The Way Things Should Be

by Carrie Carr

  "Okay." He tilted his hat back on his head and tried to put a smile on his face. "Shoot."

  "How did you end up in the barn? Don't get me wrong, I was never happier to see anyone in my entire life. But you never come out here."

  Amanda cleared her throat. "While you were fighting with him," she couldn't bring herself to say Jenson's name, "I went to the intercom and called the main house. He had that knife, and I was so scared for you. I knew Charlie was there, because I heard him and Martha talking before I came out here to surprise you."

  "Surprise me?"

  "Mmm-hmm." Surrounded by those she loved, Amanda began to recover. "I thought it would be fun to be in the barn waiting for you when you got home. Stupid idea, huh?"

  Lex kissed the top of Amanda's head. "Not at all. I think it was very sweet." She looked around and saw that the barn was now vacant, except for the four of them. "Why don't we head to the house and get cleaned up? I don't know how much longer my old bones can handle being this close to the floor."

  That last little comment elicited a laugh from Amanda, who watched in concern as Lex allowed Charlie to help her up. She quickly got to her feet on her own, not wanting Lex to hurt herself by trying to aid her. Wrapping one arm around her wife's hips, she guided them both from the barn. "Bath?"

  "Sounds great. Together?"

  "Is there any other way?" Amanda asked, causing Charlie to lose his footing when he overheard the conversation. "Trouble there, Sheriff?"

  Charlie took his wife's hand and led her away from the pair. "Nope. Not a bit. We'll be in the, umm, kitchen, if you need us." They hurried away, Martha laughing at her husband's discomfort.

  THEIR BATH TAKEN, Lex and Amanda headed to bed, neither bothering with nightclothes. Lex crawled under the sheets first, and wasn't surprised when Amanda slid in beside her. Lex wrapped both arms around her lover. "Is this okay?" Her voice almost echoed off the walls in the room, which was eerily quiet since Martha had insisted that Lorrie spend the night over at the cottage.

  "Very." Amanda moved until she was on top of Lex, looking down into her face. "Make love with me?" she asked quietly. She could still feel his touch on her skin and wanted something to erase the horrible memory. "Please?"

  Lex raised a shaky hand and brushed the hair away from Amanda's face. "Are you sure? Because if you need me to, I can just hold you."

  "Don't," Amanda took a deep breath, "don't you want to touch me?"

  "Of course! There's never a day, a moment, when I don't." Lex waited until she had Amanda's full attention. "But I also never want to hurt you." The kiss she received effectively silenced Lex's argument, and she lay there quietly and allowed Amanda to take the lead. Although the hands that traced patterns down her chest were incredibly gentle, Lex couldn't help but gasp when Amanda hit a sensitive spot on her ribs.

  Amanda stopped immediately. "Did I hurt you?"

  "A little." Feeling the loss when Amanda's hands disappeared, Lex caught them and put them back where they had been. "Not enough to stop, though."

  Those few little words righted all that had been wrong in her world. Amanda realized with sudden clarity that although it would take her a long time to get over the evening's events, just knowing how Lex felt about her made it easier to move on. "Thank you," Amanda whispered, kissing the hollow of Lex's throat. She knew realistically neither one of was in any shape to go any further and rolled over to snuggle close in order to keep from hurting her wife. "Raincheck?"

  "Sure." Lex was grateful that Amanda had changed her mind. Her whole body ached, and she honestly didn't think that lovemaking was in either of their best interests at the moment. A moment later, a soft snore told Lex Amanda had already fallen asleep, but not even total exhaustion was enough to keep Lex from staying awake most of the night. She was afraid the living nightmare she had walked into in the barn would cross over into her dreams, and she didn't want to disturb Amanda. So she kept a quiet vigil until the sun crept into the bedroom the next morning.

  "NO! DON'T TOUCH me," Amanda cried, slamming her elbow into Lex's side. "Get away!"

