by Jaye Cox
"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"
"Fuck you. What the fuck was that in there?"
"That was none of your fucking business. If you know what’s good for you, then you need to fucking run and call Tommy to pick you up."
"No. You want a whore, then I can be a whore. Is that what you want, Rayne? You want your cake and eat it too? Well fine!"
"You want me to fuck you like one of these whores?"
"Yes," I say, calling his bluff.
"Fine, but don’t say I didn’t fucking warn you. This life isn’t you - you’re much too good for this."
"Save the Isabella’s perfect speech for someone who cares." The small glimpse I got of my Rayne is gone as quick as it was there. He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder, slapping my ass so hard it nearly brings tears to my eyes, but I won’t give him the satisfaction. Let’s see if he can really treat me like a whore.
"Be ready to leave in ten, boys. This won’t take long. I love me a sweet, tight little pussy," he yells out over his shoulder. He opens a door to another room that’s basically empty besides a couch and a large table covered in money, bags of drugs and a crate with guns. Once fully in the room, he slams the door behind us and with one big swipe, he clears the table of the money and drugs and drops me on the floor.
"Get up, take your clothes off and bend over the table with your legs spread. I’m still sitting on the floor, thinking he can’t be serious. He raises his voice this time, "Get off the fucking floor and get naked, now." I stand the best I can. My legs don’t want to cooperate. I know he wouldn’t hurt me and this is what I asked for. He gave me an out and I refused to take it. I love him and I know he loves me. I’ll make him see I can fit into this life, if that’s what he wants. I slowly take of my clothes "Faster, I don’t have all night."
"Fuck you. I’m trying." He steps toward me and grabs me by the back of my neck, forcing me down on the table.
"This is what you wanted and I have no fucking choice now. It’s too late to back out," he whispers in my ear. I hear him unzip his pants with one hand on my back holding me still and with the other hand he spreads my legs. He isn’t gentle as he rams himself inside of me and with every fierce thrust the table bangs up against the wall. I feel the tears ready to spill out of my eyes, so I just close them and wait it out. He runs his hand up my back and winds it through my hair, pulling it back so if my eyes were open; I’d be able to see his face. "Open your eyes and watch me fuck you." I open my eyes and the tears I was holding in slide down my cheeks.
"Don’t cry, babe. You wanted this. You wanted me to treat you like a whore.” I don’t say anything as he continues to fuck me. I know tomorrow I’ll be covered in bruises. Are drugs really so good that women will let men degrade their bodies like this? I know he’s finished when I finally feel his weight ease off my body and hear him do up his zipper. I turn to look at him and he looks more fucked up than he did when he first saw me here.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. For what I really don’t know, but there I go, always trying to make him feel better. He doesn’t reply and then he picks up my clothes and throws them at me. I think I see a tear in his eye. I’ve never seen him cry before, but I’m almost certain I see tears. I go to reach out but he yells at me, "Get dressed and get the fuck out of here. I’m done with you. I never want to see you again so fucking leave already.”
"Please don't do this. I'm sorry. I thought this is what you wanted," I beg him.
"I fucking warned you, didn't I? Just go - I don’t love you, Isabella. It's time you realized that," he says to me. Where is my Rayne because even though he is standing in front of me, he just looks like a shell of the man I knew. I throw on my clothes. I’m not even sure they’re on properly, I just open the door and speed walk out. I can feel him watching me, but I won’t cry. I won’t show him he just broke me. Without him, I’m just boring old Isabella. I won’t go back to being her; I can’t now. I’ve known what it feels like to feel whole, so how does one go on living with half of themselves missing? I see the kitchen is empty so I decide to go out the back way and call a cab. On the way out of the kitchen, I see the alcohol and the drugs and think why the fuck not? Maybe it will numb my pain. A decent looking guy, not much older than me, walks into the kitchen, “You ok?” he asks politely.
"No. I need to get fucked up so I can forget my own existence, and I need to go home."
