Dress Me in Wildflowers

by Trish Milburn

  That question caught Farrin off guard. What would her mother say? “I think she’d be proud, but then she always was.”

  “And that makes you sad?”

  How did he pick up on her feelings so well?

  “That was the worst thing about the embarrassment I felt growing up, that I hurt my mother with it.”

  “How so?”

  Farrin stared into the fire as if it were a window to the day after her junior prom. She saw the anger on her face, the pain in her heart, the surety that she’d never be able to go to school again and face her classmates.

  “I told her that she embarrassed me, that I was tired of being poor and laughed at, and I couldn’t wait to graduate so I could move away and never come back.” Farrin swallowed against the rising lump in her throat at the memory of how she’d held up the shredded prom dress in front of her mother’s face and told her she’d ruined her life, that she’d never been so mortified.

  “Don’t all teens say hurtful things to their parents at some point?”

  “Probably. But my mom didn’t deserve it. She did the best she could, alone and with little education.” Farrin swallowed, and despite her best efforts a tear slid down her cheek. She turned so Drew couldn’t see it. “She suffered from depression, and what I said was the worst possible thing. I was all she had, and I made her think I didn’t love her.”

  “I’m sure she knew you were upset, that you really did love her.”

  Farrin turned toward him, not caring if he saw the tears in her eyes. “No, I don’t think she did. She was never the same after that, and when I graduated I made good on my threat and left without a backward glance. When she died, I was convinced that it wasn’t a heart attack, that it was a broken heart and I was to blame.”

  He looked like he was about to move to comfort her, so she sprung from the couch and walked into the kitchen, wiping her tears as she went. She poured another glass of wine and took a fortifying drink. Drew walked up behind her, but he didn’t touch her.

  “Bet you’re sorry you asked, huh?”

  “Not at all,” he said.

  He’d be distant from now on, and he’d have admirable and plausible excuses like a heavy caseload or needing to do something for his parents. She couldn’t blame him. Who wanted to be weighed down by so much baggage? Maybe it was a good thing to have this out now before she really got attached and it hurt worse when he stopped popping by the inn with surprise takeout lunches.

  Drew touched her shoulder and she went rigid. Worse than him avoiding her would be him pitying her. That she couldn’t stand. She resisted the urging at first but gradually let him turn her to face him. Damn, he looked good standing there in the faint light.

  He didn’t pull her into his arms, and despite the fact she knew she’d let him she was glad. Instead, he let his hands drop and wrapped them around hers.

  “Thank you,” he said.

  “For what?”

  “Trusting me enough to open up like that.”

  “You didn’t give me a lot of choice.”

  He squeezed her hands. “I think you’re a woman who doesn’t let other people push her around.”

  “No. But I’ve been persuaded a lot lately.”

  “I think we’re only persuaded when we’re already leaning a certain direction.” He took a step closer. “I’m not going to stand here and tell you I’m not sorry about all the things that happened back when we were kids because I am. And I’m sorry about any part I had in making you feel embarrassed or ashamed.”

  “It was a long time ago,” she said, her voice threatening to crack.

  “Yes, it was. Just like the people we were then is in the past.” Another step and their bodies were almost touching. “Farrin, I don’t think of you as you were then. I think of you as the incredibly sexy woman I’ve been dying to kiss since the night of the reunion. All I ask is you forget who I was then, how I acted, and concentrate on who I am now. This very minute.”

  Her heart beat so loudly she felt as if her veins were going to explode from the rush. “Okay,” she whispered.

  As Drew’s mouth lowered toward hers, Farrin closed her eyes and let go of that girl in the second-hand prom dress.

  ****

  Farrin caught herself whistling as she walked in the front door of the inn the next morning. She stopped in mid-whistle when she noticed Janie standing in the doorway to the gift shop, her smile as wide as she’d ever seen it.

  “I take it the big date went well,” Janie said.

  Farrin stepped the rest of the way in and shut the door behind her. “It was fine.”

  “Fine? I’m sorry, I’ve never heard you whistle. And I think whistling indicates it was a little more than fine. Come on, dish. I want to live vicariously since I have no love life.”

  “I wouldn’t say I have a love life.”

  “Did he kiss you?”

  Farrin couldn’t help the blush as she remembered how incredibly thoroughly Drew had kissed her.

  “I knew it!” Janie said.

  “What are you, thirteen?” Farrin placed her coat on the coat tree and headed for the kitchen for some coffee.

  Janie, undeterred, followed. “So, you’ve got to give me more than a blush.”

  “If you must know,” Farrin said, actually excited to share the account of the incredible evening with someone her own age. She’d felt like a teenager who’d experimented a little too much when Drew had dropped her off at Faye’s the night before. “We had a nice dinner at his house, and then he quizzed me in preparation for the Zora Marshall interview.”

  Janie’s face fell. “You’re kidding?”

  “No.” Farrin took her coffee and sat at the kitchen table. Janie sank into the chair across from her. “He made me realize that I had to practice if I didn’t want to fall apart during the interview.”

  “I can’t imagine you letting a reporter get to you.”

