Roguelike

by Paul Bellow

  “Use a Scroll of Mapping,” Tabby said.

  “Give me a minute.”

  I pulled one of the two remaining map scrolls out of my backpack.

  The memory of the map is yanked from your brain.

  Huh? The map on my heads-up display didn’t fill in.

  “That’s weird,” I said. “No map.”

  “It’s a maze level,” Tabby said. “And you know what that means.”

  “Minotaur?”

  “Probably,” she said. “but I’m more concerned with the lack of catnip on this level.”

  I rolled my eyes at the hairless yet pretentious feline. My trusty companion.

  “Whatever we face, it’s bound to be tough. Regina better not show up to stop us.”

  “Maybe she wants to keep you from getting lower in the dungeon,” Tabby said.

  “No kidding,” I said. “Keep your eyes open.”

  I stepped forward, my new Goggles of Night Vision working well in the dark tunnel. With three chain lightning shots ready from Thor’s Hammer, I felt invincible.

  You notice a loaf of bread missing.

  “What?”

  I looked around.

  “Uh oh,” Tabby said. “A nymph will steal everything, even the crown from your head and the hammer from your hands.”

  “Why couldn’t we get an easy minotaur?” I muttered.

  “Maybe we’ll face both.” Tabby sauntered forward. “We should keep going.”

  “How did she steal that out of my backpack so quickly?”

  “They’re good thieves, Alex. Keep your eyes open.”

  “Maybe it’s the night vision glasses.”

  I took them off and rummaged in my backpack.

  You notice your bullseye lantern is missing.

  “Aw, come on,” I sighed then put the glasses back on.

  I jogged forward to catch up with Tabby. She turned left at the first T-intersection of the maze. The dark stone walls of the hall reminded me of a bad sci-fi movie set.

  “Do you know where you’re going?” I asked.

  “No more than you do,” she replied, still walking.

  “I wonder if the nymph will get anything else.”

  You notice a silver spoon missing.

  I whirled around, seeing nothing but tunnel.

  “Wait up,” I said.

  Tabby had already disappeared by the time I turned again.

  “Here kitty, kitty, kitty,” I whispered even though she hated it.

  I heard a roar then a meow a moment later. Tabby came tearing by me

  “Run!” she screamed, her voice fading into the distance as she bolted in the opposite direction.

  I ran back toward the stairs, wondering what was going on.

  When I reached the staircase, I saw her sitting five steps up.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, stopping. “What’s wrong?”

  I glanced over my shoulder.

  “Saw a dog with a bull’s head,” she said. “Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen. I think we should go back to the town outside of the dungeon for a while. Things are getting strange.”

  You notice a silver spoon missing.

  I turned, hammer in hand, and saw nothing in the tunnel.

  “Come on,” I said. “We’ve got to stop that nymph.”

  Tabby reluctantly followed as I moved back down the tunnel. I heard the bull-headed dog creature my companion had run from. Hammer raised, I kept walking.

  A tiny minotaur-dog rushed down the passage toward me, yapping the entire way. Tabby retreated behind me as I attacked, intent on doing mad physical damage.

  Your blow MUTILATES the mino-dog for 65 damage.

  Your blow MAIMS the mino-dog for 55 damage.

  The mino-dog yelps and runs away.

  I pulled my crossbow and shot a couple bolts, but both missed as the creature continued running. With the damage it took before running, I could guess at its total health. I ran after it. After a few hundred feet of hallway, I stopped to check on Tabby. She sauntered a few feet behind me then stopped.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “I’ve got a bad feeling about this place,” she said. “More than normal.”

  “You always say that. Come on, let’s try to find the stairs down to the next level.”

  You notice a silver spoon missing.

  “Cut it out!” I yelled. “I almost had the whole set of those!”

  As I turned around, getting dizzy, I still saw no sign of the nymph.

  “Where is it?” I asked.

  The walls shifted, blocking the way we’d come.

  “Uh oh,” Tabby said. “I told you this is a bad place.”

  “Save it for later.” I said, walking forward. “Tagging the walls won’t work if they’re shifting, so we should keep moving. I see why the map scroll didn’t work. That must be the puzzle of this entire level.”

  I gripped the leather handle of Thor’s Hammer of Lightning as I walked down a hallway. A wall shifted, and the mino-dog appeared. It yapped and rushed forward, surprising me and getting the first attack in.

  The mino-dog DISEMBOWELS you for 110 damage.

  You have [332/442] health remaining.

  Your slash MUTILATES the mino-dog for 98 damage.

  The mino-dog is dead! (+1000 xp)

  You have [73,500/75,000] xp.

  Wow. Little dog has a big bite. I’m a bit closer to leveling. The extra health will come in handy. I quaffed two potions to heal.

  You feel better.

  You have [394/442] health remaining.

  You feel better.

  You have [442/442] health remaining.

  I stared down at the mino-dog corpse. Should I take off the bull-horns? Could they be fashioned into a weapon or magic item somehow?

