by Carrie Carr
"That's usually a given," Amanda agreed, standing beside the sofa. She had heard Lex's quiet words as she stepped out of Jeannie's room and couldn't resist answering. "What are you being stubborn about this time?"
"The new property." Lex looked up and could barely make out Amanda's outline, but was comforted by her presence. "Maybe I should just sell it."
Amanda could hear the defeat in her wife's tone, and it concerned her. "Why don't we go upstairs and talk about it there? I think we've all had a long day." She waited until Lex stood up before she started out of the den, then turned when she heard the alarm keypad at the front door beep. Her lover bolted the door and turned around sheepishly.
"Just checking." Satisfied that the alarm was set and the house was secure, Lex followed Amanda upstairs. She couldn't remember the last time she had worried about locking the doors, and the thought saddened her.
After depositing a sleeping Lorrie in her crib, it didn't take long for Lex and Amanda to get ready for bed. They turned off the lights, and snuggled up together in silence. The glow of the alarm display next to the door reminded Lex of the recent troubles, and she couldn't repress a heavy sigh.
Amanda feared the worst when Lex remained quiet for a long time. "I know I'm the last person who should be asking this, but do you want to talk about it?" She felt that it would serve her right if her partner didn't want to confide in her, especially with the way Amanda jumped all over her lately when asked that very same question. She almost didn't hear the softly spoken response.
"I think I've really screwed up this time." Lex continued to look up at the still ceiling fan over the bed, which she could barely make out.
Amanda rolled over onto her side, glad for the small amount of light that came from a nightlight near Lorrie's crib. It illuminated Lex's profile in the otherwise darkened room. "Just what is it that you've supposedly done?"
Lex brought up both of her hands and linked them behind her head. "I didn't take them seriously."
"Who?"
"The guys who keep wanting to buy the new property." Lex turned her head so that she could see Amanda. "What if someone gets hurt just because I'm being stubborn? We've already lost a horse to those assholes, even if I can't prove it."
Reaching across the space between them, Amanda caressed her wife's cheek. "Don't blame yourself for what someone else has done. You can't give in to the demands of others just because they threaten you."
"I don't want anyone to get hurt. There are so many people here depending on me to keep them safe."
Amanda snuggled closer and kissed Lex's chin. "I think you're doing a fine job of that, love."
Tired of her morbid thoughts, Lex pulled Amanda into her arms and kissed the top of her head. "Thanks." She closed her eyes, the love being offered giving her peace like nothing else could.
It seemed to Lex as if she had just closed her eyes when the house alarm sounded. She sat up in bed and glanced at the clock on the nightstand, seeing that it was after three in the morning. Swinging her legs out from under the covers, she pulled on her jeans and hurried over to the keypad by the door, punching in several numbers to silence the alarm.
"What is it?" asked Amanda, as she sat up and rubbed sleepily at her eyes. She turned on the lamp on her side of the bed.
"One of the downstairs windows has been tripped," Lex answered, as she hustled back over to the bed and drew the rifle out from under it. Clad only in her nightshirt and jeans, she started for the door. "Lock up behind me, Amanda. I'll be back as soon as I check this out."
"But--" Amanda's argument was silenced by the door being closed. She was about to get up when the telephone rang.
"Hello? Oh. Hi, Martha." The alarm was wired so that if it was tripped at one house, the other house would also be alerted. Amanda looked over at the crib, where Lorrie continued to sleep. "No. Lex said it was one of the windows downstairs, and she's gone to check on it. Okay, thanks." She hung up the phone, glad to know that Charlie would be joining Lex to check out the house and grounds.
When the alarm company had tried to get Lex to sign a multi-year deal for monitoring, she couldn't help laughing at them. With the county sheriff living less than fifty yards away, she assured them that they didn't need any additional help.
Lex had just closed the door to the master bedroom when she almost ran into Ellie. "What are you doing?"
"I heard the alarm and was going downstairs to check on Jeannie," Ellie said, looking rumpled in a tee shirt that hung to her knees. "Where's Amanda?"