  “I’ve never been interviewed about being poor white trash before.”

  “You weren’t trash.”

  “Semantics. Anyway, he grilled me about the things Zora is likely to cover.”

  “So, where did the kiss come in?”

  “Right after he said we should leave who we were then in the past and start from now.”

  Janie sighed. “Oh, that’s so romantic. Maybe I should have snatched him up when I had the chance.”

  “Too late.”

  Janie stuck her tongue out at her, and Farrin laughed.

  Farrin took another drink of her coffee, pushing away the last of the chill that had soaked in during the short walk from her car to the inn.

  “Do you think you’re ready for the interview?”

  “As ready as I’m going to be.”

  “I don’t want you to hold anything back on my account. You can tell her how awful I was. I won’t mind. It’s common knowledge around here anyway.”

  “I’m not going to do that.” She paused and looked at the other woman, wondering when she’d put their past relationship behind her as well. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  Janie’s eyes filled with tears. “But I don’t deserve—”

  Farrin reached across the table and grabbed Janie’s hands. “Listen to me. I know better than anyone how hard it is to leave things behind, to not let them sour the now. But I’m trying and succeeding a little. I want you to do the same. Yes, you were harsh. And I was too self-pitying. But look at us now. We’re not those girls we used to be.”

  Janie nodded. Farrin suspected it was because her voice would have cracked had she tried to speak.

  With a final squeeze, Farrin released Janie’s hands and went to the coffeepot to get another cup even though she didn’t really want one. By the time she turned around, Janie had pulled her feelings together and was smiling again.

  “I’m glad about you and Drew.”

  “I don’t know where it’s going, if anywhere. There’s still the fact that his life is here and despite recent weeks, my life is in New York.”
She hadn’t even made relationships in the same city last.

  “I have faith it’ll work out.”

  “We’ll see.” Already, the thought of returning to Manhattan and leaving Drew behind made her heart ache. Getting involved really wasn’t a good idea, but it was too late to stop it now. She’d lowered her defenses and let him waltz inside and see feelings that no one other than Tammie had seen.

  Would their relationship somehow work as Janie’s faith indicated? Or had she allowed the hope of finding someone who might grow to love her for who she was — both past and present — to lead her into making a gigantic mistake?

  ****

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Transformation. That was the best adjective to describe the world around Farrin during the days that followed her evening with Drew. The bright canopy of leaves that had greeted her when she’d returned to Oak Valley dimmed as autumn gave way to winter. The town’s residents bundled up in thick coats, gloves and hats to finish raking and burning the last of the straggling leaves to blanket their yards.

  The first of her new dress designs were being sewn by several local ladies, both the older members of the Homemakers Club and young mothers who needed the money. Farrin smiled every time she walked by the back room where the women sewed and chattered. She and Janie worked hard to get another first floor room ready for a showroom. They’d chosen the other room facing the street across from the gift shop so a dress could be displayed in the front window. Farrin couldn’t help the surge of satisfaction at the thought of Jewel Carlisle seeing it there instead of in her own shop’s window and knowing her daughter had something to do with it.

  Janie still hadn’t told her parents about her illness, and for the most part Farrin didn’t pressure her about it. Janie knew her family dynamics better than she did. Still, the increasing fatigue and deepening darkness around Janie’s eyes worried Farrin. She never talked about her chemo treatments and never complained about having to work. And every time Farrin tried to give her an afternoon off, she refused.

  “If I take an afternoon off, it’s like the first step toward accepting defeat,” she finally admitted one afternoon when she looked particularly tired and drained.

  But if their mother appeared worn out, the twins were anything but. They continued to work doing odd jobs for Farrin, and they bugged her constantly to tell them stories about New York and all the places she’d been around the world. Dara was fascinated by the activity in the sewing room and could often be found sitting in a corner of that room watching as the stitches flew through silks, satins and what Dara called “filmy fabric.”

  And perhaps the biggest transformation — and surprise — was that Drew didn’t fade away. He continued to bring her lunches and even sent flowers, a large lovely bouquet of pink tulips with a card that said, “Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady. Hope these brighten up your office on this winter day.”

  If she wasn’t careful, she was going to really fall hard for him. That she couldn’t allow, not when she had to return to New York right after Christmas.

  Tammie wandered into her office the afternoon the flowers arrived. “I’m guessing those aren’t from the mayor.” She pointed toward the tulips that had made Farrin smile every time she looked at them.

  “They could be. We passed codes with flying colors. And he seems to like me now that the inn has some life in it and is generating a little positive press for the town.”

  “If Mayor Randolph sent you those, I’ll perform The Nutcracker Suite on the roof of the inn.”

  “That might draw some more visitors, especially if we do some advertising in advance.”

  “Ha ha. So, is it getting serious between you and Drew?”

  “We’re having fun. It can’t get too serious.”

  “Because you’re going to leave.”

  “Yes, I have responsibilities in New York. I’ve rescheduled and postponed all I can.”

  “You still think you’re going to sell this place, after everything you’ve put into it?”

  “I have to.”

  “Why? Because it’s ‘a business investment’ or because you still can’t stand the thought of ties to Oak Valley?”

