Apocalyptic Beginnings Box Set

by M. D. Massey

  I walked up to the truck door and opened it. “Henry?” He didn’t turn my way. “I’m glad you’re back.” I stepped up on the side step and brushed my fingers through his hair. He looked at me with bloodshot eyes. “Hey.” He swallowed hard. “Want to talk about it?” He shook his head. “Henry… It’s obvious something is really bothering you. Please, talk to me.”

  I waited for a few seconds before I took his hand and guided him out of the truck. I decided to just take him somewhere he could have privacy, just in case he had another one of his epic meltdowns.

  We sat in the barn, watching the rest of the sunset. I lay with my head in his lap. He played with my hair, staring blankly off into the distance. I wondered if it comforted him as much as it did me. It was quite some time before he even said anything.

  “I’ve seen a lot of shit, Elaina, but today…” He swallowed, “today tops it.” He covered his eyes, pushing the heels of his palms into them, his body shaking as the silent tears poured out. I sat up and grabbed him. Holding him, rocking him, loving him.

  “Henry, tell me what you saw.”

  “I can’t!” he cried. “I can’t.” His shoulders shook as his silent cries turned into sobs.

  “Shh…” I ran my hands through his hair, trying to comfort him. “I’m here for you, lover. I’ve got you.” I held him tight while he sobbed into my shoulder. It was difficult for me to witness. I hated it when he was so upset, he couldn’t string more than two words together.

  Eventually, he calmed down enough to look me in the eye. What a mess he was. His eyes were red and swollen. He had bits of vomit and gore on his shirt. I held his face in my hands.

  “Talk to me,” I whispered, then took his hands. “I want to help you through whatever is going on.”

  “It was the most horrific, gruesome scene I have ever witnessed.” He looked down at our hands. I held both of his, gently rubbing my thumbs across them. “I’m not sure if they were related, but…” He shuddered. “Not that it matters. There were several woman, and so many children. Babies,” he whispered. “Lots of babies and itty-bitty children. All dead. Shot in the head. They were executed.”

  “Oh god…”

  “I don’t know why they were in the store, but they were piled up like livestock. The doors were locked. It was like they purposely did what they did.”

  “That may be the case. They may not have seen another way around it.” I rubbed his shoulders, and he looked up at me. “I love you so much.”

  He wrapped his arms around me. “I love you, too.” We quietly held one another.

  “Come on. It’s cold out here. Let’s get you inside so you can clean up.” I stood and held out my hand. He curled his lips into his mouth and accepted my help. As we left the barn, Nick and Addie headed our way.

  “We were getting worried,” Addie said. “How are you doing?”

  “He saw something today that really affected him.”

  Henry looked around, scanning the area, trying to avoid everyone’s stares. Addie took Henry by the shoulders, forcing herself into his field of vision.

  “Anything you need to discuss?” He sucked in air, his breath shaking as he let it back out. He shook his head. “Are you sure?” His eyes filled with tears. “Oh no. Please don’t. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you more upset.” She hugged him, holding him for a minute.

  It made me tear up, seeing someone who was old enough to be his mother, but barely knew him, wanting nothing more than to comfort that wreck of a man I called mine. When she pulled back, he wiped the tears from his face with his bandaged hand. She took at his hand and saw the gore on the bandage.

  “Let’s go change this.” He nodded. I watched Henry and his surrogate mother go inside.

  Nick put his arm around my shoulders. “You all right, Lainy?”

  “He didn’t tell you?”

  “No. I didn’t dare ask after he nearly bit off Justin’s head. He ran out of the store and fell to his knees, vomiting. After he finished, I escorted him to the truck. Whatever he saw really fucked with him.”

  “Don’t say anything to him about it again. Ever.”

  “What did he see?”

  I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but, after a few seconds, I decided to. “Promise me you will never ask him about it after I tell you.”

  “Of course I won’t.”

  “He said there were a lot of women, children, and babies…all shot. Executed. And they were stacked up.”

  “Holy shit.”