Lex pointed to the door behind her. "She's in our room with Lorrie."
"Maybe I should go with you to where Jeannie is."
"Fine. Follow me downstairs, but stay behind me. Once I've checked the den and Jeannie's room, you can stay in there with the door locked, okay?" Lex started down the stairway, almost jumping out of her skin when Ellie grabbed the back of her nightshirt.
They made it through the hallway and into the den, where Lex carefully checked all the windows. She stepped into the refurbished office and could see the concern on the face of her sister-in-law. "It's okay, Jeannie. Probably just a false alarm." Lex closed the blinds and turned on the light. "I've brought someone to keep you company while I check outside, okay?"
Jeannie nodded as she almost laughed at the way Ellie hung on Lex's shirt.
Ellie sat on the bed next to her. "I hope you don't mind, but I didn't want to be alone," Ellie murmured. "Is it all right if I stay here for a while?"
"Dat's 'ine wi' me."
Lex was relieved. "Great." She was glad that Jeannie wouldn't have to be alone, although she didn't think her cousin Ellie would be much protection. "Close this door and wait until you hear from me. It shouldn't take but a few minutes to check around outside the house."
After inspecting the downstairs windows, Lex turned off the alarm and opened the back door. The cool night air chased the cobwebs from her mind, and she cautiously stepped off the porch and walked around the house to look for intruders. She was almost to the edge of the house when she heard soft footfalls and readied her gun. "Hold it!"
"Dammit, Lex! Put the gun down," Charlie yelled. His hands shook as he quickly lowered his revolver. It scared him to death that he had almost shot someone he loved, but not as much as it seemed to have frightened Lex, who dropped to her knees.
"Oh, God." Placing the gun on the ground, Lex wrapped her arms around herself and began to rock back and forth. "Not again." Her mind flashed back to when she was a teenager, and one of her friends had been killed in a hunting accident. She could smell the blood, and when she closed her eyes, it was Charlie, not her friend, lying in front of her.
Charlie stood nearby, unsure of what to do. He had never seen Lex in such a state. Putting his gun in the holster clipped to his belt, he knelt beside her. "Lex? Honey, it's okay." He put his arm around her shoulders and helped Lex to her feet. "Let's go back inside. It was just a false alarm."
Unable to get past what she had almost done, Lex allowed Charlie to lead her into the house. She didn't even realize when he pushed her down into a chair in the kitchen, and went to lean the rifle--safety on--in the far corner. She was unaware of the footsteps that signaled the arrival of someone else. Lex began to shiver.
Amanda stepped into the room and, and seeing her lover's pale face, took the quilt she had wrapped around herself and hurriedly draped it around Lex instead. "What happened?"
Charlie had the good grace to look embarrassed. "We met at the corner of the porch behind the kitchen; both of us were pointing our guns. When I yelled at Lex, she dropped to the ground and went quiet on me."
"You almost shot her?" Amanda tried to control herself, but her voice rose. "Is that what you're trying to tell me?"
"No! I don't think either one of us would have pulled the trigger without knowing who we were shooting at. She just," Charlie waved at a still silent Lex, "shut down. I've never seen her like this before."
Amanda laid her arm around Lex's shoulder and leane
d in close. "Lex? Honey, it's all right. No one was hurt." She continued to talk in low tones for several minutes, trying to get through to her partner.
"Get them out," Lex rasped.
Shocked by the raw tone, Amanda was afraid of what Lex was asking. "What?"
Lex turned her head to face Charlie, who was shocked by the anguish he could see in her eyes. "I want every damned gun out of this house, tonight. Right now." She had to hold her hands together in order to keep them from shaking. "Please."
"Of course, Lex. I'll take care of it." Charlie nodded to Amanda, then quickly left the kitchen.
"I could have killed him, you know." Lex's voice was quiet, but steadier than it had been. "That was too damned close."
Amanda covered Lex's hands with her own. "But you didn't. Everything turned out okay."
