Never Forget Him: Never Forget #1

by Lorraine, Tracy

  “Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

  Flashbacks play out in my mind and I have to clench my thighs together. “Yes, thank you,” I reply politely, even though it’s far from the truth. “Have you seen Jay?”

  “No, not yet, dear. Is there a problem?”

  I shake my head and sit down as Mary pours me a coffee.

  I manage a little bit of the breakfast but I’ve got this feeling in my gut that something’s very wrong, so eating is the last thing on my mind. After a while, I excuse myself and head back to my room. I knock on Jay’s door. I know it’s stupid because we’d have seen him come in, but I feel the need to try.

  After packing all my stuff, I sit myself down on the edge of my bed and try not to worry. I’m sure he’s just gone for a drive and lost track of time or something.

  We had planned to move on today, but as the time starts to get closer to lunch, I decide that I’ll probably be sleeping in here again tonight and it stops me packing my last few bits. I look down at my phone and remember his warning from when we first met, this is only a two week thing, no promise of a future or swapping phone numbers. My heart drops knowing that our time together is slowing coming to an end.

  I’m just powering up my laptop in the hope of finding a way to get home when I hear a car engine outside. I lean across the bed and pull the net curtain back to reveal what I hoped I would see. Jay’s Peugeot has pulled up in the space we’ve taken over the past few days. He’s in the driver’s seat but the scene isn’t what I was expecting because he’s leant forward with his forehead resting on the steering wheel. I may not know that much about him, but the last few days have given me the impression that what I’m seeing isn’t normal, that he doesn’t get down very often.

  After a few more seconds, I allow the curtain to fall back into place so Jay can have his moment in peace, whatever it is.

  Footsteps echo down the empty hallway and the second I hear his door open, I do the same. He must hear me but he doesn’t react. I just about manage to get my foot in his door before it slams in my face.

  “Jay?”

  He walks over to the window but doesn’t turn around or acknowledge me in any way.

  “Jay, what—” I don’t get to finish my question because he turns and looks over his shoulder. His eyes are dark and tired and there’s a deep line between his eyebrows. He looks stressed. “What’s wrong?” I finally ask when I’m able to find my words.

  Jay continues staring at me as if he wants to say something important, but no words leave his mouth.

  “It’s—” he pauses and takes a breath, but in the end he just shakes his head and says, “nothing.”

  “You can tell me. Maybe I can help.”

  “No,” he snaps harshly, but one look at my shocked face has him apologising for his abruptness almost instantly. “It’s not something you can help with, Skittles.”

  “Okay. I could listen at least, be a sympathetic ear,” I offer.

  “It’s fine. Honestly,” he adds when he sees I’m not falling for his blatant lie. “Anyway, what are we doing today?”

  I sit on Jay’s bed whilst he gets himself ready. It didn’t escape my notice that he was wearing the same clothes as last night. When we emerge a while later, we bump into Mary in the hallway, who insists on making Jay something to eat as he missed breakfast. I can see that he wants to get away but the lure of her home cooked food is too much.

  “You can drive,” Jay says, handing me the keys to his baby as we walk towards where she’s parked.

  “Uh…”

  “You can drive, right?”

  “No.”

  “No,” he repeats, like it’s the craziest thing he’s ever heard. “How?”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to, I’ve just never got around to it. Public transport’s pretty good in Bristol and there’s no parking at uni.” The way Jay’s face screws up as I say the words public transport makes me laugh.

  “How about some driving lessons?”

  “Here? Are you serious?”

  “Why not? Once we get out of town, the roads will be practically empty. It’s perfect.”

  “But they’re all windy,” I say in a panic. I don’t want to be responsible for wrecking his beloved Peggy.

  “You’ll be fine, trust me.”

  I stare at him for a few seconds as I wait for him to tell me he’s joking, but his eyes don’t waver, so eventually I grab the keys he’s still holding out and unlock the car.

