Emma Ever After

by Brigid Coady

  Jamie did look adorable, biting his lip and looking up through his lashes at Dan. Emma kept quiet as they discussed the pros and cons of the last album, arguing over which was their favourite track.

  She found herself looking round the kitchen. She didn’t see it as a kitchen though, she saw it like one of those large battle plans, that commanders would lean over and push little tanks around on, with long sticks.

  Her main objective had been achieved. Good. She found herself squinting into the distance. The two forces she wanted to engage were now in conversation. But that didn’t mean that she could ignore what else needed to be done. One conversation didn’t necessarily make a relationship. She looked around for reinforcements or any small romantic skirmishes she could help with.

  Her gaze skittered over Gee. She ignored him, she didn’t want to drag him into her plans. He was like the UN observer; she knew he wouldn’t interfere in any of her plans if she left him alone. Maybe she should get him a light blue beanie? It would look good against his black hair, she mused.

  She quickly pushed thoughts of him from her head and concentrated on the rest of her colleagues. Because that was who was really in here. She hadn’t invited any real friends.

  Who would she have invited? And should she have done?

  Mostly she hung out with Gee and his friends, a mix of disreputable over the hill musos and the occasional producer, she supposed they were her friends too. And there was Johnnie, of course, Gee’s old band mate and then there was Mick. Actually, it was good that Mick wasn’t here. Of all of Gee’s friends he was the most famous and she wasn’t sure these people wouldn’t have lost their cool. Mick hosted the highest rated national radio breakfast show and had recently moved into TV presenting.

  Any music person or actor in their right mind wanted to be invited on his show. Even if it meant he ripped them to shreds.

  Yeah, it was a good thing Mick was missing.

  Harry and Lew were in LA, and she missed Lew’s cynical but sympathetic opinions and Harry’s hugs. Even if they refused to introduce her to Austen Wentworth.

  She had friends from uni, Keris and Katey, who’d been in halls with her. But what did they have in common anymore? Keris had a plan like hers, cutting out anything extraneous that distracted her from getting to the top, from becoming partner in the law firm she’d sold her soul to. And Emma could understand that. It was something you had to do if you wanted to make sure you had security, safety.

  And Katey, well, she just wasn’t focused. She only wanted to talk about her waste of space boyfriend, Gary, who was in a dead-end job. What was it again? God, it frustrated her. Didn’t Katey know she couldn’t rely on anyone but herself in the end? Sure, it was great to take off for a weekend to Glastonbury, for fun. But she could do that later, when she had roots and a stable career plus a roof over her head.

  Enough of that, she tried to shake off her melancholy. This was not the time for that. Who else here needed her help?

  She watched as one of the women who led Digital Strategy waved her hands as she talked passionately near the cooker to the intern from Analytics. He had a boyfriend but she knew the digital strategy lady was like her, she had a plan. But, Emma’s mind raced, moving onto work. The woman was great at digital strategy, maybe she could help out with the Breach Of The Peace boys. She’d need all the help she could get for them. That was if she ever worked out who they would be fauxmancing with.

  She let the sounds wash over her. Nothing needed nudging into place at the moment, everything was going swimmingly. She could stop moving metaphorical tanks over her battle table for the moment. She started to sift through names of female celebrities in her head.

  Diana Tomlinson, she mused. Well, she was maybe a bit older than who she needed for the boys, although she had some great publicity coming out of Les Dalrymple’s version of Pride and Prejudice last year, the one that starred Austen Wentworth.

  Ah, but there was that rumour that she and Olivia Styles were on the verge of coming out. No, that wouldn’t do the boys any favours. And she couldn’t see it working plus the fan bases were too far apart. It had Hiddleswift levels of nonsense written all over it.

  Jillian Mansell’s name leapt into her mind. Nope, Emma remembered as she sipped her wine. Jillian had tested very badly when they’d been looking at her for the hook up with first Will Elliot and then Phil, which was why they’d gone with Brooke in the end.

  Phooke were back from honeymoon now of course. She got out her phone and made a note to talk to Jamie on Monday to arrange some public dates to showcase the happy couple.

