Chapter 11
ZAK
The brainstorming begun, and we all threw around ideas. There was no immediate worry because we all recognized the call for what it was, a fishing expedition. On calls like that you listen out more for what’s not being said than to what is. So far we knew that the men we’d released hadn’t told them anything useful, more to the point, the one we were trying to turn hadn’t spilled his guts.
That could mean also that the chief was on the up and up since he was our man inside and knew what we were up to, but Lo was right, with what was at stake we needed more than that.
“That phrase, ‘my friend’ that’s middle eastern, most of them say it like that so that’s no help, but who do we know or have had run-ins with in the past that would feel comfortable enough to call us like that? And that knows about our relationship with the commander?” My mind was still working thank fuck, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to switch gears as easily as I used to, but that hadn’t changed. I just had to compartmentalize shit in my head. I kissed my baby’s hair because she was being so good and not complaining. Then again that could be because every so often one of her uncles would stop to tickle her or make faces at her.
Lo’s oatmeal was sitting like a lump of cement in my gut so I knew it was only a matter of time before this bunch mutinied and turned on my ass. And the closer it got to lunchtime I was waiting for one of the greedy fucks to break.
Davey was back and adding his two cents along with the rest of us, and it was amazing how easily the kid held his own. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if it turns out that he really is the commander’s, but I guess we’ll know one way or another in a couple of weeks at least.
We hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the females but when the baby started rooting around on my chest I knew that shit was about to change. She’d made it pretty clear as shit that she did not care for the formula, but maybe I could sidetrack her with some strained peas, or one of the other equally repulsive fuckery they had for her to eat. “Here Ty hold her.” He was only too happy to snag her as I went to get her food.
Feeding time became a whole production with everyone pitching in with their ideas after I strapped her into her high chair. I blocked them all out and concentrated on my girl who seemed happy enough with her lunch thank fuck, and the storm that I had sensed brewing was delayed.
I was sure that I was gonna have to see her mother at some point though, before the day was over, if I wanted to keep my little girl happy. The price you pay to be a good dad.
When they started giving each other looks and then eyeing me down while Ty was playing airplane with her spoon, I knew what was coming. We’d pretty much came up with a plan of action and were now playing the waiting game, so it was back to Zak’s intervention.
I waited to see which tact they were gonna take before losing my cool, because I was over the shit already. It had been less than twenty-four hours and already everyone was acting like I should have all the answers. I had a few but I was pretty sure that none of those were the ones they wanted.
“So, back to more immediate matters, what have you decided to do about your situation?” Lo sat forward in his seat with his hands clasped between his knees. That’s his ‘I’m a reasonable fucker until you fuck with me’ pose.
“I thought we had decided to give me some time.” I kept my tone even so that my little girl didn’t react. I’d noticed that already her eyes flew to me when she heard my voice, and according to my tone she’d either smile or look a little bit unhappy.
“Yeah, but that was before the women got involved. Now it’s a fact that I don’t mind dressing Gabriella down when it’s warranted and you best believe that I will nip this shit in the bud if it goes on for too long, but you’ve got to understand. We’ve put them under house arrest, put a crimp in their wedding plans, which apparently is all that’s needed to turn the female of the species into rabid dogs. On top of that shit, we’ve got one of the nation’s leading families on the hook for some nefarious dealings in our backyard, now is not the time for you to go bat shit. Do you follow me?”
“I don’t see how any of this shit has anything to do with me and my kid. We’re safe in here, we saw to that when we were building the place. We’ve dealt with more formidable opponents in the past and always came out on top.
The women need to learn that not everything is about them, and that sometimes one of their ilk is fucking wrong and I personally will not bow to their bullshit so I can eat a fucking home cooked meal. So if you’re asking me to give in and forgive before I’m ready, the answer is no.” My voice was still calm, and my girl was enjoying her game with her uncle Ty.
“Will you at least talk to her? Dani says you made her feel like a…what did she call it? Oh yeah, a nursing maid or handmaiden or some such shit. Said you had her feed the baby and then kicked her out. Don’t forget two of your sisters are pregnant and their hormones are out of whack. Every little thing sets them off, and I guess seeing one of their own treated like that has flipped their switch or some shit.” The fucker was reaching.
“You really want me to deal with her now? Fine, I’ll deal with her, go get ‘er.” Dev’s ‘oh shit’ wasn’t soft enough, I still heard that shit. Lo wasn’t looking too sure anymore, but since everyone wanted to back me into a corner, I’ll show them how that shit feels.
I wasn’t worried about the women and their shit, I knew they’d come around eventually, but Vanessa needed to learn a lesson. What she did was fucking wrong, not to mention irresponsible. She was a marine, she’d seen some of the same shit I had. On top of that she knows what kind of man I am; how could she claim she loved me and not know? So she had to know that keeping my kid from me was the wrong fucking move to make.
“Do you promise not to do anything stupid if I bring her here?”
“I promise not to kill her if that’s what you’re asking, but whatever I choose to do you lot will stay out of it. This is between me, and her.”