  “It really hit him hard. He cried for so long, I didn’t think he was going to stop. I hope I comforted him, but I don’t know. He’s a mess.”

  “I’m sure. Let’s go inside so you can check on him.”

  When I walked into the house, everyone stared at me like I had a rooster perched on my head. I looked toward the bathroom, but I didn’t see Henry or Addie.

  “Where are they?”

  “Spare room,” Claire whispered. “He’s having one of his Henry-sized meltdowns.”

  “Shit.” I ran toward the door and listened. He was crying again. I knocked while swinging open the door.

  Henry sat on the edge of the bed, his head in one hand and a bottle of booze in the other. Addie rubbed his back. She gazed up at me, her face full of concern. I kneeled in front Henry.

  “Lover… Please don’t do this to yourself.”

  He took a sip from the bottle. “It’s tearing me up.” He took long pull.

  “I know. Believe me, I can see that.”

  Another long pull. “It’s my fault.” I worried how much he told Addie. He took another sip. Before I knew it, half the bottle was gone.

  “Henry, you know that’s not true.” He just looked at me, and my heart bled for him. The anguish and sadness ran deep. He was so fucked-up. I had so much rage directed toward Roger and his motherfucking program. The cruelty of it all was what really made me angry the most. I turned to Addie.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but this man needs some sleep. He said he doesn’t sleep very well.”

  “He has a lot of nightmares and night terrors so, to avoid them, he doesn’t sleep.” Another long pull. I grabbed the bottle. “Henry, you have got to stop drinking.”

  “I can’t,” he said, his eyes lifeless. “It’s the only thing that makes all this bullshit tolerable! If I drink enough, it makes everything quiet in my head.” He tried to snatch the bottle back, but he was already off-kilter.

  “Henry… Henry, look at me!”

  “I can’t do this anymore, Elaina. I can’t.”

  “Henry, you know that’s not an option. Let Addie change your bandage, then I’ll get you settled in bed. Okay?” He nodded. I got up and walked out of the bedroom. As soon as I shut the door, I shook all over. I knew what I had to do.

  I went through all of our stuff, grabbing every bottle of booze I could find. Claire hurried over when she saw what I was doing. There were dozens and dozens of bottles, plus a lot of empties. Oh god, so many empties. I had no idea he was drinking that much. I cried when it hit me.

  I turned and looked at Claire. “He’s an alcoholic… Claire, my Henry is an alcoholic,” I said in a hushed tone as the tears poured from my eyes.

  Claire put her hand on my arm. “I know. I saw the signs a while ago, but I didn’t want to say anything more than I was already implying. People get defensive when you make a statement like that.”

  “Oh, my god, Claire. What am I going to do?” My hands shook as I covered my face with them.

  “There is nothing you can do. He has to want to stop.”

  “He can’t. He just said he can’t. I don’t know what that means. What does that mean? Does it mean he’s tried to stop, or does it mean he doesn’t want to stop? I don’t know what it means, Claire! I don’t know what it means! What do I do?”

  “You just have to be there for him. Support him. That’s all you can do for him right now.”

  “I am! Every damn day I tell that man what he means to me
. He’s everything to me. I can’t handle watching him abuse himself like this.”

  “Let’s take this out back before he comes out,” Claire said. Nick and Thomas jumped up and helped us.

  By the time we walked the bottles out to the barn and came back, everyone else had settled down for the night. Addie had made up our beds, and Henry was already shirtless and passed out, face-first, onto his pillow, lightly snoring. I stood there for a moment, staring at the tribal wings tattooed on his back rise and fall at a slow tempo. I worried they would become real.

  Then I joined everyone in the kitchen. Addie leaned up against the counter. “How long has he been drinking?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. Since I met him, he’s always had a drink in his hand. Sometimes more than others. There were several occasions he would stay at my apartment because I didn’t want him to drive home. Now that I think about it, he always drank a lot. More than anyone I knew. I thought he was just having a drink, or had a high tolerance, you know?” I shook my head. “He’s been through a lot, Addie. I can’t even get into it all, but it’s really bad stuff.”

