Beauty Expos Are Murder

by Libby Klein

  Holy cow, who peed in her Cheerios?

  “I have someplace I want you to go tonight. If you don’t run your mouth too much, you can get some answers. But I can’t go in with you.”

  “Well, after the way you’re talking to me, that doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”

  “I’ll pick you up at eight. Dress better than you did at the warehouse.”

  “Wait. I don’t want to be stranded again. This time I want to take backup with me so at least I know I can get home.”

  “Understood.” She hung up with an attitude that I tried to excuse as the postdetainment crankies.

  I walked up the steps to the second floor of Sawyer’s condo. Change in plans. First the surprise, then I need her to go on a secret mission with me. I knocked on the door and waited. After a few seconds it swung open to reveal a man wearing only a tiny towel around his waist. My mood bottomed out. “Kurt? What are you doing here?”

  “What do you mean? I live here.”

  “How do you live here?”

  “Didn’t Sawyer tell you?”

  “Are you back together?”

  “Now see? With that disgusted look on your face, how do you think that makes me feel?”

  “You cheated on her with every one of her bridesmaids. And your best man’s wife. And half the waitresses at the Ugly Mug. It’s why she divorced you. Then you brought a stripper to our high-school reunion.”

  “Exotic dancer. There’s a difference.”

  “Is there?”

  “I’ve changed. You’ve never given me a chance. Why don’t you come in and we’ll have a beer, and talk?”

  I had no words. I turned around and thunked my way down the steps to the Corvette. Oh Sawyer. I love you. I’ll be here for you no matter what. But maybe you should just get cats with me. I put the car in reverse and drove home.

  Ally Sheedy was right. When you grow up, your heart dies.

  CHAPTER 51

  I sat on the porch, waiting for Amber. Rabbitzilla lay on the ground like a used parachute, one ear half puffed and limply waving. The only guests I had left were the Cat Show people, and they would leave in the morning. Aunt Ginny was out with Royce. She said Fiona had come along to chaperone, which meant Iggy was driving, which meant Aunt Ginny would come home precranked.

  Figaro meowed through the window, and I let him out on the porch. He climbed up in my lap for some self-serving cuddles. “It’s just you and me, baby.” He pushed his face into mine, purring.

  I’d come home and changed into jeans, a white T-shirt, and a red-plaid flannel. Since Amber never gave me advance info, I didn’t know what to dress for. If Amber dropped me at a formal party looking like this, I would flip my lid.

  The Pinto pulled up and I gave Fig a kiss and put him back in the house, then walked to the car.

  “Get in.”

  “What is your problem with me today?” I clicked my seat belt into place.

  Amber floored it and flung the car away from the curb. After a few blocks of silence she blurted out, “Why don’t you think I’m a good cop?”

  “Where is this coming from?”

  “I heard the questions you were asking about me. Am I dirty? Do I take bribes? Do I plant evidence? My God, McAllister. Who do you think I am?”

  I was rolling back my memory over the past week. None of this sounded right. The only time planting evidence came up was with Consuelos, and no one had used those words. “Who told you this?”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes. It does. Because I didn’t say any of those things. Not the way you’re saying them.”

  “Word got around the station, okay? They said that my ‘partner’ rolled over on me.”

  “As in I gave them evidence about you?”

  “You told them I’d been investigating Temarius’s death even though I was on administrative leave. And you were worried I was planting evidence to implicate another officer.”

  “I can’t believe you fell for that your-partner-gave-you-up bit. Cops do that to suspects all the time, Amber. I think you did it to me!”

  We drove on for a few more minutes of silence. “It wasn’t during my interview, McAllister. It was chatter around the holding tank.”

  “Okay. Chatter by who?”

  “Prudence Crabtree, and some others.”

  “I’ve never even spoken to Prudence Crabtree.”

  “Well, it’s too late to do anything about it now. The trespassing arrest has left me on full suspension.” She pulled onto a gravel driveway near the entrance to the nature preserve that a long time ago was South Cape May, until a hurricane shaved off an entire town on the Jersey Shore. We parked in front of a two-story red barn in a sandy parking lot filled with police cars.

