The Grass Cutter Sword: A Young Adult Romantic Fantasy (The Healer Series Book 3)

by C. J. Anaya

  I noted him stutter on the word human. It was an odd thing to say. He continued on before I could come to any conclusions.

  “He wanted to prove to me she was no different than any other woman of his acquaintance. He didn’t realize that Edana would be so heartbroken by his betrayal that she would take her own life.”

  I gasped outright, clamping a hand over my mouth to try and mask the horror I felt at such a travesty. To take one’s life was one of the worst things a human could do to themselves. Not just in a physical sense, but the way it destroyed their ki was immeasurable. It would take time for their ki to recover in the afterlife, and the afterlife is better served for intellectual and spiritual progression. That kind of progression can’t be accomplished with a ki in need of serious reparations.

  “Musubi, I understand the anger and pain this experience caused you, but you must know that holding onto those emotions—those feelings of bitterness and betrayal—can only hurt your spirit and poison your soul. You’ll make unthinkable decisions, ones you never would have considered before, choices that may have terrible consequences, leading to your own destruction, your own type of suicide. Surely, you recognize the danger these emotions hold for you.”

  Musubi’s anger intensified and his eyes blazed like blue fire. “You think it wrong that I mourn the death of the woman I loved and seek vengeance on her behalf?”

  “I think it’s noble to right the wrongs of those that would hurt, steal from, and murder their fellow man. I think it right to be a part of the samurai insurgents to overthrow the empire. Their goal is worthy and will save so many lives.”” Musubi’s eyes continued to glint flinty shards of hatred in my direction, but I had to remind myself that his anger wasn’t meant for me. “I know you won’t wish to hear this, but Edana wasn’t murdered. The person responsible for her death is Edana herself.”

  Musubi jumped to his feet. “How dare you blame her for any of this?”

  I stood with less alacrity, feeling a tired ache settle over my chest. I had taken steps in claiming my own kind of control and independence, and I wasn’t going to let him tower over me simply because the things I said were difficult for him to accept.

  “I only blame her for the part she played in her own death. Even you said she took her own life. This man you hold so much hatred for is most certainly culpable for treating her as if she didn’t matter, as if she were nothing but a pawn or a tool in his hands, but something I am fast learning is our destiny is in our own hands.” I felt on the very cusp of my own personal enlightenment. Maybe this discussion was as much for my benefit as it was for Musubi’s. ““Our path is as clear as we make it. No one told her she had to die; no one forced her to end her existence. In a moment of pain and heartbreak she made a terrible error, but it was her error, Musubi.”

  He was before me in an instant, grabbing me by my shoulders. “Don’t.” He shook his head as if to cast away the ringing truthfulness of my words. ““Don’t ever speak of Edana like that again.”

  His black anger pulsed between us, threatening to wrap itself around me and consume me. I should have been frightened by this explosive situation, but I knew in my heart he was a good man. He would never hurt me. He had lost his way and needed someone to guide him back.

  “I only speak the words you need to hear. You are not this man, Musubi. You are not a vengeful, hateful human being. I sense there is so much more you must accomplish in this life, in this world, but you cannot fulfill your true purpose if you are distracted by revenge. You must let this go.”

  Musubi’s grip on my shoulders tightened for an instant and the stormy set to his features promised another tirade of pain and anger, but as we stared into each other’s eyes his features slowly began to soften. The flinty glare was replaced by an awful sadness, the tightness in his body deflated as if he could feel nothing more than indifference for all he had suffered.

  He lifted his hand and cupped my cheek, rubbing his thumb softly against my cheekbone. I wanted to sigh in relief, but he appeared so defeated.

  “You might have been my salvation at one time, little healer. I wish I had found you much sooner than this.” He rested his forehead softly against mine and breathed me in. His body relaxed even further, but his emotions were all wrong. Resignation——perhaps a sense of determination for some purpose or goal—carried him far beyond my reach. “I made a deal long ago that will keep me bound and chained forever.” He lifted his head and looked at me with such longing and regret I felt the effects of it right through my center.

  I shook my head and grabbed hold of his hands, frightened that I was losing him. “No deal or bargain is more powerful than your own will and reason to live the life you wish. The choice still belongs to you.”

  He took a step back. “I can’t choose anything.”

  “You can choose me.”

  Before I had time to reconsider, I boldly closed the distance between us and lightly placed my hands on either side of his face. I touched my lips to his as delicately as I could, not because I was afraid or hesitant, but because I wanted to give him the opportunity to make his own choice, to stand his ground and change his path. I wanted to afford him a chance at happiness, but not force that decision upon him as so many decisions had been forced upon me. So I took that first step and kissed him as softly as a sunrise kisses a darkened sky, hoping to receive warmth and acceptance despite the certainty of an endless night.

  Musubi startled, but he didn’t push me away or pull back. He brushed his lips against mine, hovering between his desire for love and absolution, and his pressing need for revenge. Then he wrapped his arms around me and crushed his mouth to mine. His kiss was filled with passion and pain submerged in an endless sea of torment. His lips drank from mine as if he had been thirsting for most of his life and intended in that moment to take what he could in order to survive as long as possible.

