by C. J. Anaya
When I opened my eyes, I noticed that Musubi’s hands were covering my own. I looked up at him questioningly and almost winced at the glaring look he gave me.
“What did you do?”
“I tried to lessen your pain. I told you I’m an empath. I absorbed a little of your emotions so they don’t weigh upon you so heavily.””
Musubi stood up so abruptly I almost fell over.
“You had no right. You had no business attempting to take away what drives me, what motivates me, what gives me purpose and a reason to live.”
I felt my jaw drop in surprise and was on my feet as well.
“Musubi, forgive me, but I think if these feelings are the only obstacles standing between you and a death wish then you should have dispensed with all of it long ago. As I’ve stated before, you’ll never be able to move on if there is that much anger, pain, and hatred lodged in your heart.”
“Who said I wanted to move on? I have much to accomplish, little healer, and you will not interfere with my plans.”
I would have argued the point, but the feelings I absorbed chose to attack me at that moment. I doubled over in pain and dropped to my knees. I let out a soft cry, but I really wanted to scream as loud as my vocal chords would allow.
“Mikomi, what is wrong? What is happening?”
His arms wrapped around my body, but the pain I felt continued to stab at me like sharp needles all over my entire frame. I was no stranger to this process, but no one’s pain had ever brought me to my knees the way this kami’s pain had. My body shook uncontrollably while large droplets of moisture seeped down the length of my temple. Musubi continued to hold me close to his chest, but it did little to ease the agony. After a few minutes more of my tortured state my shaking stopped and the pain subsided. I limply relaxed into his arms while Musubi rocked me back and forth.
I brought my hand to my face and tried to wipe away the tears.
“Mikomi, please tell me what just happened.” He lifted my chin to meet his eyes. Pools of deep blue, full of concern for me wove a hypnotic spell over my mind. At that moment my defenses were down, he was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, and I probably would have told him anything just to bring a smile to his serious face.
“I absorbed some of your bitterness, hatred, and pain. I wanted to take all of it away, but my body can only handle so much at one time. Still, I shouldn’t have had such a strong reaction. It’s just so deeply rooted within you.”
“You absorbed my emotions even though you were aware that it would hurt you?” He seemed astonished at the very idea.
“Of course. I’m an empath, and a woman of medicine. It’s my job to make things better, whether you wish me to or not.” He still cradled me in his arms, and I couldn’t help but feel all was right with the world at that very moment.
“You should have never sacrificed yourself like that for me. You’re never to do it again, do you understand?”
“You’re not my commander nor my master, so I will do as I please.”
I couldn’t believe how outspoken I had become. It was so unlike the princess of old. But then I guess I wasn’t a princess at the moment. I was Mikomi, and I loved it.
Musubi pulled me closer so that our faces were mere inches apart.
“You will never endanger yourself for my sake ever again.”
I stared at the perfect set of his nose and the outline of his full lips.
“You think your negative emotions are your strength, but nothing could be further from the truth. Anything noteworthy you achieve in this life will not be the result of the anger and hatred you so fiercely cling to.” Musubi said nothing, but merely stared at me in silent scrutiny. ““You ache for the love you lost, but has it never occurred to you that by letting these feelings go you might find a new love? One that could heal what’s broken within you?”
“I don’t wish to find new love,” he said hoarsely.
His confession hurt my heart, but I couldn’t let him see it. “Then you won’t. You’ll stay lonely, angry, and unloved forever. I hope whatever vendetta you are holding onto is worth losing any future chance of happiness.”
Musubi slowly brought us both to our feet but kept his arms around my waist to hold me upright.
“I think this has been a mistake. I do not believe it is wise for us to continue this farce, behaving as if we are a happily married couple. We are too familiar with one another now.”
“That’s not true. You’re afraid there might be some merit to the things I’ve just told you, and you’re uncomfortable with that. You’re uncomfortable with me.”
Musubi pulled me in even closer. “I don’t want to find a new love. I don’t need to find a new love.”
“I believe you do,” I whispered.
The pace of my heart quickened the longer Musubi held me in his arms. He looked determined to let me go and walk away, but he also looked desperate to hold on to something or someone that might calm the raging storm within him. I wasn’t sure which decision he would make, but I already knew what mine was. I never wanted him to let me go.
Nothing in my life had ever been simple or uncomplicated, but what I knew and felt while being held in Musubi’s arms gave me more clarity than I had ever received in my entire life. I wanted him, and no one else. I needed him, and no one else.
Our moment together was interrupted by the loud scuffing of boots upon the forest floor.
Musubi released me like I had just burned him and retreated a healthy distance from me. Though it was dark, and the light from the torches flickered in the wind, I could still see the angry lines and baffled look etched across his features. He wasn’t quite sure what to think of our heated exchange.
“Dinner is ready,” Saigo yelled as he scuffled over a few banyan roots that littered the terrain. “Akane sent me to fetch you and told me to prepare yourselves for the roles you must play. There are several new forces who have joined us this evening, and they have yet to be informed that you two are wed. I believe she is concerned that a few of them might make a pass at my dear sister.” He gave me a look of mock horror. “If they had any idea how loudly you snore at night, I’m sure the matter would already be settled.”