  “I understand.”

  “I don’t know how to help him.” I wiped the tears away with my sleeve.

  “You can’t help him. He has to work through this himself. Hiding the booze won’t help him.”

  “I thought about dumping it, but maybe you could use it to barter with if you needed to.”

  “I appreciate that. You’re a very sweet girl, Elaina. All of you are good people. I adore each and every one of you.”

  “He looks at you like a mother. He said you are the closest thing he has ever had to a mother since—”

  She held up her hand. “Thank you,” she choked out. “I appreciate the compliment. I’m going to go to bed. See you in the morning.” She reached out and cupped my cheek with her hand, then hurried out of the kitchen. I followed behind.

  I lay down next to Henry. He moaned and rolled over. I snuggled up against him, spooning him, holding him tight.

  I wondered why I never realized he was an alcoholic, but I could understand why he would want to drink himself into oblivion, or even death. He just wanted a moment to forget, to not remember the war within himself.

  My sweet, sweet Henry was so full of agony.

  Chapter 40

  I woke as the sun began to rise. When I realized I was alone, I sat straight up, wondering where Henry was. Thomas and Shay were asleep, and the house seemed quite still. I got out of bed and looked out the front window. The grass was frosty. I headed to the back window in the kitchen, and I didn’t see him out there, either.

  My heart raced. I ran back into the living room and grabbed one of Henry’s hoodies, then put on my fraying, gore-speckled sneakers. I grabbed my Sig and made sure it was loaded and snuck out the front door. I worried that he had done something stupid because he was so upset the night before.

  It was so cold, my teeth chattered when I stepped out of the house. Panicking, I looked around, my gaze landing on the barn. I ran into it and called his name.

  “Up top,” he said. My body slumped in relief, knowing he was still alive. I worried he had put a bullet in his head.

  I climbed the ladder, seeing him sitting with his knees pulled into his chest, watching the sunrise. He had his ball cap on, hiding himself. My heart sank when I saw an empty bottle next to him. Immediately, that lump rose in my throat. I tried to swallow it, sitting next to him.

  Henry didn’t say anything for the longest time, then he softly spoke. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” I managed to croak out.

  “Love, don’t cry over me. I’m not worth it.”

  That felt like ten thousand daggers in my heart. I clutched my chest, the tears pouring down my face.

  “How long have you been drinking?”

  “In general? Or like I am now?” I looked over at him and noticed he had another bottle sitting between his legs. “I guess it doesn’t matter, does it?” He sighed. “I started drinking when I was sixteen, after my first really severe beating. I was hospitalized for a while. The pain killers weren’t doing a damn thing, so I tried booze.”

  “Where did you get the alcohol?”

  “Stole it.”

  Of course, I thought. How else would he have gotten it?

  “My heavy drinking started about a year later.”

  “So you’ve been doing this for about a decade, give or take?”

  “Yeah, I suppose so.” He shrugged. It was like it hadn’t occurred to him he had been boozing it up for so long.

  “Henry—”

  “I tried to shake it a few times. One time, I went about six months without a drink. Sophie used to plead with me to stop every time she would find me passed out in weird places. She gave up, figuring I would eventually stop.”

  “Where would she find you?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the answer.

  “Closets, benches in the courtyard at the facility, the weight room, her bed…,” he mumbled. “When I moved to the States, I would think about why I was here. It’s the only way I could get myself not to think, cloud my thoughts, quiet my mind. Before I met you, I would hang out at Cam’s bar quite often, drinking and picking up women.” He tipped back the bottle. A hot streak of jealousy ran through me. I knew he slept with other women besides Sophie, but I didn’t want to think about them.

  “Henry, it’s so early for you to be drinking this much.” He set the bottle down. “I want to help you, but I don’t know how. Tell me how.”

  He chuckled a little. “There’s no help for me, Elaina. This is my life.”

  “I don’t like this.”

  “I don’t like it, either.”

  “Then stop!” The anger rushed through me.