“I don’t know Zak you can be so fucking hard.”
“That’s the deal, take it or leave it. I’m not the one forcing the issue remember?”
“I trust him Lo let’s go, he’s not gonna break the code no matter how pissed he is right Zak.” I just smirked at Con as they headed for the door. If only he knew. I’m a diabolical fucker when it comes to her; she knows it even if they don’t. We’ll see how much she wants her daughter, we’ll just see.
***
I gave strict instructions that no one was to come anywhere near my home while this conversation was going on. They wanted to hang around but it was my way or no way at all. Ty, who seemed to be going through some sort of life change, was the last to leave.
“If you two are going to be getting all loud and angry maybe I should take baby Zak.” It was like the invasion of the pod people or some fuck. “Ty, get a grip what’s with you bro, she’s mine, she stays with me. We’ll see you later I promise.”
“Fine, but if things get out of control call me and I’ll come get her.”
“Why don’t you go spend some time with Vicki Lynn?” I knew that shit would light a fire under his ass and get him the hell out of my house. I’m gonna have to remember to take this shit out at a later date and have a good laugh over it. I’m not sure what the equivalent to baby whipped was, but whatever it was he had it. She had him wrapped around her little finger already, which meant I was never gonna get rid of him.
I hate like fuck that they were forcing my hand so soon. If it were up to me, I’d make her ass sweat for at least a month. In fact, if we weren’t dealing with the shit we were, I would’ve taken my kid off somewhere just the two of us already. I was trying to come to terms with my anger, to put the shit in perspective, but it wasn’t gelling for me.
I couldn’t wrap my mind around the way things had gone down. The one thing that I kept coming back to was why. Was it because she hated me that much, was she really the afraid of me, what?
Nothing in our past gave me a
ny answers and I was left with a gut full of confusion, and more questions than answers. Only Vanessa knows why she’d done this shit and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to believe her or listen to her reasons. I held the baby closer to my chest and rubbed my chin across her soft curls. One thing was for certain, no matter, what, she stays with me.
***
VANESSA
When Logan came back and told me that Zak was ready to talk, I wasn’t sure if to be relieved or more worried. I was suddenly more afraid than I had been and nervous as hell. My whole life was about to be decided in the next few minutes and I slowed my pace as I made my way across the yard from Logan’s place.
The girls had tried to build up my confidence, but I could tell that even they weren’t too sure of the outcome. I couldn’t read the men’s faces since they were so hard to read, so there was no point in trying.
I tried to work out a strategy in the short time it took me to get from one place to the next but it was no use, my mind couldn’t hold a thought. I tried to imagine a life without my daughter, or worst yet, a long drawn out court battle between her father and I with her in the middle.
The problem with that is that I kinda blamed myself for this. They were right, I’d had more than enough opportunities to tell him about the baby, so why hadn’t I? That was the million dollar question, and the thing that Zak was gonna hang me with.
It wasn’t fair though that I should lose them both again. I’d long conditioned myself to life without Zak, but at least I had Zakira to fill the void. Now if he had his way I wouldn’t even have that. I know Zak I know how hard he can be when he wants to be. My heart felt sick and my pulse raced in fear the closer I got to his place. I knew one thing I wasn’t giving up without a fight. And if it were at all possible, I would fight to keep them both.
***
ZAK
I’d had a lot of time to think last night while I was reading and surfing the web for information. One of the things I kept going back to for some strange reason was the whole pregnancy thing. I watched other men loving on their wife’s or significant other’s rounded belly, and the envy welled up inside me.
Now I never gave much thought to such things before, shit never crossed my mind. But seeing it played out in front of me, I wanted it. It made no sense whatsoever since twenty-four hours ago it wouldn’t have been on the top of my to-do list. But since I was already a father, one who had missed the whole deal, I felt cheated. That was just one more thing for me to lay at her feet.
Lo and Con were gonna get to enjoy their kids from beginning to end. Already I was privy to the secret looks and touches they shared with their women. I saw the way Dani and Gaby glowed whenever my brothers touched their tummies. No doubt it was all-good for the women, but I knew my brothers enjoyed that shit too. I had missed out on that. I held the baby closer as my heart broke a little at all that I had missed. I know some people might say that it didn’t matter, that she wouldn’t remember. But I’d seen those men speaking to their women’s tummies and the book said the baby could actually hear in there. Mine should’ve been the first voice she heard. “I’m so sorry baby, sorry daddy wasn’t there from the beginning. I promise I won’t ever miss any more of your life.”
I had to face some hard truths. One, did I want to deny my child her mother? The answer was no. I knew my anger is what was holding me back from even considering giving her a chance, my anger and my deep sense of betrayal.
