by Matt Musson
It was time for an emergency Ranger meeting. We stepped outside the building and sat down on the empty bike rack out front. Dispensing with old business and the reading of the minutes – we immediately delved into the crisis.
“Does anyone have any bright ideas about how to keep Bogdon from being hammered to a pulp?” Charlie asked hopefully.
“What about if Toby shows Bog some Tai Kwan Do moves?” Freddie suggested. “Maybe with a little luck – Bog can tame the beast.”
“I'm afraid there's not that much luck in all of Caldwell County,” said Toby. “I've been taking Tai Kwan Do for three years and I wouldn't stand a chance against that big ape.”
“I know,” suggested Shad. “In the movies someone always kicks the big guy in the family jewels. Then he tumbles to the ground and they all laugh.”
Charlie was skeptical. “Has anyone ever seen that work in real life?”
No one spoke up.
Finally, Thor said, “in last year's county High School soccer tournament, there was this giant guy from West Caldwell. This little guy for Hibriten tried to kick him there when the refs weren't looking. ”
“What was the result?” Asked Bogdon hopefully.
“The last I heard the little guy from Hibriten was still in a body cast. But, the doctors were hopeful that he would someday eat solid food again.”
Obviously that was not a option.
“What if all seven of us stick together and take on Yogi?” I asked.
Charlie responded. “That might save Bogdon, today. But, what happens when Yogi hooks up with Augie Toombs and Irish Gillhooley? When they come looking for all of us, we'll end up with a riot.”
That was no solution either.
“What about padding?” asked Shad? “I mean, guys that ride bulls in the rodeo get flack vests. Some even use helmets. I don't see why Bogdon shouldn't get the same protection. After all, Yogi is as big as a bull. ”
“That's actually not a bad idea,” said Charlie. “A flack vest and some bullet proof underwear might go a long way toward speeding up Bog's recovery.”
We all sat quiet for minute. There must be something we could do for our friend.
Finally, Toby spoke once more. “You know guys. Maybe we can use science against Yogi. ”
“What do you have in mind?” asked Charlie.
“Well,” said Toby. “I saw a couple of interesting tricks at the science show. Maybe we can use a few to convince Yogi that fighting Bogdon is not in his best interest. We've got plenty of materials here. Maybe we can put on a show of our own – and call it the Bogdon Peabody’s Mad Scientist’s Show!”
Toby pulled out some paper and a pencil and began outlining a few of his ideas. Bogdon chipped in a couple. And, Freddie, who has got to be sneakiest of all the Rangers made some suggestions of his own. It was not long before we had a plan roughed out.
It was a long shot. But, it might save our friend from having to drink his dinner through a straw for the foreseeable future.
We quickly divided up the tasks and headed back inside. After gathering everything we needed, we would reconvene in the band room to prepare.
************
Chapter Twenty-Six – Showdown in the Band Room
Yogi arrived at the door to the band room at exactly 5 o'clock to find Thor and Shad standing guard out front.
“Don't tell me that little Bogdon Nobody is getting his friends to fight his fights for him? Are you two here to scare me off?” asked Yogi.
“Oh no,” said Thor. “Bogdon's anxious to fight. He told us that it's time for someone to teach you a lesson about insulting girls.”
“Yeah,” Shad agreed. “He's inside getting ready. Thor and I are just out here to keep out the riff raff. ”
“That's right,” said Thor. “Without witnesses – no one can press any charges later if they change their mind.”
A chuckle escaped from Yogi's throat. “Oh ho. That's just the way I like it,” agreed Yogi. “No witnesses.”
Shad and Thor stepped aside. Thor even opened the door for the unsuspecting bully and Yogi walked on through.
Yogi entered into the room and the door behind him shut with a solid clunk. He punched his fist into his palm as a warm up and as a warning.
“Okay Peabody. Where are you? It's time to face the music.”
Yogi chuckled when he realized he made a joke.
“Face the music – in the band room. Ha! I crack myself up,” he chuckled.