  “Where are we?”

  “Cop bar.”

  “I’ve never seen this place.”

  “You’re not supposed to. And after tonight forget you know about it.”

  I spotted an angry, husky gal leaning against a porch pillar. She was wearing jeans and a leather vest over a gray T-shirt and chewing on a toothpick. “Then why is Joanne Junk here?”

  “You said you needed backup.”

  Has it really come to this? “I meant I would get backup.”

  Amber leaned forward to look through the passenger window. “And who do you have?”

  “I couldn’t get anyone.”

  Amber snorted. “Joanne’s been here with me before, and she knows how to act with this crowd, so you’ll have no trouble there. You aren’t here to make a scene. Try to blend in and keep your ears open for anything about the investigation. I’ll be nearby if you get into trouble.”

  Officer Consuelos opened the barn door and stepped outside.

  “That’s your signal. Ben’ll get you in. For once in your life just try to be cool.”

  I cranked the window down and stuck my arm out to open the door. I hefted myself out and bent over to look back inside. “I don’t have to try to be cool, Amber. I am cool.” I threw the door shut, and the corner of my plaid got caught in the crack.

  I locked eyes with Amber. She raised her eyebrows and gave me a look like she was trying to be patient.

  I opened the door, retrieved my plaid, and slammed it again.

  “Hey, butt face.”

  “Joanne.”

  “Try not to embarrass me in here.”

  Officer Consuelos grinned and looked away. He opened the door, and we walked into a large barn with a polished wood-and-brass bar and an exposed-beam ceiling. The room smelled of Lemon Pledge and nachos. Top 40 hits played over speakers in the back, while two flatscreens behind the bar were playing basketball on one channel and golf on another. Only a few barstools were empty, but there were tables and booths scattered all over the room. The tables in the middle were all vacant.

  “There are so many cops in here, I’m surprised there isn’t a crime spree in town.”

  Officer Consuelos chuckled. “These aren’t all cops. Some are badge bunnies, there are a couple of wives, and a few of these guys are retired.”

  The perimeter of the room was dimly lit, but the entryway where we were was like an interrogation cell. The bartender gave us a chin up that was probably meant for Consuelos.

  He moved in front of us. “Get a drink, get a table. Not in the middle of the room. And not right next to anyone else either. If you need me, I’ll be at the bar. Don’t need me.”

  I nodded.

  He walked away, and Joanne and I wandered over to an empty section of the bar. Joanne took a seat and ordered a beer. I looked around. No windows. Only one way in or out. The main floor led into a smaller room off to the side, with video games and two pool tables. I thought I heard someone playing air hockey.

  “What can I get you?” The bartender was an older black man, all tatted up, with a James Earl Jones voice and a silver hoop in one ear.

  “Just an iced tea, please.”

  Joanne rolled her eyes at me when his back was turned. “Iced tea?”
r />   “What? I’m really not a drinker. And this seems like a bad night to start.”

  Joanne pulled over a bowl of mixed nuts and scooped up a handful. She must have seen the look on my face. “What’s the matter?”

  I shook my head no and shrugged.

  She looked away from me and tossed some nuts into her mouth.

  “It’s just that the news did a special on how those bowls of bar nuts are tainted with urine because people don’t wash their hands when they go to the bathroom.”

  Joanne stopped chewing and slowly dropped the rest of the nuts back into the bowl.

  The bartender delivered our drinks just as two men came in and took seats next to us. They had “cop” written all over them. I was the only one in the bar who tensed up. They ordered beers and started chatting about their day. After a couple minutes of silence they glanced our way, took their beers, and moved.

  I leaned closer to Joanne. “I think we should be talking. We look suspicious, just sitting here listening.”

  Joanne huffed. “You’re just going to suck every minute of fun out of this, aren’t you?”

  “Look, I don’t even want to be here. I’m only here to help Amber.”

