Outwait

by Lisa Suzanne

  I need to stay here in San Diego. I need to help with this acquisition. I need to stay here for the people who depend on me at Baker Media.

  And Carson needs to stay in New York. He’ll be taking over King Communications before the end of the year. That’s within the next six months.

  I tried to convince my dad this is a good thing. I wanted to do anything I could to soften the blow, and convincing him that King is a reputable company who will do everything in their power to take care of our employees was my first step.

  I draw in a deep breath. “I guess I should go.”

  He nods. “I don’t want you to go, but you can’t stay. As soon as you’ve talked to him, call me. If you need anything, call me.”

  “I need you to kiss me.”

  “I’m trying so hard to do the right thing by you. I need to kiss you. I need to feel you.” His eyes darken. “I need to fuck you like I need air to breathe, but I won’t touch you until I know you’re only mine.”

  My heart soars for this man I don’t even know, this man I somehow know better than anyone else does. “I’m already only yours,” I say softly.

  He closes his eyes like he’s in pain. I don’t want to be the one inflicting pain on him, yet I am. I have been since the day we met, just like he’s been inflicting pain on me, but it’s the kind of hurt we need to experience to grow stronger, like the pain you feel the day after a particularly rough workout that strengthens your body. This pain is strengthening our hearts, tying them together and binding us in a way that no one else will ever know.

  I lean forward and press another soft kiss to his scruff, loving the feel of him under my lips, wanting so much more. I memorize his scent. I memorize his heat in this proximity. I think about what’s hidden under that white t-shirt that I’ve seen and what’s hidden under those jeans that I haven’t.

  “I’ll go,” I say. Disappointment washes over me, but he’s forcing me to do the right thing, and I know that while walking out of his hotel room is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, I’ll always appreciate the fact that he stopped me from doing something I shouldn’t be doing when I’m engaged to another man.

  He blows out a breath and I step toward the door. I feel his eyes on me.

  “Bye,” I say before I place my hand on the doorknob.

  He strides across the large room toward me, his eyes hard and hot. He grabs my shoulder and turns me before shoving me up against the door. His lips are suddenly on my neck, his scruff rubbing fire against my skin.

  I lean my head back to give him more skin to work with and close my eyes as I relish the feel of his tongue. Yes. This is what I want, a lifetime of this—Carson King’s tongue anywhere on my skin, taking me, owning me, loving me.

  A soft grunt rumbles up from his chest. He forces himself away from me with a low growl, his eyes cast down to the floor.

  “I…I’m sorry.” He looks up at me, and his eyes are so full of fire that I almost feel their burn. “I couldn’t let you walk out that door without knowing what you taste like.”

  I don’t have words to respond to the lust he’s aiming at me, so I open the door and rush out before I do something I might regret in the morning.

  As I walk down the hallway, I realize the third finger on my left hand is as bare as it was when this night began.

  I left the fucking ring on the dresser in Carson’s hotel room.

  CHAPTER 33

  CARSON

  As soon as the door clicks shut behind her, everything catches up with me. I’m alone with my thoughts and a bottle of whisky, and that’s a dangerous place to be.

  She says she’s ending things with the lawyer. She says she wants to be with me.

  God, she felt good. It took every ounce of integrity I have to stop myself from fucking her against my hotel room door. It took every ounce of willpower not taste her pillowy lips.

  Thank God she left when she did, because my self-control was a weak thread that was about to break.

  I flick off the lights, pull off the shirt she made me put on, and walk toward the window with my bottle of Macallan as my only companion.

  I must be a whole lot stronger than I realize, which gets me thinking.

  I need to talk to my father. I need to tell him the truth—that I don’t want to be CEO. It’s too much responsibility for someone like me. I should be thankful that I’m being handed a prestigious position and the reins to a multibillion-dollar company.

  It’s not that I’m not thankful; it’s more that it’s just not for me.

