Roguelike

by Paul Bellow

  “The crown!” Gloria yelled. “Take it off!”

  Unable to think of anything better, I removed it from my head. While I lost buffs, the pain went away instantly. I bent down and picked up Mega Metal Mao. The Mind Absorber turned, its tentacles still slithering. I attacked before it could cast again.

  Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Mind Absorber for 185 damage.

  Your pierce EVISCERATES the Mind Absorber for 145 damage.

  Your slash MAIMS the Mind Absorber for 59 damage.

  Your slash MUTILATES the Mind Absorber for 94 damage.

  The Mind Absorber has noticed you.

  The Mind Absorber MANGLES you for 253 damage.

  You have [951/2,074] health remaining.

  You lose 1 INT permanently.

  You feel uneasy and queasy.

  Your toes hurt. All of them.

  Unperturbed, I launched another round of slashes.

  Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Mind Absorber for 185 damage.

  Your pierce EVISCERATES the Mind Absorber for 145 damage.

  Your slash MAIMS the Mind Absorber for 59 damage.

  CRITICAL HIT!

  Your slash MASSACRES the Mind Absorber for 242 damage.

  The Mind Absorber is dead! (+50,000 xp)

  You have [42,750,000/43,000,000] xp.

  As the tall, slimy beast fell to the mirrored floor, I turned to Gloria.

  “How did you know about the crown?”

  “Simple,” she said. “It’s metal.”

  “Good call. I’m so glad to have you with me.”

  “All the way to the end, Alex?”

  I nodded as I pulled out a Potion of Cure All Wounds.

  You feel better!

  You have [2,074/2,074] health remaining.

  “Are you okay?” I asked my companion.

  “I can regenerate quickly, Alex. Thanks for asking.”

  I smiled.

  “That’s the spirit.”

  As I rested a moment and collected my thoughts, a new mirror wall replaced the one I’d hit.

  “We didn’t move to the other room,” Gloria said.

  Ugh. I sighed, hating the roguelike. We’d made it so far. If the mirrors kept replacing themselves and the rooms spun around, we might never escape the trap. Frustrated, I swung my sword at one of the four mirrored walls, shattering it. The glass came down in a shower of sparkles and sound. I stepped through to the other room.

  A giant hairy eyeball with even more tentacles than the Mind Absorber floated on the far side of the room. Its reflection repeated infinitely in the mirrors around me. The illusion didn’t stop me from attacking the real one, but it did give me a headache.

  Your slash MUTILATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 87 damage.

  Your pierce EVISCERATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 145 damage.

  Your slash MUTILATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 99 damage.

  Your slash DISMEMBERS the Greater Tentacle Eye for 157 damage.

  The Greater Tentacle Eye has noticed you.

  It blinked twice before a brilliant orange ray shot toward me.

  The Eye Beam MANGLES you for 285 damage.

  You have [1,789/2,074] health remaining.

  Ouch. Time to get serious.

  My sword’s main abilities were recharging, so raw force would have to do.

  A powerful blue magic streamed out of Gloria’s horn as I attacked.

  You feel blessed! (+20% to hit, +50 damage)

  Your slash EVISCERATES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 149 damage.

  Your pierce DISMEMBERS the Greater Tentacle Eye for 175 damage.

  Your slash MASSACRES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 205 damage.

  CRITICAL HIT!

  Your slash MANGLES the Greater Tentacle Eye for 287 damage.

  The Greater Tentacle Eye is dead! (+20,000 xp)

  You have [42,770,000/43,000,000] xp.

  What’s with all the low xp creatures?

  Another mirror replaced the one I’d broke, but we’d move ahead on square on the twelve by twelve grid. I still had no idea of how long we’d last in the blasted trap.

  “We should’ve prepared more for this boss,” I muttered. “We got cocky.”

  “I’m not a rooster,” Gloria said, her head tilted to the side.

  Despite my mood, a smile crept over my face.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Never mind,” I said. “Let’s kill another low xp mob and try to make it to the end.”

  “Okay, Alex. Choose carefully.”

  I turned around, my reflection repeating itself in the mirrors. How to choose?

  You sense the presence of greatness.

  Is the main boss of the level nearby?

  Some of the roguelike messages could be cryptic.

  “Be ready,” I said, raising my sword.

  Gloria stepped behind me. I broke the mirror. All the others shattered as well except for the ones on the outer edge. I saw a hooded figure.

  “Quit breaking my mirrors,” a female voice said. “You will pay for your insolence.”

  I walked forward, my boots crunching pieces of glass under my feet. The figure removed its hood, revealing a leathery face full of death and destruction. Is she a Lich?

  Unable to identify her from afar, I continued forward. She raised her thin, gaunt arms. A ball of red energy formed between her hands before shooting toward me.

  I dodged to the left, barely avoiding the sphere of magical death. The undead woman with red, glowing eyes hissed as I approached, mighty two-handed sword raised.

  At the last moment before my blade rained down on her right arm, she blinked out of existence. I whirled around, disoriented but still ready to fight.

