Her Secret

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “But after they got you to the hospital, you got better. Right?”

  “I did, after about a scary twenty-four hours.” Seeing that she looked so worried, practically like she might pass out, he patted her shoulder. “Don’t look so upset. I’m fine now.”

  “I know. I was just thinking about your parents and your siblings. I bet they were afraid that they’d lose you.”

  “They were. But you know how things are, right? After the fact, it’s so easy to think about reactions and put everything into perspective. When it happens, though . . .” His voice drifted off as he shuddered.

  “When it happens, all you think about is getting through the moment.”

  He nodded. “That’s right.” Since it was almost time for them to get to their assigned station, he attempted to finish up his story on a good note. “Now, looking back, well, I wouldn’t give up that experience for the world.”

  “I find that hard to believe.”

  “It’s true.” As when remembering that journey in the hospital often did, Isaac felt his voice warm and become more expansive. He doubted he’d ever be able to convey just how much his brush with death had changed him, but he kept attempting to put it into clumsy words.

  “It made me appreciate everything a little bit more,” he said. “It made me not worry about things that don’t matter.”

  “Yes, I can see how stewing on small things might seem silly after everything you went through.”

  “It wasn’t that as much as the realization that I was changed. Facing the fear that I might not live to see another week made me look at every day afterward a little differently, too.” Staring out across the crowded parking lot, he said, “It gave me hope, too. Because if I can come through that with a stronger faith and believe in the love of my family and friends, I can get through anything.”

  “I’m so glad I asked about that. Isaac, you are such an inspiration.”

  “Not so much. I mean, look what you’ve been going through.”

  When she didn’t reply, he turned to her. “Hannah?”

  But instead of answering, she was standing still, frozen. She looked scared, too. As scared as he’d been when he’d thought he was going to die.

  “Hey, are you all right? Did my story upset you?”

  When she didn’t respond, he moved closer. Stepped to his right so that he was facing her all while he was trying to recall what he’d exactly said. “Hannah? Hannah, what is it?”

  Still no answer.

  Now he was growing concerned. What was wrong with her? What had he said that would trigger such a response?

  It took another few seconds, but finally she came back to herself. She licked her bottom lip. Tried to get her bearings, then blurted, “He’s here. Trent is here. I just saw him.”

  As a chill went through him, Isaac suddenly realized he’d just spouted a mouthful of lies.

  Until this very moment, he hadn’t known what real terror actually was.

  CHAPTER 22

  Saturday, August 20

  Isaac grabbed her arm. “Hannah, are you sure?” he asked, his voice as intense as his grip.

  She was sure. And was finding her ability to speak far more difficult an undertaking. Actually, even breathing seemed to be an effort. From the moment she’d seen Trent’s familiar form, walking through the crowd like he belonged there, she’d felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her.

  And with that blow, the memories returned. Next thing she knew, she was back in Ohio, back in Berlin, being frightened to death. Every scattered emotion she’d experienced returned to her—from the way she’d become afraid of windows, to the embarrassment that she’d been targeted, to the trepidation she’d felt that the stalking would never be over.

  All of those thoughts had become her constant companions.

  Still clutching her arm, Isaac was scanning the area. “Where was he? Do you see him still?”

  Isaac’s intense tone brought her back to the present. Instead of pointing, she tried to gather her thoughts. “I don’t see him anymore. But just a few minutes ago, I know I saw him in the crowd. He wasn’t walking. He was staring at us.”

  “What is he wearing?”

  She was still so shaken up, Hannah closed her eyes and tried to focus on the Trent she’d just seen, not the one who haunted her dreams.

  “He has on a yellow shirt,” she said at last. “And jeans.” As she swallowed, she remembered one more thing. “And a black ball cap.”

