Her Secret

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Her father didn’t answer, just slipped back on his glasses and lifted up his newspaper again.

  Hannah walked down the hall to the room she shared with her little sister, mentally bracing herself for the abuse that was about to come. Jenny was barely civil on her best days. Today, after working on assignments she hadn’t wanted to do in the first place?—Jenny was going to be churlish indeed.

  It was moments like this when she longed for her old house and her old room.

  Their house in Berlin was easily double the size of their current one. It had been a two-story farmhouse with a full basement, too. It also had a full front porch and a large back patio that her father had made out of brick. But the best part of that old house had been her beautiful bedroom. It had been large, almost as large as her parents’. It also had two large picture windows that faced the front yard and let in tons of sunlight. She and her mother had painted the walls a pale yellow. It had been such a warm and inviting place.

  She’d also had a padded white rocking chair, a pretty desk and chair, a queen-sized bed, and her very own window seat. Kirsten often teased Hannah that she had a room fit for a fairytale princess instead of a regular old Amish girl. Hannah figured her best friend had a point, but she’d loved it nonetheless.

  After Trent’s photo, everything in her sanctuary had felt tainted. Her privacy had been violated and each piece of furniture—especially her dressing table—had seemed to symbolize her loss of innocence.

  When they moved, her parents had sold their bedroom set and taken hers. She’d been in such a daze at the time, she’d hardly cared about what they’d done.

  Every time she walked into her room and saw Jenny’s old stuffed animals and clothes on one side of the room, and spied her own very utilitarian-looking twin bed, Hannah felt as if she’d lost something very dear to her.

  Now she not only didn’t have a princess room, she had no privacy, either. Everything she’d loved—the checkered window seat, the yellow walls, the large flowered comforter, the white rocking chair—it was all gone.

  When she opened the door, Jenny, who was sitting on her bed with a book in her lap, looked up and scowled. “You’re back.”

  Hannah tried to ignore the comment. It was nothing Jenny hadn’t said to her a dozen times. Her pretty, slim, petulant sister had always seemed at a loss of what to do with Hannah now that they were living in each other’s pockets, and Hannah was acting so different than the way she used to. Jenny also had no patience with Hannah’s new irrational fear of the world outside her door.

  “I talked to Daed. He said Mamm was on an appointment. What kind? Is she at the doctor? Is she sick or something?”

  “Nee. She went for a job interview.”

  Hannah sat down on the opposite twin bed. “Why? What kind of job?”

  Jenny shrugged. “I don’t know. You know Mamm and Daed,” she said in an off-hand manner that she’d recently adopted. “They don’t tell us anything.”

  “I know they like to keep things to themselves, but I’m still pretty surprised.”

  “I don’t know why. They love to keep secrets.” While Hannah gaped at her, Jenny continued, waving her hands a bit to emphasize various words and phrases. “First, they moved us here into the middle of Kentucky without any warning. Then, they chose this house without a word of explanation.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with this house,” Hannah retorted, though she’d been thinking the same thing just a couple of minutes ago.

  “You’re right. There isn’t . . . if one was used to living in a house this size.” Jenny exhaled. “Hannah, it’s so small. Really small. Even when I asked why they chose to buy a house that was so different, on a small lot instead of a place like our farm, they told me it weren’t none of my business.”

  “They were kind of right, Jenny.”

  Jenny stared hard at her. “Were they? I know I don’t pay any bills or anything, but I live here, and I’m likely gonna be living here for several more years, too. Far longer than you.”

  Her sister was voicing things that Hannah had thought from time to time, but had been too preoccupied to dwell upon. Now she wished she’d been more aware of what was going on and how her sister was reacting to it all. “I think you have a point.”

  “I know I do.”

  Jenny closed the book on her lap, the book Hannah now realized had absolutely nothing to do with homework. It was a paperback romance novel, and Hannah had no idea how she’d gotten ahold of it. “What is that you are reading?” she blurted.

  “Nothing for you to worry about. What is important is that something is going on with our parents and someone needs to find out what that is.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve noticed all of that and I didn’t. I guess I’ve been pretty oblivious.”

