The Only Essence (The White Dragon Book 1)

by Mia Hawkins

  I try to respond, but I can’t. Susan must sense my struggle, because she quickly starts talking, “Find your blade in the woods. You are the only one that can wield it. It is a part of you and is the only weapon against your enemies.”

  Everything starts getting hazy, and before I know it, I am sitting back on the bench in the field. Even though it feels like much time has passed, I don’t think it has, because the guys are standing around the barrier, seemingly at a loss on how to get inside to me. I shake my head to clear my thoughts; my head feels like it is full of cotton balls. As soon as I stand up, I collapse back down onto the bench. I don’t know what is going on, but I feel like I have no energy at all. I have to push myself into a standing position one more time and quickly start stumbling towards the woods. I focus on releasing the energy of the barrier, and it quickly comes crashing down. I can hear the guys yelling for me to pay attention to them, but I have a one-track mind right now. I need to get what she hid with the blue mist. I am almost there when someone steps in front of me. “Rayven, talk to us! What happened?!” Matthew is trying to not freak out, but looking at him, I can tell he is worried.

  I push past him because I don’t know how much longer I can stay awake. When I get to the tree line, I kneel down in the same spot Xavier’s mom did. I put my hand to the earth and words flow from my mouth I have never heard before. I don’t know where they come from or what they mean, but I can feel the tightness of them as they flow smoothly from my mouth. As I finish the last word, I can feel the energy coming up through the ground. Then, resting under my hand is the same black cloth I had seen in my vision. I slowly unwrap what is inside to reveal a long knife that looks like the matching knife to the blade I have had with me for years. It is a curved blade that looks well used and very old. It is about ten inches long from the tip to the base. The handle is wrapped in what looks like thin strips of leather, but they feel much tougher than that. There is also a mark etched on the back side of it. It’s a mark I feel I have seen before, but I just can’t think of where. It almost looks like a star constellation. The knife has a glow about it that is begging me to pick it up.

  Someone reaches for my hand. “Don’t touch it,” Chaice says behind me. The knife is too much to resist, and of course I want to touch it. As soon as my hand grasps it, I feel an electric current connect me to the blade. I know in that moment, it is meant for me, and no one else can have it. I turn to look at the faces of everyone behind me and see a mixture of emotions.

  “Do you mind telling us what the fuck is going on?” Xavier snaps.

  I look at him and nod my head. “I think we all need to sit down and have a talk.”

  I take a step to try to start walking back to the house but end up stumbling and almost falling instead. Thankfully, Xavier has fast reflexes and was standing close enough to catch me. He puts his arm under my legs and carries me bridal style all the way back to the house. I can tell the guys want to object, but they let it go. Honestly, if I would have been feeling better, I wouldn’t have even let him catch me. I’d rather nose-dive into the ground than accept his help. That being said, as I take a deep breath in, I can smell nothing but the forest, and I relax into his arms. I rest my head on his chest and fall asleep to the beating of his heart.

  Chapter 29

  Rayven

  When I wake up, I am in an unfamiliar bed. I sit up slowly and take in the beautiful and spacious room. The guys are surprisingly not glued to my side, which is a relief. There is a plate with a sandwich sitting on the side table. I practically jump out of bed at the sight of food because I am starving. I devour the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which I am sure was all Matthew’s doing. After sleeping for so long, my muscles feel cramped, so I stretch my arms up and inhale deeply. My nose is flooded with lavender, and I realize I am no longer in my workout clothes but am instead in someone’s shirt. I sniff the material, and the lavender tells me it has to be Alex’s shirt. Now that I think about it, the whole bed smelled like lavender as well. Maybe that is why I slept so well.