  Isaac nodded. “That’s gut, Hannah. You remembered a lot.” His voice was reassuring and even. “Now, are you sure he saw you? There are a lot of Amish girls here in blue dresses. I have a feeling you wouldn’t stick out like he does. After all, he’s an Englisher in a bright-yellow shirt and black baseball cap.”

  “I have no doubt that he saw me. He was looking directly at me, Isaac. At you, too.” A shiver ran through her. “I am certain that is why he came to this sale, Isaac.”

  “I wonder why he didn’t come over here and talk to you.”

  “That isn’t what he’s about.” Though it was a struggle, Hannah attempted to describe Trent’s nature. “He likes playing a game with me, Isaac. He likes knowing that I am nervous and on edge. Afraid. It’s what he does. He follows me, then darts away.”

  “He sounds like the worst sort of man.” He let go of her arm and ran his hand down his face. Grimacing, he continued. “Actually, this Trent sounds even worse than that, but I don’t want to offend your ears.”

  He sounded so disgruntled, Hannah felt like smiling. “I doubt you could think anything about him that I haven’t thought before.”

  His gaze warmed before he looked out into the crowd again. “Did you see him do anything else?”

  “Nee. I looked into the crowd and saw him stare right back at me. After a second or so, he glanced your way, and he didn’t look happy.”

  “Gut. I’m not too happy with him, either.”

  Isaac’s concern for her was sweet, but she knew he would be no match for Trent. Trent was taller and weighed at least thirty more pounds than he did. But more than that, there was a dangerous edge to him. How could anyone as good as Isaac fight that?

  Realizing that Trent might very well go after Isaac next, viewing him as a rival, Hannah reached out and gripped his arm. “I’m so sorry. This is terrible. I’m putting you in danger, too. Maybe we should separate.”

  “Absolutely not.”

  “But you could get hurt.”

  “I can handle myself and look after you, Hannah,” he said quietly as he moved his hand to the small of her back. “Here is what we are going to do. We are going to get out of here right away. I’m going to take you to Sheriff Brewer’s office and you are going to tell him what you saw.”

  “I don’t think my restraining order stands here. Maybe he’ll get mad that I’m bothering him again.”

  “Don’t you remember how Sheriff Brewer reacted? He doesn’t want you hurt. He took you seriously. You don’t have to prove anything to him. He’s going to be glad you talked to him.”

  “What if Trent comes to my house?” she asked quickly, her voice sounding sharp even to her ears. “What if my parents or Jenny and Ben are in danger?”

  He hated that she was so upset. If they lived in a different world, or if they knew each other better, he would have taken her in his arms and held her close. He might have even kissed her until she stopped talking and finally relaxed.

  But of course that wasn’t who they were, or that type of couple. Therefore, he attempted to ease her mind the best he could as he kept weaving her through the crowd. “Hannah, if he is leaving things at your doorstep, he already knows where you live.”

  “You are right.” Giving herself a little shake, she said, “Honestly, what am I doing? When am I going to be able to get myself under control?”

  “You are doing fine,” he murmured as he guided her past the edge of the parking lot, never letting go of her arm. There were far less people around, which eased him,
yet also made him a little wary, too.

  If they weren’t nestled in the safety of numbers, she was going to be more at risk. He hated that.

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said when they reached a quiet street that was only two blocks away from the sheriff’s office. “Remember, Trent is the one who is at fault. Not you. Never you.”

  She nodded as she drew in a ragged breath. “Yes. You are right. I am sorry.”

  “Oh, Hannah. You must stop apologizing,” he whispered. Then, because he was ordering her around again, and because he knew she was on the verge of tears, he let himself do what he’d wanted to do for days. He pulled her into his arms.

  Placing her hands on his biceps, her lips parted. “Isaac?”

  “Just relax. Let me help you. Let me hold you. None of this is your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this man’s games. Okay?”

  “Okay,” she repeated, but it didn’t look like she believed him.

  He tried again. Softening his tone, he added, “I am not leaving you, Hannah. You are no longer alone. I’ve got you.”