  Tomorrow was going to be a serious research day if she was to have any hope of building a decent set of plans for the boys in time for the meeting next week.

  She could still hear Will’s voice telling her to ‘bring it on’ whenever she wanted to throw in the towel.

  ‘Don’t you think?’ Jamie said and touched her arm.

  Emma came back to the conversation with a jolt to see both of them watching her.

  ‘Sorry, missed that?’ she said.

  ‘We’re saying that we should try out that new cocktail bar that opened in Hoxton next week,’ Dan said. ‘You know the one, it has the unicorn glitter theme.’

  ‘That sounds great, you two should definitely go,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, we thought you’d enjoy going.’ Jamie said looking a little crestfallen. ‘It has unicorns.’

  Did he not understand anything? She swore it was like herding cats to get Jamie to realise that she was trying to give him time with Dan. Unicorns or not.

  ‘Okay, wow, unicorns. That sounds great, why don’t we sort out dates on Monday?’ Emma covered. It seemed that she couldn’t let these two sort things out for themselves. It was a pity they were too old to play games like Spin the Bottle. Mind you, it would be easier if she could treat them how she had her dolls when she was a kid. Pick them up and bang their heads together so they’d kiss.

  Free will was all very well but it made her life much more difficult.

  Dan excused himself to go to the loo, his hand grazing Emma’s shoulder as he left. Maybe she should’ve moved Jamie to sit where she was. More chances for accidental touching. But it was too late to worry about that. She needed to move this one on. She didn’t like to do this, it was clunky and overkill, like running a tank over an egg to break it. In her head, she manoeuvred a Panza division over the hills onto her battle plan and into range.

  ‘Jamie, you know he is completely into you.’ She went for the jugular. She was only exaggerating the truth slightly, surely. Sometimes you had to seed the idea for it to happen.

  ‘He is?’ Jamie looked surprised. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Of course I am, he can’t take his eyes off you. I swear that shirt is perfect for you. Really has made him see you as more than just a co-worker.’

  She wasn’t lying; what she did was spin possibilities, stories that had a kernel of promise to be true. Sometimes you had to show people the end point before they could get on board. If she got Jamie believing that Dan was into him, he would flirt more. This in turn would get Dan engaged, and so the cycle would go on, and all by saying a few key words.

  She wondered if she’d be thanked in their wedding speech. They’d look good for a winter wedding, both of them could take rich reds and greens.

  ‘I suppose he is good looking,’ Jamie mused. ‘And he has got great taste in music.’

  ‘He’s perfect for you.’ She didn’t add, ‘so much more than quiet mousy Rob’.

  ‘Do you think?’ He was watching Dan stroll back into the kitchen as if he owned it. She had to admit, Dan left her cold, there was something slightly repellent about him, as if he were looking down his nose at people. He was probably shy, she thought. What was the type of dog he reminded her of?

  She smothered the voice in her mind that was saying he was a shallow arse, and that Jamie deserved better. It sounded a lot like Gee.

  ‘Absolutely,’ she lied.

 
Dan smiled as he walked towards where they were pressed together whispering, he looked predatory. Almost underdressing Jamie with his eyes. She wanted to clap her hands together and squeal.

  ‘Hey, what are you two conspiring about?’ Dan joked.

  ‘Nothing,’ Jamie said slightly breathless.

  ‘I’m not sure I trust the two of you together?’ Dan’s flirting was heavy-handed but Jamie lapped it up.

  ‘Excuse me.’ Jamie left to ‘freshen up’.

  Dan moved a bit closer. Well, it was hard to hear over the voices.

  ‘I think Jamie looks great in that shirt, don’t you?’ she said as she watched him walk out of the kitchen.

  ‘Yeah, sure.’ Dan said.

  Had he even looked?

  Okay, Dan might be a harder sell than Jamie but she could do this. She’d managed to get Phil, who had notoriously said that he’d never date a singer again after a disastrous relationship, to marry Brooke. She’d created the Phooke phenomenon. She could make people believe black was white. It was the way you sold it, after all.

