Sarasota Dreams

by Mayne, Debby

  Mrs. Penner made a shooing gesture, shushing Shelley. Jeremiah stood to the side, observing everything.

  Jeremiah opened the passenger door for Shelley. As she got in and strapped her seat belt around her tiny frame, he felt more protective of her than ever. He wanted to protect her from anything bad ever happening, but she had a shield that he couldn’t seem to get past. Sure, she was nice to him, and she didn’t seem to mind making small talk. But he wanted so much more.

  “Did you see Jocelyn yet?” Shelley asked, breaking him from his thoughts.

  “Just for a few seconds. Mr. Penner went in first, and he talked to her for a while before he came and got me. When the doctor arrived, we both had to leave.”

  “Is she … does she look the same?”

  “With the exception of a few bruises and a scratch over her eye, she looks exactly as she always looked.” He left out how Jocelyn’s tough-girl exterior had faded, and she looked vulnerable and frightened. “And I have no doubt she’ll be very happy to see you.” Although he didn’t know Jocelyn well, he couldn’t miss her when he’d gone to Penner’s.

  “I like Jocelyn. She works hard and says funny things.”

  Jeremiah thought about all the girls he’d met when he was away from the church. Many of them had taken on an image of what they wanted the world to see and kept their innermost thoughts hidden. He knew it was a protective measure, but he didn’t like it. And he suspected God didn’t care for it either.

  “I will wait in the back of the church,” Jeremiah said as he pulled up to the curb in front.

  Shelley went to the classroom and asked if they could start early. The teachers were happy she was there, so they gathered the kids to herd them to the front of the church sanctuary.

  The children must have sensed Shelley’s anxiety, and they started acting out. One of the younger boys made faces at the girl behind him.

  “Turn around, and keep your hands to yourself, Zeke,” Shelley said, her voice tight and on edge.

  Zeke turned around, but he still didn’t pay attention to her. Instead he jumped around, flailing his arms. Then the boy next to him began to squirm, creating a snowball effect with the rest of the children. This was the first time Jeremiah had ever seen Shelley lose control. He couldn’t sit back and do nothing.

  “Okay, that’s enough.” Jeremiah’s booming voice behind Shelley caught the attention of the children. “Do you want to make Miss Burkholder, your parents, and the rest of the church members happy by showing your hard work and dedication, or do you want to look like a bunch of people who didn’t practice when it comes time to sing?”

  Zeke burst out in laughter, but he quickly stopped when Jeremiah leveled him with a stern look. Shelley stood transfixed as Jeremiah continued to lecture for a few more minutes. Finally, he turned to Shelley and motioned for her to come forward.

  “Miss Burkholder, I think they’re ready to settle down and get to work now,” Jeremiah said as he took a step back.

  She turned and gave him a private smile and then resumed singing practice. The children were perfectly behaved, enabling them to finish very quickly.

  Afterward the teachers brought them back to their classrooms, and Shelley looked up at Jeremiah. “Thank you for helping me. I normally don’t have that much trouble with them.”

  “I know. You normally do quite well with children. Kids sense when adults have something else on their minds.”

  They pulled up in front of the hospital entrance. “Why don’t you go on up to see her?” he said. “I’ll park the car and hang out in the waiting room until you’re ready to go home.” He gave her directions to Jocelyn’s unit and then watched her until she disappeared through the automatic double doors.

  Shelley hadn’t changed much since they were younger. She’d always been responsible, intelligent, and straightforward. The only difference between then and now was her guardedness, which he suspected was related to issues with her mother, Peter, and possibly her brother William.

  Shelley’s hands shook as she followed the nurse to Jocelyn’s hospital room. The sounds of medical machines whirring and buzzing made her uneasy. She’d visited people in the hospital before, but the shock of the differences from her regular life never went away.

  “Here she is,” the nurse said as she opened the door. “The doctor says she’s doing well, so take your time, and have a nice visit.”