  After another second passed, she leaned into his embrace.

  When he felt her relax, Isaac felt as if he’d just won a fierce battle. He had no idea what was going to happen next, but at last she was allowing him to help her.

  As Hannah pressed her cheek against Isaac’s chest, she tried to get her bearings again. Closing her eyes, she prayed for guidance and prayed for strength. She wanted to fight. She wanted to stand up for herself. Not be just a victim.

  She didn’t know what was going to happen next, but she had a feeling that it was going to be such a challenge that she was going to need all of her strength in order to get through it.

  Especially since she knew what she now wanted. She wanted to pursue her relationship with Isaac. She wanted to meet more girls and make more friends.

  She wanted to live in peace. And that meant that she needed to be as strong as she could right now. If she was able to do that, the rewards would be worth all of the sacrifices.

  After another moment in his arms, she pulled away.

  He stared down at her in concern. “Better?”

  She actually did feel better. She smiled. “Jah.”

  “Gut.”

  As they continued walking, they saw Ben, Jenny, Sam, and Freeman in the distance. They were walking toward the high school. Mr. and Mrs. Troyer were following behind them, chatting.

  Freeman saw them first. Isaac’s seven-year-old brother trotted toward them, a bright smile on his face. “What are ya doing walking this way, Isaac? The sandwiches are the other way.”

  Isaac chuckled. “I know they are. Hannah and I worked on them all morning. We’ll be back there in a little while. We have an errand to run first.”

  Jenny must have seen something in Hannah’s expression, because she walked up to her side. “What’s going on?”

  Though Hannah instinctively wanted to shield Ben and Jenny from the news, she knew that wasn’t an option. Both of her siblings needed to be on their guard. “I saw Trent in the crowd at the high school. Isaac is going with me to tell the sheriff.”

  Jenny turned so pale, Hannah was worried that she might pass out. “Are you sure it was him?”

  “Without a doubt. He’s wearing a black ball cap and a yellow shirt and jeans. If you see him, stay far away.”

  Ben, who had overheard, had his hands fisted at his sides. “I’m tired of all of us dodging him.”

  “I am, too,” agreed Hannah. “But I think there is a right way to deal with him, and that means asking the authorities for help. Until they catch Trent, I don’t want you to get hurt.” She looked up and noticed that Isaac was filling in his parents.

  “We can go with ya,” Mr. Troyer said.

  “There’s no need,” responded Isaac. “We should be all right.”

  “Where are your parents, Hannah?” Mrs. Troyer asked. “Do they need anything?”

  “I think they’re still at home. I’ll fill them in later.”

  “After we talk to the sheriff, we’ll go to Hannah’s house and talk to them. I think we’re done with the big crowds today,” Isaac said.

  “We’ll come over there as well,” his father agreed.

  Sam stared at him. “Daed, you’re going to let us help out?”

  “I think it’s time we all started working together,” Mr. Troyer said. “We like you, Hannah. We like you and Ben and Jenny, and we want to get to know your parents. That means we need to help you as much as possible.” He paused, then added, “That means pushing ourselves a little out of our comfort zone—”

  “I don’t want you to get hurt,” Hannah said quickly. “Trent’s never done anything violent, but he might.”

  “If we all stand together, he won’t stand a chance,” Mr. Troyer said, his voice full of conviction. “It’s only when we let our doubts get the best of us that problems occur.”

  Thinking back to all that had happened, Hannah had to agree. Keeping secrets and attempting to solve everything on her own hadn’t worked out too well for her.

  It was time she not only shared her secrets, but allowed others into her heart, too.

  CHAPTER 23

  Saturday, August 20

  I should have gone with them,” Ben told Jenny as they continued their walk to the sandwich sale. “I should have insisted. Hannah should be with family right now.”

  “I thought the same thing, but there wasn’t anything we could do, Ben,” Jenny replied. “Besides, she seems pretty content with Isaac. She trusts him, too. She’d probably accept his help more than ours, anyway.”

