by Jaye Cox
I must have fallen asleep eating my toast last night, because I wake up with it everywhere. I do however feel a heck of a lot better than yesterday. I change my sheets and take a hot shower before heading down for breakfast. Scarlett and stoner Jake are sitting at our table waiting. The breakfast hall is busy; I would say there are at least twenty people staying here at the moment, and its Friday, Pancake Day.
"She rises from the dead," Scarlett says, as I take my seat
"Scarlett - bad choice of words" Jake says, shaking his head at her.
"Bitch please, she knows what I mean and I know you snuck out and got wasted, so eat your pancakes and shut your face."
"Bitch, I know where you go at night and with whom," Jake throws back at her, I just laugh. They’re so funny even though all they do is bicker. I’m so hungry it’s crazy. Note to self; don't skip food for a day.
It's finally ten, and Ty is allowed to come in. I sit outside and wait for him in the garden, since it’s nice outside today, and because he has to walk past me to get to the main house. I watch him walk up, and as much as he and Rayne have similar traits, Ty is different. He has swagger in a bad boy way, but with his thick black rimmed glasses it gives him that hot nerdy guy look, which still comes across in a don't fuck with me way. His body language changes when he notices me, his shoulders relax a little and he almost looks nervous. "Hi," he says looking up at me from behind his glasses
"Hi, thanks for coming," I respond. We sit in silence and it’s not an uncomfortable silence it’s just nice, and after about five minutes he says, “I would love to be friends with you Isabella. Why don’t you tell me about your life and I will tell you about mine, then maybe we can help each other not be so screwed up. Maybe we could eventually get to a place where we could rely on each other."
I tell him I would love that, but I won't replace Tommy. Lately I don't feel like Tommy gets what it’s like to not be the person you're expected to be. I know as a teen, before I was in high school, he used to get in trouble, but we’re adults now. I need a friend like Ty who understands, and will pull me out of that dark place. We talk for what seems like hours. He tells me about his childhood before his mother committed suicide and his life after that. About how he went to live with Razor when he was old enough to leave foster care. He was reluctant to mention Rayne, but I tell him its fine, we agree we won’t talk about him unless it’s necessary. I tell him about how Tommy and I met and we’ve been best friends ever since. He is shocked nothing has ever happened between Tommy and I, until I point out he wants to be just friends. Then when I ask him if he has ulterior motives to our friendship, he’s honest and says if Rayne had never been in the picture, he might’ve put on the moves. That makes me laugh. He’s a goofball. We talk a bit about our future. He wants to restore old cars and has been looking for a job since Razor was arrested. He decided that that lifestyle really isn't the path he wants to continue on, and what I had done that night reminded him of his mother and the life she would’ve wanted for him. The only bad thing is, now he has no place to live and is crashing from place to place. I still have no idea of what I want to do. He lets me cry on his shoulder over feeling like I have not only lost friends, but like I have lost my new family. I love them all; Dex and his stupid old jokes, Romeo and his smartass mouth, and Morris and Sam always being there. I tell him about wanting to find my own place when I get out, about my fantasy as a child wanting to own a little cottage-style house with a typical white picket fence and a tire swing out front. He laughs at me; he doesn't understand why a little rich girl wouldn't want the luxury of a huge house like where he imagines I grew up. I can't believe how comfortable I am around him. As much as I love Tommy, we know everything about each other to the point where we are like brother and sister, not best friends. I like how easy it is to be around Ty; he makes me feel happy and I need happy.
"Here's an idea; why don't we find a place to share for when I get out of this place?" I suggest. I know it’s crazy since we only just met, but I like being impulsive, I like Ty and he saved my life. I owe him for being there when I needed someone in my darkest moments.
"Are you serious? You would want to live with me?" he says a little shocked.
“Yep, why not? I need a place to live and so do you. I think we would make awesome roomies, as long as you're not a serial killer or anything."