  I do love my work, really, but it has consumed me for the better part of the last eight years. It has turned me into a monster in many ways. I think back to the legend Sylvie brought up. My great-great-grandfather didn’t make time for a woman in his life. He worked hard, dedicating all his time to his job almost until it was too late.

  I’ve done the same thing. I take women for a fun ride for one night because I haven’t wanted to invest the time it takes to cultivate a meaningful relationship. I wonder if great-great-grandpa King was a player in his day. I wonder if he got what he could wherever he could get it and moved on to the next one in line. I wonder how he knew my great-great-grandmother was the one.

  I wonder if the man from Denny’s would be proud of me tonight.

  I shake my head.

  I wish she’d come back. I want to kiss her. I want her soft, satin skin beneath my fingertips. I want to slide my hand up her thigh as I embark on a quest to see if she was telling the truth about not wearing panties.

  I need to do something about this enormous boner she gave me. I hold the bottle in my left hand, take another sip, and unbutton my jeans with my right hand. I reach in and fist my cock. I want Sylvie’s hands wrapped around me, want to be in her mouth, but it’s not the way tonight was meant to turn out.

  I move my hand up and down slowly while I think about her, feeling like I’m going to explode. I tighten my grip on the bottle in my left hand. This feels so good, stroking myself while I imagine it’s her, wanting it to be her. I haven’t had sex in way too long. I miss sex…but I don’t miss the women I was having it with. I miss the closeness, the pleasure, that feeling when my balls tighten up and I’m about to lose myself. I miss the intimacy, the softness of a woman’s skin, the taste of a cunt. Sylvie’s must taste like heaven.

  My balls tighten, the sure signal that I’m seconds away from coming, and seconds before my release rips through me, a knock sounds at my door.

  Fuck.

  Do I finish?

  Who the fuck is here?

  I tip the bottle back for another sip and set it on the table then tuck my aching dick back into my jeans and button them back up. I need this release, and my balls throb as I walk across the room to see who the fuck had the nerve to interrupt my one-man sex show.

  I peek through the hole in the door, and there stands Sylvie, looking as anxious as she did when she arrived earlier.

  My heart lifts and my balls burn.

  She came back for me.

  And I’m about to come for her—or inside her, or on her. Whatever.

  I throw the door open and don’t wait for her to walk in. I grab her by her bicep and yank her into my room before slamming the door shut. I trap her against the door aggressively. “You’re back,” I whisper.

  “Yeah, I…uh…” She trails off nervously as I run my fingertips up her arm and simultaneously attack her neck with my lips. She came back for me.

  Fuck integrity. Fuck doing the right thing.

  I need her. I need to be inside her. She will be mine.

  All I can think about is sex. Sylvie. Sex with Sylvie. Sex. Relieving the searing ache in my balls.

  I nip at her neck and kiss my way up to her chin. I’m centimeters from her mouth when she puts both hands on my chest to halt me.

  I stop immediately and take a step back from her heat. “What’s wrong?”

  “I thought you wanted to wait.”

  “That was before you came back.”

>   She holds her left hand up, the back of her hand facing me.

  I look at her in confusion. “What?”

  “I left my ring on your dresser.”

  My heart drops somewhere into my stomach. Not only do I feel like an idiot for completely misreading the situation, my balls still ache and apparently she’s not here to take care of that for me.

  I take another step back. “Oh.” It’s all I can manage to say.

  “I’m sorry.” She lowers her voice. “I want this. I want you. Those things you said before? About needing to kiss me? Needing to…fuck?”

  I look at her, and I can’t help it if my eyes are filled with need for her.

  “I need all of that too, but you’re right. I’ll be back for you the second it’s over with him.”

  I shake my head. “That’s not what I want. I don’t want to be the sloppy seconds, the consolation prize of your breakup. I don’t want to be your rebound. I want you to take your time, to get over him so you’re free to be with me.”

  “You will never be a rebound. I’m doing this for you, for us, so we can see what this is—because it’ll be worth it. We’ll overcome this mess together.”