"I can help you with the getting wasted part. Here, have a few lines," he says handing me a rolled up twenty.
"Thanks. I’m Isabella."
"Ty," is all he says. I do two lines just like I have seen people do in the movies and hand him back the rolled up note, he grabs a few pills and a bottle of rum, “Let’s go get wasted." I look at him, a bit unsure if I should leave with a guy that hangs around Razor.
"I won’t hurt you. I’m not like those guys, scouts honor. Or you could take your chances with them if you want."
"No, I’ll take my chances with you. Even if you did try to murder me, it wouldn’t hurt as much as what I just went through in there." We go out the backdoor and he takes me to the big shed out back. I realize there’s a car inside; a Monaro as far as I can tell.
"She’s my baby," he says. Once in the car, he drives us out of the yard and I’m grateful for his help getting me out of there. I never want to see Rayne again.
The coke must start to kick in because I feel great. Ty drives down the highway and I stick my head out the window. "This feels fucking awesome. You should try it, Ty?"
"I’m driving, but you go ahead." I get back in the car and open the rum, taking a huge swig. Ty hands me a little pill and I don’t ask what it is, I just take it.
“So where do you want me to drop you off?"
“I want to go to the beach. Will you take me?"
"Sure. My only option is to go back to those losers, anyway."
"Why stay if you don’t like them?"
"It’s complicated, Razor took me in and everything was great, until our brother turned up."
"Rayne?" I ask.
"Yep, that’s the one, and he’s not so different from Razor, either."
"I just found that out tonight." I start feeling down at the mention of his name. Why? I hate not knowing why. How is life worth living when the man you love doesn’t want you and throws you away like trash? We pull up at the beach and its pitch black, only the headlights from the car light it up. “Let’s go skinny dipping." Let’s call Tommy and see if he wants to go skinny dipping, I dial his number but drop my phone in the sand, but I don’t care. The phone is forgotten and I start to strip of my clothes. I don’t want them on my skin any longer because it makes me sick just thinking about them. “Come on, Ty! Get naked and let’s go."
"Isabella, I don’t think you should be swimming. You're pretty drunk and high."
"Shut up. You sound just like them, always telling me what to do. Fuck you all! What’s the worst I can do? Drown? Well so what - maybe I want to die, would that be so bad? At least it would take all this fucking pain away. If he won’t love me then I’m dead anyway. I just don’t care anymore... I don’t fucking care!" I scream at him a little louder then I intended, and poor Ty doesn’t know what to do.
"I’ll get you a blanket and I take you home," he says, walking behind the car.
I don’t wait, I take off running toward the water because I don’t want to go home, I want to stop thinking. Why would he treat me like a slut and cheat on me? It still feels like I have been stabbed in the heart. I walk out deep enough so that I can go under. It’s peaceful underwater. How nice would it be to be a fish just swimming around all night. If I just stay under for a little while longer, it would all be over. Why go back? My father and Tommy and the disappointment I would have to see on their faces, and no Rayne? The pain I would have to feel without him. Just stay under, Isabella, and you won’t feel any more pain, I hear a little voice in my head say, I’m sure it is the drugs talking. When my head starts goes fuzzy maybe he was r
ight, swimming wasn’t a good idea. I feel like my arm is pulled and some yelling, but the fuzziness is too much and takes over.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
RAYNE
I watch as my Tiny Dancer leaves. Why did I fuck her like that? I’m an idiot I should’ve just made her leave, but once she challenged me, I had no other choice. The room I fucked her in has surveillance, so Razor would have known something was up. I needed her to leave. It’s too dangerous here for someone like her. She’s way to innocent for this lifestyle; the drugs, guns, alcohol and the men who don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her. Fuck, I don’t even deserve her with all the lies I’ve told. I just hope tomorrow she’ll forgive me, even if I have to spend the rest of my life begging for her forgiveness.