  You notice your Ring of Acrobatics missing.

  Off my finger? And I didn’t see her? Come on! This is cheating!

  I screamed a stream of profanities in frustration then ran forward, intent on finding the nymph and taking her out. Maybe I’d get lucky and find my items. The spoons were one thing, but she shouldn’t have messed with my magic.

  Tabby followed, running along behind me. At the next intersection, I turned left, then right a few feet down that tunnel. All the walls looked the same. Was I going in the right direction? I noticed a bright light at the end of the tunnel and stopped. After taking off my glasses, I stepped forward slowly, hammer raised. I saw an open room at the end of the twisty passage.

  When I reached the massive cavern, a bulltaur galloped away from a throne on a raised dais against the far wall. The creature had the body of a bull and the chest and head of a man.

  “That’s one messed up centaur,” Tabby said.

  “Be quiet,” I hissed, hoping for diplomacy.

  The bulltaur stopped a few hundred feet away, a crossbow leveled at me.

  “What do you want?” he demanded.

  I nodded my head toward the nymph sitting on the throne.

  “She stole my spoons. I don’t care about them, but I want my ring back.”

  The words sounded crazy coming out of my mouth.

  “Are you accusing my wife of being a thief?” the bulltaur asked.

  “Put the crossbow down,” I said. “Be reasonable?”

  “Or what?” the bulltaur demanded then snorted loudly.

  “I’ll come over there and bash it out of your hands,” I said.

  “Come and try,” he said, not lowering his weapon.

  I ran forward and leaped into the air. Even without the Ring of Acrobatics, my jump skills were through the roof. The bulltaur shot two bolts. Both missed.

  That’s a nice repeating crossbow, I noted as I landed on the ground in front of him.

  Hammer, meet bulltaur.

  Your blow DISEMBOWELS the bulltaur for 101 damage.

  Your blow DEVASTATES the bulltaur for 45 damage.

  Two more bolts shot out of the crossbow, hitting me in the shoulder.

  The bulltaur MAUL
S you for 24 damage.

  The bulltaur DECIMATES you for 34 damage.

  You have [384/442] health remaining.

  He stepped backward, his hooves clicking on the stone tiles of the throne room. As I followed and attacked, he pulled out two massive broadswords.

  Your blow MISSES the bulltaur.

  Your blow MAIMS the bulltaur for 56 damage.

  The bulltaur is badly bruised.

  The bulltaur MUTILATES you for 67 damage.

  The bulltaur EVISCERATES you for 145 damage.

  You have [172/442] health remaining.

  Your blow MAIMS the bulltaur for 59 damage.

  Your blow DEVASTATES the bulltaur for 48 damage.

  The bulltaur is dead! (+2000 xp)

  You have [75,500/75,000] xp.

  LEVEL UP!

  You gain +34 health.

  You gain +3 stat points.

  You gain +2 skill points.

  That was an easy boss, I thought as the bulltaur’s legs buckled underneath him. As he fell to the floor of the stone room, I looked over at the throne. No nymph.

  You notice your Ring of Feather Falling missing.

  “Enough,” I yelled. “Show yourself, nymph!.”

  I heard a feminine giggle somewhere nearby but saw nothing.

  “You can’t win, foolish man-human.”

  I ran toward the source of the voice, but she’d moved away.

  “Over here, big guy,” she teased. “Why do you assume the big burly man-bull is the boss of the maze?”

  “It’s how things usually happen,” I said, scanning the room.

  You notice a silver spoon missing.

  “These are nice,” she said. “I want them all.”

  How am I going to stop her?

  “Remember me?” Tabby asked in my mind. “Don’t think I can help?”

  Tell me what to do. What’s your bright idea?

  “First, I’d take some catnip…”

  “Stop!” I shouted.

  You notice a silver spoon missing.

  “At least she hasn’t stolen your hammer.”

  That’s it. I held the hammer out and spun, shooting off all three chain lightning spells. One hit the nymph, causing her to flicker into view. Her body shook before she hit the floor.

  “Take that,” Tabby said, staying far away.

  I stepped toward the still shaking body. She sat up, a nasty look on her face.

  “You,” she said, pointing toward me, “are going to die!”

  As she stood, I rushed forward, not giving her a chance to disappear again.

  Your blow MAULS the nymph for 23 damage.

  Your blow DECIMATES the nymph for 34 damage.

  Wow. That’s an amazing armor class for only having on a thin, black nightgown.

  I pushed aside the question of whether I’d wear such an item for the improved armor class despite looking ridiculous in it. My mind needed to be on the battle in front of me.

  The nymph grabbed a jewel encrusted rod out of a sack at her side. It glowed bright orange briefly then shot a golden bolt of energy at me. The magic hit me dead-on.

  The Golden Death DISEMBOWELS you for 112 damage.

  You have [60/476] health remaining.

  I grabbed two potions of Cure Major Wounds, drinking both at the same time.

