The Grass Cutter Sword: A Young Adult Romantic Fantasy (The Healer Series Book 3)

by C. J. Anaya

  I lifted my hand, turning the handle on the door, and entered the room. It held a single table in the middle where the commander lay with a small cushion propped under his head.

  I approached him and assessed his injury with a quick glance. Bright red blood painted a gruesome picture as most of it was dried and cracked cross his chest. His labored, gurgling breaths suggested damaged lungs and severe internal bleeding. Long ago I had hardened myself to the horrendous realities of war, but this man’s situation sent waves of nausea curdling within my stomach. A parade of never-ending violence was finally taking its toll. Pushing these depressing thoughts to the foreground, I placed my hands on either side of his head, closed my eyes, and took in several calming breaths to focus my senses and quiet my frayed and damaged emotions.

  I ignored the impulse to connect with him and focused more on myself, reaching for a state of centralization as Musubi had tirelessly instructed me to. My ki struggled against its limitations as if it ran in circles in an attempt to repair its own injuries. Failing to achieve the results it desired, it tried again and again in an exhausting, repetitive cycle. If I subdued my own ki and instructed it to stop repairing what was impossible to repair, the amount of energy wasted would be minimal and might be used as a short burst of power to connect with the commander and gain what I desired.

  I communicated with my own ki, giving it permission to quit its natural propensity for self-healing. My spirit became quiet, more restful, my ki recognizing the futility of its situation, and eventually accepting its own failings and weaknesses, a difficult thing for a nearly immortal entity to do. I don’t ever remember a time when my ki had willingly accepted spiritual or physical damage.

  Once my energy stilled, I waited. For what, I wasn’t certain, but a small measure of my capacity, no matter how brief, had to return or I would fail. I waited for several minutes before a tiny white light blossomed within my mind’s eye. I mentally reached forward and grasped it, connecting with the commander’s ki, and nearly ripping myself away at the awful pain that swept through my body, not just from his own injuries but from mine as well. My breaths came in short, staccato-like gasps. I leaned against the table for support as I began transferring the man’s memories to my own.

  Images of family, simple living, and eventually disturbing scenes of battle whirred within my mind at dizzying speeds, but his recent memories were the most important. Soon I possessed the information I sought and terminated the transfer immediately thereafter. That natural desire to help and heal momentarily overwhelmed me, but with the little strength and power available to me, accomplishing such a feat remained impossible. The veil hovered just beyond my reach, watching and waiting to claim his spirit once it left his mortal frame.

  He was marked for death, and the most merciful course of action available meant letting him go. With the last bit of energy my ki possessed, I thrust his life force toward the veil and watched, mesmerized, as the veil’s impenetrable wall opened up and beckoned him forward as if reaching out to gently embrace a beloved friend, a soul ready for the next phase of its journey.

  My usual feelings of loathing for this impenetrable barrier and its many successes where I had failed gave way to a bright sensation of love and welcoming from what lay beyond its walls. I couldn’t imagine permanently denying anyone the opportunity to take that next step forward toward a new place where loved ones lost to us most certainly waited to welcome us home.

  The moment the veil enveloped his spirit, the connection vanished, and I stood blinking my tired red eyes over the corpse of my father’s first in command. He had been a good man and kind at heart, forced to fight a battle he hadn’t supported, losing his life in the process. It sickened me to think that my own father was responsible for so much death.

  What a monumental waste.

  “Mikomi, what are you doing?”

  I spun around, but had to lean my back against the table as the room spun with me. Katsu rushed over to steady me.

  “I needed to get that information for my father, Katsu. He never makes idle threats, and I won’t have the slaughter of an entire village weighing upon my conscience.”

  “Mikomi, I know you want to save your friends, but I forbid you to attempt such a dangerous action. If you even try to connect with this man you might lose your abilities completely.”

  “But I did connect with him. I have the location of the gold shipment. Everything will be fine now.” I gave Katsu a weak smile, but it melted off my face at his horrified expression. His fear and anxiety on my behalf led me to consider the possible repercussions of my actions.

  “What did you do to your ki in order to find the energy necessary to accomplish this?”

  I didn’t like the way he looked at me, as if I was dying and might never recover.

  “I subdued my ki and prevented it from continually attempting to heal what it couldn’t. It was a waste of energy, energy I was able to divert into retrieving what I needed.”

  Katsu’s coloring visibly paled.

  “I’m fine.” I placed my hand on his cheek to reassure him.

  “Mikomi, close your eyes and reach for your ki.”

  My eyes widened in surprise, but I did as I was told. I took deep breaths and waited for my mind to sense my life force and inner energy, but I communicated with nothing but a black void. Clearing my mind, I went through the same process again and received nothing. When I opened my eyes I covered my concern with a brittle smile, but he wasn’t buying it. Katsu’’s face registered panic and despair.

  “I can’t feel anything accept a hollow numbness. What has happened?” I asked.

  “No, this can’t be happening. I can’t let this happen.”