  “Well, why Amber would ask you is the bigger mystery.”

  “Amber trusts me. She said I have good instincts.”

  “Are you all talking about Officer Fenton?”

  Joanne and I froze. Two women a few seats down were watching us intently. They were dressed for a sexy-night-out, not an unwind-from-the-shift.

  I cleared my throat. “You know Amber?”

  The brunette answered, “Oh yeah. She comes in here all the time when she gets off her shift.”

  Her friend with long, pink fingernails stirred a martini. “She usually sits alone in the back, though. I haven’t seen her for a few days. I heard she got fired.”

  Joanne and I glanced at each other. Joanne said, “Oh? Fired for what?”

  The brunette turned to her friend. “I don’t remember. What did Pru say?”

  “I think she killed a kid in his apartment.”

  “Wow.” I shook the ice in my glass to mix my tea around. “And here I thought Amber was one of the good cops, you know?”

  The ladies picked up their glasses and moved closer.

  The brunette answered, “Most of these cops are good cops. But she wasn’t very well-liked. At least not by the wives. I’m Karen, by the way.”

  Joanne and I said, “Hi.”

  The other one reached out her hand. “Jill.”

  “Hi.”

  “And what are your names?” Karen asked.

  “Oh,” I answered, “I’m . . . Blossom. And this is . . .”

  Joanne put her hand out. “Jo.”

  “Did Pru say why Amber killed that kid?”

  Karen took a sip of her drink. “I think he was about to go public that she was skimming.”

  Joanne crossed her arms on the bar. “You mean like keeping cash and drugs from busts?”

  Jill nodded. “Mm-hmm, exactly.”

  I ran my finger around the rim of my glass. “Pru is pretty new to Cape May, isn’t she? I heard she transferred from Upper. How is she liking it?”

  Karen tilted her head and nodded. “She loves it. Pru was born to be a cop. She says Chief Fischer is the best. He’s not afraid to put her out there just because she’s a woman, you know? Some of the guys try to protect the women cops like they’re fragile. I mean, not Amber. I hear she’s kind of a ballbuster. But the other ladies have had problems.”

  Jill added, “Yeah. Not all the guys are superexcited about working with female cops.”

  Karen passed a look to Jill. “Well, that’s because their wives don’t like it.”

  Jill sucked the olive off her toothpick. “I wouldn’t like it either. I don’t want my husband driving around with another woman all day, telling her about our sex life.”

  I knocked back some of my tea. The ice shifted, and tea splashed on my shirt. I dabbed at it with my napkin. “Are you ladies married to cops?”

  “No.” Jill shook her head. “But I’ve dated a few.” She pointed around the room. “Him. Him. Almost him. That one’s a jerk, stay away from him.”

  Joanne looked over her shoulder and nodded toward Consuelos. “How about him?”

  Karen grinned. “Oh, he’s yummy. But I don’t think he dates the girls from the bar. And we’ve all tried, believe me.”

  I smiled. “How about Pru’s partner? The blond? What’s his name?”

  Karen scrunched her nose. “Connor Simmons. He’s a creep. I overheard one of the guys say they thought he only made it on the force because his father built the Police Academy a fitness center.”

  Jill poked her toothpick at a floating olive. “There’s something stalkery about him. I wouldn’t stop the car if he was pulling me over.”

  Karen laughed. “That’s how she meets most guys.”

  The door opened, and a couple of the cops raised their glasses.

  Karen nudged me. “Here comes Pru now.”

  Oh no. I hopped off the barstool. “Actually, I have to use the ladies’ room. Excuse me for a minute.”

  I skirted around the edge of the bar and hid my face from the door. If I walked slow, I could overhear pieces of conversation. Most of the cops were chatting about random things. Their girlfriends, their husbands, dreading tourist season, recent arrests.

  I lingered by a booth with two burly men in sweats when I overheard them talking about the IA officer. “Dunne has never liked her. She made him look like a fool with Doyle.”

  “Doyle was innocent. Of course she’d fight back to prove it.”