  She appeared ten feet away and cast another spell. The tiny glass shards spread throughout the big room formed a golem between me and her.

  I attacked as the beast lumbered forward.

  Your slash DISEMBOWELS the glass shard golem for 0 damage.

  Your slash MISSES the glass shard golem.

  Your pierce MISSES the glass shard golem.

  Your slash EVISCERATES the glass shard golem for 0 damage.

  The glass shard golem looks unaffected.

  Not good.

  I stepped back as two arms made from razor sharp glass punched me.

  The glass shard golem EVISCERATES you for 145 damage.

  The glass shard golem DISMEMBERS you for 184 damage.

  You have [1,460/2,074] health remaining.

  How to kill this thing? Maybe fire?

  I cast my most powerful fireball spell.

  The Mega Fireball DEMOLISHES the glass shard golem for 354 damage.

  You have [746/846] mana remaining.

  The glass shard golem slows.

  I noticed the bits of glass had melded together.

  “Finish it off,” I yelled, hoping Gloria could handle it.

  As I ran around the super-heated, slow-moving glass golem, I saw the lich. It raised its arms and pointed them in my direction. Lightning shot out.

  The Ultra Lich OBLITERATES you for 420 damage.

  You have [1,040/2,074] health remaining.

  Gloria screamed behind me, but I didn’t have time to turn around. I rushed toward the Ultra Lich and attacked with Mega Metal Mao.

  Your slash DISEMBOWELS the Ultra Lich for 103 damage.

  Your slash DISMEMBERS the Ultra Lich for 184 damage.

  Your pierce MASSACRES the Ultra Lich for 205 damage.

  Your slash MANGLES the Ultra Lich for 294 damage.

  The Ultra Lich has noticed you.

  Its right hand grabbed my neck and squeezed.

  The Ultra Lich DEMOLISHES you for 394 damage.

  You have [646/2,074] health remaining.

  You feel drained.

  You lose 10,000 xp.

  You have [42,760,000/43,000,000] xp.

  The stupid beast didn’t let go, making it difficult to swing my sword effectively. I dropped it and reached into the Sack of Holding for the
cockatrice corpse. Everyone must get stoned.

  As the body of the foul beast brushed against the lich, its stomach turned to stone. I stepped back as it looked down, pure horror on its face, realizing its fate. The magic worked.

  I turned to see the glass golem stop then fall apart into countless pieces on the floor. Gloria glanced over, her eyes full of fury after the fight. She walked in my direction.

  “Good job,” I said. “We did it.”

  She nodded her head. “There’s a chest in the corner.”

  “It’s probably trapped, and we don’t have a Wand of Trap Detection or any scrolls.”

  “Leave it to me,” she said, running toward it. “But keep a healing potion handy.”

  “No,” I yelled and followed her across the room. She head-butted the mirrored box. It shook but didn’t explode.

  “Don’t do that,” I scolded as I got closer.

  “Sorry, Alex,” she said, dropping her head.

  “I’m just worried about you.”

  She raised her head.

  “You are?”

  I nodded.

  “We both need to get out of this dungeon.”

  Her face relaxed. I turned to the mirrored chest.

  “That’s not the best way to check for traps,” I said. “But I’m going to open it.”

  I grabbed the lid and slowly lifted it. Nothing bad happened. A clear, glass orb resting on a wooden base sat at the bottom. This looks interesting. I reached in to grab it.

  You get The Orb of Mighty Seeing - Recharges in 12 hours. Allows seeing the next room or the next dungeon level below… at the cost of -1 INT and -1 CON each time it’s used.

  “Here’s the stairs,” Gloria said.

  I straightened up and turned. She stood next to a crystal staircase leading down. The final main boss of the dungeon didn’t have a lot of treasure, but the orb would come in handy.

  “Hold on,” I said, peering into the glass.

  You see nothing below you.

  The game notification confirmed that I saw nothing.

  “We should go,” Gloria said. “I don’t like these mirrors.”

  “Me either.” I put the orb into the Sack of Holding. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “Ten more levels,” she said as I walked up to her.

  “You ready for this?” I asked, stopping at the top of the stairs.

  “I’m ready for anything, Alex.”

  We both descended to the next level.

  One more.

  ()xxxx[:::: Chapter 22 ::::>

  Riders on the Storm

  The next few levels went by quickly. My tight routine paid off as we leveled back up to match the dungeon level. Permanent buffs and our personally crafted blade were working together as intended.

  I’d even eaten a Ring of Teleport Control in case we set off a trap somewhere. At the end of the speed-run, Gloria and I descended another set of stairs to the deepest depth I’d ever reached on any run.

  You are on level 99 (-4950’)

  You are a Level 99 Valkyrie.

  You are permanently glowing.

  You take half physical damage.

  You take half magic damage.

  You wield Mega Metal Mao (Renowned)

  Gloria nervously shuffled from one foot to another at the bottom of the stairs. An all too familiar room greeted us, but something felt different in the air. I couldn’t place it exactly.

  “This is it,” I said then cast my most advanced map spell.

  You feel disoriented.

  No map appeared on the game screen.