"Let’s go boys," I hear Razor yell. I can’t stand him; he makes my blood boil. Brother or not, I’m glad after tonight this shit will be over. I’ve spent a long time planning for this night and I can't let anything, or anyone, stand in the way of getting it over with. Being back here disgusts me. After my dad went to jail, I was hoping Razor would turn his life around, except he didn’t. He got worse and I swore I would get revenge for everything him and my dad put me through. They ruined me, and I was just a child.
I’m glad I turned my life around but as teenagers, we both lived with our dad. We thought he was so cool and at first he was. He gave us money and anything we wanted. We didn’t know how he got his money and why would we, Razor and I were just kids. I always thought my mum was just being a bitch and hated dad for no reason. Razor, or Bobby as I called him back then, was my best friend. We did everything together, even though he was four years older than me, he always let me tag along with his friends, until I was thirteen. By then, he and Dad wouldn’t let me go anywhere with them so I started to rebel against everything and everyone, including my mum. She had remarried when I was four, and had Boston when I was seven. It’s around that time I went to live with my dad because I hated that mum had moved on. When I was fourteen, I had figured out what Dad and Razor were doing, so after begging I was allowed to help them sell drugs and the women were great. What fourteen year old wouldn’t have loved the attention from different women? I started doing drugs and drinking as well that same year and by the time I was sixteen I was failing school and was ready to chuck it in and just sell drugs. The money was great and I could do whatever I wanted, but that all ended the day my mum and James hired lawyers - the best of the best - just shy of my seventeenth birthday. Long story short, I ended up in rehab and lost all contact with Dad and Razor. The only issue was, I had made contacts in the drug world that Razor wanted and as long as Dad was running the show, there was nothing he could do about it. Once Dad was in jail, I did visit him a few times and Razor happened to be there one time. I gave him my number to catch up, hoping he had changed, but nothing had. If he had just straightened himself out I wouldn’t be here right now, making sure they get what they deserve. He just wanted to use me to try to get the contacts back, even though it had been years. He had blackmailed me using Abigail, to bait me into helping him. The fucker had to pay. What sort of sick fuck messes with a teenage girl by getting her wasted then texts me pictures? That’s something I will never forget; poor Abigail. She doesn't remember much from that night. Razor didn’t obviously drug her himself, so she has no idea it was him, he used Ty to invite her and her friends to a party. It makes me sick, thinking about what he could have done to her. When I ran with Razor and his guys, the sick things we did, including sharing women, was crazy. They were so hooked on drugs and couldn't afford to pay the debts they owed so anything went; they had little to no choice. I was just a kid and let it all get to my head. I would have done anything I was told to do. In that few years, I had fucked so many junkie whores I lost count.
"Asshat let’s go. We don’t have all fucking night. That bitch must mean something to you; fucking your mate’s girl must be a rush, hey?"
"Fuck you," I say, ready to knock some sense into his thick skull. Morris just puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a look as if to say not now.
Razor grabs his gun as Morris and I follow his lead. You never know if you’ll need back-up when dealing with dealers, and Mario isn’t someone you fuck with, even though he took a liking to me when I was a kid. I managed to hook him and Razor up. As long as I went along, Mario was happy to do the drop so it all worked out perfectly. Originally, Sam was supposed to be here with me, but my brother doesn’t trust woman. All they are to him are whores he can fuck and throw away. It was too late to bring anyone else in and we would have had to wait until Razor trusted someone else to come with us, and I know Morris knew how to take care of himself. He was more than happy to come and help me set Razor and Mario up. I have a lot of hatred toward Mario - he’s the king of anything drug and gun related. He’s also made sure he got young girls hooked on drugs just enough that they would keep coming back and little did I know he also started doing the same to me. One of the only friends I had, she was a good girl and eventually he turned her into a crack whore. She died from an overdose and I blame myself. She was only sixteen, but what was I supposed to do? I was a just a junkie kid who sold drugs for his Dad and fucked his whores to pay off their debts. When I had heard Mario was wanted and they could never pin him for anything and the same week seeing Razor at the jail, I knew I would finally get my chance at revenge and I would have done anything short of selling my first born to make sure he paid. I knew the stupid old man would want to meet up again. He used to always say I was like a son to him, and that makes me laugh now.
