alive to make this work.” He pulled her chin up. “I refuse to give up on us. I don’t care if there’s a war going on. We must walk through the fire together, hand in hand. It doesn’t change because of what’s happening right now, at this moment.”
“But it could. At any moment, you could be ripped from my arms. And with a baby… How am I going to do it?”
“We will make it work, okay? Please, Claire, you have got to stop pushing everyone away because of your fears. We have to live in the now, and try to look forward. It may look bleak, but the sun will rise for us again. It has to.” He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. “Come on. You need to eat. You have barely eaten lately.” He took her hand and walked her into the kitchen.
Everyone stopped eating and looked at them. Nick pulled out a chair for Claire, making her sit. Addie started to stand, but Nick motioned her to sit. Claire sat still, quiet and full of shame. He fixed Claire and himself a plate of food, then quietly sat between her and Henry.
Tension filled the room. The only sounds were forks clinking against plates and chewing. I pushed my eggs around my plate.
“Addie?” Henry was the first to break the uncomfortable silence, “I was wondering if you had a small picture of your daughter that we can take with us.”
“Henry, I don’t want you to do this.”
“I know, but I’m going with or without your blessing.” Addie sighed as she rose from the table and grabbed a small picture off of the fridge. “Thank you.” Henry placed it next to his plate and studied it for a minute. “She’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. Her name is Rosa. Rosa MacEntyre.”
“I will do my best to bring your Rosa home to you.” Addie nodded. When Henry took the last bite of food on his plate, I dropped my fork. Everyone looked at me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled. When Henry stood, I inhaled, but couldn’t exhale.
“I’m going to go rinse my mouth out really quick, then get everything ready that we will need.” He picked up his plate and put it on the counter. He walked out of the kitchen, and I finally exhaled.
Nick watched me as he chewed his food. “Lainy, eat,” he demanded, pointing his fork at me. I nodded and continued to pick at my food. Thomas finished and got up. It was happening sooner than I could handle. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Thomas headed out to help Henry.
“Claire, eat,” Nick said in a firmer tone.
I looked at Claire, who was picking at her food. I took a bite of mine before Nick could say anything else to me. Claire took a couple bites, then pushed her plate away. I stood.
“Thank you, Addie.” I picked up my plate and set it on the counter. I walked out to where Henry and Thomas picked through what they thought would be useful.
Henry held up a long-handled, double-sided axe and smiled. “Remember this? You nearly took my head off with it.” He gazed up at me. I was far from smiling, not reacting to his attempt at humor. He set the axe down and walked to me. “You all right, love?”
I shook my head. “This may be the last time I get to look at you.” To me, there was no one else in the room but the two of us.
I picked up his broken hand and kissed it. I lifted his arm where the tracking device used to be, and ran my finger down the jagged, pink line. I slowly moved my hands up his chest, remembering what Kellan did to him. I touched his lip where it split open over and over again. I put my hands on his cheeks. I wanted to soak in every ounce that I could. Every cut, bruise, flaw…everything.
He grabbed my wrists and placed them around his neck, pulling me close. His cool touch made me shiver. His scent traveled into my nasal passages, and I tried to commit it to memory.
I closed my eyes, picturing him happy and smiling. I pictured us together, his hands running down my body, making love to me all night long. I pictured us with a family, in a house with a white picket fence. Our children would be beautiful, much like he was. I pictured everything from the past, present, and the moments I wanted to share only with him. It was all I could do and all I had left.
Henry kissed the
top of my head, then whispered in my ear. “I love you, Elaina. My life, my everything. You make me whole, no matter how much I fall apart. Thank you for everything you have given to me.” Pain ran through my heart and tore through my insides like a dull, rusty knife.
He couldn’t be saying goodbye. Please, don’t be saying goodbye, I begged him silently. My river of tears wet his shirt. I couldn’t look at him again, but he forced my head up.
“If I don’t—”
I shook my head. “No, don’t say it.” My voice cracked.
“Say what?”
“Goodbye. Please don’t say it,” I whispered, my voice full of sorrow. He knew, as well as I did, that this could be the last time we ever saw or touched one another. The last time we could hold each other. Our time together could be up.
I felt like our moment was a ticking time bomb. He put my hand to his heart, feeling it pounding with love…and fear. He dragged my hand to his lips. His jagged, cool breath ran between my fingers. His gaze bored through me and I drowned in his beauty.
“I love you.” He kissed me in such a gentle way, his lips trembled, like a butterfly fluttering over my lips. He willed himself to stay in one piece for me, but I was shattering before him.
I found myself unable to move, Claire standing beside me, experiencing the same turmoil. Several minutes before, we had watched Henry, Nick, and Thomas pull out of the driveway. Our feet felt like they were in hardened concrete. We missed them already. Unexpectedly, I felt a warm arm wrap around me.
“He’s gone,” I whispered.
“He is, but they will be back.” Addie’s voice was comforting, soothing my frightened soul. “Come. Let’s get you girls inside.” She took both of us by the hands and made us go into the house. I collapsed on the couch and curled up into a ball. I had zero intention of moving, or talking, or even breathing until I knew Henry was safe and back in my arms.
Chapter 35
They were quiet. When Henry, Nick, and Thomas got about a mile-and-a-half down the road from Addie’s house, they hadn’t seen a single car. However, there were plenty of rotting bodies roaming around, looking for their next meal. Henry skillfully weaved around them.