  Lex, who had fallen asleep only an hour or so before, jerked awake and looked around the room frantically. "Ow! What?" When she saw that Amanda was having a nightmare, she tried to wake her partner gently. All that got her was another hard jab to the ribs, which sent Lex over the side of the bed and onto the floor. "Damn." Lex had just gotten back on the bed when the door to their room opened and a disheveled-looking Ellie rushed inside.

  Ellie didn't even notice Lex's nudity. "What the hell's going on here?" She roughly tried to pull her cousin away from Amanda. When she saw the dark bruise on Amanda's face, Ellie wanted nothing more than to strangle Lex. "Good God, what have you done to her?"

  "I didn't do anything to her." Lex struggled out of Ellie's grip. "And it's none of your business, anyway."

  Between the noise and the movement around her, Amanda woke up. "Is there a reason the two of you are wrestling on the bed?"

  "Ask her," both women answered at once.

  Ellie finally took a good look at Lex and blushed. Not only was she nude, but her body was covered in bruises as well. "Have the two of you been fighting?"

  The frank appraisal by her cousin made Lex uncomfortable, and she slid back under the covers. "No." She turned to look at Amanda. "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, just a nasty nightmare." Amanda looked between Lex and Ellie. "I'm sorry to have awakened both of you."

  Ellie stepped away from the bed, embarrassed. "Sorry about attacking you like that, Lex. I just came in from town, and was on my way to Jeannie's room when I heard Amanda's screams."

  Lex couldn't help but be impressed by her cousin's recent change of heart. The Ellie she first met would never have apologized, and more than likely would have gotten in a few good punches before retreating. "That's okay. I'm sure it did look pretty strange."

  "Now that's a first," Martha commented from the doorway. She had been downstairs handing Lorrie over to Jeannie when she heard the ruckus above them. "You're both behaving this morning? I may just have to sit down before I faint." She crossed the room and sat next to Amanda. "How are you faring this morning?"

  "Okay." Amanda was happy to feel Lex take her hand, and she squeezed back. "I had a bad dream a few minutes ago, which caused this whole mess."

  Ellie looked at the three women on the bed. "Is anyone going to tell me why Amanda and Lex look like they've gone three rounds in the ring and lost? I thought at first that--"

  "I know what you thought," Lex interrupted. "And, believe me, I may be an asshole with a bad temper at times, but I'd die before I ever laid a hand on Amanda in anger. Remember that."

  Martha saw that Ellie looked like she was about to go on the defensive and decided it was time to defuse the situation before it got out of hand. "Ellie, would you mind going down and keeping Jeannie company until I can get down there to put breakfast on the table?"

  "Sure." When she got to the door Ellie looked back at Amanda, who nodded to assure her everything was all right. "I'll see everyone downstairs, I guess."

  Amanda waited until she was certain the three of them were alone. "Thanks. I really didn't feel like getting into everything right now."

  "That's quite all right, dear. You don't have to tell anyone a thing more than you want, although I think Charlie might have some more questions for you both whenever you feel up to it."

  Lex could feel her protective streak kick in. "Why? I thought we told him more than enough yesterday. I don't want Amanda having to relive that nightmare." In truth, it was Lex that didn't want to start thinking about the events of the evening before. Even she knew that they had been lucky that she had gotten to the barn when she did.

  Amanda tightened her grip on Lex's hand. "It's okay. I want to make sure he has everything he needs to put that creep away for a long time." She gave Martha a weak smile. "We'll be down for breakfast in a little while so we can just answer everyone's questions at the same time. No sense in going over
it more than once."

  Lex would have preferred to keep Amanda in bed for the day, if only to protect her from everyone's curiosity and good intentions. "Are you sure?"

  "Yes."

  Martha stood up. "Do you want me to call your family, and see if they'd like to come out?" At Amanda's shy nod, she dusted her hands together. "Well, then, looks like I'd better get busy fixing up a feast." Before stepping away from the bed, Martha leaned over and gave Amanda a light peck on the forehead. "You just come on down whenever you're ready, and I'll take care of everything."