  Shelley walked slowly into the room toward Jocelyn. With the sun shining through the window behind Jocelyn, it was difficult to see her features, so her injuries weren’t evident until Shelley was right beside the bed. Even then, she didn’t look as banged up as she’d expected.

  “Hey there, Shelley. Who’s minding the shop?”

  She certainly sounded like Jocelyn—not some feeble, injured person. “Mrs. Penner came in to help out so I could come here.”

  Jocelyn belted out a laugh and then stopped and raised her hand to her head. “Ouch. It hurts to laugh.”

  “Then don’t do it,” Shelley said. “I don’t want you to hurt.”

  “I couldn’t help it. It’s hard to imagine Mrs. Penner waiting on tables and putting up with some of the … well, you know how the customers can be.”

  Shelley nodded and grinned. “Yes, I do know, but I think Mrs. Penner can handle it. She used to work there every day when I was younger. I’m sure she’ll be just fine.”

  “So I guess you’re probably wondering what happened,” Jocelyn said.

  “I heard you hit a truck.”

  “Yeah. I was going too fast, and I couldn’t slow down for the light. Ironic, huh?”

  Shelley tilted her head in confusion. “Ironic?”

  “That I was speeding to the courthouse to pay a speeding ticket, and that’s what got me into trouble. Can you believe that I got another ticket?”

  “Will you be able to drive again?” Shelley asked.

  “Oh, I have to drive. It’s too hard to get around without wheels.” Jocelyn caught herself and chuckled softly. “But I guess you know that.”

  “It’s not all that difficult,” Shelley said. “I like walking, and when I need a ride, I take the bus or hire a driver.”

  Jocelyn turned away, and silence fell between them. When she faced Shelley again, her face had an odd expression that Shelley had never seen before.

  “So tell me what it’s like to be you,” Jocelyn said.

  “What do you mean?”

  Jocelyn gestured toward what Shelley was wearing. “I mean to wear that getup all the time and never put on makeup. You always have that little thingy on your head, and your hair is always up in a knot. And that long skirt. Does it ever bug you?”

  “Bug me?”

  “Yeah. Doesn’t it make you nuts to never wear shorts or let your hair down or play up your eyes with some fabulous makeup?” Jocelyn leaned forward a bit. “I mean, you have some killer peepers that would look amazing with a little mascara.”

  Shelley was slightly puzzled by some of the words, but she caught the gist of what Jocelyn was saying. “Neh, it doesn’t bother me. This is all I know.”

  “Well,” Jocelyn said as she leaned back and fidgeted with the sheet. “That is true. If you’ve never experienced anything else, you wouldn’t know what you were missing.” She pursed her lips before adding, “And to be truthful, I don’t think you’re really missing all that much.”

  Shelley didn’t know how to respond to that. She walked over toward the window and glanced out over the parking lot.

  “I want to go back to work tomorrow, but the doc says I need to wait until he clears me. He’s letting me go home tomorrow though, so I can pretty much do whatever I want.”

  Shelley turned back around to face Jocelyn. “Don’t rush things.”

  “You’re too young to be my mom, but I appreciate the maternal advice. I haven’t had that since my mom found someone else and took off, leaving me and my dad to figure out how to be a family, just the two of us.”

  “Is your father … um, do
es he know about your accident?”

  “Yeah, he knows, but he’s been pretty busy lately, so I don’t expect to see him anytime soon.”

  Shelley made some uncomfortable small talk for a few minutes before backing toward the door. “I really need to go now. My mother likes me to help with dinner. I’m glad you’re doing well enough to go home tomorrow, but I don’t want you to push yourself too hard. Mrs. Penner and I can manage until you’re feeling better.”

  Jocelyn laughed and waved. “Have fun, but don’t forget about me. I need that job. It’s hard finding a new one these days.”

  “Don’t worry. We won’t forget about you. I’m sure Mrs. Penner will be very happy when you return.”