  I nod dejectedly as I turn my eyes to the floor.

  I feel her fingertips on my jaw and I lean into her touch as I close my eyes. “Hey,” she says. I look up at her. “We’re gonna make it. Just give me a little bit of time.”

  I ache to kiss her as she walks past me to get the ring off the dresser. She holds it in her hand instead of sliding it back on her finger. She walks back to me. I feel her fingertips on my jawline before I feel her lips there, and then she heads for the door.

  “Don’t go,” I whisper.

  “I have to. Please don’t ask me again. I’m only human, and I’m weak. I can’t stay. Tonight the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.”

  I nod. She’s right. She slips out the door, and it’s just me and my bottle of whisky once again.

  Before I can change my mind, I text my father. It’s late in New York, so he’ll get it when he wakes up. It’s time for me to prove I’m an adult, not a scared little boy afraid to confront his father. It’s time for me to tell him the truth.

  Me: Are you free for a late lunch this afternoon? I need to talk to you.

  I send it and toss my phone on the dresser, knowing it’s Sylvie’s strength that led me to this moment.

  CHAPTER 34

  SYLVIE

  I should’ve stayed even though it would have been completely wrong.

  I slip William’s ring back onto my finger as the doors to the elevator close, trapping me inside and carrying me at once toward the man I don’t want to be with and farther from the man I need.

  My phone vibrates in my clutch. I pull it out.

  William: Where did you go?

  I suppose I’ve been gone a pretty long time. It was a fifteen-minute walk to get here, and then I spent some time here—not to mention the fact that I ran out of the ballroom to find Carson but ended up bonding with his brother by the pool.

  Me: Sorry. I’m on my way. Got tied up talking to some people.

  It’s not a lie, exactly—just not the whole truth.

  I grab a cab back. I don’t have time for another fifteen-minute walk, and my feet can’t take it anyway. I collapse into the back of the cab for all of two minutes before we pull up in front of the hotel. William is in there, and my parents are in there. People I barely know who we touched with our engagement are in there.

  I’m terrified to face any of them. I want the quiet solitude of Carson’s hotel room. I want his arms back around me. I want his heat warming me and his fingertips on my skin. I want his lips back on my neck and my hands on that strong, sexy jaw.

  I’ll have all that, I will, I just need to do this first. I need to set right everything I so royally screwed up tonight.

  I pay the cab driver with a generous tip. At least one person here deserves a good night.

  I stand in front of the hotel and draw in a deep, strengthening breath, and then I allow my legs to carry me toward William.

  I walk into the room and immediately spot him at our table. It’s empty except for him, and he’s scrolling on his phone. The crowd has thinned. I glance toward the table where Carson sat tonight, and it’s empty, too.

  “There you are,” he says with a smile when I walk in and sit beside him. He barely glances up from his phone to greet me. “Did you hear them call your name for the raffle? You won a prize.”

  “I did?”

  He nods.

  “What did I win?”

  He sets his phone down on the table and looks at me. “Where were you?”

  “I told you, I was talking to some people. I guess I lost track of time.”

  “Who were you talking to?” His tone is accusatory.

  My eyes dart around looking for the right answer. Good Lord, I could never actually have an affair. Thank God I’ve done all of this the honest way, because truthfully this one minute of him putting me on the spot has me feeling dizzy with anxiety.

  “I was talking to Carson King.”

  His eyes narrow in my direction. “I didn’t even realize he was here.”

  “He was, along with several other members of the King family.”

  “You’ve spent an awful lot of time talking to Carson King recently.”

  I nod. “He’s about to be our boss, William.”

  “He isn’t yet.”

  “You’re right, he isn’t.” But I think I love him.

  I leave that last bit out.

  “What’s going on between the two of you?”

  “Nothing,” I mutter.

  “You’re wearing a ring that says you’re going to marry me. This isn’t the time to lie.” His voice is harder than I’ve ever heard it.

