Big Stick

by R. C. Stephens

  I chuckle. “We were ten years old. I didn’t think this would be an issue. Look, if you want, we can go somewhere else. It’s just really nice up there. The Sky Deck is cool.”

  Her teeth press into her lower lip. She’s quiet for a beat then takes a deep breath. “Sure, let’s see the Sky Deck. “Truth is I don’t know if my fear of heights has passed. But I’m ready to find out.”

  “Great.” I knock shoulders with her and walk with my hands tucked into my jean pockets so I’m not tempted to take her hand.

  “I remember you didn’t want to let go of your dad’s leg until we got back to the car.”

  She gives me a solemn look, and I want to kick myself for mentioning her dad. I know from Oli that he and Flynn didn’t talk about their parents much after they died. Even now it’s hard.

  “That elevator was scary as hell.” She finally speaks. “The ride up wasn’t great, but the ride down made my stomach feel like it was falling out from under me. And being that high up wasn’t natural.” She giggles, and I breathe a little easier. Maybe it was okay to bring her father up after all.

  “If you want to hold my leg going up or down on the elevator, I won’t mind.”

  She raises both her brows. “Only I’m not four feet tall anymore.”

  “No, you’re definitely not.” I grin. We head inside, and I buy the tickets. I also get tickets for the Ledge, but I don’t explain what it is, and she doesn’t ask.

  There’s a small line at the elevator. When it’s our turn to get on, she turns to me and gives me a nervous look. “You can hold my hand,” I offer.

  “Okay.” She nods, and I take her hand in mine. Just this small touch makes my body buzz. I’ve missed her so damn much. It takes everything in me not to wrap my arms around her and never let go. I’m losing it. I glance down at her, and it looks like she’s holding her breath.

  “Slow breaths. You got this. Trust me. The view will be worth it.”

  She opens her mouth, and I watch her breathe. The elevator stops, and everyone slowly exits.

  Her first word is “Wow.”

  “See, I told you it’s amazing up here.”

  She drops my hand and we walk around.

  “That’s the Navy Pier.” I point to the large Ferris wheel. “I’ll have to take you on that in the summer,” I say.

  She cocks a brow. “We’ll see.”

  I laugh. “It’s like the fair. Games and rides.”

  “So, it’s for kids,” she says, and I understand what Oli was talking about when he said Flynn was all about work.

  “Lots of adults go there. It’s fun.”

  She tilts her head to the side. “I guess.”

  I snicker. “You need to have some fun.”

  She furrows her brows. “What’s that?”

  “Very funny.” I mock laugh. “I can show you fun.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you can,” she says, and it sounds like a jab.

  “Ouch.”

  “Well, it’s true. Isn’t it?” She crosses her arms and waits expectantly.

  I concede. “Comes with the territory of being in the NHL.” I don’t want to go there with her now. I know I have a reputation with the bunnies.

  I have to change the direction of the conversation, and there is something I need to know. It’s been eating away at me, even though I don’t have a right to expect anything from her after seven long years. “Did you love your ex?” I swallow hard and prepare myself for the worst.

  “We were together two years. You met Maddy the receptionist. She clearly had something I didn’t,” she says.

  My gaze grows warm. “She has nothing on you, Tink. You were just too good for him, and he knew it,” I say, and my eyes linger on her. It’s so easy getting lost in her eyes. I realize she didn’t answer the question, and my gut twists at the thought of her loving another man. It’s unfair and crazy of me to think that, but when it comes to Flynn, I lose myself.

  She takes a large gulp and turns away. “What’s over there?” she asks.

  I need to blink to clear my mind. “Soldier Field. And that’s Lake Michigan. It’s nice in the summer, too. One of my friends from the team has a yacht there. It’s a good time.”

  She smiles and continues to walk. I follow and catch up to her. “Here, follow me. I got us tickets for the Ledge,” I say. The fact that she didn’t answer my question still eats away at me on the inside. I know she’s had a life, but I also know I’ve never fallen for a woman in all these years. I just wonder if she’s experienced love. But I don’t press the issue.

