The Silenced Wife
Page 14
‘Want pudding,’ she mumbled hotly into my hip.
‘Well, now, I might have a little something for you, if your mum says it’s okay, of course.’
I smiled over at him and nodded. ‘What did you have in mind?’
‘Chocolate ice cream and a fairy cake.’
Becky’s head snapped back at the speed of sound to gaze up at me, all wide, shiny blue eyes. ‘Can I, Mummy?’
‘Yes, baby.’
‘Yeah,’ she squealed, dancing happily away from me.
It never ceased to amaze me the way in which my daughter reacted so violently to the suggestion of any sugar-based food – I just hoped I would always have this bribery tool available to me; obesity notwithstanding.
Aaron produced a cupcake from the cupboard (shop bought – apparently his cooking skills didn’t extend to baking) and I watched as he scooped out a dollop of ice cream to go with it. Becky watched him too, enraptured and in awe of the process.
Aaron walked the bowl over to the oak table and placed it next to the half-completed jigsaw. Not once did Becky’s eyes leave him.
She approached the bowl. ‘Telly?’ she asked.
‘She always has a dose of Cbeebies this time of night,’ I explained.
Then I thought how far away the living-room was from here, and I experienced a sudden rush of guilt-ridden angst. I still had to get changed for tonight, and I’m not sure how Aaron would feel if I went and abandoned him right now to face alone all the preparations for his guests.
Aaron, as usual, appeared to read my mind. ‘Hang on a second.’
He strolled out of the kitchen and I went to Becky and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
‘Ice cream,’ she said, shrugging off my grip and tentatively reaching out to touch the bowl in front of her, like it was the most precious object in the world.
Before she’d had a chance to sit down and get stuck in, Aaron reappeared, clutching a laptop. He had been gone for less than a half a minute.
‘Good job for iplayer,’ he laughed, prising open the lid and setting it down on the table. ‘Now, Becky, would you like to watch Cbeebies in here with me and Mummy? The thing is, we’re having a few friends round a little bit later and I have to cook for them. Mummy also has to get changed before they arrive, and I thought that you could keep me company while she did that.’
‘Okay,’ she said in a small voice.
‘Would you like to take your pudding over to the sofa by the window?’ he asked. ‘You’ll be a lot more comfortable on that watching Cbeebies.’
Becky’s gaze flickered over to the red, two-seater sofa up against the far wall that was adjacent to the French doors. Ever so slightly, she nodded.
‘Good girl,’ Aaron smiled. ‘Can you manage to carry your bowl over? Why don’t I take the computer and we can get you settled on the sofa?’
I watched them make their way over to the sofa. Becky didn’t look back at me once, and the smallest tug of jealousy tinged the fact I was so happy that she was taking a shine to Aaron. Over by the sofa, they chattered on together about the mechanics of what they were doing, and Aaron quickly got her settled in front of the screen.
He made his way back over, smiling at me, his face positively glowing with pride at his small achievement.
‘I think she’s settled for the moment,’ he said softly, snaking a hand around my waist.
Shards of electricity shot through me at his touch and for a second there, I was sure that the ground had lurched beneath me. He smiled down at me, and the way it made the corners of his grey eyes crinkle made my heart beat faster.
Oh God, this is so bad, I thought. Being near him muddled my thoughts and sent my hormones into overdrive. It was an entirely new, disorientating sensation that left me breathless and dizzy.
And a small part of me didn’t like the loss of control. The rest of me, however, bathed in this powerful dose of physical attraction, wanting to lose myself in it – and him – forever.
He lowered his head, and ever so gently, grazed his lips against the side of my neck. I shuddered in longing, just that smallest, sexually-charged touch leaving me genuinely weak at the knees.
‘I love having Becky here, don’t get me wrong,’ he whispered, trailing his mouth up to the sensitive spot just behind my ear. ‘But right now I wish I had you all to myself.’
As much of a physical wrench as it was, I wriggled out of his grip and cast a glance over at Becky. She appeared to be oblivious to our steamy embrace, busy as she was eating ice cream and watching the exploits of Iggle Piggle.