"I promise I won’t kill you and chop you up into little pieces," he says with a chuckle and snorts.
"Oh my god - you just snorted and laughed at the same time." I say, laughing. He actually blushes and tells me to shut up.
"If you're sure, then I'm game," he says after his little embarrassing moment.
"Awesome sauce!"
"You tease me for snorting and you say awesome sauce?" he teases back. We talk more about where we want to live and he tells me he doesn't have much cash saved up since most the money he made went into his car. I tell him not to stress about money since I have enough money to cover us if it comes to that, but he insists he’ll have a job by the time we find a place. Before he leaves he tells me he’ll start seeing what’s available and will see me soon and to make sure to call if I need anything. One visit from a new friend has given me reason to look forward to what comes after I get out of here.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I get to go home today, I’m so excited. In the last two weeks I’ve been talking with Phillip, my counsellor and I’ll continue to see him as an outpatient. He thinks I’ve made some progress in coping with my feelings. I had a few visits from my father and Tommy, neither of whom was overly happy about me moving in with Ty - mainly because he is Rayne’s brother - but I assured them it will be fine. Of course they’re both sceptical. They also came to a session with Phillip, where he explained to them the pressure I feel around them both at times and I need to feel independent. That helped and they left more open-minded about my moving out. Their last visit was two days ago and they’ll be here today to pick me up.
Ty has also visited me twice more, and has told me that he has managed to get himself an apprenticeship as a mechanic and has already found a few living options for us. He took a gazillion notes on how I envision the house and I tell him I want it simple - nothing fancy, the material things don't matter to me. I have major butterflies in my stomach, which is making me nauseous. Not sure why am I nervous about going home, I will be fine. I have Tommy, my father and now Ty. Scarlett and Jake stop by to say goodbye and as expected Scarlett makes a huge emotional scene with lots of hugs and tears. She makes me promise to visit at least once a week, and I give her my mobile number to add to her call list. Once the last of my things are packed, I stop by Phillip’s office to say goodbye and he reminds me he will see me next week.
Tommy and my father are waiting when I walk outside, I can't wait to get home and sleep in my own bed, my soft comfy bed and fluffy pillows. My father puts my bags in the car and Tommy hugs me a little too hard, "I missed you so much," he says.
"I saw you two days ago," I reply, rolling my eyes.
"Seeing you in there, Isabella, was not the same. We missed you a lot," my father adds.
"I missed you too, Dad. Enough of this, let’s get out of here." We’re finally going home. I send Ty a text to let him know.
ME: I'm out; I'm a free woman
I put my phone away and after ten minutes of listening to Tommy and my father debating who the best footy teams are, I realize we’re not headed home.
"Where are we going?" I’m trying to get them to listen.
"It’s a surprise." Tommy says with a cheeky smile
"You know I hate surprises."
"That's why we didn't tell you, Bells," Tommy laughs.
I have missed this, a month away from everything was great to clear my head, but just enough to make me home-sick. After twenty minutes of relentless nagging about what my surprise is we pull up in front of a house I don't recognize. "What are we doing here?" I ask hoping one of them will answer.
"Visiting," Tommy says.
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"Oh for shit’s sake, will someone tell me what’s going on?" I complain, as I follow them up to the house.
"Watch your language, Isabella," my father scolds me.
"Dad, I said shit, I think that’s okay at nineteen." Tommy knocks on the door and I give up trying to get anything out of them. The door flies open and I hear heaps of people yell surprise, still confused as to what the surprise actually is, we walk in and I see Ty along with Sam, Morris, Dex, Romeo, and even Paulie is here and I start to cry. I didn’t think I would see any of them again except Paulie and Ty. I thought of them all as my friends, but after what happened between me and Rayne. I never expected them to be my friends still, I thought they would take his side. Ty walks over and gives me a hug
. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize this might be too much for you," he whispers.
"I'm not sure what this is exactly, but these are happy tears. I thought they wouldn't want to be my friends anymore," I explain.