  “Can we please not have this discussion here?”

  “I need to ask you a question.”

  I so badly want to respond with sarcasm: Didn’t you already ask me one tonight? I refrain and just look at him with my eyebrows raised to prompt his question.

  “Are you cheating on me with him?”

  “No. I haven’t cheated on you.” Not because I didn’t want to, but because it wouldn’t be right to start a relationship with Carson when I’m still with you. I did it for him, not for you. “Can we please go home?”

  He taps out something on his phone, presumably calling our ride to the front of the hotel, and then he stands. “Say goodbye to your parents. They’re still here somewhere.”

  Yes sir.

  I glance around and find them by the bar chatting with Hoffman Lindor. William and I walk over to them together. He places his hand on the small of my back as if he owns me, and I bet he just wishes Carson were still here to witness it.

  Well I wish Carson were still here, too.

  “We’re taking off,” I say to my mom.

  “Look at the parents outlasting the lovebirds,” she says with a smile.

  I lean in to give her a hug so I don’t have to respond.

  “Thanks for a lovely evening,” I say to Hoffman. “Your events are always top notch.”

  “Thanks for saying that, and don’t forget to claim your prize at the raffle table before you leave.” He leans in for a hug. “Congratulations to both of you.”

  I want to scream as loud as I can. I want to yell and tell everyone they all misunderstood what happened. I NEVER SAID YES, and now I have to figure out how to break that to William—though after our little heart-to-heart at the table, I’m not entirely convinced he’ll be surprised.

  I hug my dad next, and I unexpectedly feel tears threaten. I’m a daddy’s girl through and through, and I think how disappointed he’ll be when I break up with William, never mind the fact that I’ll be sleeping with the enemy…coupled with the fact that his health could start declining rapidly at any given moment. It’s all a little overwhelming, and it all hits me as he hugs me. This man right here, this man hugging me, he’s a great reminder tha
t we never know what’s going to happen tomorrow, and we can’t waste time in this life. It’s too short.

  I pull away and swipe at a tear.

  “What’s wrong, honey?” he asks.

  I shake my head and force a smile. “We’ll talk soon.” He looks at me with concern, and I wave to both my parents. “You kids have fun.”

  William leads me to the raffle table, where I discover I’ve won, out of all the fucking prizes in the entire world that were offered at this event, a luxury, first-class trip for two to New York City.

  *

  When the limo drops us off at the home we share, I can’t help but think I should be the one to move out. I’m the one ending it, so I’m the one who should be forced to start over. I’ll sell my half of the house to William and he can have it…or maybe I won’t. Maybe he can just have it with no strings attached.

  I don’t really care at this point. I don’t know where I’ll go, but I do know it won’t be here for much longer.

  William lets us into the house and heads right for the staircase.

  “Can we talk?” I ask.

  He stops and turns back toward me. “I’m tired. Let’s make love now and talk tomorrow.”

  I shake my head. “I have some things I need to say now.”

  He looks surprised at my assertiveness, and frankly, before I met Carson, I’m not convinced I’d have had the guts to talk to William like this.

  He sits on a step about halfway up the staircase, and I’m at the bottom looking up at him. It’s another power play, but I hold more cards in this game.

  “Talk,” he says. It’s reminiscent of Carson’s blunt tone when I showed up unannounced at his hotel room, but for some reason, it just sounds funny coming from the much softer William. It’s ironic that William is the controlling one when he’s so much weaker than Carson. Carson is tenacious and difficult, and he sets me free in a way William could never understand.

  I rest my hand on the bannister. “We haven’t been communicating well, and I accept responsibility for that.”

  “I’m glad you can admit it.”

  What a jerk.

  “I moved into the guest room because I was mad at you. I’m still mad, William. I know tonight was supposed to be about a restart, but you took it a whole hell of a lot further than a restart. It’s like you restarted with your foot already on the gas and accelerated to six hundred miles an hour.”