‘Sorry,’ he said, grinning boyishly at me. ‘I’m finding it very difficult to control myself.’
You and me both, I thought.
I was saved from having to answer when he turned his back to me and produced a bottle of champagne from the fridge.
‘Shouldn’t we save that for your guests?’ I asked, suddenly wanting a drink more than anything – I was as nervous as hell and a drop of champagne would take the edge off nicely.
‘Plenty more where that came from in the basement. Besides, we’re celebrating.’
‘Oh? What are we celebrating?’ I asked, heart fluttering.
‘Us.’
‘Well, in that case…’ I replied, unable to keep the grin off my face.
Aaron retrieved two long-stemmed flutes from a cupboard above and popped the cork.
‘Cheers,’ he said, handing me a glass filled with the golden, icy-cold, bubbling liquid. ‘To us. And to Becky.’
‘Cheers,’ I echoed.
We drank the champagne, and the bubbles pleasingly tickled the back of my nose. ‘Nice,’ I smiled. ‘Definitely not Aldi Prosecco.’
‘I won’t even tell you how much it cost.’
‘I don’t think I want to know. Can I help with anything?’
‘Not really, the salad’s done, the table in the dining-room is laid, and I won’t cook the steaks until our guests arrive. Well, I shan’t be cooking Linda a steak because she’s vegetarian. She’s having a salmon fillet.’
The pair of us leaned against the counter-top, just inches apart. The urge to reach out to touch him – to make sure that he was real – was near all-consuming. He was astounding, too good to be true in every single conceivable way. I sipped my champagne to calm my nerves, but whether that was because of the evening’s looming dinner, or just the mere fact that I was standing so close to him, I didn’t know.
He reached out to gently trail his hand down my arm, but quickly snatched his hand away, as if thinking better of it. Beneath my jumper, my skin burned and tingled where he had touched me.
‘Sorry,’ he smiled, then lowered his voice so that Becky wouldn’t hear. ‘I just want to touch you all the time, but I know that we have to tread slowly for Becky’s sake. Having you and Becky here with me now…’ His voice trailed off, like he was getting choked up. He cleared his throat. ‘Having you both here now, I can’t even begin to tell you what it means to me. You make this house come alive, you make me feel alive.’
He looked at me with such intensity, that I had to lower my gaze.
‘Oh, God, I hope I’m not scaring you off. I just want to be honest with you. And no games,’ he added after a slight pause.
‘Agreed,’ I repeated softly. ‘No games. I like the sound of that.’
‘I’ve been meaning to ask,’ he said, his voice still low and his gaze darting over to Becky. ‘But I didn’t want to in front of Becky. How did your mum take the news about us?’
I too, looked across at Becky. Even though the kitchen was so large, I could still easily hear the programme she was watching, and she seemed engrossed in it as she ate her pudding.
‘Not so great, I’m afraid.’
‘Oh? How so?’
I placed my champagne glass on the work surface, fiddling with the stem as I spoke. ‘It’s nothing personal against you, I mean, she just thinks that our relationship is so sudden, that’s all. I think she’s just sad about losing Buster, and I g
uess she’s worried that she’s going to be cut out of Becky’s life.’
I didn’t mention that maybe she was also worried about her future, in that she had always assumed that it would just be me, Becky and the health professionals that would deal with her Alzheimer’s when the time came. That she hadn’t reckoned on a new person being thrown into the mix that would also be responsible for her care.
‘Hey, it’s okay. She’ll come round. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make her feel like she’s a part of things, that she remains an integral part of Becky’s life. Besides, Grannies make the best babysitters – we might well need her services.’
I tried to smile, but it felt tight and unnatural on my lips. The truth was that my mum was far more anti than I ever could have anticipated, and I couldn’t imagine that changing any time soon.
It will be okay, I told myself. She just needs time, that’s all.