The room was a half circle oriented toward the conductor at the bottom. There were several rows for the band members. Each row was up a step – so there was a small stadium effect. In the back, behind the top step, there was a long black counter in front of the windows. At the right of that top row was the band closet.
The door to the band closet opened with a creak and Toby stepped out holding a tray with several beakers of colored liquid. Unknown to Yogi, the liquid was just water with a few drops of food coloring mixed in. A small piece of dry ice was added that made the different liquids bubble, smoke and hiss.
“Who are you?” asked Yogi. “Where's Peabody. It's time for him to face the music.”
Yogi chuckled again. He realized it was the second time he used that joke. But, when you don't come up with that many funnies – you've got to get the most mileage you can out of them.
Toby replied, “He’s right here. I'm just helping him get ready for the fight.”
Toby put the tray on the counter and walked down the steps to the big bully.
“You know Bogdon is one of the smartest kids in the whole county. And, he's developed some vitamin solutions to help loosen him up a little before you get started."
“Yeah?” said Yogi. “I hope you dropped some aspirin in with those vitamins. Then maybe it won't hurt so bad when I knock his block off!”
At that moment, Bogdon stepped out of the band closet. He was wearing a lab coat and with the use of some heavy duty moose borrowed from the Hudson cheerleaders' experiment - his hair was wildly spiked.
Bog walked intently over to the tray that Toby had sat on the counter in the back of the room. At this point he seemed content to ignore Yogi completely.
“I'll start with the red one,” Bogdon said, picking up the beaker with the smoking red water in it. He brought the beaker to his lips and downed the liquid.
“That's the magnet potion,” Toby explained to the bully. “It should give Bogdon the power over magnetic fields.”
He asked Yogi, “Have you ever seen Magneto in those X-Men movies?”
On the counter beside the potions was a plate piled up with small iron filings.
“Let's try it out. Shall we?” asked Bog. And, he ran his right hand over the plate.
Bogdon held his hand sideways so Yogi could not see the Rare Earth magnet taped to the back. The magnet, from the generator in my science fair project, was strong enough that its field traveled right through Bogdon's hand.
Little iron filing jumped off the plate and attached themselves to his flesh as it passed over the top.
“That's one,” said Bogdon.
Toby turned to the Yogi, “You don't wear braces, and do you Yogi?”
“No,” said Yogi, looking a little unsure of himself.
“Good,” acknowledged Toby. “I would not want him hit you with a magnetic field that ripped all your teeth out. Then again, the last guy he zapped still lost several fillings. ”
“But, I’m sure you will be just fine,” Toby added cheerfully.
Bog reached back to the tray and picked up the Green potion.
“Bottoms up,” he said. And, he drained it in a gulp.
“That one gives him the power of electricity,” explained Toby. “Kind of like an electric eel – only more so.”
Bog took a step back and touched the borrowed Van de Graf generator that was hidden behind the door of the band closet. Then he reached out his finger toward the metal window frame. A seven inch spark jumped across with a
crackling sound and looking like a mini-lightning bolt.
“That's two,” Bogdon said.
Bog reached down and this time he picked up the smoking yellow potion. As he gulped it, Toby explained.
“This is a new formula. It's never been tried out on a human being before. We are not really sure what it does. We gave it to one of our rodent test subjects. And, the next morning, all the other rats were gone. There were just a bunch of little grease spots.”
Bogdon's eyes got bigger. “I believe I know what it does,” he announced.
Bog reached back into the band closet where I was standing out of sight. I handed him a plate with an empty aluminum can on top that I had just removed from a vat of liquid nitrogen. Bogdon put the plate down on the counter. He made a funny face and looked at the can pretending he was concentrating very hard.
Meanwhile, the super cold temperature had forced the air out the can resulting in a powerful vacuum. The can was sitting with its opening down and could not pull in any more air in. Suddenly the pressure of the outside air overcame the aluminum. With a pop, the can suddenly collapsed all by itself into a tiny lump.