  “What’s the Ledge?” she asks before coming to a complete halt. I think the sight of the Ledge has answered the question for her. It’s an all-glass balcony that extends four feet from the building’s edge into space. It’s a trippy feeling to stand on it. “You go ahead. I’ll wait here,” she murmurs.

  I purse my lips. “Come on, Tink. It’s a rush,” I say. “Standing out there makes your blood pump fast, makes you feel alive.” I want to add that I get the same rush standing beside her, but I keep the thought to myself.

  I watch as the wheels turn in her mind. “Okay. I do need to live a little.” She shakes her head. “You can still talk me into almost anything. That’s a little scary.”

  “Aw! Come on.”

  “What? It’s true. You remember the time you came to Blue Mountain with my family in the summer? You and Oli were going ziplining. I, of course, tagged along and was already in the harness when one of the employees asked us to sign a waiver stating if anything bad happened to us, they weren’t responsible. I told the guy to get me out of the harness as fast as possible. Oli didn’t care either way if I did it or not, but you wouldn’t let up convincing me what a thrill it would be to fly through the forest. How I’d be missing out on the fun. Lord knows why I listened to you.”

  I laugh so hard my stomach clenches. “You screamed so loud on that first line.”

  “I know. I gave myself a sore throat,” she admits with a warm smile.

  “You had fun. You can’t say you didn’t.” I distinctly remember her thanking me for forcing her to do it.

  “I did.” She grins, and a soft chuckle escapes her.

  “Yeah,” I say on a soft exhale, staring at her warmly. Our lives had always been entwined. It’s fucked up how things can change so quickly. How our lives can be on one course one minute and on a completely different one the next. It makes me fucking sad. We lost a lot of precious time.

  I don’t want to waste any more time. I want to get to know grown-up Flynn. I stare at her a beat too long then pull myself from my daze and say, “Are we doing this?” I extend my hand, waiting for her to take it, but silently, I’m asking her to trust me.

  “We are.” She takes my hand, and we walk out onto the Ledge both figuratively and physically. My heart still beats fast when she’s around. “Shit! Myles this is freaking scary,” she says, squeezing my hand in a vicelike grip.

  “Scary but thrilling,” I add.

  “It is. At least, for someone like me.” She can’t pull her gaze away from looking down.

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I don’t know. I’ve just tried to control every aspect of my life, and lately nothing is going as I planned.”

  I turn my head to really look at her. This feels like old times. Us talking about our lives. We were always able to open up to each other.

  “Look down. Enjoy that you don’t have any control up here whatsoever,” I say.

  She guffaws. “Seriously? That’s your advice?” From what I’ve seen the past couple of weeks, she’s a workaholic. I can see she’s passionate about her job, but there’s more to life than that.

  “Yes.” I nod. “And I stand by it. Just let go, Tink. Let go.”

  She looks up at me slowly. “That’s easier said than done.”

  “I know.” I give her hand a squeeze. I told her we should be friends. I don’t know if I’m capable of that, not with this burning attraction I’m feeling.

>   We stand on the edge a few more moments, and then we walk back toward the elevator area. I can see she’s shaking. “Come here.” I wrap my arms around her, and I feel her fast heartbeat. “You okay?” I don’t even know if I’m okay right now. What was I thinking? That I could take her out for a fun day on the town and it would mean nothing?

  “I just think it’s the adrenaline from standing out there.”

  “Yeah. It’s pretty intense. You hungry?” I ask, even though I’d be happy to stand here all day if it meant I could hold her.

  “I can’t think of food right now. Ask me when we get to ground level.”

  I smile, and we head down the elevator. When I look over to her, she doesn’t seem nervous like before. She seems to be breathing easier. I wonder if it’s the whole idea of facing your fears in order to conquer them. I bet that’s the case. My fear is coming clean to Flynn and losing her all over again. I decide I’m not ready to take a walk on that Ledge just yet.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Flynn

  For someone like me who thrives on control, the last week has been a whirlwind scaring the shit out of me. Oli and Myles are away. My brother checks in every once in a while, but I haven’t heard anything from Myles. We enjoyed a day out together and then he left. I know given our history my expectations should remain low. I just feel like I made a real effort to get along with him on our day trip. He seemed sincere, and the camaraderie we once shared with each other was there like an old, comfortable blanket. That’s why him silencing me is strange. Or maybe it isn’t. I don’t know.

