Dancing With Danger (Danger Incorporated Book 10)

by Olivia Jaymes

  I don't want that. I want to move on.

  Sadly, it wasn't as simple as snapping her fingers and making it all go away. But for tonight, she would paste on a smile and pretend that everything was just fine. It was the least she could do for Mallory. Liz didn't want to be the proverbial turd in the punchbowl. And she sure as hell didn't want to make this night, or any other, all about her. It was bad enough after what had happened at the bachelorette party last night.

  Celia sidled up next to her, two drinks in her hand. "I got you a soda. I don't think any of us want any more alcohol tonight. In fact, I'm on the wagon until the wedding."

  "Me too," Liz agreed, accepting the beverage. "I don't think I'll drink at the wedding, either. Sober is the way to go."

  Celia gave her a knowing look. "You're not carrying it today. That's good."

  The purse, of course.

  "I left it in the house."

  "Progress, but you need to cut yourself some slack. If I'd experienced what you've been through I'd need more than a purse full of weapons."

  "I've been looking for him today," Liz admitted. "At the diner, at the spa, on the streets. Even here, where he shouldn't be at all. He's dead and I can't stop looking for him."

  "You need to be kinder to yourself. If I were telling you this story, that's what you'd say to me."

  That was probably true but...

  "I would say that but I wouldn't understand how shitty this all is, and how tired you are of being stuck in the past."

  Tapping her chin, Celia smiled. "I have some thoughts on this situation. I'm going to talk to Mallory and Dani about them. Stay tuned. This might actually be something that will help."

  "I'm all for that. What did you have in mind?"

  Celia shook her head. "I won't say yet. I need to talk to them first. They may say that it's a terrible idea."

  "I've had several of those lately. Welcome to the club."

  "I'm not so sure about that. Things are looking up for you with your new career and now Noah. I think he's just what you've been needing."

  Liz couldn't argue that but the real question was... Was she what Noah needed? She had a terrible feeling that the answer was a resounding no.

  "Maybe we should talk about this later."

  Liz and Noah were sitting on the back porch of Dizzy's house. It was late and the barbecue was long over. Mallory, Celia, and Dani were in the living room relaxing after another long day but they would be turning in soon. Tomorrow was the last day before the "big" day and they had a great deal to do - all the last minute details before the wedding including viewing the flower arrangements at the florist, the cake at the bakery, the final meeting with the wedding planner, and of course, the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Liz was tired just thinking about all they needed to do.

  Note to self. Elope.

  "I know it's late," Noah replied with a grimace. "I hate to bug you with all of these details."

  Then why are you still doing it?

  Uncomfortable. That was the word for what she was feeling. She was uncomfortable with all of his questions.

  "This isn't the best time. I'm tired and the girls are ready to go to bed. I should be, too."

  Hours ago. Emotions were exhausting, especially fear and anxiety. She felt like she could sleep for a week.

  "I just want to make sure that you get what you need, and I'd like to start working on it as soon as possible."

  It was the pottery studio Noah wanted to build for her in back of his house. He'd peppered her with questions since they'd arrived home and now, she had a nasty headache, making it difficult to concentrate.

  Not to mention be in a good mood. When she was tired, she got cranky.

  "I know, but honestly I'm afraid that if I answer your questions right now that I'll tell you wrong. I'm done thinking for the night."

  She tried to make light of the situation, pushing back gently at Noah's insistence. He was being incredibly generous and accommodating and she didn't want to seem ungrateful, but...

  She didn't want to talk about it right now. Maybe tomorrow. Or the day after. What was the hurry? Why was he pushing this at eleven o'clock at night?

  "You're right, it is late. I could always travel with you back to Denver and take a look at your setup myself."

  He'd mentioned that before but she hadn't been sure he was serious.

  "Could you leave the ranch?"

  "I don't like to do it often, but I could. I have an excellent second-in-command, plus my dad and uncle would love a chance to get their hands dirty. Not sure if my mom and aunt would be all that thrilled, though. They're supposed to be retired."

  Liz was of two minds about Noah accompanying her back to Denver. Part of her loved the idea of having him with her, but there was another part of her - a small part - that was beginning to be quite vocal tonight. Speaking louder and louder, drowning out all the other voices. It didn't think that any of this was a good idea.

  None of it.

  "I could always just take pictures for you."

  "That would probably work, although it wouldn't be nearly as much fun."

  Could a human being jump out of their skin? Was it possible? Because if it was, she was definitely going to do it. Jump right out of this chair, run around the backyard, and scream at the top of her lungs.

  She needed space and time. She needed...to be alone.

  "It's late," she blurted. "Can we do this tomorrow?"

  I'm in a bad mood and it's only getting worse. Please go home, Noah, before I say something stupid and hurtful.

  Too late. She'd already hurt his feelings. She could see it in his eyes.

  Dammit.

  His arm had been around her shoulders, but now he'd withdrawn it before levering up from the porch swing. Shit, she'd upset him and that's not what she'd set out to do.

  "We can do this tomorrow."