“I did it!” Bogdon exclaimed. “I crushed that can using my new telekinetic powers.”
He gave out a crazy laugh.
“That's what happened to those other rats. The rat that drank the potion squashed them into grease spots using just his transformed rat brain!”
By now, Yogi was clearly having second thoughts. But, I'll give him this. He stood his ground. But, his nervousness was apparent as his voice rattled.
“Yeah, okay. But, I ain't no rat. I'm still gonna knock your block off.”
“I can't wait,” said Bogdon. “But first, I have to drink the purple potion.”
He reached down onto the tray and picked up the final beaker and brought it to his lips.
“No Bogdon!” pleaded Toby. “Not the purple potion. It's far too dangerous!”
But acting crazier than ever, Bogdon ignored the warning and chugged down the contents of the beaker.
“What's the deal with the purple potion?” asked Yogi nervously.
“Well,” explained Toby. “It makes him impervious to pain. Nothing can hurt him. But, it also makes him a little crazy, and he knows it. He must really be looking forward to this fight if he drank the purple potion. ”
“Let's put on a little demonstration, shall we?” said Bogdon smacking his lips. And, he walked back into the band closet and came back out with his hands full.
He placed a big Styrofoam bowl on the counter. Then he picked up a Dewar's container full of liquid nitrogen. He poured the smoking liquid into the bowl until he filled it to the top.
“Watch closely,” he commanded.
Bogdon reached down and picked a pair of long rubber gloves – like people use on TV when they are washing dishes. Without letting Yogi see, he slipped a hotdog into the glove where his left forefinger would normally go.
He picked up carnation lying on the platter and dipped it into the liquid nitrogen. Then he removed it and closed one of his gloved hands around the flower, and it dissolved into dust.
“I don't feel the cold at all,” said Bogdon. “But you know what? I want to see just how well that purple potion really works.”
With a flourish, Bogdon held up one finger on his gloved left hand. The finger with the hotdog inside stood straight up. It was impossible to tell that it was not a real finger.
“One little Indian...” Bog said. Then he gave another insane laugh.
He looked over at us, and then he lowered the gloved hot dog ‘finger' into the liquid nitrogen.
“Please don't Bog!” Toby gasped. But, Bogdon ignored him. He just whistled to himself as a few seconds passed.
“I guess that'll do it,” said Bog. Then he placed the frozen digit onto the counter top. With his right hand he reached down and picked up a hammer that we had set on the floor earlier.
Bogdon screamed, “ Aaawwwww!”
And in one quick motion he slammed the hammer down onto the ‘finger ' and it shattered into what seemed like a million icy pieces.
Bogdon looked up. He was clearly crazy.
“I'm ready!” he said. And, he held up his hand displaying the abbreviated remains of his mangled ‘finger’.
Well, that was enough for poor Yogi Stinkmeyer.
He had displayed quite a bit of courage to that point. He stayed through the magnet show. He stayed through the mini-lightning bolts. He even stayed through the can that Bogdon flattened using ‘the power of his mind’.
But, when Bogdon shattered his finger and little bits of rubber glove and hot dog splattered around the room, Yogi had enough.
The big bully turned and ran!
When he hit the metal door with his massive body it flew open with a crash. (Luckily, Charlie had warned Thor and Shad to stand aside in case something like this happened.)
Yogi thundered down the hall. When he got to the end, he slammed through another door and ran out into the parking lot.
The last anyone saw of Yogi Stinkmeyer, he was heading full speed towards the setting sun – repeating, “Oh the humanity!”
And, that is the story of the day Bogdon Peabody and Yogi Stinkmeyer decided to rumble.
************
Chapter Twenty-Seven – Fair Finale
They say that all's well that ends well. And, you would assume that now the bully was out of the picture, we could get back to a normal science fair. Unfortunately, that was not the case
You see every year the teachers who work at the science fair set up a room in back where they lay out snacks and refreshments as a treat for themselves. This year, like every year before, Ms. Dawson brought plenty of her famous artichoke dip.