  There was a frantic urgency in the way his arms pressed me to him. Our ki touched and then embraced, merging with one another. I welcomed him in, allowing him to repair the parts of me that were broken—the years of damage and abuse slipped away in an instant—but it was almost as if he denied himself the same opportunity for healing. My ki could do nothing for him with this black barrier looming between us. Our powerful connection continued building. Hues of gold, streaks of glowing yellow and the stunning brilliance of the purest white suffused my mind. I readied myself to finally reach out and bridge that gap separating us and obliterate everything damaged and broken in between.

  I never had the opportunity to cleanse Musubi’s heart before he ended our connection.

  He didn’t bridge that gap. He didn’t kiss me in return in order to build upon the pain of his past and move forward toward the light of a more promising future. His affections remained absent of hope. Absent of the sure knowledge that our lives together might be the most perfect kind of destiny ever discovered by god or man. He kissed me, hoping to have one small moment of happiness to hold onto as he pursued his quest for vengeance.

  He kissed me to say goodbye.

  He kissed me and let me go.

  The interruption of this near perfect joining left me feeling bereft and emotionally destitute.

  Musubi stepped back and schooled his features though it fractured his ki to make the decision to turn from me and pursue his original goal.

  “I think it would be best if I slept outside tonight. We’ll make our way back to our meeting point with Akane in the morning.”

  I turned from him, already feeling the tears descending upon my cheeks. He cared for me, I was sure of it, but he would never act upon those feelings again, and perhaps, in the end, that was the most prudent path before us.

  Chapter Seven

  The next morning I awakened only to be startled by Musubi’s proximity as he thoughtfully studied me. I abruptly came to a sitting position, knowing full well I looked a mess, but having no brush to put my hair to rights. A frivolous thought in the midst of our more pressing issues.

/>   “What’s wrong? Have the soldiers discovered us?”

  He shook his head. “No, but I realized as I awoke this morning that I never once thought to ask if you had succeeded in retrieving the information about the gold shipment.”

  My heart sank as Musubi went back to business as usual, pretending nothing had happened between us the previous night. He was focused on his agenda and whatever vengeful plan he had concocted, and he would not be dissuaded from it, not even by me.

  “Yes, I was able to collect our information.” I delivered in detail the exact information I had shared with Akane.

  “You came by this two days ago, so we have twelve days to meet the shipment before the emperor arrives.”

  “I informed the emperor that the shipment would arrive a week later than is accurate.”

  Musubi’s eyes rose in disbelief, and he swore under his breath.

  “Do you have any idea how much danger you have placed yourself in?” He nearly exploded to a standing position, the anxious energy within him propelling his movements.

  “What do you mean?”

  He paused, his anger filling him and radiating outward. “Mikomi, the moment the emperor realizes you have fed him faulty intelligence he will find you and kill you. Your family’s wealth and position will not succeed in protecting you against an emperor who believes you have committed treason. This is why I protested such a dangerous mission. You weren’t prepared for it.”

  I failed to mention to Musubi that even if I had decided to shy away from the assignment, I would have been forced to do it anyway. My father’s capture of Hatsumi and Daiki cemented that fact. The emperor knew my weaknesses and used them to his advantage. My father would no doubt be angry when he discovered my lie, but I hoped to be with the rebels by then. Killing me would never be an option, not even for my father. My role in the prophecy was too important.

  Since Musubi knew none of this it remained imperative that I behave as if my imminent demise posed a real issue.

  “I suppose I will have to up my time frame when it comes to leaving. I should probably make ready my departure before the emperor discovers my subterfuge.”

  The idea of finally escaping my palace prison was intoxicating. In the back of my mind I wondered how far I might run before Katsu found me. After all, he was nothing but driven to fulfill his duty. He wouldn’t let me alone so easily. Still, however impossible the idea, I longed for the day when I would be able to leave the palace and live my life as I saw fit.

  I stood up and approached Musubi, placing a hand over his shoulder to stop his worried pacing. “I am learning to fight more rapidly than most people. I can take care of myself and my brother should anything happen before we move to join you.”

  Musubi grabbed my arms and pulled me close. “You are nowhere near ready to face a trained soldier. I don’t want to consider the consequences if you had to.” His hands slid down the length of my arms and then came to rest at my waist. As if finally becoming aware of his actions, he pulled his hands back and stepped away from me. “We need to move,” he said in a gruff tone. “I’m sure Akane is already waiting for us at the rendezvous point.”

  I nodded and followed him outside. Musubi reached for my hand, preparing to help me mount. I gave him one more searching look, but he avoided my gaze. His steely resolve replaced any second thoughts concerning the status of our relationship.

  He swung up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, leaning my back firmly against his chest.

  “Why do you not have me ride behind you?” I wondered.

  “If we need to run away from anymore soldiers, my back will be the only target they can shoot at. I don’t want any arrows hitting that beautiful backside of yours.”

  I made a disgruntled noise at his teasing, but smiled despite myself.

  “It looks as if you have completely healed from whatever your father did to you.”