  Someone knocks on the door, and I rush over to answer it. Alex is standing there with his hands in his pockets. His eyes light up when he sees me, and he pushes the door the rest of the way open and sweeps me into a bone crushing hug. “I was so worried about you. You were there, but then again, you weren’t. What happened?” he whispers into my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose, it just sort of happened. I think we need to have a team meeting. I want everyone in here—and preferably with food because I am still starving, but thank you for the sandwich,” I say with a smile. Alex pulls out his phone and must send out a mass text, because not five minutes later, everyone is knocking on Alex’s door.

  Thankfully, they all brought a little something to snack on, otherwise, I think I would have been a little bit hangry. Don’t get me wrong, the sandwich was amazing, but a girl needs more than that to survive. All of the guys cram on Alex’s bed except for Xavier, who sits in the corner on a chair. When I see his face, all I can see is the little boy crying over his mom. It breaks my heart all over again. Does he remember? I wiggle to try to get comfortable. Chaice and Matthew are sitting next to me, while Alex is sitting at my feet. I clear my throat just as Xavier asks how I found the knife. I tell them everything that happened to me, from trying to see into the woods to all of a sudden being thrown back in time. I had just gotten to the part when Susan was fighting the demon when Xavier stands up. His eyes are as hard as steel when he looks at me. “Who told you to speak such lies?!” he demanded.

  My mouth drops open. Does he seriously think I would lie about this? I can’t sit still, so I get up and start walking in front of the bed. “No matter how you act, you know as well as I do that I am not lying. You would be able to tell, right? Through the bond, and if you can’t, the wolves can smell a lie. If you would just let me finish, you might find that this concerns you more than you know.” I look him dead in the eyes, hoping he can see how serious I am. “As it turns out, the woman that I saw in the field was your mother, Xavier.” It’s his turn to look shocked. He slumps back down in his chair with his hands resting on the sides of his head. I take that as his approval to keep going.

  “She was fighting a demon, like I said, and she was able to kill it, but she was injured somehow. She must have activated some sigil that took way too much of her power. That’s when you guys’ parents came into the picture. They helped get her into the house. Skip ahead a little bit, and I saw you, Xavier, as a little boy. You came into see your mom. She wasn’t going to make it. I couldn’t just let her die, so I tried to heal her like I did you. And it worked, it was amazing!” I say, practically jumping up and down. I didn’t realize how much helping her meant to me until this moment.

  “I remember that day. I never saw you though. My parents never said a word about you, either. But I do remember how scared they were, how she shouldn’t have survived,” Xavier says from his seat. I can tell he knows what I am saying is the truth, but he doesn’t want to believe me.

  “Well, I guarantee your parents saw me. They kept saying I looked just like my mother. Which brings me back to what happened. They said that I can’t trust the council, that they would steal my power. Your dad also said something about an uprising, that Lucifer was trying to escape using demons. Do you guys know anything about that?” I look around the room to the guys’ blank and confused faces. Maybe I should give them more time to process everything I just dumped on them before I start asking questions.

  Chapter 30

  Rayven

  “So you saw our parents?” Chaice asks, and I nod my head. Once again, I can’t even begin to imagine what the guys must be feeling. Are they mad that they didn’t get to see them? Alex clears his throat, and I notice his unshed tears. I want to comfort all of them; I need to wrap them each in a huge hug until they feel better. Which is really embarrassing because I am definitely not a hugger.

  “Ok, so how did all of this happen? I have never he
ard of someone being able to leave their body, let alone go back in time.” Alex looks over to Matthew like he has all the answers. Matthew looks up at me and shakes his head.

  “I have no idea. I have heard of some mages using spells to leave their body to go look for things or gain intel. Maybe you did something like that. I am still confused on what type of supernatural has a white signature. I’ve been doing some digging while we’ve been here, and I haven’t found anything. The only thing I did find was a picture I think you would be interested in looking at. I found it while you were passed out. I didn’t think anything of it until you told me what our parents had said about you looking like your mother.” Matthew reaches into his pocket and withdraws a small picture.