‘Hey, look at me,’ Aaron said, lightly touching my hand that was fiddling with the stem of the glass. I looked up to meet his penetrating, concerned gaze, my skin tingling where he was touching me. ‘She’ll come round, I promise. You did tell her about tomorrow night, didn’t you?
I nodded, remembering how she had eventually – and grudgingly – accepted just a few seconds before Becky and I had driven over here.
‘Well, that’s great. I know she’ll be okay with me, once she gets to know me.’
I nodded again, telling myself that he was absolutely right. Aaron was The Perfect Man, she would have to be blind not to see that.
Blind, or suffering from Alzheimer’s.
A dark thought like that wasn’t helping much, and I pushed it away.
‘And you know she’s welcome to stay the night too, if she wants.’
The offer struck me as incredibly sweet. I mean, what kind of man invites their girlfriend’s mum to stay over for the night so early on in their relationship?
A man as thoughtful and as caring as Aaron, that’s who.
Whatever did I do, I wondered, to deserve a guy like Aaron?
Aaron let go of my hand to check the time on his watch and instantly I mourned the physical contact. ‘It’s almost half six, are you going to get changed before or after you put Becky down?’
‘Before, I guess. Becky might need a lot of settling, and I might not have time to get changed after I’ve put her to bed. Is it okay if I go and get changed now, and run her a bath while I’m at it?’
‘Of course, that’s a good idea.’ He leaned in to peck me on the lips, and my heart positively swelled with love. ‘I love you.’
He said those three words like it was the most natural thing in the world. It felt natural and right.
‘I love you, too,’ I found myself saying back to him.
‘Run along with you,’ he said, tapping me on the backside with a cheeky grin.
‘Hey,’ I protested with a smile. ‘You’re on shaky ground there, I might have to join the me too movement.’
His face fell suddenly serious. ‘Joyce, I respect you more than anything in the world. I hope you know that. Even if you do have the cutest arse I’ve ever seen.’
I glanced over at Becky again – thankfully, she didn’t seem to have heard. Aaron followed the trajectory of my gaze. ‘Would you like me to bring her upstairs in fifteen minutes? That should give you enough time to get sorted and will save you from having to come down again.’
‘Thank you, that would be great,’ I said, thinking just how incredibly thoughtful he was.
‘I’m just popping upstairs, sweetie,’ I called over to Becky.
‘Okay Mummy,’ she called back.
I went upstairs to get ready for the night.
EIGHTEEN
Upstairs in “Becky’s room”, I went straight into the adjacent bathroom to run the bath. It struck me as funny that I was thinking of this vast, grand room as Becky’s room, even though she had only slept in it the once. Could I really be beginning to think of this huge mansion as home? It was amazing, not to mention frightening, how quickly one could grow accustomed to such luxury. I perched on the edge of the tub, swirling my hand in the hot water – it was too hot so I turned on the cold tap. I tipped in more of the expensive, child-friendly bubble bath that had miraculously appeared in the bathroom since last night.
While the deep, free-standing bathtub with the golden, Imperial clawed feet was filling, I wandered into the bedroom, pausing to admire the intimidating beauty of the room. I swept my hand over one of the dark oak posts that adorned each corner of the king-size bed, marvelling at the smooth, solid feel of the wood.
Now that I was looking directly at the bed, I saw an old-fashioned style teddy bear with moveable limbs and a large, fabric doll with yellow wool for hair sitting in the middle of the red satin throw. I hadn’t seen them before, and they looked new. In fact, now that I looked around myself properly, I spotted a small bookcase next to the sash window, three shelves high. If it had been there before, I hadn’t noticed it. And there definitely hadn’t been a row of children’s books on the top shelf.
It was undeniably a sweet gesture, but it was also…
Also what?
Creepy.
Frowning, I pushed aside the stupid thought. It was so sweet of him to go out of his way to make this room more homely for her. The bookshelf had probably been lurking somewhere in another room, and maybe the books had been stashed away somewhere too, perhaps in the attic, or something.