  I bury myself in work. It’s my only predictable reprieve. I’ve met with Sloane for coffee a few times. We’ve managed to dissect my relationship with Matt, since I refuse to admit how much having Myles back in my life has affected me. The consensus we’ve reached is that I’m more wounded about Matt cheating than the end of our relationship.

  I’m at my cubicle working on a case when Oli sends me a text.

  Oli: Hey! Heads-up—we’re coming home tonight. No games for two days. You okay?

  Me: I’m perfect? Did you win?

  Oli: You could at least watch the games.

  I laugh at that one. Clearly my brother doesn’t realize that I have a life.

  Oli: Do you want to hang out tonight?

  His question throws me off a little.

  Me: Sure…

  Oli: Wear something warm. Bye.

  Me: K.

  Sloane’s name pops up.

  Sloane: No Starbucks four days straight. Are you being held captive?

  I laugh again. They almost seem like my mother and father.

  Almost.

  Me: BUSY. How’s construction guy?

  Sloane: SQUEAL. We’re going on date 4 tonight.

  I chuckle. The four-date rule. I can’t remember the last time Sloane made it to a date number four.

  Me: What about our friend V?

  Sloane: She might take a hike tonight. Freaking nervous.

  I can almost hear the whine when she types those words.

  Sloane: Except…

  I wait while she continues to type. There’s always an exception with Sloane. No one ever seems exactly right for her.

  Sloane: I’m not 100% sure

  I sense fear in her words.

  Me: Maybe he isn’t Mr. Right?

  The bubbles are running on my phone again.

  Sloane: Guess I’ll see what happens. Gotta go!

  Me: I hope he knows how to use his drill.

  Sloane: Snort.

  Me: We both know his drill won’t be put to use.

  Sloane: It’s like you know me.

  I leave the office by six, so I have time for a quick shower before Oli gets home. I wonder where he wants to go that he asked me to dress warm. I also wonder if Myles will be joining us, although I don’t think that will be the case since he hasn’t been in touch, but who knows. I straighten my hair with the blow dryer.

  I pull out a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a baby-blue turtleneck.

  As I’m leaving the bedroom and walking down the hall to the main area of the apartment, I hear a key wiggling in the latch. A moment later, my brother comes through the door. He looks tired or maybe like he just woke up.

  “Hey, Flynn…” He drops his large duffle bag on the floor and stalks over to the fridge. “I’m starving. Let me just grab a bite to eat and a shower, then we can head out.”

  “Oh, okay. I thought we might be grabbing dinner, so I didn’t eat. All you said was to dress warm. Where are we going?”

  He doesn’t answer me right away as he opens the fridge and takes out three black containers. My stomach dips. Is Myles coming over?

  “You good with grilled salmon?” he asks me. “Antonella makes this crazy good pineapple salsa to go with it.”

  “Sure, yeah…” I agree and lean my hip on the counter. “Are we having company for dinner?” I ask because he pops three meals in the microwave.

  His brows furrow. “Huh?”

  “Three meals.”

  “Oh,” he laughs. “I’m fucking starving. One won’t cut it now.”

  I let out the breath I must have been holding. “Where are we going tonight?”

  “I’ve noticed you’re on autopilot. You don’t smile, you don’t look like your enjoying life. You know how I feel about life and not taking our time on earth for granted,” he says, and his face turns solemn. It’s a small reference to my parents, who were taken from us without any warning.

  “Oli…I…” I don’t know what to say.

  “Let’s just hang out, ’kay?” I don’t argue. He has a point. I’ve been floating through my life these past few weeks like a ghost, and truth is, I’m not happy. Even Myles called me on it the day we went out, and he was right.

  I nod my head and smile at my brother. “I’ve missed you, Oliver Russell.” I grin.