  He hands it to me, and my eyes focus on the first person in the picture, which is Susan, Xavier’s mom. Then I notice her arm is hooked over another woman’s shoulder. They seem to be laughing. I don’t think they even knew someone took the picture. What causes my breath to hitch is that the second woman is familiar to me. She has midnight black hair that is tied in a ponytail, and a face that looks so much like mine I would almost swear it was me in the picture. Tears immediately spring to my eyes. I don’t know how I know, but I am almost certain this woman is my biological mother. I might not have known her, but to know what she looks like after twenty-one years is almost life-changing.

  The more I look at the picture, I can see things that, at first glance, you wouldn’t catch. On the surface, it looks like a fun picture, but I can see these women are haunted. They don’t look much older than me, but my mother has scars covering most of her visible skin. Her arms and legs look the worst, but I can see one on her cheek that looks like the cut must have been very deep. Her hair also has a reddish color to it as well, it is not straight black like mine. Her eyes are also ice blue and captivating.

  I flip the picture over to see if anything is written on the back. Written in cursive is “Susan and Gloria ’87,” which means this picture was taken twelve years before I was born. Susan looks exactly the same as when I saw her in my vision. She didn’t look a day older than she does in the picture. How is that possible? There was a good twenty years between the two.

  “I think Gloria was your mom. I can try looking into her and seeing if she is alive or what happened, if you want me to,” Matthew consoles from his spot on the bed. I shake my head, telling him, “I’ve lived this long without her, and I’m sure she had her reasons to not be a part of my life. No sense in dredging up the past.” I stand a little taller; I won’t let thoughts of someone I don’t know get me down. I have more important things to worry about.

  “Can I see the picture?” Chaice says, walking up to me. I hand it over to him, and he gets a big goofy smile on his face. “I know her, well, I knew her. She was a part of my clan—she and my parents were close. She was pretty amazing.” Xavier stands up and looks over Chaice’s shoulder at the picture while Chaice continues to share, “A clan is basically like one huge family, so I saw her at all of the gatherings. I remember one time, she and my mom were having an afternoon tea date. I used to get so mad because I just wanted to be a part of everything my mom did. Unfortunately, teatime was always off limits, so I would always sneak in to hear about what was happening around the clan.” Chaice grabs my hand and pulls me over to the bed with him. “The time I am thinking of, Gloria came over and was talking about some man. She was gushing over how gorgeous he was. I got tired of listening to her talk about him, so I was just about to leave. Then out of nowhere, she told my mom that they were planning to elope, and she was leaving the clan.

  “I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but my mom was furious. She couldn’t believe that Gloria would think about doing something so foolish. I didn’t see Gloria again for a month, and the next time I saw her, she was not the same. I only heard bits and pieces of what happened to her. I guess the man she left with went crazy and tried to kill her. She kept talking about his black soulless eyes and how an angel had saved her. Everybody thought she had gone crazy. I always wondered who her savior had been, but not long after she came back, she ended up pregnant. I never knew if it was the man who attacked her or if the baby was someone else’s.”

  What are the chances that my life would be intertwined with these men? As far as I knew, I was just a foster kid, but now I am learning stuff about a mother I never had. Gabriel used to tell me that every child in foster care is loved, and I would always laugh at how ridiculous he sounded. I would tell him, “You can’t be serious, look around. Not being loved is the whole reason they made places like these.”

  He would just shake his head and tell me my vision was clouded. That sometimes people must make decisions that go against everything they believe in. They make those tough decisions for the benefit of the world, and I can’t punish them for it. Gabriel would get really serious and tell me that one day I will understand why my mom did what she did. “Hopefully, you will be able to see the bigger picture and realize it was for the best,” he would say.

  We always had different opinions, and that was fine with me. After about the second time of listening to his foster home pep talk, I learned to just not talk about it. It didn’t matter what he said, I sure as heck was not going to change how I felt. Now, hearing that Chaice knew my mom is mind-blowing. It’s been easy to just put her in a box inside my head and never think about her. To me, she has always just been this mystery, but now I feel like I am seeing her as a person. I am not sure I like it, nor am I ready to open the emotional can of worms that learning about my birth mother would be.