  My red-plaid camouflage failed to hide me standing out in the open. The fact that I was gawking at their table probably didn’t help either, and the men spotted me.

  One of them narrowed his eyes and gave me a once-over. “Can I help you?”

  I considered backing away quietly, but Prudence was still hovering around the bar. “Uh . . . just checking to see if everything is alright. Can I get you fellas anything?”

  The other man’s head tilted to the side. “Are you new?”

  “Yep.”

  “How long have you been working here?”

  “Would you believe this is my first night?”

  The cop next to him gave me a slow nod. “Yeah, I think I would.”

  I tried a friendly, please-don’t-report-me smile. “So, what’ll it be?” I hope it isn’t against the law to impersonate a waitress.

  The first guy checked his phone. “Not for me, I gotta get goin’.”

  They both started to scoot out of the booth, so I grinned like a madwoman and stepped out of their way and turned into Flo from Mel’s Diner. “Well, y’all have a good night, y’hear.”

  They gave me a nod on their way out.

  That did not go great. I gotta blend in better. I crossed the room to an empty booth in the far corner and grabbed a couple of napkins. I tried to listen in on a table of policewomen in the booth next to mine while vigorously wiping down the clean table.

  “I think they’re setting her up.”

  “She should have been more careful. No one closes that many cases with no evidence.”

  “Well, the I-got-lucky excuse is bs. She can’t keep using it.”

  “I think that waitress is listening to us.”

  Crap.

  One of the women pointed an empty bottle at me. “Hey. You. What are you doing?”

  I took a breath and tried to look more waitressey, like I could balance a tray of drinks with one hand if I had to. “Can I get you ladies another round?”

  A heavily made-up, busty brunette scowled at me. “Since when does Jack have table service?”

  “This is the first night.”

  She gave me an appraising scan. “Well, if you want to get some decent tips, don’t hover around the empty tables trying to look busy.”

  I considered giving her my own tip that frosty peach lip gloss made her loo
k like an undercover prostitute like Carla from Cheers would say, but everyone in here other than me probably had a gun on them, so instead I attempted a grateful smile. “Thank you. I’ll do that.”

  The women ordered another round of drinks that they would never get because I wasn’t going to tell anyone this ever happened, and I got away from them and practically ran into the video-game room to act like I was very interested in air hockey.

  The same two young guys who were playing when we arrived were still battling it out. The one wearing a Flyers T-shirt didn’t see me standing there. “At least if you’re going to hold on to evidence, don’t put it on your report.”

  The cop wearing a blue pullover noticed me watching. “Not that either of us would ever do that.”

  The Flyers T-shirt scored. “What? Not me. Fenton. Oh.”

  I gave him a smile. “I’ve always wanted to learn how to play this.”

  Judging from the distaste that registered on their faces, my powers of seduction must have been on the fritz. They’d been on the fritz since the day I was born so I had no idea what they would look like if they ever surfaced.

  The men gave me a once-over. Flyer’s T-shirt said he was married and the pullover just said, “Not interested.”

  “Oh. Okay. Never mind, then.” I picked up my dignity and slunk out of the room and back into the main bar area. One of the women I’d already talked to held up her glass, but I evaded her eyes and pretended I was being hailed by another table across the way.

  I passed a man drinking alone and talking on his cell phone. “Of course I’m sorry. Just buy whatever you want and let’s put this behind us.”

  Okay, that probably isn’t about Amber. If it is, I don’t know her at all. I didn’t see Prudence at the bar anymore, so I started to head back to my seat.

  Joanne caught my eye and shook me a panicked no.

  Prudence stepped out from behind a larger officer and took a bottle of water offered by the bartender.

  I spun on my heel and hid my face. I headed toward the farthest booth at the back of the room. The policewomen tried to get my attention again. “It’s coming right up. Jack said you were next.” I had to find a way to get out of there before they complained to Jack about his waitress and the whole room realized I was just eavesdropping like Homeland Security. Amber would never forgive me for mucking this up.