Rainfall

by Melissa Delport

  “No way!” Adam hollers back and drops straight down onto the net.

  I have not laughed so hard for so long that once I start I just can’t stop. Tears of mirth pour down my face and I clutch my sides trying to control myself. Even the instructor looks amused, but he quickly regains his composure and gestures for me to step forward. Facing my fear quickly sobers me up and I grit my teeth determinedly, stepping forward and peering over the platform. Adam has climbed out of the net and is staring up at me wide-eyed.

  I take a deep breath, close my eyes and jump. It feels like flying! I feel like a child, like anything is possible. It is freedom and flying and fun. I open my eyes and laugh into the wind.

  “Knees up!” I hear the spotter call and without hesitation I swing my knees up and hook them over the bar. Not giving myself time to hesitate I let go of the bar and am hanging upside down by my knees. I catch a glimpse of Adam as I swing by and laugh at the concerned expression on his face. I catch hold of the bar again, swinging my legs off and over and execute a perfect back-flip, just as the instructor has shown us. Landing in the net I feel my face is flushed with exhilaration and I climb down, feeling giddy. I skip toward Adam who has his hand shielding his eyes and is gazing up at the platform.

  “Ta-da!” I skid to a stop in front of him.

  “What on earth is the matter with you?” he scolds and I look up feeling my heart plummet. Simon. Simon is back and Adam is gone.

  “No!” I wail. Not now; not in this beautiful carefree moment. I subconsciously put my hand over my ears trying in vain to block out the monotonous drone of Simon’s chastisement.

  “Leave it alone, Simon!” I half-yell and, without so much as a second thought, I turn on my heel and head back to the platform ladder.

  “This is completely irresponsible behaviour!” he calls after me. “You're being reckless, Paige!” I'm momentarily touched by his concern and then, “Who's going to drive me home if you get yourself killed up there being a show-off?”

  “Oooh!” I scream, climbing more quickly.

  “What’s up with him?” Chad, the instructor, raises his eyebrows.

  “He’s schitzo,” I reply, choking back a half-sob. I'll be damned if I'll let that pompous son-of-a-bitch ruin this for me. I grab hold of the bar and leap, soaring through the air and forgetting, for just a moment, the troubles that await me on the ground.

  Probably fearful of saying too much in front of Chad whose disapproval is radiating off him, Simon waits until we are safely ensconced in the Audi before he continues with his lecture. I give him five minutes. As soon as I realise that he will not stop talking for some time, I turn the stereo on full volume and sing along to Kings of Leon. Simon purses his lips into a grim line and winds his body up so tight I begin to fear he might never unravel.

  By the time I reach This sex is on fire he has turned an alarming shade of magenta and I have recovered enough of my good spirits to turn down the stereo and risk his wrath once more. As if determined to take the moral high road, he remains silent, staring unblinkingly out of the window.

  When we finally turn into the parking-bay at the apartment block, I unbuckle my seat-belt and turn to face him, determined to find some common ground. Unless Simon and I can learn to get along I am in for a very long night.

  “Simon,” I begin, firmly. He sniffs, turning his head ever so slightly away from me.

  “Simon,” I say, even more firmly, and he deigns to glance over in my general direction. “What is it exactly that you are so wound up about?” I ask.

  “What do you think?” he snaps. “I wake up to find myself falling through the air. I could have died!”

  I contemplate this. Simon must have emerged just before Adam hit the safety-net. Okay, fair enough, that would have been a shock for anybody.

  “How dare you risk my life like that?” he hisses and I recoil.

  “There was a safety-net Simon. You were never in any real danger,” I explain gently.

  “How was I to know that? I could have had a heart attack! Imagine waking up and plummeting toward the ground?” He shakes his head as though the thought alone is vexing.

  “Simon, I’m sorry. But we wanted to do it. Adam wanted to do it.”

  “I don’t care what Adam wants to do!” he hisses through clenched teeth and it is the most emotion I have ever seen from him. “This is my body, Paige. Mine! What makes you or Adam,” he speaks the name as though it is a four-letter word, “think you have any right to use it for these ludicrous acts of lunacy?”