  Grateful for the mothering nature of the housekeeper, Amanda could barely keep her emotions in check. "Thanks, Martha."

  Lex watched Martha close the door behind her as she left. "I've got to be the luckiest woman in the world."

  "Why's that?"

  "Because not only was I raised by her, but I get to spend the rest of my life with you. Pretty good deal, if you ask me."

  Amanda sighed and rolled over to snuggle into her lover's arms. "Sounds like we both lucked out, then." She kissed the hollow of Lex's throat. "Think we can sneak in a little nap before breakfast?"

  "I don't see why not." Lex pulled the covers up over them both. "I love you."

  "Love you, too." Amanda's voice trailed off as she fell asleep, content to have Lex protect her from the bad dreams.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  THE NEXT FEW days were rough on Amanda. Her grandmother insisted that she take a leave of absence from the real estate office, and her father made daily trips out to the ranch. As well-intentioned as her family was, their solicitude was beginning to wear on her. The only one who seemed to be giving her any space at all was Lex, and Amanda feared that the ordeal had left its own scars on her wife. She would often wake in the middle of the night to find Lex sitting up, holding Lorrie, and quietly watching their bed and its sole occupant.

  It was on one such night that Amanda stirred and rolled over to face where Lex sat in the rocker with Lorrie. The nightlight next to the crib bathed them in a soft glow, showing how tenderly Lex cradled the baby. "Lex?"

  The whispered of her name drew Lex from her musings, and she looked up to meet Amanda's gaze. "Hey there. I was trying not to wake you."

  "The cold bed woke me." Amanda sat upright and ran one hand through her hair. "I didn't even hear her cry."

  Lex glanced down at Lorrie, who had finished her bottle some time ago. She had been burped, but Lex couldn't bring herself to put the infant back to bed. "She gets hungry about the same time every night, so I'm usually prepared for her. I thought you needed your sleep."

  "We agreed to take turns." Amanda got out from under the covers and padded over to Lex. "I think you've been doing more than your share lately."

  "Well--"

  Amanda took the sleeping infant and placed her in the crib. After she was certain that Lorrie was comfortable, she crossed her arms over her chest and looked down into Lex's tired features. "Are you ever going to tell me the real reason you're up all night, every night? And don't even think about lying to me."

  Lex couldn't meet Amanda's gaze. "It's just some stuff I'm trying to work out."

  "I'd like to help, but you've got to trust in me enough to talk."

  It's not a matter of trust." Lex stood and walked to the windows, where she quietly watched the night sky for several minutes.

  Amanda was afraid she had pushed Lex too far when she heard her partner's ragged whisper.

  "I've failed you." Lex turned around, her eyes filled with tears. "Every time I close my eyes, I see what happened in the barn, and I'm so damned terrified that I'll fail you again."

  "You can't think that way. Because if you can't get past what happened, how am I supposed to?" Amanda knew she was in dangerous territory, but she had to get Lex to forgive herself before her guilt tore them apart. She closed the distance between them until she could feel the warmth from Lex's body. "I'm a grown woman who is perfectly capable of getting myself in and out of trouble, Lex. I didn't fall in love with you because you took care of me, or saved me from danger." She put her hands on Lex's hips and pulled her closer. "I fell in love with your beautiful heart." Amanda paused and grinned. "Not to mention that sexy smile and gorgeous body. Pretty much a perfect package."

  "But--"

  Amanda silenced Lex with a kiss. When she pulled back, she saw the look of surprise on Lex's face. "Now, come back to bed and let me hold you, and we'll work through all this stuff together, okay?"

  "All right." Lex dutifully followed, her heart lighter than it had been in days.

  LEX STOOD AT the foot of the stairs, unsure of which direction she wanted to go. The tantalizing aroma that floated from the kitchen made her mind up, and she proceeded to follow her nose until she was just inside the doorway. "I don't know what's in that pot, but whatever it is, I'd be more than happy to clean it out for you."