  Ben nodded, though he looked a little disgruntled. “I guess you’re right. No matter how old we get, she’s only going to think of us as her little brother and sister.”

  “She kind of has a point,” Jenny said. “It wasn’t until recently that we did anything to make her think we could be of help to her.”

  Ben grimaced. “I feel bad about that. Don’t you? I gave her the cold shoulder for months, blaming her for the move.”

  Jenny knew she’d acted far worse than that. Though it was tempting to simply agree, she felt compelled to be completely honest. “You might have given her the cold shoulder, but I was downright mean.”

  Ben winced. “‘Mean’ might be overstating it.”

  “Nee. It isn’t.”

  “Well, at least we’ve changed, yes?”

  “We sure have, and for the better, too. You seem happier and I am, too.”

  “How do you think Mamm and Daed are doing?”

  She barely refrained from rolling her eyes. “Who even knows? It’s no wonder we’re all so good at keeping our emotions to ourselves. They kept Daed’s cancer from us!”

  Ben looked haunted. “I don’t like talking about Daed having cancer.”

  “I know.” Though they’d lived their lives practically in each other’s pockets, this was a situation where she wished she was a whole lot older than her brother. Then, maybe, she’d be able to force their parents to see reason and fight the cancer instead of simply accepting it without an argument.

  As they walked on, Ben said, “Jenny, what if when Hannah goes home, Mamm and Daed don’t take Trent being here seriously?”

  She’d been wondering that, too. But someone had to look on the bright side. Since she was older, it had to be her. “I think they will. Mamm and Daed are learning that it’s been a mistake to keep hiding with their heads in the sand.”

  “I hope and pray that they have.”

  “You and I will talk to them when we get home. And Mr. and Mrs. Troyer will, too.”

  Relief filled his eyes. “That will make a difference. Mamm and Daed will listen to them.”

  “I think so, too.”

  After another minute or two passed, Ben blurted, “They’re great, aren’t they?”

  Jenny knew what he meant. The whole Troyer family was so open and forthright. It was refreshing after living the way the five of them had, keeping hurts
and worries to themselves and always debating whether or not to share what they thought.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “They really are.”

  Looking around the parking lot, Jenny noticed that it was still as crowded as ever. There were a lot of booths offering different things for sale, and a lot of families and groups of teenagers sitting on the soccer field eating sandwiches.

  “Want to grab something to eat?”

  “Sure. Mamm and Daed gave us money, we might as well use it,” he joked.

  When they got in line, Jenny looked around in case she saw someone she knew . . . as well as kept an eye out for Trent. The line was long and kind of plodding.

  By the time they picked up their lunches, she was hot and more than ready to sit down in the shade. Or maybe even go home.

  “Hey, Jenny,” a voice said from behind her.

  She turned abruptly. Then let out a sigh of relief. “Cole. Hi.”

  “I’ve been looking for you. When did you get here?”

  “Just now. We decided to get our lunches first thing.”

  “Do you and Ben want to join us? I’ve actually already eaten one sandwich. I came up here to get another one.”

  Jenny turned to her brother. “Want to?”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  After they got their bagged lunches, they waited for Cole, then followed him to an area on the side of the school. There, about a dozen teenagers their age were sitting in the shade.

  Feeling a little nervous, Jenny smiled at everyone. She had met most of them at church, but hadn’t ever had the occasion to talk to them much, especially since she’d been so fixated on her hurt the first two months they were there.

  Ben, on the other hand, was a lot more at ease. His joining the Amish school had been a great idea for him. It was obvious that he had been starting to make some good friends.

  When he started to chat with them, Jenny and Cole were able to have a few minutes of privacy.

  “How are you doing, really?” he asked.

  “Really? Not too good,” she replied, before almost instantly amending her answer. “My sister is having kind of a tough day.”