  Sighing, she rubbed at her pounding temples. "I'm sorry, Noah, but I'm tired. It's been a hell of a day and I'm exhausted. I can barely think straight. I promise I'll be more myself in the morning."

  He turned away from her so he was looking out onto Dizzy's backyard. The moon and stars overhead did little to illuminate his features. He could be furious or fine. She had no idea.

  "I'm getting the feeling that you don't want me to go to Denver with you."

  He wasn't fine, that was for sure. He didn't sound furious either, but the words came out clipped and chilly. He wasn't a happy man, and it was all her fault. Everything was her fault.

  "I'm not saying that."

  She'd barely had any patience when they'd started this conversation and she was just about at the end of it now.

  "I'm getting the feeling that you're pushing me away."

  Scraping her hands down her face, she groaned inwardly. There was no getting around this. They were going to argue.

  "I am pushing you away. For tonight. I'm exhausted and frankly, in a lousy mood. It's been a shitty couple of days, Noah, and I need to sleep. I've said it once but I'll say it again, I'll be a new person in the morning. Please give me some space tonight."

  He didn't want to. She could see it in the tense line of his body and his stubborn chin, illuminated by the porch light. What was his deal? Why was doing all of this tonight so important?

  "I'm not trying to make things more difficult for you." There was hurt in Noah's tone and she'd put it there. He didn't understand and why should he? She barely understood herself. All she knew was that she needed to crawl away and lick at her wounds for a little while. Alone. "I genuinely want to be there for you, Liz."

  "I know you do," she replied as patiently as possible. She could see it was in Noah’s nature to be protective. She loved that but not right now. "And I'm grateful for that. But I'm asking you to give me some space. I just want to get some sleep."

  He stepped forward into the light and now she could see his whole face. It was right there. He wasn't bothering to hide it.

  Fear. It was an emotion she knew all too we
ll.

  Fuck and hell.

  What she didn't know for sure was what he was afraid of.

  Was he afraid she wanted far more space than he was comfortable giving?

  Was he afraid that she wanted permanent space?

  Was he afraid that she'd have Kenneth McGuire sightings when he wasn't here?

  Or was he afraid that she would always be this emotional basket case?

  He wasn't alone on that last one because she was afraid of it, too.

  "Noah, I know you're trying to help and I know that you want me to be okay, but I'm telling you that I need some space tonight. Can you give it to me? Please?"

  Her heart plummeted when indecision crossed his handsome features. He was pushing her and she only had one response to that action.

  Stepping back. It was the inevitable reaction, all instinct. Her mind and heart might be telling her to stay but that voice in the back of her head was loud and difficult to ignore.

  "I can," he said, his head hung in defeat. She'd disappointed him. It was probably the first time of many. "I just wish you could share this with me."

  "I've shared more with you than I have with just about anyone else. I can't give you what I don't have. You're asking me to tell you how I feel and I'm trying to tell that I don't know yet. When I do, I'll tell you."

  Noah moved toward the back door and then paused, placing his hand on Liz's shoulder. It was strong and warm and oh so tempting. It would be easy to curl up in his arms and pass on her problems to him. Let him worry about it all for awhile, be the strong one. But it wasn't his burden to carry. This baggage belonged to her and she had to deal with it.

  "I'll walk you to your car."

  Without another word, they walked through the house and out the front door. Noah had parked in the large driveway and they stood next to his driver's door, both of them looking for the right thing to say.

  I have to make this right. Make it better.

  "I know you just want to help me," Liz said again. "It's just...it seems that you think helping me means solving it all and making it go away. I'm not really sure that's how it works."

  Noah was a great guy but he wasn't a superhero. She didn't expect him to be one, either.

  "If you need time and space then I'll give it to you," Noah replied, his voice gruff. He hadn't looked her in the eye in far too long. "I just..."

  Want me to be better...fixed. There. I finished that sentence for you.

  "I'll call you in the morning."

  Should they kiss or hug? Hell, maybe shake hands and slap each other on the back? Liz didn't have a clue as to how she was supposed to act at a moment like this. She had a sudden urge to kick him in the shins for being a stubborn jackass.

  I'm not asking for anything that's unreasonable.

  He leaned down and brushed his lips over hers once and then climbed into his truck. She stood in that same spot until long after the red taillights disappeared into the darkness, her heart aching in her chest.

  Love hurt.

  Yes, love. She loved Noah Anderson but she didn't like him much at the moment. He didn't understand that she wasn't a broken clock that just needed a few parts to be good as new. Love could do many wondrous things but it couldn't make her world all better overnight. It had only been a few days and he was already beginning to lose patience.

  Was she fooling herself that they could make this work?

  24

  "He's really dead."

  No beating around the bush. Noah's cousin just laid it out there, quick and to the point. Jason had sent him a text early the next morning and that's why Noah was sitting in his cousin's kitchen drinking coffee and nibbling on a cinnamon roll.

  "Okay, you seem very sure."

  Jason stood and refilled his coffee cup. "I am sure. I talked to the warden personally. He saw Kenneth McGuire's dead body. In fact, he was there when he died in the infirmary. McGuire didn't even make it to the hospital because his injuries were so serious. He's definitely gone."