  “Why is everyone around me playing shrink all of a sudden?”

  “No answering a question with a question. Are you going to leave because of your job, or are you really just running again?”

  “I’m not running.”

  Tammie continued to stare at her.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Because I think deep down you like it here, you love this inn and everything you’ve done with it, that you don’t want to leave it or Drew, but you’re afraid of letting go of that belief that you have to leave, that you can’t possibly be happy here. And if you are, it won’t last.”

  Farrin opened her mouth with an automatic denial, but she didn’t say anything. There was enough truth in what Tammie said to startle her. Despite facing her past and all her twisted feelings about it, she wasn’t totally free of it. Doubts still picked at her whenever she had the passing thought of staying. Would the good life she was living now last?

  “I don’t know what to do, but you and Janie are good at telling me your ideas.”

  “You and Janie, you’re close now?”

  Farrin looked across the desk at her oldest and dearest friend and remembered the secret fear she’d held in her heart when they’d been young — that Tammie would suddenly decide one day to not be her friend anymore, leaving her utterly alone. “Yeah. And here’s the good thing. It seems I possess the capacity to have more than one friend. Who knew?”

  Tammie offered a small smile, and Farrin leaned forward, placing her forearms on the desk.

  “You know you’re my best friend and always will be. But you’ve said yourself that we’re all different people now, that bygones should be bygones. I’ve decided you’re right.”

  “Is she sick?”

  The question surprised Farrin, but it shouldn’t have. She wondered how many other people had noticed the illness despite Janie’s efforts to hide it. And why hadn’t her parents expressed concern? Were they oblivious? Uncaring? Too proud to make the first step toward reconciliation?

  Farrin avoided Tammie’s question by not meeting her gaze.

  “You’re not at liberty to say,” Tammie said. “You don’t think she’s been friendly just to have someone help her?”

  Farrin looked up. “No. She’s not like that anymore.”

  Tammie nodded. “That’s good.”

  The front door opened and after a few moments, Faye halted in the doorway to Farrin’s office. “You told her yet?”

  “No, I wanted to wait for you,” Tammie said.

  “Told me what?” Farrin asked.

  “You remember telling me to think about expanding to Oak Valley and how you’re always teasing Mom about how she’d make a killing if she opened a restaurant? Well, we’ve decided to take a leap of faith and do both. Here in the inn.”

  Farrin smiled so wide her cheek muscles protested. “Let’s go look at the space.”

  After a couple of hours of examining, measuring and brainstorming, they decided the fifteen-table restaurant should be called Faye’s despite her protests and that the dessert menu would include Tammie’s signature desserts plus one she would create specifically for the restaurant. She’d also have a small corner of the room as a secondary location for Sweet Everythings.

  “Let’s see, a restaurant, a bakery, a gift shop, a wedding dress shop . . . all the inn needs now is some overnight guests,” Tammie said.

  “Opening up the rooms is a different venture altogether,” Farrin said.

  “You seem to juggle about ten balls at once. What’s another?”

  Guests would definitely generate more traffic for the businesses on the first floor of the inn, but it was huge undertaking and didn’t she already have way too much going on? She looked down at her feet, swearing she felt that ivy growing tighter around her ankles
.

  ****

  The noise was deafening, but Farrin had never seen so many gloriously happy kids in such a small space. Streamers and balloons hung from the ceiling, the table, the bar that separated the living area from the galley kitchen. The twins, celebrating their tenth birthday, were busy opening presents from their friends. When Dara picked up the box from her, Farrin held her breath.

  Dara ripped away the wrapping paper and pulled open the box’s lid. She stared, dumbstruck, at the dress inside. Then she looked up at Farrin with wide eyes. “You made this for me?”

  “Yes, it’s just like one of the new wedding gown designs, only in pink.” And with a little row of embroidered wildflowers around the waist.

  Dara launched herself at Farrin, nearly tipping her over with the powerful hug. “Oh, thank you, it’s beautiful.”

  Over the top of Dara’s head, Farrin made eye contact with Jewel Carlisle and saw the resentment and jealousy staring back at her. She had gotten Dara piano lessons which would “help her grow into a proper and accomplished young lady.”

  It didn’t take a detective to identify the slap against her own daughter and what she’d made of her life. Even the fact that Janie was heading up so many ventures at the inn had not redeemed her any in her mother’s cold eyes. In that moment, an overwhelming empathy for what Janie had experienced growing up settled in Farrin’s heart.

  When Dara turned away to show her mother the dress, Drew wrapped his hand around Farrin’s. She looked up at him and saw admiration and a sweet and scary tenderness in his eyes.

  “That was a wonderful thing to do for her,” he said.

  She shrugged. “It’s no big deal.”

  “Maybe not workwise, but it shows you care and I think gestures like that are what those kids need.”

  “You noticed Cruella de Grandma, too?” she said under her breath.

  “She’s a harder woman than I ever realized.”

  Something about the way Drew looked in a navy corduroy shirt and khakis and the texture and warmth of his hard holding hers made her want to kiss him right then and there.

  “Are you two going to get married?”