I quirked an amused glance his way, but immediately brought my eyes back to Musubi’s. It was his move to make, now. Would we continue to play out this farce or not? He seemed to collect himself quickly and that impenetrable mask of his clamped down around him, effectively shutting off my access to his emotions in the process. I wasn’t sure how he managed it, but I couldn’t sense anything from him.
“Are you ready?”
He took a moment to answer. I wondered if I had pushed him too far too fast.
“Yes.”
I let out a small sigh of relief.
Musubi snaked an arm around my waist and a wolfish grin replaced his stoic demeanor. “Come, dear wife. We have a performance to give.”
I plastered a brave smile on my face and promised myself that one day it would be more than just a performance on Musubi’s part. One day he would look at me with no anger, reservations or fear.
One day he would look at me with love.
Chapter Thirteen
We left early for the palace the following morning. With such a large force at our disposal the plan was to keep to the forest for as long as possible and circle around the palace until we reached the south side of the grounds. It would take two days and nights for our entire army to assemble themselves in their strategic locations. Our party would enter through the back via the gardens while several other parties would create decoy attacks within the perimeter of the palace grounds. The goal was to draw the kami out of the palace and engage them in battle while Akane, Musubi, Yao, Chan, and myself made our way to the dungeons. Saigo and Kenji insisted on coming. My tutor knew more about the terrain and the settlers in Kagami than anyone else in the camp, and Saigo threatened to follow us if we left him behind, something I wasn’t too keen on doing anyway.
A few mut
terings from Musubi about my brother’s inhuman appetite was the only opposition in the matter, and Akane heartily welcomed any advantage Kenji’s knowledge might bring to our travels.
The first day of traveling proved draining. Akane was a tireless, determined force of energy, encouraging us all to push a little harder and walk a little farther. Her intent was to arrive halfway through the forest on our first day of circumventing the main roads and villages frequented by imperial guards. Since the forest was quite vast, I wondered if it would be possible to accomplish such a feat.
Horses carried supplies and provisions, and a few men rode upon horseback in order to conserve their energy. Musubi frequently doubled back from the front of the long line to walk beside me. He claimed to worry about my ability to withstand our arduous pace for such a prolonged period of time, but my cheerful smiles and quick reassurances dispelled much of his worry on that front, though it brought up other worries revolving around my unnatural stamina and ability.
I ignored his tumultuous feelings on that score and continued forward, walking just as the others did. I didn’t feel comfortable on horseback while everyone around me suffered on foot.
Once the sun began to set, Akane instructed soldiers to set up camp, and soon the bustling sounds of their progress created a soothing balm to my somewhat frayed nerves. The thought of Katsu searching for me at this very moment weighed heavily upon my thoughts. The guilt I felt at my abandoning him refused to afford me any peace. I fought for a way to end my people’s suffering, but I feared many others such as Katsu would suffer in the process.
After grabbing a bowl of rice and roasted fish, I made my way to one of the many small campfires set up throughout the area and spotted my brother, Aiko, and Kenji seated upon an overturned log. Akane had engrossed them in an animated discussion from the looks of her excited face and quick arm movements. She was fairly flinging rice in her eagerness to impart her news. Kenji and Aiko let out soft chuckles, and Saigo’s eyes danced with merriment. I feared my little brother had developed a slight infatuation for the rebels’ commander.
“And just what is it that is so amusing?” I asked once I seated myself upon a log next to them. I carefully set my food down and brought my hands up to catch the heat of the crackling flames.
“This morning we devised a wager to see how many times during the day Musubi would ‘check the ranks of the men’ while simultaneously inquiring after your welfare.”” Saigo wiggled his eyebrows at me and let out a hearty laugh.
“I can’t believe this is what you did to occupy your thoughts during the day.”
“It was enormously entertaining,” Yao stated as he seated himself across from us.
My eyes widened at the hint of mirth on his lips, and then Chan sat beside him with an equally hilarious expression.
“You two were in on this wager as well?”
Yao and Chan let out gruff noises that I took for laughter.
“What was your count then, Yao?” Akane inquired. She used her fingers to grab the delicate grains of rice within her makeshift bowl.
“I believe Musubi checked on his wife no less than twenty-five times during the course of our journey today.”
“Are you quite certain? According to my count, I believe he inquired about her health and the state of her shoes at least thirty times,” Aiko corrected. My maid gave me a teasing smile. It was good to see her so happy and relaxed after everything she had suffered at the hands of my father.
“Well, if we’re going to get into the details, I believe he reached for her hand at least thirty-five times and then mooned over her with his eyes no less than five hundred and thirty-seven times,” Saigo exaggerated.
I failed to contain my laughter at this point.
“Not a single one of you counted correctly. There is simply no basis of truth in your claim of twenty-five or thirty-five visits.” I said it as if the entire concept was ridiculous to begin with. “It was thirty-seven visits to be precise, just in case any of you are interested in accuracy.”