  You feel better.

  You have [152/476] health remaining.

  You feel better.

  You have [242/476] health remaining.

  Not perfect, but I’d have to chance it if I wanted to get an attack in.

  Your slash MAULS the nymph for 24 damage.

  Your pierce INJURES the nymph for 12 damage.

  The nymph is not concerned.

  She zapped the wand again.

  The Golden Death MUTILATES you for 74 damage.

  You have [168/476] health remaining.

  I saw no cover nearby, so I used a round to quaff two more healing potions.

  You feel better.

  You have [259/476] health remaining.

  You feel better.

  You have [332/476] health remaining.

  Not shabby, but I only had two of the healing potions left.

  “At least the Wizard of Yendro hasn’t shown up this time,” Tabby said.

  “Not now,” I hissed.

  The nymph tilted her head.

  “I’m going to steal your cat,” she said.

  “Please do.”

  “Alex...”

  I swung the hammer twice, hitting both times.

  CRITICAL HIT!

  Your slash DISEMBOWELS the nymph for 124 damage.

  Your pierce MAULS the nymph for 27 damage.

  The nymph is knocked down by the force of your blow.

  The nymph appears ready to die.

  Before I could finish her off, Tabby ran forward, growled in a tone I’d never heard before, then scratched the nymph’s face with her claws.

  The nymph is dead (+2000 xp).

  Combat is Over!

  You have [77,500/85,000] xp.

  “She has catnip in her bag!” Tabby exclaimed. “I call dibs on it.”

  “Have at it,” I said, stepping toward the nymph’s corpse.

  The Bag of Holding at her side contained all sorts of interesting items—and three ounces of catnip.

  You get Wand of Tumbling [0/24] charges.

  You get Wand of Light [100/200] charges.

  You get Wand of Fire & Fury [34/134] charges.

  You get 14,234 gold.

  You get a biscuit.

  You get a yellow bow.

  You get 5 silver spoons.

  You get a loaf of bread.

  You get a bullseye lantern.

  You get a Ring of Feather Falling.

  You get a Ring of Acrobatics.

  You get a Ring of Rings x2.

  I stopped and used an identify scroll on that last ring.

  Ring of Rings

  With this ring, you can wear and use the effects of two more rings on the same hand. This effect is stackable.

  Nice. I can wear six rings at the same time now. Anything else?

  I reached down to the bottom of the bag and grabbed another handful of rings.

  You get a Ring of Teleport Control

  You get a Ring of Minor Poison Resistance

  You get a Ring of Minor Fire Resistance

  Tabby purred as she broke into the catnip.

  “Come on,” I said. “We’ve got to keep moving.”

  I searched the rest of the level, finding nothing of interest. A few random ogre fighters and a bugbear popped up, but they weren’t anything I couldn’t handle.

  Tabby, dazed and confused, followed along, enjoying every moment. I picked up another fifty-three gold. More importantly, I found a stash of healing potions.

  I’d used more than I wanted to in the battle with the bulltaur and the nymph. An entire case of twelve neatly packed inside a box made would help keep me going.

  “We’ve got this,” I said. “This is going to help.”

  Tabby meowed then purred loudly.

  “Let’s go,” I said. “We’ve got levels to clear.”

  “Right behind you,” Tabby said then walked in the opposite direction.

  “This way,” I said.

  She stopped then turned.

  I headed toward the down staircase to level twenty-one of the dungeon.

  Time to grind some levels.

  ()xxxx[:::: Chapter 9 ::::>

  Gnome Impersonator

  You are on level 34 (-1700’)

  You are a Level 35 Orc Samurai.

  Welcome to Thunderbone.

  Huh? I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared out into the vast cavern. The game had fit an entire city on the level somehow. I stared, slack jawed and amazed.

  “Alex!” Tabby yelled, alarmed. “Run!”

  I booked back up the stairs to level thirty-three.

  “What was it?” I asked.

  “Not sure,” Tabby said. “
A guard, I think.”

  “You know what you need to do, right?” I asked.

  She sighed then said, “Yes.”

  “The stairs down to the next level have to be somewhere in the city. Besides, we need to stock up on supplies.”

  “You’re right,” she relented.

  “I’m going to disguise myself. We’ll be okay. I don’t want to end up like those dwarves hiding out in Valhalla. We need to keep moving forward.”

  I pulled the Scroll of Disguise out of the Bag of Holding at my side.

  “Don’t you dare laugh,” I said as I unfurled the parchment.

  We both knew what would happen when I read it.

  Tabby snickered.

  “I’d never laugh,” she said then giggled again.

  I read the scroll. As expected, my appearance changed into that of a female gnome.

  “Quit laughing!” I snapped.

  “Your voice,” Tabby said then burst into laughter, rolling around.

  “Knock it off,” I said. “The guards will hear you.”

  “Whatever,” she said, quieting down. “They’re not coming up here, but you’re safe to go in the city now, I guess.”