  I quirked a questioning eyebrow, but realized he couldn’t see it. “What do you mean?”

  His hand reached around me to gently grasp my chin. He guided my head to look at him as he leaned around my shoulder. His eyes were stormy flecks of smoldering blue, and the desire held within their depths was something he was incapable of squelching no matter how hard he tried.

  “The whites of your eyes are no longer red,” he said. “They’ve healed completely.”

  His revelation forced me to focus on his words rather than my physical reaction to his addicting presence. “That’s…that’’s impossible!”

  His eye narrowed at my declaration. “I’ll admit it took an exceptionally long time for you to heal from that particular injury, but surely you didn’t believe your body would fail to recover completely.” He leaned back and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Take deep breaths, Mikomi, and form a connection with your center. Can you access your ki?”

  I pressed my eyelids shut, desperate to discover if what Musubi claimed held any merit. I felt my mind open fully and found the familiar extension of energy and awareness present as if it had never been absent at all. I was both relieved and perplexed by this sudden change.

  “I have access, yes.” My mouth felt dry at the implications of this miraculous recovery. The only male I had made contact with, the only person I had kissed within a twenty-four hour period had been Musubi, and according to Katsu, reparations to my damaged ki only occurred through a more personal connection of spirits such as the kisses Katsu had administered in the hopes that he might be the means of my recovery. How was it possible that Musubi had accomplished what Katsu had not?

  The answer was glaringly simple, yet I doubted its veracity. I feared to hope that what I wanted was actually part of our First Parents’ plan. To claim Musubi as my soul mate demanded he be tied to the prophecy and immortal no less. He fell under neither of these stipulations, and even if he did, his stance on our future together had been spelled out in no uncertain terms.

  It couldn’t be him, no matter how much I longed for the simplest of answers. There had to be another explanation. Maybe Katsu’s attempts at healing me had a delayed reaction. Either way, the damage was gone, and I felt better than I had in months.

  “I suspect a night away from your father’s abusive presence must have done you some good. I think the arrangement should be made permanent.”

  I remained silent as Musubi expertly guided his horse through the forest. I sat in the middle of a large puzzle with only a few pieces clicking into place. The rest remained a mystery, with scattered pieces blocking my way forward, preventing me from answering the most pressing question of all.

  Who was my soul mate? Musubi? Some unknown kami who would suddenly appear and tear me from what I wanted most?

  I supposed only time would tell.

  * * *

  After about thirty minutes of travel, we came to a small clearing where Akane frantically paced as she pulled at her fiery hair. The minute she saw us, her impatient movements morphed into a determined stride.

  “Where the hell have you two been? We were supposed to meet here yesterday! I feared that you were captured!” She broke off when her gaze rested upon mine. “Mikomi, your eyes are no longer red. How—”

  I shook my head ever so slightly, hoping she would drop the subject, as I wasn’t certain myself exactly how it had happened.

  She took the hint and used a different approach. “Must be wonderful to have all of that medical knowledge at your disposal. I am happy to see you are feeling better.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  Musubi jumped from the horse and then helped me to dismount. The warmth of his hand lingered long after he released me.

  “We found it necessary to lay low for a day. It wasn’t safe to travel until now.” An incomprehensible look passed between them. ““It isn’t safe for Mikomi to return home for long. The emperor will no doubt discover her deception when he goes to retrieve a shipment of gold that isn’t there. We need to offer her and her brother protection.””

  “Yes
, Mikomi and I discussed this just before we were separated. It is simply a matter of time before the emperor discovers the truth.” Akane looked at me. “Can you meet us at the Holy Cherry Tree two days from now?”

  I considered this. My departure would be difficult now that I had been missing from the palace for longer than a day. As if reading my thoughts, Akane spoke.

  “I sent a message to Kenji, informing him of what happened. He has told your father…and er…any other parties involved that you remained at the Shinto temple overnight studying with the monks. Kenji is planning to fetch you within a few hours from now.” She let out a shaky breath. “Thank the gods you showed up when you did, otherwise your lingering absence would have been much more difficult for your tutor to explain away.””

  The understatement of the century. My betrothed’s response to my continued absence promised to be volatile at the very least. Katsu’s inability to heal me had provided his otherwise absent insecurities an endless supply of fuel. Regardless of the excuses Kenji made on my behalf, I fully expected Katsu’s reaction to be nothing short of smothering when I returned to the palace. He would no doubt have me under lock and key.

  With Yao and Chan’s assistance, I thought it might be possible to make an escape within two days. Katsu would no doubt tear the kingdom apart looking for me. I felt a stab of guilt at the thought of leaving him after all of the time we had shared together. I hated to withhold so much from him and leave without an explanation, but our last conversation had made it painfully clear that no matter the civility and consideration we showed one another, his duty was to The Healer and nothing more.

  Katsu in no way favored my father as emperor, but he would be angered that I had placed myself in what he would consider a dangerous position by siding with the rebels without his knowledge or express permission—permission he would never give for obvious reasons. With those factors driving all of his actions, emotions and choices, there was no telling what Katsu might do if the rebel army stood in between him and his betrothed.