We didn’t have to go far since the warehouses in the industrial areas are around the corner. Mario and his men are already parked and standing next to two black vans loaded with the guns and coke we were about to buy. Razor has been on edge all day. He needs this to run smoothly so Mario will work with just him since he knows this life isn't for me anymore. He has a new little sidekick, Ty, our other brother I didn’t know about until a few months ago. He seems like a good kid and I hope the words I had with him were enough to make him leave tonight and not come with us. Since he isn’t here, I’m hoping he packed his shit and got far away from all this. I know he hates me and thinks I’m just like Razor, but I hope when this is done, he’ll see I’m not so bad.
Razor pulls up the truck as close to the vans as he can. Morris stays in the truck while Razor and I get out. "Mario, good to see you again," I say, trying to sound as convincing as possible as he pulls me into a hug. I’ve had to spend time with Mario over the last few months to build a relationship with him. The only good thing about it has been his wife, Maria. She’s a lovely lady and I actually missed her and remembered why I put up with all the crap Mario had done.
"Mario, this is my brother, Bobby."
"Your brother? Tell me you’re taking over for your father. I wished Rayne would take over, but he tells me he plays in a band and wants to be some famous rock star now."
"You can blame your wife, Mario. She put ideas in my head every time she fed me."
"That woman will be the death of me. Bobby, let’s go talk business. Rayne, help my men unload the vans, would you?" I walk over to the men by the vans. The biggest one of them all opens up the boot and it’s full of boxes. We unload everything into the truck and I remember when I use to be one of the kids who stacked the trucks for him. I use to hate it, but my father always made me do it to keep Mario happy. I see Mario and Razor shake hands and watch as he passes Mario a briefcase full of money. They both walk back over to where the truck is, "I think I like this bother of yours, boy." I just want to get out of here. I’ve done my part and now I want out, to go and try to fix the mess I’ve made of my life. Next thing I hear is someone yelling, COPS! Mario and his men run toward his car and a few other guys take off toward the vans.
I run to the truck that Morris has already started and Razor isn’t far behind me. Morris takes off behind the warehouses but it’s no good they have us surrounded. "Fuck," Razor yells, "I'm screwed!” Ra
zor jumps out of the van and starts running and so do we, but the cops are everywhere. I don’t get far when I get clothes lined by one of them and fall on my ass and dragged back to where they’ve started to gather everyone. Morris is thrown down next to me on the ground and handcuffed. I see Mario and his men didn't get away either. Gunshots are fired but I can't see where they are coming from. We’re told to not move and stay on the ground. I try to see what’s going on and hope Mario doesn’t get away, or all this would have been for nothing. Everything I have done to Tiny Dancer comes back and haunts me in full force, all the times I treated her like crap because I was worried I was in over my head, and stressed. I finally had everything I had ever wanted right in front of me, and threw it away, for what? To get a few guys locked up that won't stop selling drugs that will find a way to do it from jail anyway? I should feel good I got the revenge I wanted, but I don't. I’m still the fuck up I always was, and that really shouldn't surprise me.
Back up comes and this time it’s uniformed police, not just detectives. They round up all Mario’s men and start taking them away. I can hear a few of the detectives talking as they walk past, and from what I can tell, no one has gotten away. My phone has been constantly buzzing in my pocket for a good five minutes. One of the officers loads Morris and I in the back of one of the unmarked police cars. Morris breaks the silence, "What do you plan to tell Tiny Dancer? I don’t know if she’ll forgive you this time."
"Everything and hope by some miracle she forgives me for what I’ve done and all the lies―I fucked up, big time. Why did I have to go and fall in love? I don’t do love."