I peered at the books more closely. They looked quite old, with a couple of classics in there. I picked out a Winnie the Pooh, turning it over slowly in my hands. They could easily be relics from his childhood, for on closer inspection there were no recent publications. I put back the book, and with it my entirely misplaced misgivings.
I turned my attention to the holdall dumped on the edge of the bed, pulling out a simple, knee-skimming black dress – something not dissimilar in style to the dress I had worn on our first date and something that I hoped would be appropriate for a dinner party in such grand surroundings. I held it up against me and examined myself in the wardrobe mirror. Was it a little slutty, I wondered? A little tight around the middle? Well, it would just have to do, because I didn’t have anything else with me. I also pulled out the black, elegant high heels I had brought along for tonight, and placed them by the door for when I had finished getting ready. I eyed them warily – maybe three-inch heels had been a mistake, but I so wanted to look glamourous for Aaron, and I could always kick them off if they got too uncomfortable seeing as we weren’t going out anywhere.
Without further ado, I began the process of getting ready.
* * *
True to his word, Aaron and Becky came up exactly fifteen minutes later, on the dot. I was in the bathroom, putting on the finishing touches to my make-up and I had pinned up my curls into a half-up, half-down do. I considered a style like this to be the only blessing of having corkscrew curls; even someone as ham-fisted and talentless as me with hair-styling could cope with shoving in a few bobby pins and ending up with something that looked as polished as a bride’s up-do on her wedding day.
‘You look beautiful,’ Aaron said from the bathroom door.
‘Thanks.’
I smiled at his reflection in the mirror, hastily wiping away a smudge of mascara from beneath my eye. I spun round from the mirror and went to Becky, bending down to give her a squeeze.
‘Are you ready for your bath, sweetheart?’
‘Yes. You smell nice, mummy.’
Maybe I had gone overboard with the Coco Mademoiselle, if my daughter was commenting on it, and I vowed to give my wrists a good scrub when I was bathing her – the last thing I wanted was for Aaron’s friends to think I smelled like a hooker.
‘I’ll leave you ladies to it,’ Aaron said, turning that devastating smile onto Becky. ‘Do I get a good night cuddle?’
Obediently she went to him, graciously allowing herself to be cuddled.
‘Night night,’ she said, and
my heart thumped with pride at how grown up and polite she was acting.
‘Sleep well, angel, I’m so happy that you’re staying tonight. Will you help me cook breakfast again in the morning?’
Solemnly, she nodded.
He blew Becky a kiss from the bathroom door. ‘Sweet dreams, sweetheart.’
When he was gone, I got on with our night-time routine.
* * *
Almost three-quarters of an hour later, Becky was asleep. She was surprisingly amenable, all things considering. I had fully expected a tantrum or even just the smallest amount of petulance, but she was fine. She was perfectly content for me to read to her Clark the Toothless Shark, and Postman Bear, her two current favourites. We also had a go at Aaron’s Winnie the Pooh, before her eyelids grew heavy and I could see that she was losing interest.
I lay down next to her on the bed and cradled her in my arms, gently stroking the side of her face as she drifted off to sleep. It wasn’t long before her breathing grew heavier and I didn’t move for a few minutes, just content to be with her in this blissfully quiet moment. I marvelled at how resilient she was being, how blindly accepting she was of my burgeoning relationship with Aaron.
And I realised, in that moment as I lay with her in the dimly-lit room, that this was because she trusted me implicitly. The responsibility of that made my heart ache.
But then, now that I thought of it, why wouldn’t she be so trusting? Whoever I decided to bring into her life, she would just accept it, because I was the centre of her world. Because I had caused her no harm up until now with the grown-up figures I had introduced her to.
Maybe, even without either of us realising it, she had been missing a father figure in her life. Just because she had never known her father, just because she had never seen me with a boyfriend, just because she didn’t have a grandfather, or an uncle, it didn’t mean that she didn’t miss having a male role model to look up to. Perhaps, on the deepest, subconscious level she needed a man in her life. As much as I hated to admit that, as much as it offended my feminist sensibilities, I recognised the kernel of truth in that theory.