  Now, it is time for me to ask some questions that I’ve been holding in. I turn my head and look over at Xavier. “What did the council tell you about me?” He looks taken back by my question. I don’t know why, but ever since he first yelled at me about the council, I have had this distinct feeling he knows more than he lets on. Whether he knows more about me or what the council is doing, I’m not sure. No better time than now to question him. Tonight, I am finding all sorts of new information out, so why not add this to the list?

  Xavier walks towards me and gets in my face. “I don’t have to tell you anything. The council wants you, so I will be bringing you in tomorrow.” He shoves his finger in my chest, and I instantly get pissed. I take a deep breath and force myself to calm down. Breaking his face would do nothing to get him to talk, although I would get immense enjoyment out of it. But right now, I need him to talk. I need to know everything he knows from the council. I place my hand on his arm, and he tenses beneath it. If I could just see into his mind… Then it occurs to me—why couldn’t I see into his mind? I did it while I was healing him, maybe I could do it again. Even though I want to rip my hand away like he burned me, I don’t. A feeling of euphoria washes over me, starting where my palm is touching his arm. I have to push those feelings aside and force myself to pay attention.

  I focus on his eyes, I start to wonder what he is thinking, and before I know it, I am in his mind. I have never done something like this before, but I can only assume it was this easy because we are bonded. I try to find what I am looking for, but it is like sifting through a room full of books. This is going to be a nightmare.

  Chapter 31

  Alex

  What is Rayven thinking? Delving into someone’s mind takes years of practice. I knew what she was doing the moment she touched him. There is no way in hell she would have willingly touched him after everything he has said to her. He was like a fly in the honey; Xavier’s eyes glazed over, and he got this far off look on his face. I tried to move in and stop her, but as soon as she left her mind and entered his mind, a damn barrier went up. I don’t know if she even knows she’s doing it, but it is really starting to get on my nerves. I should be able to get to her no matter what, because she is my fated mate. I’m not going to lie, it does give me satisfaction that her barrier keeps my brother out as well. I can’t believe he mated with her already. Matthew knows how important bonding is, and to not talk to me about it fir
st is a low blow. Rayven doesn’t understand the emotions overtaking her body, but Matthew does. I would’ve thought he had more restraint than that.

  My mind snaps back to attention just as Xavier’s free hand flies to his head, and he lets out a groan. He looks miserable, and I wish I could say I felt bad for him, but he has had no reason to treat her the way he has. He should be able to put his personal issues aside and act like a man and show her respect. I can’t stand the way he treats her, especially since she is my mate as well. I have never heard of a fae being this way towards their mate. I’ve been wondering if something else is going on. Last I heard, he was engaged to the Fae King’s daughter. That shouldn’t matter anymore though; if you find your true mate, all other feelings should not even compare to how he feels with Rayven.

  Which brings me to a whole other bomb that was dropped on her tonight. I can’t believe Chaice knew her mom. I wonder how she feels about that. I think it’s just even more proof that she belongs with us. I just wish I knew more about why the council wants her, and if they do want her power, what do they plan on doing to her to get it? I am willing to bet it is about how much power she is showing. If she can already do this much stuff, I can’t imagine what she will be able to do once the wall around her magic is gone. I’ve never heard of anyone going into the past or leaving their bodies, it is amazing. She could be our saving grace when it comes to taking care of these rogues. I wonder if the rogues are just demons?

  I am trying to remember if they ever had any black eyes. I don’t think so, but I could be wrong. “Hey, Chaice, do you remember if any of the rogues you have fought had black eyes?” I ask as I turn to face him, putting my back to Xavier and Rayven. There’s nothing I can do to help Xavier; he is on his own. He better hope Rayven doesn’t hate him as much as I do, because she could easily turn him into a vegetable if she wanted to. Chaice thinks for a moment.