  What was Dan’s soft spot? The one thing that she could flatter him with?

  ‘Jamie was saying how much he admired that presentation you did last week on audience segmentation?’ she lied. It had been dry, boring, and all he had done was regurgitate facts that they all knew.

  ‘Oh, really?’ Dan’s chest puffed out and preened.

  Bingo, she thought. He obviously thought he was an intellectual.

  ‘Yes, we were discussing which part we thought was the best. I thought it was how you explained the breakdown of fan behaviour as being like ice cream flavours they like, but Jamie was particularly taken with your analysis of the LGBT+ fans.’ In reality, his analysis had been horribly clichéd for someone who was gay. But just because you were part of a group didn’t automatically give you insights into the audience, she thought. She hoped Jamie would go with her bending of truth, she had no idea what he thought about Dan’s presentation. In fact, maybe he’d slept through it. She had a vague memory of Jamie jolting awake at the end and knocking her knee. She’d only kept awake because she’d begun craving a chocolate ice cream part way through.

  ‘I put a lot of thought into it. I know how important it is to have LGBT representation and to build allies,’ Dan said winking at her again.

  Maybe he had something in his eye or a tick she wasn’t aware of because it would be a bit weird to think he didn’t know that representation and allies were important. Had she drunk too much – or had he?

  She spotted Jamie weaving his way back.

  ‘Jamie, I was just telling Dan how much you liked his presentation last week.’ Jamie looked confused.

  Did she have to do all the work?

  She widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows. Get the hint.

  ‘Oh, yes. Fantastic.’ Jamie started nodding and then smiling sweetly when he realised what she was doing.

  Okay, this was when she pushed them together, the grown-up equivalent of seven minutes of heaven. She couldn’t lock them in a cupboard…

  ‘Dan, maybe you can mentor him about it all, give him the lowdown? I’m happy to let him spend some time with you?’ Actually, she wasn’t, because with this new project she was going to be working long hours. But the path of true love, or at least proper partnerships, never ran smooth. And she was a sucker for getting things right, romance or no romance.

  ‘That would be great,’ Jamie gushed. Not that he needed mentoring in understanding audiences, he had a natural knack for it. But it looked like he was beginning to understand what he needed to do to get his own audience of one. At long last. One day maybe she wouldn’t have to draw a map for him to get there.

  Emma looked up to find Gee staring at them.

  She waved.

  He rolled his eyes and turned away.

  Chapter Eleven

  ‘I have to go,’ Dan said an hour later. ‘It’s been great but, well…’ He turned his mouth down in an exaggerated moue. Thank god, she thought. Every time she’d tried to leave them alone to talk to other people, one of them would stop her from leaving.

  ‘Oh, that is a pity. Jamie, didn’t you say you had to leave too?’ she lied.

  Within ten minutes, Jamie was sharing an Uber with Dan, Emma having told them both that it really was very easy and convenient for the car to detour via Stoke Newington to get to Primrose Hill. It wasn’t that far out of their way. Hell, worst case scenario, she would pay one of them the difference in the cab fare.

  ‘But what about the shirt?’ Jamie whisper-shouted as she slammed the door on the white Prius. She wasn’t taking any chances that one of them would not get in the car.

  ‘Yeah, what about my shirt?’ Gee said from behind her. She looked back briefly to see him standing on the front door step.

  ‘I’ll text him and tell him to bring it into work on Monday.’ She said, turning back and standing with her arms folded watching the red taillights as they disappeared down the road.

  And hopefully Jamie would have a great story to tell on Monday. She hoped Dan would be gentle with the shirt, he didn’t seem to be a ripper but you could never tell.

  ‘I don’t think you’re going to get what you want out of this,’ Gee said as he slowly walked down the front steps to stand next to her. The warmth of his body called to her. Sometimes being the only one in charge of making a happily ever after was too much. Trying to get people to fall in love with the right person was exhausting. It was so tempting to give in and to lean on Gee.

  She stood straighter.