She’d lain in my bed, let me cum inside her again, and never once let on that she’d had my child. Who does that? I knew it wasn’t because of our past that she’d done this. So what I’d been possessive and over protective, it wasn’t in an abusive stalkerish kind of way. I’d never given her reason to believe that she’d ever be anything but loved by me. Our only problem was her unwillingness to leave the service. I was terrified of something happening to her, and I’d been afraid from some of the stories I’d heard about her CO, that she might end up a statistic. There was more than one rumor going around about his way with his female subordinates, and I wasn’t about to let that shit happen to her.
When I’d threatened to talk to him, she’d had a fit. Told me she could handle herself. That’s when I’d given her that stupid ultimatum. I was pissed and frustrated because my hands were tied.
The navy doesn’t look too kindly on it’s men going after other officers whether they’re from another faction or not, and especially not in the middle of battle. In the end we were two hotheaded people who didn’t have any give in them. Had we been stateside I’m pretty sure I would’ve brought her little ass to heel, but that’s not how that hand played out.
We’d parted on those terms but it had always been my intention to go get her when we came back. Then things had gone to shit. We’d been sent into the desert under deep cover for four and a half months, no way to contact anyone on the outside. Then not long after we came back to the mainland the commander had died, and things had been topsy-turvy again. In between building the compound we’d been sent out on mission after mission and by the time we came back here for good, we were barely settled before the shit down by the water took our focus.
I hadn’t known what was going on in her life, hadn’t even known she’d retired, but always in the back of my mind was the thought that one day I would go after her. It never once entered my mind that she might be with someone else. What we had had been so strong, that I just knew deep down inside, that just as there was no one else for me, there could never be anyone else for her. I never expected in a million years though, that she would’ve borne my child without telling me.
“Hey baby girl how you doing?” She grabbed my face and babbled away at me all the while stealing a little more of my heart. I watched through the living room window as her mother left Logan’s place. I didn’t want her seeing her and kicking up a fuss, so I had to move quickly. I was already working shit out in my head as I went. I was going to treat her like just another hostile I had to take down. She had me the man once; she fucked that up, now she could deal with Zak the SEAL.
The first thing I did was lock the door so she had to knock. She wasn’t gonna just walk in like she was welcome or some shit. Next I got every toy that I’d bought the baby and put her in her crib with them before taking the monitor out to the living room with me. It was almost naptime anyway, so she should be fine. I was setting the scene, letting her know her place in our home, our being mine, and Zakira’s. Mostly I just wanted her to see how it felt to be left out in the cold.
When the knock came I took my time getting to the door. I opened it up and stepped back without a word. She looked nervous as hell as she looked around for the baby. “Thanks for agreeing to see me Zak I…” I held up my hand before she could go any farther. One part of me wanted to hear her out, and another didn’t give a fuck about what she had to say. “I didn’t agree to see you to listen to your bullshit so save it. The only reason you’re here is because you owe me and I intend to collect.”
“Owe you, owe you how?”
“You might wanna tone down that fucking attitude or you can turn around and leave the way you came.” I turned and headed for the living room leaving her to follow or leave, her choice. “Fine, I’m listening.” Why is it that when it comes to kids women always think they have the only say? Is that what the fuck the world is like? A man’s seed doesn’t count for anything? I’d like to see any fuck grow without the seed, fuck that.
“You wanna know what you owe me, you owe me a fucking kid, a pregnancy, the whole fucking deal. That little girl in there was made from love. Whatever else followed I never touched you with anything less than that. Because of you I’ll never trust another female again as long as I live, so that means if I want a son, he comes from you, the same place his sister came from. After that you can get the fuck away from me and my kids.” Yeah, that shit sounded fucked up when I said it out loud, but she’d taken me there.
“Why would I agree to that, that’s insane do you even hear yourself?”
I guess her girls had filled her head with bullshit; she wasn’t expecting me to be this hard. They probably thought if they put the screws to their men their men would in turn burn my ass. They had no idea what the fuck they were dealing with here, and apparently neither did she.
“You want to have anything to do with our daughter that’s the way it’s going to be. You robbed me of the whole experience, now we’ll play do overs, that’s the offer and the only one you’re gonna get.”
Her sadness almost made me fold, but I buckled down on that shit. Maybe if she’d told me when she first got here, like that first night when she slept under my roof, I would’ve heard her out. But she didn’t, instead she laughed with me, fucked me, and kept her damn mouth shut. And I’d cum inside her more than once. What if I’d bred her again? I didn’t like the way my body reacted to that thought. It didn’t seem to care that she was a lying thieving bitch. Fucking traitor.
“Who was with you?” I didn’t think I’d remember the questions since they’d all left my head with the anger, but they all came flooding back. “I’m sorry?”
“During your pregnancy, who was there to support you?”
“My mom mostly, some of my friends.”
“How was it?”
“I don’t understand.” The book had talked about all the different stages and how different women dealt with different issues.
“Were you sick a lot? Was she a healthy baby, what?”
I listened as she told me about battling morning sickness and being afraid of the delivery and all the other shit that women apparently went through. I kept my expression blank so that she had no idea that with each word she was digging her grave deeper. I should’ve been there.
ZAK SEAL Team Seven Book 3 Page 10