  Jenny wrinkled her freckled nose. “You’re only now realizing that?”

  In the last two hours, Hannah had had quite a number of uncomfortable conversations, each one pointing out another flaw in her character. She was getting pretty tired of it.

  “Realizing what, Jenny? If you are going to accuse me of something, at least be open and honest.”

  Jenny uncrossed her legs and shifted so that she was facing Hannah directly. “Do you really want to hear honesty, or are you just going to go all fragile again?”

  The question was hard to hear. It was also mean and—Hannah was a bit afraid to admit to herself—true. She had been so scared and traumatized by Trent’s flowers and notes and stalking that she’d ignored most of everything else that had been happening around her.

  She also realized, with a bit of dismay, she had been allowing her little brother, sister, and parents to coddle her. Maybe she’d even expected all of them to make amends for her, too.

  And now her little sister had nothing of meaning to say to her anymore.

  That had to stop. “I want to hear what’s on your mind, sister.”

  “All right, then. We had to move because of you. Instead of going to the police right away or trying to get that Trent to stop, our parents practically ran away.”

  “No, they did talk to the sheriff.”

  “But did they listen when the sheriff told them that it was going to take time to get enough evidence to arrest him? Of course they didn’t! They just sold everything and moved. Daed quit his job. We moved out of our pretty house on the hill to this place. Now Daed is pretending to garden and he doesn’t even like to garden. And Mamm is going to be working. Ben and I had to leave all of our friends. We even had to quit school and agree to get homeschooled by you because mother said the Amish school is too far away.”

  “All of what happened isn’t my fault. I didn’t ask Mamm and Daed to move.”

  “It might as well be,” Jenny said, tears forming in her eyes. “Not that you care.”

  “Of course I care about what is happening. I didn’t want any of this to happen. You don’t understand how Trent was.”

  “I understand that he’s back in Ohio. He’s probably moved on to another girl to bother while you won’t hardly leave the house.”

  “I left today.”

  “So what? No doubt you came home acting like it was the worst experience of your life. So now, our parents are going to circle around you again. And Ben and I are going to have to be careful again. Watch every word we say so we don’t accidentally hurt your feelings. Or stir up bad memories . . . that you don’t seem to want to forget.” She rolled her eyes.

  Stunned by her sister’s caustic words, Hannah stood up. “I’m sorry you’re so upset and angry with me. I’m sorry you think I either don’t care about what’s happened to you, or that I’m in some way responsible for all of your problems. I feel bad for you, I do. But I’m also happy for you, too.”

  “Happy?”

  “Oh, yes. Because if you had any idea about how it feels to go through what I’ve been going through, you’d understand. And if you understood, then we’d both know how awful it’s been for me. And I would never wish that on any
one. Most especially you.”

  “There is one thing you have failed to understand, sister,” Jenny whispered.

  “And what is that?”

  “That it’s over. Trent’s fixation is all over, but you refuse to let it go. And because you won’t let it go, all of us have to keep suffering, too. Every. Single. Day.”

  Jenny rolled on her side and picked up her book.

  Hannah had no idea if she was reading or not. All she could think about was that her sister was probably right.

  She needed to stop worrying about being hurt again or that Trent would someday find her. No one would ever be that determined.

  With that in mind, she decided not to ask Jenny about whether or not she had set those pots of daisies in their yard. Jenny wouldn’t have done such a thing.

  It was probably a silly coincidence. A silly coincidence that no one but her would ever notice anyway.

  CHAPTER 4

  July 9

  I caught you two fish, Mamm,” Isaac hollered when he entered the kitchen. “Trout. Good size, too.”

  His mother poked her head out of their large walk-in pantry. “And what fine fish they are. Why, they look good enough to eat.”

  He smiled at the same joke she’d been spouting, pretty much, forever. “They will be.” Holding them over the basin, he said, “Where do you want them? Here, in the sink?”

  “You may put them on a plate . . . after you go back outside and clean them.”