  ‘I don’t want anything out of this,’ she said. This wasn’t for herself. It was because she merely wanted everyone else to have a calm and comfortable, stable life. Nothing messy, not where they had to date any number of unsuitable people who left them or broke their heart. If Emma could bypass that for them then she was happy.

  That was the point of plans. Casualties were kept to a minimum.

  ‘I know you want to everyone to live in the structured, sterile world you’ve constructed but it doesn’t work like that,’ he said

  She could feel her body tense and her skin flush with irritation as she stepped away from him. How would he know how it worked? He’d never tried the safe and sensible way. If there was a messy or uncomfortable way of doing something he found it. And then bleated on that it was all because he wanted to be truthful.

  Why didn’t he get it that the truth could hurt, both yourself and everyone around you. White lies didn’t hurt anyone, they greased the wheels. There was nothing sterile about it. Wanting a calm, orderly life was what everyone should have.

  ‘And don’t give me that look.’ He held his hands up, as if in surrender, but she knew he wouldn’t let it go. ‘I know what you believe. I don’t understand it but I get why you think this is the only way. But taking all the ups and downs out of life doesn’t make you safe. It makes it stale. I know you think having a plan is the only way to go. But Ems, what happens when the plan doesn’t work? When things happen that you can’t plan for or bully into submission? All these rules and strategies you have, you use them as a barrier to keep everything at a distance. And the more you make, the further away you get from real life. I worry that soon you won’t be in touch with things anymore…’ His mouth turned down, as he frowned. It wasn’t the fake overly dramatic moue that Dan had used.

  That was the hardest part of it all, he really believed it. He prided himself on always being truthful, or at least what he thought was the truth.

  He looked so sad, his eyebrows shielding his eyes. A sad Gee wasn’t good. She hated it.

  Why couldn’t he leave her alone. Rules and plans were good things, they helped make a civilised society. And if she needed to fabricate some stories to make her plans a reality, who did that hurt? How did he think she wasn’t in touch with things?

  She looked at him again. Damn, she was still irritated with his preaching but she couldn’t help wanting to make him happy.

  ‘Don’t ruin my buz
z, Knightley.’ She didn’t want to argue anymore, why couldn’t they agree to disagree?

  ‘Nope, backing off Woodhouse.’ He wrapped an arm round her shoulders. The heavy weight settled on her, made her feel safe, and she wanted to curl into him. Leaning into him, she took a deep breath, settling further against him, letting him take her weight. She could feel her shoulders relax and sag. This was the best part of knowing him so long; he’d call it how he saw it, even when they disagreed, but he never left.

  She felt like she was home.

  ‘Are you sniffing me?’ He steered her back towards the house, and they both slowly climbed the front steps.

  She rolled her eyes and tried to trip him up as they reached the front door.

  ‘You need to stop watching those crappy werewolf shows, Gee. People don’t do that whole pack scenting thing in real life, and you say I’m out of touch with reality. I swear all the TV shows you watch are rotting your brain.’

  ‘Teen Wolf is a fine show with excellent writing,’ he said as he leapt over her foot, still holding her close.

  ‘Really?’ she scoffed.

  ‘Okay, maybe not the writing but no one can say no to the joy that is Stiles and Derek,’ he said pulling her close and kissing her temple.

  The touch of his lips on her skin was like a small spark that warmed its way through her as she revelled in his smell of expensive soap, Persil and the last linger hints of his aftershave.

  He smelt like home.

  ***

  There was an infinite number of women available to fake date the BOTP boys. But available didn’t add up to suitable.

  Emma sighed, pushed her laptop off her legs onto the cushion beside her and flopped her head back to stare at the ceiling. It wasn’t only how suitable they were, it was how would she and the team build up the story of the relationship? All the traditional ways to hint at people being in ‘a relationship’, the photos of the couple coming out of numerous Starbucks or frozen yoghurt shops or even the wearing each other’s clothes and jewellery had been done to death thanks to Taylor Swift and Kendall Jenner. Now you had to be more inventive to get anyone to believe it was more than a convenient marketing opportunity.