  “Missed you, too, Flynny,” he answers, and we continue to eat our dinner quietly, but my insides feel good knowing I have my brother watching out for me.

  The front door swings open, and Myles saunters in. He flinches when he sees me. “Shit, Tink, didn’t think you’d be home.” I don’t know why, but his comment rubs me the wrong way. We spent the day together, had an intimate conversation, and then nothing. Now he flinches when he sees me. I don’t know what to make of his odd behavior. He makes a straight line for Oli’s fridge, sticking his head inside.

  Oli scarfs down his two meals while Myles stands in front of the fridge looking at the food. His behavior seems off. “Going to shower, then we can leave,” Oli says, barely acknowledging Myles.

  It’s weird that Myles barely addressed me when he walked in. No “hey, how are you?” When my brother is out of ear shot I call him on it. “So, you came in here thinking I wouldn’t be here?” I remind myself that he isn’t a guy I’m trying to date. He’s my ex-best-friend, and I’ve always called him out on things. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have checked his Twitter feed the other night in my moment of weakness. I didn’t like what I saw. There was a pic of Myles with a girl hanging on each of his shoulders—one of them was pressing a kiss to his cheek. I want to say I don’t have feelings for Myles, but then why would I be jealous from his social media feed? He makes my head spin.

  I read more posts about how good he is in bed.

  The next morning one of the girls from the pics posted: He shoots, I score. I think I vomited in my mouth a little.

  “I only have a maid once a week. And she hasn’t been to my place yet to fill my fridge. Your brother always has his fridge stocked. It’s a sure thing.” He smiles and takes a bunch of ingredients out of the fridge. He gets to work making himself a sandwich. He doesn’t notice the tension radiating off me.

  He completely ignored my question. He came here thinking I wouldn’t be here. Only a week ago he had his tongue down my throat and then claimed he needs me in his life. That he missed me. His nonchalance right now makes it seem like he didn’t mean what he said. Myles the man isn’t
like Myles the boy, who was thoughtful, caring, and attentive. Myles the man seems like a fickle douchebag. Now I’m pissed off that I had a moment of weakness and kissed him outside the club. He stands in Oli’s kitchen making himself a tall turkey sandwich piled high with many leaves of lettuce.

  I narrow my eyes at him. “You’re gross.” Which I think he really is. If he’s sleeping with all those girls, then I really don’t want to have anything to do with him. He takes a large bite of his sandwich. His hockey-whore lifestyle solidifies my “I never want to be with Myles again” agenda. Another point for my negative list. Good.

  He drops his sandwich on his plate and just watches me, his jaw taut, his gaze intense. I don’t know what any of it means. The air between us grows thick as he stalks toward me. I don’t know what to expect when he catches my chin and brushes my jawline with the pad of his thumb, tilting my head upward so we’re now eye-to-eye.

  “You didn’t think I was gross when I had my tongue in your mouth.”

  His closeness makes my body tingle. That kiss was knee-weakening. I get my wits back. “A momentary lapse of judgement. It won’t happen again,” I say, then pull away and make my way to the family room.

  Myles follows me to the couch.

  He looks me over and says, “Nice.”

  I snap, “Asshole.” I don’t understand him. On our day out, he was a complete gentleman.

  Now he’s in some sort of hockey jock douchebag mode. He tosses his head back and laughs. He places his plate on the coffee table, and his features grow serious. With his face close to mine he says, “I’ve always loved how feisty you are, Tink.”

  I narrow my eyes, unsure what his angle is. Where is the sweet guy from the other day?

  With his body pressed to mine, his heat radiates off him. The pad of his thumb grazes my jawline again. A tingling sensation pools in my stomach.

  “You confuse me. You’ve always messed with my head. I just don’t know how to handle this…” He waves between us. “Us.”

  “There is no us,” I remind him. “We’re living next door to each other, so I’d thought I would make an effort and get to know you again. I’m not sure I like what I see.”

  A soft growl escapes his mouth. He leans even closer, so his lips are at my ear. Myles the boy was never this confident and self-assured, but I guess he’s had more than enough practice with the ladies.