"Tiny dancer - we all love you. We stayed away because we thought with everything that happened you wouldn't want to see us," Romeo says, as Sam elbows him in the side.
"I love you all too but why are we here exactly?" I ask hoping someone will answer me this time.
Dex turns me around and I see a Welcome Home banner. Home? I turn to look at Ty. “Home?" I ask.
"I hope you don't mind, but the house was perfect and when I looked at the place there was another couple interested in wanting to buy it then knocking the house down to rebuild. I couldn’t let that happen. This is the house you described to me but now I might be starting to doubt that." Cue me getting emotional again. He is so sweet; how did I get so lucky in the friend department, when I was so unlucky in the relationship one?
"Let’s go look at our new house." I smile at him.
His look of doubt turns to excitement, like a little kid at Christmas. He takes me outside, showing me the old and rickety fence, that with some paint and a few nails, he’ll turn into my white picket fence. He drags me in his excitement to the big gum tree in the front yard and explains how he can make me my tire swing. With everyone following behind us, he points out the empty gardens and the flowers we can plant, just like he used to do with his mum when he was a kid. We go through the house inside; which is simple - no clutter - he is so proud of himself. He picked out the couch, just a simple brown corner lounge with big fluffy pillows. He says the lady at the store conned my father into buying them because girls love pillows. That makes me laugh; my father in a store buying pillows. The kitchen is nothing flashy, all the basics you need in a kitchen, and none of the big fancy gadgets I hate and have no idea how to use anyway. My room is beautiful; he has painted it a beautiful light blue already and all my stuff is here. My bed is huge and full of more pillows, which makes me laugh. When I ask if that was my father again, they all laugh and nod. God - he is a sucker. We go out the back once again and Ty is so excited he is dragging me behind him. The back deck is huge, the yard is a good size and a big hole has been cut in the corner of the deck.
“What’s with that?" I want to know.
"That’s where I plan to bury you after I chop you up into little pieces, silly," Ty says.
"Hardy ha ha," I respond.
"It’s for the barbeque, Isabella," my father points out, like I should’ve known. Of course it is and it could’ve just been a normal one you go to the store and buy - but no, he has to have the biggest he can find.Ty tells me the owners are happy for us to fix the place up. They have had to move into a retirement village and wanted someone who would love the house as much as they had over the years. They just got too old to fix it up and when he told them about my visions, they had no doubt we were right for the house. Everything about the house is perfect; sure, it might need a bit of love to get it back to how it used to be, but so do Ty and I. We are both a bit messed up right now, but in time we’ll all be back to some kind of normal. "It’s perfect, thank you all so much," I say.
"You really like it? I wasn’t sure, some girls hate not being able to be in control, but I didn't want us to miss out." Ty looks at me for reassurance.
"I love it, Ty. How did you get all this stuff? Please don't tell me you spent all your money on this?"
"Only some of it - your father insisted he help with your half and wouldn't let me pay for anything. He said it’s a father’s job to look after his children," he says, as he leans in and whispers in my ear, “He even called me son, it freaked me out and Tommy told me he never likes anyone." I whisper back that he doesn't. Maybe, some good really has come out of what happened. Sometimes shit happens and you just have to make the best of the bad situation.
Out of all the crap that happened, I still have my life; my family, my friends and I even gained a new friend, as well as a new beginning. I know Rayne is my kryptonite, my weakness, and I will always love him. I don't think I could ever love anyone the way I do him. But I need to love myself first, to figure out who I am, before anyone can love me the way I deserve to be loved. I also hope Rayne moves on with someone who will love him as much as I do, someone who can see him the way I do but he also needs to love himself and realize bad shit might have happened to him but it doesn't define him. I don't want to be the old me again or the new me, I want a balance of both and I think I will find that here with Ty.
Sam and Morris go inside to put some snacks together and after a few minutes, when I go in to see if they need a hand, I catch them in a heated discussion.