  He raked fingers through his hair, controlling the panic threatening to overtake him and then accepting the situation for what it was. I admired his ability to temper his emotions when most humans allowed theirs to overcome their logic and reason. He wasn’t one to dwell on a problem longer than necessary. His personality dictated a solution to every obstacle he encountered. It made him persistent and tenacious in getting what he wanted. It also made him a formidable opponent. Something I would do well to remember, and yet another reason for disclosing my secrets.

  He must have come to some desperate conclusion, for, without warning, he threw his arms around me and crushed my lips to his. It was a hard and desperate collision, attempting to force a connection that didn’t exist. I felt his tears as they mingled with my own and returned his kiss even though I knew what he was attempting would never have its desired effect. His fear and desperation escalated as he tried to connect to a soul that didn’t belong with his.

  He finally lessened the intensity between us and slowly pulled back. The sadness in his eyes made me feel as if he had somehow been dealt a death blow and there was no one capable of saving him. I was a monster for putting him through this. I had to alleviate his concerns and ease his mind. He wasn’t a failure. This wasn’t his fault.

  “It’s as if you’ve become fully mortal,” he whispered.

  This revelation brought me up short.

  “I don’t understand,” I rasped out.

  “Humans cannot heal themselves due to the parts of their minds they have no access to. If they could harness the mental capacity to sense their own ki they could heal themselves just as naturally as we do. You used what little energy you owned and subdued your ki long enough to transfer the commander’s memories, but in the process you’ve lost access to the parts of your mind that communicate with your ki. You’re not human, but you may as well be.”

  I shook my head. “No, that can’t be right. How do we fix it?”

  “I don’t know, Mikomi, but I will do everything I can to bring your soul back to mine. I’ll find a way, I promise.” He stepped forward and kissed me again, softly this time before turning around and leaving the room.

  I felt my hope stealing away as I watched him leave. Katsu would never be able to save me, and I had no way of saving myself.
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  * * *

  My father entered the room a few minutes after Katsu left. If he noticed my distress he didn’t care, as usual.

  “I see you’ve taken my threat seriously and discovered the location for the arrival of the gold shipment.”

  He still maintained that eerily calm façade. It set my nerves on edge. I waited for an attack in the dark, sensing the danger without seeing it.

  “I have the location, but I must have your word that you will harm no one in the village.” My demands were stated with much more confidence than I held. I had never before bargained with my father or refused to immediately impart information. I saw his nostrils flare ever so slightly. I’d finally hit a nerve.

  “I can respect a woman who dares to challenge my authority, especially when it comes from a daughter I previously considered spineless.” He let out a cruel chuckle. “Fine. What are your peasant friends to me?”

  “The shipment is landing on the Miyako beach three weeks from now.” My lie came easily. The location was accurate, but I fudged on the arrival date. It would come in two weeks’ time. I wanted to give Akane and her men ample opportunity to encounter the shipment before my father and his soldiers did.

  He shot his hand forward and snatched the front of my kimono. “If this is not accurate, I will find out eventually, and you will not enjoy the consequences.”

  I forced myself to make eye contact with him as I said, “I’m not lying.” I held still and waited for him as he vacillated between suspicion and acceptance. If he sensed my lie, the beating rendered would be one from which I might never recover, not without the ability to heal.

  Satisfied, he nodded once and released me. He patted me on the head, treating me like a pet who had just performed a useful service.

  “There is one more thing I wish to discuss with you. It has come to my attention that you have discovered my desire to build a kami army.”

  I spoke before thinking. “How did you—”

  My father backhanded me, sending me sprawling to the floor. I tasted the coppery tang of blood and swayed unsteadily upon my knees. Once the room steadied and the darkening of my vision cleared, I turned to face him, though I could only manage to do so in a sitting position. He stood over me, no longer concealing his hatred and anger for my insubordinate behavior.

  “I haven’t spent thousands of hours plotting and planning, sharing your blood amongst my pathetic soldiers only to have you thwart me with your passive aggressive tactics. If you continue to refuse to bind your blood to those men, I will strike at you in any way I can. No one will be spared. Not Kenji. Not Katsu. Not even your mother.”

  “You can’t be serious,” I stated.

  My father’s anger spiked, but I had had enough of playing the victim.

  “You can’t kill Katsu. He is immortal.”

  “You surprise me, Mikomi. After all of the wonderful time we’ve spent together, how could you possibly underestimate me? My threats are never idle. The next time I summon you for a healing, you had best comply with my true wishes.””

  “I can’t heal anymore. My ki is no longer under my control.”

  “Find a way, Mikomi. You’ve proved yourself rather resourceful as of late. Find a way or your precious Katsu dies.” With that he sailed out of the room, not sparing a single glance for his dead commander on the table.

  I knew he had something up his sleeve, but I never dreamed he had found a way to kill a kami. Unless he was simply throwing out empty threats to scare me—and I doubted very much that this was the case—my father possessed a weapon from the underworld and was ready to use it on my betrothed if I didn’t fall in line. How he had managed to come by such a dangerous weapon was beyond me, but I knew it held the key to his recent behavior. He felt invincible, more so than usual. The proverbial trick up his sleeve. I had to discover where that weapon was, and soon, before all of my options were taken from me and all of the people I loved perished in the process.