  As Shelley walked toward the waiting room, where Jeremiah said he’d be waiting, she thought about some of the things Jocelyn had said, particularly the comment about not missing something she’d never experienced. As much as she noticed the changes in Jeremiah, she wondered if he’d miss his experiences from his more worldly life as her mother had said he might. She now realized that was the source of much of her fear of getting too close to him. What if he missed it so much he decided to leave the church again?

  Jeremiah stood and smiled as she approached. “Ready to leave now?”

  Shelley nodded and then averted her gaze. They walked without talking, the only sounds coming from the machines in the hospital and their shoes clopping on the floor.

  “Wait here, and I’ll go get the car,” he said after they reached the double doors leading to the outside.

  “Neh, I’ll walk with you.”

  “I don’t mind,” he said.

  “There’s no use in standing around waiting for you when I’m perfectly capable of walking.” She stepped down off the curb.

  After they were buckled into Jeremiah’s car, he put his key in the ignition and turned. The car made a little groan and then thudded.

  Shelley looked at Jeremiah. His face was scrunched up with concern. “I was afraid this might happen.”

  “What’s going on?” Shelley had so little experience with cars—she wasn’t sure if this was serious.

  “Abe told me that if I insisted on having a car, I didn’t need one as fancy or with as much power as the sports car I got rid of. I chose this one just to have transportation. It’s a clunker.”

  “Are you blaming Abe? It’s not his fault.”

  “No, of course I’m not blaming Abe. I’m the one who knows about cars. I worked in an automotive shop before Abe hired me, so I take full responsibility.”

  “In that case, can’t you fix it?”

  Jeremiah shook his head as he raked his fingers through his closely cropped hair. “No, I don’t think there’s anything I can do to fix this old heap. I bought it really cheap so I could pay cash, and I didn’t have that much money to work with.” He leaned back and shook his head. “I have some decisions to make, and it looks like it’ll have to happen sooner rather than later.”

  “The first decision is how we’re going to get home,” Shelley said. “I think the bus comes out here.”

  “It does,” Jeremiah said. “But I don’t want you having to take the bus.”

  “Why not?” she asked. “I don’t mind.”

  Jeremiah lifted his hand and started to pound his fist on the steering wheel, but his Mennonite sensibilities kicked in just in time. He took a couple of deep breaths to settle his nerves.

  “I s’pose I could leave my car here and escort you home.”

  “Why?” She narrowed her eyes. “I can ride the bus alone.”

  “Yes, I know, but”—he opened his car door—“but I have to go home, too, and I don’t live that far from you, so we might as well ride together.”

  “What will you do about the car?”

  “I’ll have to call someone to tow it to a junkyard.”

  After they got out of the car, Jeremiah stood looking at it for a few seconds before turning to walk away. Shelley didn’t follow, so he glanced around to see what she was doing.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  She looked back and forth between Jeremiah and his car. He waited for a few seconds, hoping she’d catch up, but she didn’t.

  “Okay, Shelley, I can tell you’re thinking about something you’re not saying. What is it?”

  “Since your car isn’t working anymore, and you said it isn’t worth fixing, why don’t you try going without a car?”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  She tossed him a puzzled look. “Kidding?”

  “Are you saying you expect me to live without my own wheels?”

  “Ya. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “Abe has already challenged me to do that, but I’m not sure I’m ready just yet.” Jeremiah looked around at the hospital parking lot at the sea of cars. “That is an extremely difficult step to take.”

  “Maybe it’ll be difficult at first, but I do just fine.”

  “Let’s check with the hospital receptionist and find out where the closest bus stop is.”

  After she directed them to the location where they could catch the bus, they walked outside and resumed their conversation. Shelley spoke first. “You might discover you don’t need a car,” she said.

  She’d obviously never understand, so Jeremiah didn’t want to argue with her. “Maybe. Looks like I don’t have a choice, and I’ll have to make do for a while—at least until I make enough money to buy a newer automobile. In the meantime, I’ll go back to walking and catching rides whenever I can.” Jeremiah paused before adding, “And I guess I’d better set something up with David.”