  He groaned. “You know I hate cleaning fish.”

  “You get that aversion naturally, son. I dislike it as well. But it is your job, not mine. Ain’t so?”

  Technically, yes. But if he could get his brother to do it, he would. “Where’s Sam?” he asked hopefully. His brother took after his father. A natural hunter and fisherman, Sam could fillet a fish in record time. He never complained about it, either.

  “You’re out of luck, I’m afraid. He’s out with Ben Hilty.”

  It took Isaac a minute to place the name. Then it clicked. “Ben is our new neighbor, yes?”

  “Jah.” Walking out of the pantry holding two jars of canned peaches, she said, “Sam has been after me for days to give him some time to go play with our new neighbor. Since he came home on Friday with good grades, I decided to let him have most of today off from his chores.”

  “You mean hang out, Mamm. Thirteen-year-old boys don’t play.”

  She rolled her eyes, not looking fazed in the slightest by the correction. “I’m mother to four kinner. You call it what you want. I’ll call it playing.”

  “Fair enough.” Knowing he couldn’t procrastinate much longer, he said, “I’ll be back in when these fish are filleted.”

  “Danke, Isaac.”

  After grabbing a sharp knife, a bucket, and a plastic cutting board, he wandered out to the barn and got busy doing the dreaded task.

  Kneeling on the ground, he neatly chopped off one head, tossed it in the bucket, then began running the knife along the side of the fish like his father had taught him so long ago. When he was pleased with his efforts for the first, he turned on the hose and rinsed off the knife and work area.

  He was about to start on the second when he saw Samuel with their new neighbor coming up the hill.

  When Sam saw what Isaac was doing, he grinned. “Mamm didn’t let you get out of it?”

  “Nee. I tried to see if you could do it, though.” Eyeing the sandy-haired teen, Isaac added, “She said you had plans with our new neighbor.”

  “Jah. This here is Ben Hilty. Ben, this is my big brother, Isaac.”

  Ben held up a hand. “Hiya.”

  “Hi to you, too,” Isaac said as he began running his knife down his second catch. “I hope you are settling into Munfordville. You’ve been here a couple of months now. Ain’t so?”

  “Three,” the teen said as he watched Isaac make a second slice.

  If Isaac wasn’t mistaken, Ben was a little green around the gills. He set down his knife and stared at their new neighbor. “You all right?”

  Sam looked at Ben and laughed. “What’s wrong with ya? You look like you’re about to throw up.”

  Ben pressed his hands to his stomach. “The insides of fish look pretty gross.”

  “They do take some getting used to,” Isaac said. “Unless you’re Sam.”

  Ben looked at Sam curiously. “Why is that? Do you like cutting up fish?”

  Sam chuckled again. “It ain’t my favorite thing to do, but it’s all right. It really don’t bother me that much. Course, that’s probably because I’ve been doing it for so long.”

  “Don’t let him fool you,” Isaac said. “I’ve been cleaning fish most of my life and I still try to get out of it. Our older sister, Mary, doesn’t even like to cook, let alone fillet fish.”

  “Luckily, her husband, James, likes to both fish and clean them,” Sam said.

  “This is true. We can only hope that little Freeman will take after Sam instead of me.”

  “So there are four of you?” Ben asked.

  “Yep. Mary, then me, Sam, and finally seven-year-old Freeman,” Isaac said. “Mary is married and lives over in Horse Cave. I take after my grandfather and do mostly woodworking. Sam here is our father’s son through and through. Sam excels at all things outdoorsy. And then there’s Freeman, who is the most thoughtful and subdued of us all. We’re a varied lot.”

  Sam stared at him curiously. “What about you, Ben? Do you like fishing?”

  “I don’t know,” Ben said. “I’ve never been fishing.”

  Sam stared at him in surprise. “Never?”

  “Never. Fishing isn’t something my family likes to do.” Looking a bit contemplative, he added, “At least, we didn’t back in Ohio.”