  “That’s not a good sign,” I said. “The map’s not working for this level.”

  “Maybe the dungeon goes on forever,” she said.

  “Don’t say that.” I glanced down at her and frowned.

  “Sorry, Alex. I’m afraid, and I don’t want to lose you.”

  I took a deep breath. Never in my gaming life had I become so attached to an AI companion. Over so many games, the intelligent creatures spawned with me had learned more.

  The unicorn stood at the top of the pile, as high level as myself. My frown faded, replaced by a smile. After the final boss, we’d discuss parting ways, perhaps. For the moment, I needed to keep my head in the game.

  I stepped forward and saw a tunnel stretching out into the distance. I pulled my sword, the cockatrice corpse waiting nearby for any emergencies that cropped up. The memory of the lich’s face made me smile.

  We cautiously made our way down the wide, natural tunnel. Only one more level until the Wizard of Yendro. Or would she appear early to kill me? I shuddered at the thought. The tunnel eventually ended in another cavern with high, vaulted ceilings full of stalactites and stalagmites. I glanced around, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. A wooden barrel stood in the center of the chamber.

  Gloria trotted over, sniffing the air as she went.

  “Smells safe,” she said.

  I stepped toward the barrel. Even something so innocuous could be deadly. As I reached it, I tapped the top with the tip of my sword. Nothing exploded.

  A good start.

  You hear the moans of ancients.

  Ugh. What does that even mean?

  It sounded dangerous, but I had no way to tell for sure.

  “Maybe we should just leave it alone,” Gloria said.

  I grabbed the top and tilted it.

  “Seems empty,” I said. “Only one way to find out.”

  I opened the lid and peered into the barrel.

  Nothing.

  “Let’s keep going,” I said.

  Gloria followed as I walked toward the only other exit. Another wide tunnel wandered off, twisting and turning into the darkness. We kept walking.

  * * * * *

  After exploring for over three hours, we still hadn’t found anything of significance. I stopped in the latest cavern and glanced around. Two more exits led to more tunnels.

  “This place is huge,” Gloria said.

  I checked the game map.

  “Yeah, something isn’t right…”

  “Unless it’s because it’s level ninety-nine,” Gloria said. “Maybe the final staircase down is hidden.”

  “We need to map the rest of the level before we start searching for secret exits.”

  The thought of searching the massive level turned my stomach, but we didn’t have a choice in the matter. I needed to finally beat the stupid roguelike.

  Had Axelrod waited for us? I didn’t even know how long I’d been trapped in the roguelike compared to time in the Tower of Gates timeline. Would I make it?

  “We should keep moving,” Gloria said.

  “Lead the way,” I mumbled.

  She trotted through one of the exits and down another long hallway. I walked a few paces behind her, weapon drawn. We moved swiftly, making good time.

  Another few hours passed with no encounters. My supplies gradually diminished. I ate the most perishable food first. Soon, I was down to stale dog biscuits.

  “I see something,” Gloria said. “A large cavern.”

  “Great,” I said. “Maybe we’ll find something.”

  We walked through the opening at the end of the tunnel. Glowing fungi dimly lit the chamber. I scanned from left to right then back again, seeing nothing.

  “Come on,” I grumbled.

  Across the cavern, three figures in ratty clothes appeared.

  “Be careful what you wish for,” Gloria said.

  I crouched and readied my weapon.

  Gloria backed up.

  “This isn’t good,” she said.

  “No kidding…”

  I stared at the identifiers of the three creatures floating forward.

  Death, Famine, and Pestilence, huh? Why not.

  “Longshot rebound!” I shouted.

  “Got it,” Gloria replied.

  She ran ahead and to the left.

  Pestilence turned and followed her.

  I charged toward Famine and Death. The l
atter held back as the other, more emancipated figure floated closer. I ran through all the possibilities in my mind.

  Maybe the fork is mightier than the sword?

  I stopped and dug the last of my rations out of my pack. Famine stopped and swiveled toward the food after I threw it to the right of him.

  “Change the plan!” Gloria shouted, but it was too late.

  As Famine feasted on my dry, brittle crackers, I rushed toward Pestilence before he could demolish my poor unicorn. I’d lost too many companions in the roguelike.

  The putrid remnant of a man pointed a finger at me as I approached. Swarms of flies buzzed out of open wounds on its body then flew toward me. I kept running, hoping they wouldn’t hurt me.

  The Diseased Flies MASSACRE you for 212 damage.

  HALF-DAMAGE BONUS!

  You take 106 damage.

  You have [1,968/2,074] health remaining.

  You are DISEASED.

  You are no longer glowing.

  Great, I thought as I reached the vile creature.

  I slashed its face with Mega Metal Mao.

  Your slash OBLITERATES Pestilence for 406 damage.

  As the creature screamed in pain, I saw Death heading for Gloria.

  Oh no you don’t, miserable heap of bones.

  I swung my epic sword one more time.

  Your slash ERADICATES Pestilence for 645 damage.

  Pestilence is no more!

  I turned and ran toward Gloria. Death screamed as she cast lightning from her horn. He wept even more as I reached him.