Saigo, Yao, Aiko, and Chan doubled over with laughter, while Kenji handed over some coin to Akane and asked, “How on earth did you know she would be keeping track herself?”
I heard some rustling behind me and then Musubi’s comforting form was seated by my side.
“What in the world are all of you going on about?”
There was a moment of silence as everyone took in Musubi’s arrival, and then Saigo said, “We were merely discussing the mating practices of certain mammals within the forests of Kagami.”
At this, everyone exploded into fits of laughter, and I had to suppress a few giggles myself as heat infused my cheeks and then rushed to warm the rest of my body.
“Strange topic of discussion,” Musubi muttered.
I let out a rather indelicate snort and another round of laughter erupted from the other members seated around the camp fire. Musubi gave us all a puzzled glare, shrugged his shoulders, and dived into his rice and fish as if he hadn’t fed in a few centuries.
The slight breeze within the forest lifted my tresses and cooled the blush from my cheeks. I heard Musubi catch his breath and turned to see what had arrested his attention. The intensity of his gaze washed over me. For a moment he remained immobile and then he reached forward to cup my chin with his hand as if he couldn’t help himself, as if our latest conversation had never transpired.
In moments like these I burned with confusion over his hot and cold behavior. I wanted consistency one way or the other, but to ride this turbulent wave of emotion left me as vulnerable and unsteady as flittering leaves upon a thin branch.
A throat cleared within the circle and Musubi blinked once, twice and then came to himself. He slightly shifted his body away from mine and searched for his anger, grabbing hold of it and using it to replace the earlier tenderness.
An unhappy sigh escaped my lips as I let the moment pass. I couldn’t call him out on it with an audience surrounding us. It was simply better to let him be.
“Kenji, I do wish you would tell us some of your ancient stories about the gods,” Saigo said in a wistful tone. “The one about Umisachihiko and his marriage to the sea god’’s daughter is my favorite.”
“Truly, Saigo? I would have thought you’d prefer stories of battle and conquest,” I said.
“The daughter turns into a shark dragon. Infinitely more entertaining.”
Kenji gazed into the fire, contemplating Saigo’s request.
“While I would love to pontificate upon the various stories—some accurate, others mostly false—of our ancient deities and their numerous atrocities, there is one story that I believe bears discussion, considering the battle we are walking into.”
The air grew a bit heavy as serious looks replaced the earlier lighthearted atmosphere.
“During my intensive studies throughout the years, I came across an ancient scroll discussing life, death and how all living beings are foreordained to follow specific paths.”
My attention piqued at this interesting topic of discussion. I think I was waiting for Kenji to claim that foreordained events were never quite as immovable as our culture dictated. Wishful thinking on my part.
“You see, due to our own choices and decisions, there are certain souls in this life who are never given the opportunity to fulfill the measure of their creation. Their purpose is not yet realized at the time of their death, but specific events must occur in order to maintain a certain type of balance.”
“How is this circumstance rectified?” Akane asked.
“The solution to this problem can be found in the form of The Grass Cutter Sword.”
Musubi shifted at the mention of Katsu’s sword. His hatred manifested itself within his eyes and drew darkness to his form. I surreptitiously placed a hand on his knee to bring him from his dark thoughts. He looked at me in surprise and managed a small nod, but nothing more. Puzzled, I gazed upon him a moment longer, hoping for some reason behind his venomous reaction, but received no ot
her impressions after that. I turned my attention back to Kenji and the information he wished to share.
“Our First Parents came to the conclusion that a soul with unfinished business must be reborn into the world in order to accomplish its mission and restore balance. The Grass Cutter Sword is known mainly for its ability to focus the energy of millions of ki in order to keep the veil healthy and impenetrable, but what many are unaware of is the sword’’s ability to recognize a soul passing through the veil with unfinished business.”
Kenji launched into great detail about the sifting of souls and the moment when those souls might be reborn. Though I had learned it all before, I still paid close attention to the story, especially as I considered the previous life I had stumbled across when exploring Akane’s memories. I wondered if she had been one of those souls with her purpose not yet fulfilled, and how that purpose might tie in with Katsu. I also wondered if telling her might somehow destroy the pattern of events that necessitated such an achievement. My thoughts focused sharply as Kenji outlined other elements Katsu had never shared with me.
“There are certain souls so monumentally essential to the balance and order of the universe that when they die without fulfilling their mission upon this Earth, their souls must be bound and held in reserve in an entirely different manner.”
“I’m not sure I understand, Kenji,” I said. “Are these particular souls not reserved in the same area as the others?”
He shook his head. “The order in which a soul is reborn depends upon the timing of their death. The Grass Cutter Sword has no control over when those souls will be reborn, it merely recognizes that that particular soul falls under that category and sifts it into a special location where rebirth is dictated according to the order of your death. Those souls who passed away centuries before will be reborn before souls who have just recently passed through the veil. It’s Heaven’s version of waiting your turn, and first-come-first-serve. But the few souls who have the capacity to change the entire fate of the world must be reborn at a specific time and place, and under certain circumstances. There are even some souls who are not released without the use of a blood sacrifice.”