  “David?”

  “Yeah, the guy Abe hires to drive him places that are too far to walk. Until I get my house built on the farm, I’ll need him twice a day. That can wind up costing me some money.”

  “Will it be more than what you pay for in gas?”

  Jeremiah mentally calculated the cost of gas, maintenance, and insurance. “It might actually cost a little less if David will cut me a deal.”

  Shelley smiled. “That would be nice.”

  The bus ride to Pinecraft was uneventful. There were only a few people seated toward the front, and the bus was able to go past all stops except one where a young woman waited. As they took the last step onto the sidewalk, the bus driver wished them a good day and took off.

  In spite of Shelley telling Jeremiah she could walk from the bus stop to her house, he insisted on getting off the bus with her, escorting her home, and walking the three blocks to his house. They had to dodge a couple of children playing in their yards. Memories of Jeremiah’s own childhood flickered through his mind, and nostalgia nearly overwhelmed him.

  “What are you thinking about?” Shelley asked as they rounded the corner to her street. “You seem mighty pensive.”

  He shrugged. “Just about how those kids remind me of myself when I was their age.”

  “I remember you back then. You were quite a character.”

  Jeremiah laughed. “Yeah, I was, wasn’t I?”

  “You used to tease me unmercifully.”

  “That was because I liked you,” he said, a grin quirking the corners of his lips.

  “If that’s how you act when you like a girl, I wouldn’t want to see what you do when you don’t like her.”

  “There aren’t many people I don’t like,” Jeremiah said.

  Shelley’s mother stood near the door as Shelley entered the house. “Where have you been? I expected you home a long time ago.”

  “Jocelyn was injured in a car accident, so I went to the hospital to see her.”

  “You should have come home first to tell me so I wouldn’t worry. It is dangerous for a young girl like you to be trotting about in an area you’re not familiar with.”

  “I wasn’t alone,” Shelley said. She cringed as she added, “Jeremiah was with me.”

  She braced herself for an outburst of all of Jeremiah’s faults. She was surprised her mother’s expression softened.
<
br />   “That’s good. At least he knows the ways of the world, and he will protect you.” She started to walk toward the kitchen, but she stopped and turned to face Shelley. “How is Jocelyn?”

  Shelley told her mother about the concussion and how Jocelyn would probably be back at work soon. She was surprised not to get a lecture about the evils of living in the world.

  William came home shortly afterward, and Father followed. As they sat down at the table, Shelley looked around at her family and wondered what it would be like to have her own family. Then she sighed as she considered the unlikelihood that that would happen. Even if a man was in love with her, taking on the responsibility of William might make him think twice before committing to her for life. In many ways, William was easier to contend with than someone without Down syndrome. He rarely argued, and with very few exceptions, he seemed eager to please.

  When Shelley started to bring up Jocelyn’s accident, her mother grimaced and gestured not to discuss it. After dinner, when William and their father had left the kitchen, Shelley turned to her mother.

  “Why didn’t you want me to talk about Jocelyn?” she asked.

  Her mother didn’t look directly at her. “We don’t know much about Jocelyn, and I didn’t want to upset your father.”

  Shelley suspected it had nothing to do with her father and everything to do with the fact that her mother didn’t want to constantly be reminded about Shelley’s brother Paul leaving the church. The instant she thought that, it dawned on her that this was the same issue with Jeremiah. Having him around was a reminder.

  “Mother, do you ever talk with Paul about his faith?”

  Her mother’s expression hardened. “Paul’s faith—or lack of it—has broken my heart, so I don’t want you to ever bring it up again.”

  “I just—”

  “You heard me. Paul’s faith is not open for discussion.”

  Shelley held up her hands. “Okay, I won’t talk about it anymore if it upsets you that much.” She carried the last of the serving dishes to the sink. “William seems to be doing well, considering he and Myra—”

  “Leave the kitchen, Shelley.”