  My nerves treble once I’m sat in the driver’s seat. My palms are sweating and my feet are shaking.

  “I’m not sure this is a good idea,” I admit, looking over at a tired Jay who’s getting comfortable in the passenger seat.

  “You’ll be fine.”

  He talks me through the basics, most of which I already know. I may not have had any lessons but I’m not a total idiot.

  “Okay, gently ease off the clutch as you press down on the accelerator.”

  I do as I’m told and in seconds, the car begins to move. My heart bangs in my chest as we slowly start to back out of the space.

  Once we get on to the country roads, I relax a little, but only slightly because although there’s less chance of me hitting another car, there’s a pretty high chance we could end up rolling down a cliff if I were to come off the road.

  “See, I told you you’d be fine. You’re a natural,” Jay says with a beaming smile.

  His praise makes my confidence grow and I press the accelerator a little harder. He may be egging me on but it hasn’t meant I’ve missed his whole body tense up a time of two at his lack of control.

  I’m buzzing by the time I pull into an almost empty car park in Inverness town centre.

  “Did you enjoy that?” Jay asks with a smile on his face. I’m relieved to see he’s lost the sad, stressed look from an hour or so ago.

  “Yeah, I really did. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  After getting a coffee, we wander off through town, looking in shop windows.

  “Have you been here before?” I ask, when I get the feeling Jay knows where he’s going.

  “No.” He’s got a twinkle in his eye that makes me question his answer but I leave it there.

  Once we’re happy we’ve soaked up enough of the town centre, we hop back in the car—Jay driving once again—and we head out to the couple of spots Mary and William suggested we visit.

  We arrive at Brodie Castle just as the sun’s beginning to descend for the day, and it’s beautiful. After walking around the grounds, I drag Jay inside. He looks bored as hell, but I love all the old furniture and patterns. As we walk, I sneak a few pictures for inspiration for some vintage style jewellery.

  We have the most amazing day together. His mood when he returned this morning has vanished and he’s been back to the Jay I’ve known the last few days.

  “Aren’t we heading back for dinner?”

  “Nope. I told Mary I was taking you out tonight.”

  I look down at my ratty jeans and scuffed boots. “I’m not dressed for dinner. I look a mess.”

  Jay turns to look at me briefly, his eyes run over my face. “You look perfect,” he whispers before turning his focus back to the road.

  The compliment warms my body and ignites something inside me only Jay’s been able to. I squirm in my seat as memories of my midnight visitor assault me.

  “I’m sorry about last night,” Jay says so quietly I almost think I mishear him. “I shouldn’t have pounced on you like that.”

  “It was fine.”

  His eyes come back to me. “It was fine?”

  I can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. “Yep.”

  Turning away from him to look at the countryside beside me, I smile to myself. It was a lot more than fine.

  “What’s this place? It looks fancy.” I say as we stand in the entrance to what I thought at first was a church is actually a restaurant.

  “The Mustard Seed,” Jay says,
reading the sign in front of us. “It’s meant to be incredible.”

  “I love this building, it’s stunning. I’d love to live in a converted church or something one day. I love all the history.”

  Jay smiles at me, although he looks to be miles away; it’s a reminder of this morning and whatever it was to cause such a serious reaction from him. I’m just about to question him when we’re shown to our seats.

  The food’s incredible but it’s slightly overshadowed by Jay’s mood. I can tell he’s trying to push through whatever it is that’s bothering him. I wish he’d talk to me, even if it’s so I can be a listening ear, but I can tell it’s not going to happen. If I’ve learnt anything about Jayden Baxter over the past week, it’s that he’s stubborn and always gets what he wants.

  * * *

  The kiss he gives me before we part into our separate rooms causes even my toes to tingle. I desperately want to drag him inside with me and try to take is mind off his worries, but I do what I should and wish him goodnight before shutting my door behind me.