  I stared into the empty space before me, searching for a solution to my many insurmountable problems, stifling silence my only companion.

  Chapter Five

  I slept like the dead that night, but the slumber did me little good in the face of what Katsu had planned for me. He arrived just after I dressed, asking if he could join me for breakfast.

  “Of course, Katsu. I would be delighted. I am happy to see you are not needed elsewhere.”

  His lips puckered into an angry scowl. “It would seem that leaving you unattended at any time, whether day or night, isn’t the wisest of decisions. I find that it is necessary to either protect you from your father or protect you from yourself.””

  His censure stung, but I could find no fault with it. As my betrothed, it was understood that Katsu was also my master and the man I answered to since my care and protection were his responsibility. The idea of any woman making the kind of decisions I had made without express permission from some male authority was absolutely unheard of, not to mention insulting and disrespectful.

  In truth, I felt a little easier with him here even if he had come to chastise me. With my father’s threat at the forefront of my mind, Katsu’s company was more than welcome.

  I bent my head low, eyes to the floor, hating to do it, but recognizing I owed this man more than I could ever repay, and the damage I had inflicted upon our relationship was mine to atone for.

  “I must apologize for what happened, and for embarrassing you in front of my father.”

  “Mikomi, do you really believe that is what I am upset about? Embarrassing me? You were traveling outside the palace walls with no protection, healing peasants at some local tavern. I understand why you hid your activities from your father, but you never should have hidden them from me.”

  I chafed at the reprimand even though he was in the right. I should have confided everything. There were still many things I needed to impart with him, but I still possessed the desire to defend my actions.

  “The decision I made to help the village as their healer came at a time in my life when I had very little to live for. I couldn’t stand to witness the suffering within my empire without employing my gift. I began my forays from the palace long before you came into the picture. I never meant to deceive you, but my role as the village healer has been a part of my life for five years now, and I didn’t think it wise to tell you.”

  His outrage and disappointment were palpable. I revealed to him the truth of how I felt about this and made no apologies for my own behavior. It was not the response he wanted or expected.

  “You didn’t think it wise to tell me? You didn’t even ask for my permission to continue this foolishness, Mikomi.”

  I lifted my eyes to his. “Would you have allowed it if I had?”

  “Of course not,” he thundered. “I understand these tender feelings you hold toward a people who have suffered at the hands of your father, but you are meant for something greater, and at the present you aren’t even capable of healing a small bruise or cut. You have done nothing but endanger your ascension, and by so doing you have endangered all of us.”

  His hands were fisted at his sides and he took a deep breath. I watched him warily. I knew he had no intention of ever laying a hand on me, but it was difficult for my mind to convince my body to remain calm when I knew this kind of anger tended to escalate in a manner that generally left me bruised and bleeding.

  When his eyes grabbed mine again, I was startled to read sadness and despair there.

  I swallowed hard, fighting back the guilt I felt at never having told him the truth while simultaneously trying to convince myself that the lies had been worth it to help all of those people.

  “Katsu, I can’t change my actions or my decisions, and I can’t say that if I had the chance to do it all over again I would choose a different path. My nature doesn’’t allow for quiet acceptance of another person’s suffering and pain, and my status as The Healer, and a woman no less, leaves me very little room for arguing the point. I do not h
ave equal say in my movements, and the best way around that is to decide these things for myself. I am sorry I hurt you with my deception.””

  Katsu let out a frustrated sigh. “You disobeyed because you care so much for others. Even I cannot fault you for that, but I can tell you that it will never happen again. There is too much at stake, Mikomi, and even now I have no idea if there is a way to fix what is broken within you or if we should all submit ourselves to the demon god and be done with it.”

  Panic stirred within me. “Katsu, surely you don’t believe that our situation is as helpless as that. I just need time to heal—”

  “And you shall have it. This radical behavior from you has forced my hand, and from now on you will remain in this room unless I summon you or Kenji takes you out for your veil training, and as my betrothed you are duty bound to obey me. Do you understand?”

  I lowered my eyes to the floor before they could flash the anger I felt at this humiliating change in our relationship. He was drawing a line. No matter how much he cared or protected me from my father, in the end I was his property, and he was firmly setting up those proper boundaries between a man and his wife. It was the type of behavior I dreaded dealing with before Katsu arrived. It was the type of marriage I’d hoped to avoid.

  I schooled my voice before I responded. “I understand.”

  “I want to make you happy, Mikomi. For the longest time this is all I have wanted, but in the end, I must do what is best for all of mankind.” He hardened his emotions against me before he spoke again. “I must protect The Healer.”

  My heart seized at this duty bound statement. A statement acknowledging that any action he took for or against me would always be determined by my status as The Healer and nothing more. There would never be true love or even real affection, just a gnawing reminder of his duty to enter into a marriage for the good of all mankind instead of the desires of his heart.