  I sigh, banging the steering-wheel in frustration. There is no point in arguing with Simon; he is far too rigid and stiff-upper-lipped to ever accept or even understand my way of life.

  “Let’s just go inside Simon,” I concede. “I’ll make us some supper.”

  He is still bristling with indignation but I know that Adam hasn’t eaten since breakfast – he must be starving. He strides ahead of me into the apartment and perches on the edge of the couch, switching the TV on and immediately flicking over to National Geographic. I heave a sigh and head to the kitchen to make us something to eat.

  I am just getting some steaks out of the ice-box when my phone starts ringing. Thank God for the diversion. It is an unknown number and I frown, glancing at the clock on the wall. It is after seven, it had better not be a telemarketer.

  “Hello?” I answer, lifting the phone to my ear.

  “Is that Ms Paige Petrova?” The voice is feminine but direct and authoritative.

  “This is she,” I answer, shutting the refrigerator door and dropping the tomatoes and onions onto the kitchen table. “How may I help you?”

  “Ms Petrova, my name is Doctor Jones and I’m calling from Fairways Care facility. You're listed as the emergency contact for Mr Christo Petrova, is that correct?”

  “Yes,” I say, in barely more than a whisper.

  “Ms Petrova there’s been an emergency; we need you to come into the centre immediately.” There is a pause, during which I am too terrified to even breathe. Doctor Jones continues in a grave tone, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”

  I stand, frozen, in the middle of the kitchen, the paring knife I was using to prepare the salad in mid-air, tears coursing down my cheeks. I don’t know how long I stayed that way, but long enough that Adam, not Simon, found me, much later. He takes the knife from my hand, puts the now defrosted steaks in the refrigerator and then enfolds me in his embrace, letting me cry until my tears run dry.

  My father has developed pneumonia and is in Memorial Medical Centre. They are treating him with antibiotics but the prognosis is not good. His dementia has also deteriorated rapidly and he is being permanently sedated. I will be catching the first available flight back to California. Adam will stay in Manhattan. He'll follow as soon as I call for him and we'll fly back together. I need to be alone. In truth, I need to be away from him. From all of him. This is about me. I need to focus solely on myself for a change and, being Adam, I think he understands.

  When he drops me at the airport he holds me for a long time then kisses my hair. Lifting my chin he meets my gaze levelly.

  “I’m implementing an escape clause, Paige,” he swallows, forcing back his emotion.

  “What?” I ask; I'm so preoccupied with the news of my father that I'm barely paying attention.

  “I just want you to know that at any time you can exercise your escape clause,” he smiles sadly. “Think of it as a get-out-of-jail-free card.” He rubs his hands up and down my arms and despite my grief my body responds and the hairs on my arms stand up. I shiver, involuntarily.

  “I know the sacrifices you've made for me Paige. I know how hard this is on you.” He pauses, his eyes taking in my eyes, my lips, my hair. “If it ever gets too much I don’t give a damn what Doctor Sheldon may have told you, you get out, do you understand me?” I look down at my feet shaking my head and he rattles me until I look up and meet his gaze. “You get out, Paige. Promise me!” He is so serious and I am shock
ed that he is saying these things. I cannot even comprehend being without Adam. It would be like trying to live without my own soul.

  “Adam, I don’t... I wouldn’t...” I cannot even put into words what I am thinking and he shakes me again, although more gently this time, and I laugh a little.

  “Adam, you're crazy. I could no sooner leave you than leave my own heart. We're in this together.”

  “I know you love me, Paige but I won't let this destroy you. You've been through so much, already.” He shakes his head stopping me before I can speak, “Just promise me, please, Paige. If it gets too much, you’ll get out.” He looks so forlorn and so defeated and I don’t have the energy to explain, so I simply take both of his hands, stretch up on my toes to look him straight in the eye and do as he says. I make a promise that I have absolutely no intention of keeping.