You might believe that being a 7th grade science teacher Ms. Dawson would think to check the expiration dates on the dairy products that she uses in her dip. However, this year she did not. And, she compounded the problem by leaving her artichoke and sour cream concoction in the back of her old Volvo station wagon all morning, where the sun shining through the car's large windows set up a nice greenhouse effect.
By the time Ms. Dawson put the artichoke dip out, it was teeming with enough rouge bacteria that it could have been a science fair project all by itself.
Within two hours every science teacher in the county had taken up a station in the teachers' bathrooms. Projectile vomiting was the order of the day.
However, the show must go on. Making the best of a bad situation, it fell to the only upright teacher in the building to grade the projects. Coach Bob Honeycutt was the sole judge and jury for this year's fair.
It should be noted that Coach Honeycutt had not sought this position. He had it thrust upon him.
He was not actually affiliated with the Science Fair. However, he heard there was free food, so he showed up. He himself consumed plenty of the tainted artichoke dip. But apparently his iron constitution was capable of standing up to anything short of a three day dead mule!
Unfortunately, Coach Honeycutt's science background was limited and several of the experiments were a little over his head. In addition, he was forced to judge all grades and all categories, so he did not have time to absorb all the material that was presented to him.
When he reviewed Stuart Sonoma's Quantum Computer, the talk of bits and Qubits was beyond him. So, getting right down to business, he asked Stuart to get the machine to add 2 + 2. Stuart tried to explain that her computer was only a prototype and she began a lengthy explanation of Shore’s Algorithm. But the Coach cut her off.
“That's okay, Hon,” he said. “Maybe you can fix your computer and then bring it back again next year.”
In all fairness, Coach Honeycutt exhibited only a slightly better grasp of Bogdon's experiment.
In the end, Freddie and Shad's golf ball throwing catapult was the apple of the Coach's eye. He was sure that the machine had “commercial possibilities.” Coach Honeycutt wanted to take the contra
ption out to football field and launch a few for fun. But, due to a lack of time, he just awarded the 1st place ribbon and moved on.
The ‘Old Oaken Slide Rule' would be coming home with us after all.
Second place went to the Cheerleaders with the hair experiment. Why? I believe it was just because Coaches like Cheerleaders.
Finally, third place went to, as the Coach put it, “that kid who invented magnetic pigeons.”
***********
Darkness was falling as Charlie's Mom pulled up out front in her Suburban. We began throwing all our stuff in the back just as Stuart Sonoma came walking out of the building. She moved tentatively down the steps towards Bog.
Bogdon walked over and the rest of us gave them a little privacy.
“I heard about the fight,” said Stuart softly.
“It was nothing,” Bogdon replied with a self conscious smile. “He never laid a glove on me.”
There was an awkward pause until Stuart spoke again.
“Bogdon,” she began. “I know we've had our differences. But, you are a gallant, sweet boy.”
Then, Stuart Sonoma leaned in and kissed Bogdon on his cheek.
“Thank you for being my hero, today.”
“My pleasure,” Bog replied blushing.
Then, Stuart turned and started back up to the entrance.
“Hey, Stuart?” Bogdon called after her.
She stopped and turned around, “Yes, Bogdon?”
“Ah… When you get to that Stag table, the one at the Senior Prom…? ”
“Yes?”
“Will you take the seat beside me?” Bogdon asked.
Stuart’s thoughtful visage converted into a giant smile. And, in one brief second she transformed from scientist to girl.
“Absolutely,” Stuart replied, beaming ever wider. Then, she turned and walked back into the building.
So, the Caldwell County Science Fair was over for another year. And, Stuart Sonoma and Bogdon Peabody both walked away winners.
They were two great competitors who would meet again, on another day.
************
Chapter Twenty-Eight – The Eagle Has Landed
It was Friday after Thanksgiving, a week after the Science Fair. We were sitting around the tree house shooting the bull about nothing in particular. As I recall Shad and Freddie were attempting to organize a burping contest. Suddenly, a large golden eagle flew in through the open window.