  I don’t get a midnight visitor. I don’t hear anything from him at all, so when I wake up the next morning, the first thing I do is pull back the net curtain to make sure he’s still here. I let out a huge breath when I see Peggy sat where he parked her last night. It’s not lost on me how gutted I would’ve been if he’d gone in the middle of the night. I both love and hate the way he seems to have crawled inside me, but at the same time, our impending separation is never far from my mind. I can wish this trip’s going to last forever as much as I want, but I know that’s impossible. Real life is just a few days away now, waiting to throw god only knows what at me.

  I reluctantly pull my phone out from under my pillow and open up the messages from Mum I ignored last night. I reply with similar words of encouragement I usually say when she tells me how quiet the shop is, but the words are all fake, my enthusiasm that things are going to turn around holding no weight. The only way to save her beloved shop is to make some major changes I don’t think she’s ever going to agree to.

  I drop my phone onto my chest and think about what we should be doing—looking for different premises, streamlining our products, online shopping and marketing.

  When I pick my phone back up, I notice I have another message. I click on the icon and Frankie’s name appears. I open it and then regret it instantly. It’s a photo of her and Dean, obviously naked in bed, and the caption says ‘me and my sexy solider’. As I stare at Dean’s face, I swear I see a little glint in his eye. Cheeky little shit. Frankie’s going to skin him alive when she finds out.

  I fire back a message telling her how happy I am that she’s enjoying herself before getting up and showered. We’d agreed we’d move on today and I’m excited about our next destination—Edinburgh. It looks like the most stunning city and I can’t wait to discover it with Jay.

  After a quick breakfast we say our goodbyes to Mary and William and head off, hoping to get into the city before lunchtime. As it’s Sunday, the roads are fairly quiet and the drive’s straightforward.

  As the scenery starts to change from countryside to city, butterflies start up in my belly. This is somewhere I’ve wanted to visit for a long time and I’m more than ready for the adventure to start.

  We park at one of the hotels I found on the drive here and secure a room for the night, although we can’t check in until later.

  “What do you want to do?” Jay asks as we walk out of reception. The hotel’s in a central location to almost everything, which is why I chose it, and I know exactly what I want to do.

  “Just walk. I want to see everything, I want to feel the city, soak up the vibe.”

  Jay’s eyes sparkle at my response. I know he’s trying to contain a laugh at my over-excitement about being here. “You’re so cute, Skittles,” he comments before kissing the end of my nose. The smile he gives me as he pulls away lights up his face. Thankfully, when I met him for breakfast this morning, he was more like his old self again; there was no sign of yesterday’s stress.

  “How long can we stay here?” I ask. I hate to bring up anything that involves our ever-ticking clock, but I need to know how much I can squeeze in.

  I watch his gorgeous face as he has the same realisation. We’re into our second week and our time is running out. Fast.

  “Two days,” he answers after a few seconds. “I’d love to give you longer but we really need to start heading south.”

  “It’s fine. I understand.” I look back out over the stunning city below so he can’t see what I really think about us heading back. My eyes fill with tears threatening to break free. I’m not ready for this to be the end for us yet; I feel like we’re meant to have so much more time together. The word forever floats around in my head but I bat it away because thoughts like that aren’t going to help me. This was always going to be a two-week thing, I knew that from the beginning, but it’s a shame my heart didn’t get the message, because it seems to be getting more and more attached to Jay as our time together continues, and I know that it’s going to shatter into a million pieces when he leaves.

  I push my depressing thoughts away and try to focus on the here and now. We’re stood in the incredible Edinburgh Castle, looking down over the city below as the sun sets and the lights of the city begin to bring it to life.

  I let out a sigh and soak it all in. I want to remember how this moment feels because I know what I have ahead of me isn’t going to be easy. Jay must sense my mood because he stands a little closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder. He doesn’t say anything but I know he’s thinking the same.

  Chapter Seven

  “Skittles, wake up. We need to get going,” Jay whispers.

  I stretch out my aching legs and groan at the prospect of getting out of this incredibly comfortable bed. “Another hour?”