Leaning her head against Amanda's shoulder, Lex closed her eyes. "I flashed back to when I was fourteen and Lawrence was killed in that hunting accident. Except I saw Charlie lying dead, not him." She shook her head. "Never again, Amanda. I won't let that happen again."
"I know you won't, love." Amanda pulled Lex close, and gave silent thanks for everyone's safety.
DAWN BROUGHT WITH it a somber morning as the household readied itself for another difficult day. Lex spent extra time at her desk, gathering up the necessary papers to take to the bank. Amanda stood nearby, a frown on her face. She had tried for over an hour to dissuade her partner from leaving the house, especially after what had transpired the evening before. "If you won't listen to reason, then at least let me go with you."
"And who's going to take care of Lorrie?" Lex tucked the remaining papers into a folder and stood up. "I'm fine, Amanda. Really." But she wasn't, and she knew it. After they had gone back to bed, Lex had lain there quietly, afraid to close her eyes and see what her imagination devised. It would take a lot longer than she wanted to let on to get over that image.
Seeing the haunted look in Lex's eyes, Amanda didn't believe a word of what she said. All she wanted to do was take her hurting wife into her arms and never let her go. "We can both go with you."
Lex shook her head. "I'm not going to be gone that long, sweetheart. Just to the bank, then back to the house. Shouldn't take more than an hour or so." She stepped closer and put her hands on Amanda's hips. "Surely you can do without me for that long."
"Smartass." Raising her hands, Amanda linked them behind Lex's neck and pulled her head down for a long kiss. She felt her body tugged closer until there wasn't any space between them, as Lex deepened the kiss. When they finally broke apart, both were breathing heavily. "Kiss me like that again, and you're definitely not going anywhere, Slim."
"Oh, yeah?"
Amanda gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Yeah." She brushed her hands down the front of Lex's dark gray, cotton shirt, loving the feel of the material and the woman beneath it. "An hour or so, huh?"
"Yup." Lex gasped as the wandering hands cupped her breasts. "You're not playing fair, Amanda."
"Who says I'm playing?" Taking a step back, Amanda winked. "Don't be gone too long, honey. I've got plans for you this afternoon."
"Plans. Yeah." Nodding to herself, Lex started out of the room, then heard Amanda call her name. "Huh?"
Taking pity on her flustered wife, Amanda handed Lex the envelope she had left on the desk. "You're forgetting something, love."
"Right." Lex took the papers and leaned over to give Amanda a quick kiss on the cheek. "Back in a flash." She started out the door, then turned around. "I love you."
"Love you, too," Amanda replied. She followed Lex out onto the front porch and watched as her partner made her way into her truck. "Be safe," she whispered, then waved as the truck disappeared down the road and out of sight.
Chapter Nineteen
JEANNIE HEARD THE muted voices in the den, then the closing of the front door as Lex left for the morning. She didn't know all the details about the night before, but after Charlie came in and gathered up the remaining guns, she actually felt more secure. The thought of sleeping that close to those things made me nervous. Another thing that worried her was the appearance of her sister-in-law. Lex looked as if she hadn't slept at all, and Jeannie could see the slight tremor in the usually sure hands of the woman she had come to depend on for her quiet strength. A light knock on the door interrupted her musings, and her mood brightened when Ellie stepped into the room, carrying Lorrie. "Hi."
"Good morning. This little one told me that she missed her mommy, so I thought I'd better listen." Ellie placed the infant next to her mother, pleased when Jeannie automatically brought her good arm around to cradle Lorrie. Her own sudden attachment to Lorrie was a surprise. Ellie had never been around infants in a personal setting, so she was completely shocked when she felt almost maternal around Lorrie. When Amanda knocked on her bedroom door earlier in the morning and asked if she'd take care of the baby, Ellie couldn't refuse. Now here she was, with probably the same goofy look on her face as she'd seen on everyone else when they were in the room with the smallest member of the family.
"Danks." Jeannie looked down at her daughter, getting lost for a moment in her eyes. Oh, Frank. Our daughter is going to be beautiful. I just wish you could be here to see her.