  “I can’t!” Shaking his head, his frustration radiated off him as he tipped the bottle back again. “I drink more than you realize, Elaina. Sometimes I get up in the middle of the night. Mornings before you wake, like today…”

  “You’re going to kill yourself with this! Maybe this is why you have been starting to turn quicker than before.”

  “It could be.” He had zero concern in his voice.

  “You’re killing yourself! How can you be so nonchalant?” He didn’t respond right away. I looked at him. His jaw was clenched, the muscles twitching. His eyes grew wetter.

  “How else am I supposed to look at it? What do you want me to say, Elaina?”

  “I don’t know. I just want you to be better. You’re a mess. You have anger issues, you have health issues…you have drinking issues. I don’t know how to deal with it all!” I hid my face in my hands.

  “Love, please don’t cry. I beg you.”

  “I can’t help it. I love you so much. I can’t live without you.”

  “You could, you know. You can be one tough bird at times.”

  “Are you trying to kill yourself?” He sat silently, staring at the sun. “Henry… Please tell me you want to get better.”

  “I’m not ready yet. You just have to live with that for now. When I am ready, I’ll shake it.”

  “Don’t punish yourself for everything. It’s not all your fault!”

  “Elaina… No offense, but you have no idea what the fuck I go through every single day. My body is riddled with pain. My brain aches. My joints ache. My muscles ache. My thoughts are dark. My memories are even darker.”

  “I’ve come to the conclusion that the Henry I initially met was a phony.”

  “No, don’t say that. I did fall in love with you the moment we locked eyes. I couldn’t believe it. It was an amazing feeling. That man is in here somewhere.”

  “I want that Henry back. Your explosive behavior is hard to deal with.”

  “I know. I’m so sorry for dragging you into my fucked-up mental state.” He looked at his bandaged hand, ashamed.

  “I see glimpses of the real Henry. When we make love, you take me places. I feel like I travel to a place of no worry, no sadness, no despair. Bu
t when it’s over, it’s over. I feel like I’m only connecting with you in that way now.”

  “I’m glad I can make you feel whole sometimes.” He turned and looked at me. “Please understand that my heart beats for you. I love you so much. You accept me.”

  “That’s what love is. Unconditional. I may not love everything you do, but I love you so goddamned much. You are amazing. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

  “Then give me some examples of this amazing Henry who you think you see glimpses of.”

  “Look how you are with Julianna. She adores you.”

  “I saved her. Of course she does!” He turned back to face the sunrise, taking another drink.

  “Stop it! She adores you because you are sweet and caring. You treat me well. You try to make me feel better if I’m sad or upset. You love me with everything you have.”

  “You’ve taught me that,” he mumbled.

  “Regardless… You’re so tender and loving. When we make love, I feel like you are so in tune with me and my body.”

  “That’s because I love you so much. I want to make you feel amazing, beautiful, loved, and cherished.”

  I sat quietly for a moment. “Can I just say that you are pretty amazing in that department?” He smiled shyly. “I’m not kidding, Henry. I don’t know where you learned everything, and I don’t want to know, but you really rock me.”

  “Every guy likes to hear stuff like that.” He put down the bottle and turned to me. “Elaina, I’m so sorry for doing this to you. I’ll stop at some point. I’m just not ready yet.”

  “I guess that’s all I can go on right now.” He leaned into me and kissed me. I ignored his whisky breath as I grabbed his hat and chucked it. “I hate that thing. It hides your beautiful face.”

  He crawled up on me as I lay back. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I needed him right then, but my body ached for his touch. I almost thought it would help him if we connected in that way. His hands were frantic, pulling off my shirt and then his. He tried to get our jeans off at the same time. I rolled him over and yanked mine off, then his.

  I made him sit up against the barn wall. As I straddled him, he directed himself into me. I groaned as his length went deep and his thickness stretched me to the max. I kissed the beautiful, fucked-up being sitting beneath me. His cold hands cupped my breasts, my body shivering. I wanted to make him better, and the only way I could comfort him was by taking him. I rocked my hips and he tipped his head back, breathing hard. I only saw the whites of his eyes.