  “You’ve already had that.”

  I groan again.

  “Come on, you can sleep in the car.”

  I begrudgingly swing my legs out and pull my aching body to a sitting position. I have a quick, hot shower to try to freshen myself up but I’m still sleep fogged, which is seriously unlike me. There’s something about having Jay sleeping next to me that seems to solve my sleeping issues. I’m not looking forward to my long sleepless nights returning when he’s gone.

  The last forty-eight hours were by far the best of my life. Exploring a city as amazing as Edinburgh with Jay was a thing dreams are made of. I’ve wanted to see the city for years and I’m so glad I never made the effort before, because this has been perfect; even with my now exhausted body after walking god know how many miles. Jay doesn’t seem to be affected one bit, but then I guess he’s trained for a little more than just walking around a hilly city; his toned body certainly points that way. He looks as limber as ever while I hobble my way out to the car to start our long journey back down south. He hasn’t told me where we’re going next, and I’m more than happy for it to be a surprise.

  I think I make it about an hour into the journey before I’m asleep again. I’ve never been able to sleep when travelling before and I put my new ability down to Jay’s presence.

  I wake up and fall back to sleep more times than I can count; songs on the radio blur into the next one and the view hardly changes as we fly down the motorway. The only constant is Jay sat next to me, silently driving. He feels my stare every time I glance over and immediately looks back at me. It makes me sad because although he smiles, I can see the dark clouds he’s been trying to keep hidden resurfacing. He’s had a couple of phone calls over the last two days that’s he’s excused himself to answer, and when I’ve asked about them, he’s tried to play it off like it’s nothing, but I can tell it’s not. I asked if it’s his mum but he said as far as he knows she fine, but the only way to tell for sure is to turn up because she doesn’t answer the phone unless it’s her dealer. I’m not sure if he was exaggerating, but I’m hoping so.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” I ask for the millionth time
.

  “Yes, stop worrying. We’re nearly there.”

  I sit myself up and look out the window to see a Welcome to Cambridge sign approaching.

  “Cambridge?”

  “Yep. You loved Edinburgh and this place has some great history too, so thought you’d like it.”

  “Jay, what the hell?” I ask when he starts heading up a posh driveway I would assume is to some fancy manor house, only the hotel sign at the entrance was a bit of a giveaway.

  His answer is to shrug at me. I’ve tried my hardest to pay my way but other than the odd meal and a couple of coffees, I haven’t succeeded. It bothered me in the cheap B&Bs we stayed in, but this place looks like it’s going to cost a bloody fortune.

  I let out a sigh as Jay pulls the car to a stop in front of the grand building. As I take in its vastness, I feel the weight of our impending separation pressing down on my shoulders.

  “Hey,” he says, reaching up to grab my cheek. His hand encourages me to look at him, and when I do, I see his face drop at the sight of the tears in my eyes. “I want to treat you, okay? I want you to have something to—”

  “Remember you by,” I whisper, cutting him off.

  He instantly gets this guilty look on his face so I know I hit the nail on the head.

  “I’m sorry, Erin.”

  I’m not entirely sure what he’s apologising for. It could be a number of things but I feel the need to do the same. “Me too.”

  “Come on then, I’ve already reserved a room.”

  “Jay, it’s too expensive. Let’s just go and find a B&B.”

  “No,” he snaps, a little more harshly than intended if the look on his face is anything to go by. “I’ve got this all planned.”

  “Okay.”

  * * *

  “I have a room booked under Baxter,” Jay says to the lady behind reception.

  They continue chatting about the booking but I zone them out in favour of looking at the interior of this incredible hotel. The building’s ancient and inside’s just as gorgeous as the exterior. The decorations around reception are all deep ruby and gold. Butterflies flutter in my stomach as I take in the appearance of a couple of guests. I don’t fit in here in my worn jeans, scuffed boots and slightly bobbly jumper. I pull my sleeves down over my hands as I start to feel more and more out of place.