  My father died a week later. He slipped into a coma the day after I arrived and he never regained consciousness. At least I got to say goodbye or so everyone keeps telling me. It was early, I keep thinking, over and over. The average life span after the diagnosis of Alzheimer's is eight years. My father didn't make six. I had always known the disease was terminal and that there was no cure, but I had expected to have more time. My father hadn't started to show the symptoms of late progression of the disease, he was still fairly calm and responsive to his environment and was not entirely reliant on caregivers.

  Not that any of that matters now.

  Adam arrives the day my dad passes away. He holds my hand as I say goodbye and he holds me tightly in his arms that night. We are staying at mom and Frank’s, although in separate bedrooms; my mother, of course, turning a blind eye to the fact that the bed in my own room is unmade every morning. I am grateful for the support but in truth I feel numb. For the first time in a long time I switch off my emotions. I am so close to breaking point and I'm terrified that if I let it all in it will consume me and I will simply give up. I go through all the motions of arranging and executing the funeral which is beautiful; all regal lilies and teal organza. We hold it in my mother and Frank’s garden. So many well-wishers offer their condolences that I lose track and my jaw aches from smiling. Eventually, just as I think I can take no more, I hear Adam standing beside me utter, “Enough.” Before I can even consider what he means, he grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd, not even bothering to apologise to anyone he knocks out of the way. Not allowing me a moment to say goodbye to anyone, he pulls me into the house and up the stairs. At the top of the stairwell he turns and kisses me with an unbridled passion and I respond with alacrity. I do not give a damn who might see us, and when he asks which room is mine, I don’t hesitate. I pull him by the collar until my back hits the door. Adam reaches around me and turns the doorknob and we practically fall into the room pulling at each other’s clothes frenziedly.

  The truth be told, I know it is Kyle. I knew it the moment he asked me which room was mine; before that even. I know when he tears my lace camisole and lowers his head to my breasts. I know when he rams me against the bedroom wall and blazes a trail of hot, searing kisses from my mouth to my throat. It is Kyle who rips off my panties and Kyle who squeezes my bare buttocks so hard that it is sweet agony. It is Kyle who jabs his finger so deep inside of me that I cry out, not caring if the entire gathering downstairs hears it, and it is Kyle who buries himself in me and groans in ecstasy when I scratch my nails down his back so hard that it draws blood.

  I know it is Kyle and I don’t care. He nips my lip and I cry out as he drives me to orgasm after orgasm. It is wild and feral and dirty, and for the first time in my life I just don’t give a damn.

  I am still coming down to earth and Kyle is already zipping up his pants. I roll over and encounter a handful of lace. Picking up the shreds of what remains of my underwear, I bite the feather pillow in mild hysteria to stop from laughing.

  “When did you know?” he asks, buttoning up his shirt and glancing out of the window.

  “As soon as you arrived,” I answer and he cocks his head, bemused. I jump off the bed feeling better than I have in ages. “You said ‘Enough’ and then you dragged me through the crowd like some sort of caveman.” I say, pulling on my skirt.

  “So?” he asks, running his hands through his dark curls.

  “So Adam would never be so unrestrained,” I pull on my jacket and button it up to hide the lack of a camisole. “He would also never bump into people and not apologise.” I slip on my heels and smooth down my hair. Kyle is staring at my chest and I turn to the mirror, realising that my cleavage is far too visible without anything underneath the jacket. I cross to the wardrobe and pull out a beautiful fawn coloured blouse. Naked from the waist up I bend over to grab a new pair of panties and I feel a warm hand between my legs.

  “So if you knew all along why did you show me where your room was?” Kyle asks, his fingers moving intimately and expertly, my knees going weak.

  “Why do you think?” I turn around slowly and smirk, my mouth turning up at the corners as I try not to smile.

  “Oh, so you’re using me now?” he grins evilly, his other hand coming up to fondle my breast. I want to tell him to stop. Now that I have regained control of my senses I realise how wrong this is, but Kyle is an amazing lover and I cannot help it, my body responds of its own accord and I part my legs to give him more access. Determined to hang onto what little self-control I have left, I gaze at him through heavy lids and I say huskily, “I still love Adam.”