  “Welcome to Kentucky,” Isaac said. “Around here, pretty much every boy grows up hunting and fishing. And learning how to clean and prepare whatever it is we get.”

  Sam nodded. “I’ve been hunting since I was Freeman’s age. I got my first rabbit when I was seven,” he said proudly. “Do you hunt?”

  This time Ben looked embarrassed. “Nee. I ain’t ever been hunting, either.”

  “Next time my daed takes me, I’ll ask him if you can come along,” Sam said easily. “If you want to go, that is.”

  Excitement lit their neighbor’s eyes. “Danke. I would like that.”

  Now that his fish were nicely filleted, Isaac tied up the contents of the bucket, tossed them in the trash, and rinsed off his hands, knife, and cutting board again. “Sam, it looks like you’re going to have a great time teaching Ben all about living out in the country.”

  “I guess so.” Looking curiously at his new friend, Sam said, “If you didn’t go hunting and fishing, what did you do out in Ohio?”

  “I helped out with our farm.”

  “You had a farm?” Sam asked.

  “Jah. We had a big farm and a big house, too. We grew corn and harvested it every fall. Of course, I also went to school. Last year, I got my first real job. I helped out at a motel down the street.”

  Sam’s eyes widened. “You worked in a real motel?”

  “Jah.” Sounding much more confident, Ben continued. “We lived in Berlin, and it’s a popular tourist spot. It was a busy place, especially in the spring and fall. There was always something to do.”

  Isaac felt sorry for the boy. He looked and sounded a little lost. “I bet our country way of life is taking some getting used to.”

  “Yeah, it is. My sister and I still can’t believe we’re here.”

  “It ain’t so bad here,” Sam blurted.

  “I know,” Ben said quickly. “I’m not trying to sound mean, it’s just real different. Everything about our life here is different.” He shrugged. “I’m still getting used to it.”

  Still looking a bit defensive, Sam said, “If you were so happy there, why did you move?”

  “Samuel, don’t be rude,” Isaac interjected. “That ain’t none of our business.”

  “I’m jus
t asking.” Looking at Ben, Sam muttered, “But just because I asked, it don’t mean you have to answer me.”

  Ben clenched his hands, then slowly relaxed them. At last, he blurted, “We had to because of my sister.”

  “Really? What happened with Jenny?” Sam asked.

  “Nothing happened to her. We had to move because of my older sister.” His voice turned flat. “Hannah.”

  “Huh,” Isaac said. He’d given up even pretending he wasn’t interested in Ben’s story.

  Sam looked puzzled. “Hannah? Oh, yeah. She’s the one who never leaves your haus. Is there something wrong with her?” asked Sam.

  Isaac glared at his little brother.

  “What? It’s true. Plus, you noticed it first. Remember? You even called her The Recluse.” Sam snickered.

  Which shamed Isaac something awful.

  When Ben turned to him, a combination of hurt and anger in his eyes, Isaac knew that condemnation was no less than he deserved. He’d been cruel, and worse, he’d passed on his bad behavior to his little brother. “Ben, I am sorry. I did call Hannah that, but it was wrong of me to say such things. I don’t even know why I did. I promise that I won’t call Hannah that again.”

  “I hope not,” Ben retorted. “Just because she’s been through a terrible time, it don’t mean that you can make fun of her.”

  “I’m sorry she’s been through a hard time,” Isaac said. “And you are right. Like I said, what I did was wrong. I’m ashamed of myself.”

  “What happened to her that was so terrible?” Sam asked. “Did she get real sick or something?”

  “Nee. Nothing like that.” Ben hesitated, then blurted, “Hannah had a stalker back in Berlin.”

  Sam’s brows pulled together. “What’s that?”

  “A person who becomes attached to someone and follows them around.”

  “Someone got attached to your sister?”

  “Jah. An Englisher man followed her around and took pictures of her. He wrote her notes, too. He was creepy.” His voice hardened. “That means she’s got a real good reason for not liking to go outside.”

  Sam stared. “Why was he taking pictures of her? Was he a tourist or something and wanted photos of the Amish to show his friends?”