Ellie watched as Jeannie bonded with her daughter, and it made her think about her own mother. She wondered what she had done wrong in her life to break that precious link. Unlike her brother Billy, she had followed her mother's examples, adhering strictly to the rules and conditions set forth by Naomi. And look where it got me. Ostracized, and thousands of miles away from home.
Ellie felt the familiar hurt blossoming inside and turned away from the touching scene of mother and child. "I'll be right back." She stepped out of the room and almost ran into Amanda, who was on her way in. "Excuse me."
"Are you all right?" Amanda put her hand out and caught Ellie's arm as she tried to walk by. "Ellie?"
"Please, just let me go." The last thing Ellie wanted was for Amanda to see her this way. Not wanting her pity, she tried to at least keep from facing her cousin's wife. "Jeannie's holding the baby, so you might want to go in and visit."
Not to be deterred, Amanda refused to let go. "I will, in a bit." She led Ellie to the sofa and sat down, then turned to face the other woman. "Are you still having problems with Lex? Because if that's it, I can talk to her."
"No, we're good." The concern in Amanda's voice brought a lump to Ellie's throat. She had resigned herself to being only family in Amanda's eyes, but the warm hand on her skin was hard to ignore. She swallowed hard, then turned. Seeing compassion and mistaking it for something else, she decided to throw caution to the wind. "Amanda, I need to tell you something."
LEX WALKED ALONG, noticing how the leaves were beginning to fall from the Bradford flowering pear trees that lined the main street in Somerville. She recalled the flak a few years previously when the city council had opposed the cost of planting them, until several private groups came forward with the money. The hardy plants grew quickly, being drought and heat tolerant, and they brightened up the entire downtown area. Finally reaching the bank, she took a moment to watch a pair of sparrows fight over a crumb of something before both of them took flight and hid in the nearest tree. Nervously brushing her hands down the front of her neatly pressed jeans, she entered the building, where she was met by Mr. Collins.
"Ms. Walters, welcome," the bank president said. "It's a pleasure to see you again." Even though it was early in the day, he had removed his jacket and sweat rings could be seen under his arms. He held out his hand and, after an enthusiastic shake, led Lex into his office, and closed the door behind them. "Please, have a seat."
Lex took the chair closest to the door and leaned forward. "I'd like to thank you for seeing me on such short notice, Mr. Collins. I know you're a busy man."
He waved a pudgy hand in the air. "I'm never too busy to see you. Now, you mentioned something yesterday about needing a short-term loan?"
"Yes." Lex opene
d the envelope that she had brought with her and handed several papers across the desk. "As you can see, I've had a few unexpected expenditures come up recently, and with winter coming, I don't want to run short."
Collins picked up his glasses and put them on, reading over the documents that Lex had provided. "I see." Reading further, his eyes widened and he looked up. "You're willing to mortgage the land you just acquired? But it's worth several times what you're asking for."
Lex nodded. "Exactly. But the stock we'll be selling in the spring will more than cover the loan, so there shouldn't be a problem. I just wanted to give the bank good collateral."
"It's a more than generous arrangement, Ms. Walters. Are you sure about this?" Although he would have probably given her a loan on her signature alone, Collins wasn't one to turn down a good business opportunity.
"Completely." Lex felt the butterflies in her stomach settle as she watched the bank president get on the phone and talk to one of his clerks about getting the paperwork ready. A timid knock on the door caused her to turn around, and she couldn't help but smile at the woman bearing a tray with coffee and sweet rolls. "Hi, Barbara."
"Good morning, Lex. It's been a while, hasn't it?" Barbara put the tray down on the desk and stole a glance at Collins, who was still on the phone. Barbara had heard through the bank grapevine about Jeannie's stroke and Frank's death, but didn't want to just show up at the ranch uninvited. "How's Amanda? Please tell her how sorry I am about all that's happened lately."
"She's doing as well as she can, thank you. I'll tell her you asked about her." The woman standing before her looked tired. "How are you doing? Is Janna keeping you out too late?"