"We need to tell her the truth, I don't want to lie anymore."
"Sam, we agreed we would wait, she only just got out and she is happy; this could set her back."
"The longer we leave it, the more she will hate us," Sam says.
"We all agreed," comes from Morris.
"No, you all decided and I had no say." Sam complains.
This is getting out of hand and I head back outside. We are all dealing with this now, I don’t want anyone pussy-footing around me anymore. "Sam, Morris, get your asses out here now," I yell. Everyone looks at me like they think I’ve lost my mind. Sam and Morris come out and put the snacks on the table. "Everyone sit," I say pointing at the table.
"I will start by saying stop treating me like I'm too fragile to handle whatever it is you need to say. Also, Rayne is part of most your lives and I’m ok with that. Now - someone better start talking." They all look at each other and shrug.
Sam starts by explaining that none of them are who I think they are. Apparently they were undercover; something to do with Razor, but it’s all so much to take in. Sam explains she’s a police officer, Dex really is a tattooist, Morris owns his own gym and does professional fighting, I don’t catch what type, and it seems Romeo is a clothing designer.
"What about Rayne?” I ask
"He is a police officer too, Tiny Dancer, we’re sorry we couldn't say anything," Dex says.
"What about you Ty, were you lying to me as well?" I say through my tears.
"No, I really am me. I had no idea about any of this until now," he says.
"Did you know Tommy?" I say looking at my best friend hoping that he didn’t know either, but he doesn’t say anything. "You fucking did; that’s why you had all of those secret talks with Rayne and the fight. Shit, that’s why you asked me about Tommy, isn't it Sam? And their fight to make me question them, I'm an idiot, everything could have been different.” I don't think anyone can understand how it feels when the people you love betray you, unless you have been there. When you understand why and you don't want to be angry with them, except you have no control over it; especially Tommy, he had no reason not to tell me, he is my best friend! He should’ve said something. "You should’ve told me, you're my best friend and you just watched me fall in love with him, at some point I deserved to know," I say, looking at my best friend like I don’t really know who he is anymore. “How did we get here to the place where we lie to each other?”
"It wasn't my secret to tell, Bells. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry,
everyone’s always sorry, everything could have been avoided. I fucking did so many drugs that staying under water seemed like a good idea. I loved, no - I love him that much and when I thought I wasn't good enough, that he didn't want me, I felt like my life wasn't worth living without him. When we met and he looked at me, I instantly knew he was the other half of me - everything I never knew I was missing until I met him and now all I feel is empty, and you're sorry? The best thing that came from all the lies was Ty; the only person who had the balls to tell me how it was. I want you all to leave, I need to process everything and I can't do that with you all here.”
They all apologize again and I know they’re sorry, but right now I need time to go over everything. I tell my father I’ll call him tomorrow and apologize for my break down. He says he would have done the same and I feel like maybe for the first time in my life my father and I might have a chance of a normal relationship, one where perfection doesn't matter.
Ty also gets up to leave. "Ty where are you going?" I ask.
"I thought you might not want me here," he answers.
“I want you here, and you live here. If I need to be away from you, I have a bedroom."
"Thanks, Isabella. “
"Call me Bells - Isabella makes you sound like my father."
"Okay Bells, do you want to watch some sappy chick flick and eat a crap load of junk food until we feel sick and fall into a food coma?"
"Sounds like an awesome plan to me." We do lounge around and watch movies as well as eat a crap load of popcorn and chocolate ice cream until I fall asleep. I feel Ty carry me to bed and he must think I’m asleep because he kisses me on the head and says he is glad I came into his life; he needed a friend and promises to never let anyone hurt me again. I don't let him know I’m awake, I feel like I would be intruding on his private thoughts, but I smile on the inside because I’m glad he was the one with me that night. I believe people come into our lives for a reason and I think Ty has a purpose in mine. I will look back one day and know that reason, but right now he has helped me more than he will ever know.