  Heaving a sigh, Noah had to surrender. "So that's that. Thank you for checking again. I know that I'm a pain in the–"

  "Nah, forget it. I see where you're coming from. I would have done the same for Brinley."

  "I'm still grateful. I can tell her that he's one hundred percent gone and he won't be coming back. I hope that will ease her mind a bit. She was upset last night about thinking she saw him again."

  "I would imagine that she would be."

  "I wanted to stay with her but she said she needed her space."

  Noah was still stinging from that and it must have showed by the look on Jason's face.

  Pressing his lips together, Jason rubbed at the back of his neck. "Can I give you some advice? From someone who understands what your girlfriend is going through."

  Jason had worked for the DEA and had been taken prisoner by a drug cartel. After he'd escaped, he'd struggled to deal with his trauma for a long time. Being with Brinley had helped, but ultimately, he'd needed professional therapy to move past it.

  "I wouldn't mind some advice. In fact, I'll take all the help I can get at this point."

  "You can't help Liz."

  Wait...what?

  The look on Noah’s face must have given away his shock at his cousin’s statement. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that. What I meant was, the person that has to help Liz is Liz. You can be there for her, you can support her, you can be her biggest cheerleader but when it comes right down to it, she has to do the work. Some of it just takes time and some of it takes a hell of a lot more. But I know you, and I know how you think. You want to solve Liz's problem. You want to take action and fix it, make it all better, but it isn't that simple. You can't do A, B, and C and then she'll be good as new."

  "I don't think that," Noah said defensively. "I'm just trying to help her, which apparently was the wrong thing to do last night."

  Jason shook his head. "Because you weren't going to be any help. That's why she asked you to leave."

  "I told her I could just be there for her," Noah argued. "She said she needed to be alone."

  "Then leave her alone," Jason shot back. "You can't fix her issues just be being in the same room with her, and stop questioning that she knows what she needs. After this much time, she knows. The fact is she may never be the person that she was. She may always have some trauma from what she's experienced. Shit, there are nights that I can't sleep a wink or that when I do fall asleep, I have a nightmare. That may happen when I'm old and gray. We're a product of what happens to us. Liz has been through more than many. You have to be okay with who she is right now, not who she was or who she might be in the future."

  "I am okay with who she is," Noah replied. He sounded defensive because that's how he felt. Was his cousin accusing him of only wanting Liz if she was all better? "I'm fine with it."

  Jason quirked an eyebrow. "I just want you to be sure, because the last thing that woman needs is for you to say that you are and then later you aren't. That would set her back and she doesn't deserve that. So you need to be okay with her carrying a gun and checking out the people around her and generally being suspicious wherever she goes, but she can't promise you that she'll stop doing it. Even if she does stop, that doesn't mean it will be forever. She could see, hear, or even read something that triggers those behaviors. And for the love of all that's good and holy, if she needs some time alone, give it to her. Christ, it's not that much to ask."

  Noah hadn't heard that many words from Jason in...years. Maybe never. He'd always been quiet, but since the drug cartel he'd become even more introverted. But always watchful. It was as if Jason was taking in everything and everyone around him.

  That fact slapped Noah in the face. Hard.

  "Do you still feel that way?"

  Already knowing the answer, Noah waited for his cousin to reply.

  "I do, although it's different from day to day. I can go months and it's no big deal, then one day...it is."

  "It doesn't show much
."

  Chuckling, Jason grinned. "Because I've learned how to hide it. Some things will never go away completely, though. Brinley understands."

  "So this is a warning?"

  "Call it a gentle reminder that life isn't as straightforward as we'd like it to be. One of the things that we all love about you, Noah, is that you're so laid back and relaxed. It's a great quality, but you've fallen for a woman who doesn't have that luxury. Every day feels scary and full of peril."

  And my being there won’t change that. Fuck. What have I done?

  Noah understood what Jason was trying to say. What Liz was going through...he couldn't truly get it, but he would need to be patient. There would be good days and bad ones and he'd need to adjust.

  To be honest, if it were any other woman but Liz Noah would be gone. Out of there. He'd be giving them the old, "It's not you, it's me." But with Liz? He wanted to be there. He wanted to do the work even if it was tough.

  Holy shit, I'm in love.

  He hadn't seen it coming but damn, he wasn't unhappy about it at all.

  He'd tell her today. Just as soon as he apologized for giving her a hard time last night.

  Liz stood next to the bed and stared into her empty suitcase. After a sleepless night, she'd pulled it out from the closet and placed it open on the mattress.

  Contemplating. Thinking. About leaving.

  She didn't want to go, but there was a vocal part of her deep inside that was screaming for her to run. Far and fast. She was dreaming if she thought her relationship with Noah would work out. She wasn't good for him, and it would only end in heartbreak for them both.

  "Does it do tricks?"

  Whirling around, Liz saw Dani standing in the doorway. Her friend entered and quietly closed the door behind her as Mallory and Celia were still asleep.

  "Is it okay if I join you?"

  Liz tried to stand in front of the suitcase but it was a lost cause. Dani had already seen it.

  "Of course."

  Dani pointed to the luggage. "So...does it?"