  I watch as the grin fades from his face. He looks irritated for a minute and then he snorts with laughter.

  “What?” I ask warily, finally finding the will to try and move away from his still probing fingers. He steps closer and leans forward to whisper in my ear.

  “Well then you can explain to him why you’re not wearing any underwear,” he waggles his eyebrows and in the infinitesimal second before it happens I realise what he is about to do.

  I see the twitch and a moment later I am staring into the beautiful blue eyes of the man I love.

  Chapter 18

  Adam blinks a few times then he slowly looks down and takes in my nakedness and the compromising position we are standing in. His eyes widen in shock and then he deliberately takes a few steps backward and runs his hands through his hair.

  “So, it finally happened?” he asks and I nod in confirmation. He looks angry and disgusted and accepting all in one, and I reach for him automatically, dropping my hands to my side as he flinches away from me.

  “Well,” he half-smiles and I can see the enormous restraint he is exercising to remain calm, “at least we know I won’t have caught anything this way,” he tries and fails to make a joke of it. “That son-of-a-bitch!” he curses softly, shaking his head.

  I quickly turn away, dressing hastily, and then I turn back to face him. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

  “It wasn’t his fault, Adam,” I confess and he looks at me, a confused expression on his face.

  “What?”

  “I wanted this. You weren’t in any danger. Kyle wasn’t going anywhere that I couldn’t follow.” I will not keep secrets from Adam. As hard as it is, I have to tell him the truth.

  “So,” I can see him trying desperately to justify what has happened in his head, to somehow make it alright. “So, you wanted to...” He is frowning and I can see that he just doesn’t understand.

  I heave a sigh and sit on the edge of the bed, and after a moment’s hesitation he sinks down beside me,

  “Tell me, Paige.”

  “Kyle was my escape clause,” I admit, glancing up at him. He considers this for a moment and then he nods, sadly.

  “From me?”

  “No,” I shake my head vehemently and his own jerks up in surprise.

  “From my life,” I explain, smiling, even as the tears well up in my eyes and spill over to run slowly down my cheeks. “It was just too much; for a moment there I thought...” I swallow, taking a deep breath before I continue, “I thought I might no
t make it,” I admit, and Adam’s eyes widen in horror as my words sink in. I hold up a hand to stop any protests he is about to make. I need to finish. “This life is almost too much to bear, Adam. I love you; truly I do, and I want to be with you. I can deal with all that that entails – most days; but I buried my father today and, just for today, I wanted to forget. I wanted to escape.” I cast around helplessly for the right words but I come up blank. “Do you understand?” I ask him, the question hanging between us.

  Adam runs his fingers through his hair and stands suddenly.

  “Son of a bitch!” he yells again, and I jump as his fist slams into the mirror shattering it. Adam’s knuckles are white as he clenches the sides of the vanity, trying to rein in his temper.

  “He'll never touch you again,” he vows, catching my eye in what little remains of the mirror. “If he so much as lays a finger on you,” he continues, turning around to face me, “I’ll kill him, Paige.”

  I let out a hysterical burst of laughter.

  “Listen to yourself, Adam. How are you going to do that? The only way you can kill Kyle is to kill yourself!” I slump back down on the bed.

  “No, it’s not.”

  The words ring out so determined and so clear that my head jerks up in surprise. I have never heard Adam sound so sure of himself. I realise that he is dripping blood on the carpet; his hand is bleeding from the impact of the mirror. He is standing so upright, his hands balled into fists at his sides. He looks angry and determined and beautiful.

  “I will protect you from him, Paige. It’s my duty to protect you from him and I will not shy away from that.” His chest is heaving with emotion and I stand and take a few uncertain steps toward him, unsure of his response.

  I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders as his arms come around me. His body stiffens for just a moment so I expect the change, and then a low chuckle emanates from deep in his chest.

  “Always knew he’d man up in the end,” Kyle murmurs into my hair. “I’ll tell you what you need to know,” he adds, kissing the top of my head, and then, before I can even answer, I am standing once again in the warmth of my Adam’s embrace.