  Martha turned around and almost dropped her spoon. Lex stood with a clean cloth diaper on her shoulder, while the baby in her arms looked up at her. Her voice caught in her throat at the sight. "If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I might never have believed it."

  "What? Do I have something on me?" Lex looked down at her plaid shirt. "Looks clean enough to me."

  "Brat." Martha turned her attention back to the pot of stew she had simmering on the stove. "Sometimes I don't know how Amanda puts up with you."

  "Must be my natural charm." Lex looked down into Lorrie's face before she sat down in a kitchen chair. "Isn't that right, kiddo?"

  Martha sighed. "Oh, yeah. Right." She continued to stir the stew. "Speaking of which, where is Amanda?"

  "She's in the den, researching the home care facility before she calls them. I swear, that woman is a whiz on the Internet."

  Martha brought over a small bit of stew in a mug. "Here, try this and see if it's okay." She knew that Lex would be whining for a taste before lunch, so she decided to surprise her by offering the mug first. "So Jeannie's still set on leaving us? I was hoping she'd change her mind."

  "Me, too." Lex took a cautious sip of the hot stew. "Damn, woman."

  "What? Too spicy? Not enough spice? Is there something missing?"

  "It's fantastic," Lex assured her. "Probably the best you've ever made. As for Jeannie, I know what you mean. Amanda's pretty upset about her leaving, too. That's why she's checking out the care center, hoping that there will be something wrong with it that we can use to keep Jeannie here." She finished what was left in the mug and held it out. "May I have some more, please?" Her attempt at a British accent was flavored by her Texas roots.

  Martha shook her head. "You'll have to wait until lunch time, just like everyone else." But secretly she was pleased that her stew was so well received. "How long do you think it'll take Amanda to do her computer search? I want to know when to put the bread in the oven."

  "I don't know. She was also going to check her email, since Anna Leigh told her to stay away from the office for the next couple of weeks. I'm hoping she'll be done in the next half hour or so."

  A yell from the den caused both women's eyes to widen, and Lex was on her feet instantly. She raced from the kitchen, Lorrie still cradled in her arms.

  AMANDA SAT IN the corner of the den where they had set up the computer and desk from Lex's office. She had found nothing but glowing recommendations for the care center where Jeannie wanted to move, and reluctantly, she had to accept that they'd have to let Jeannie go. Before calling the facility to start making arrangements, she had decided to check her email only to find several emails from people she didn't know. This didn't ring any alarm bells. After all, she did run the real estate office and often got letters, both good and bad, either about an employee or a property. The third email elicited a very loud expletive. It gave Amanda the web link to her bank in California, telling her to check her balance. While she waited for the site to upload, she continued to read the letter. In it, the writer apologized for his part in the "temporary" loss of her money, then went on to explain, in de
tail, what had happened. She let out a yell.

  "What the hell's going on in here?" Lex rushed into the room, doing her best not to frighten the baby in her arms. "Are you all right?"

  Amanda was too busy looking at the computer screen to turn around. "Come here and see for yourself."

  Lex stood behind Amanda and saw the amount of money in the bank account. "Isn't that?"

  "Yeah." Amanda opened up the screen of the email. "Now read this."

  "Dear Ms. Cauble," Lex murmured, then read silently. Son of a bitch! "That's great, sweetheart."

  With tears in her eyes, Amanda could only nod. A sudden thought struck her. "I wonder." She closed out her email and quickly switched over to Lex's. "Look. Here's one from him to you, too."

  "Go ahead and open it." Lex could feel her heart start to pound in anticipation. The email was similar to what had been sent to Amanda, with the request that Lex check her bank balance as well. At Amanda's questioning glance, she nodded.

  "Oh, my God. Was this what your stocks were worth?" Amanda asked, shocked at the amount.

  Lex swallowed hard. "I don't know. That's why I had someone handling the investing. But I don't think I'll be making that mistake again. Could you pull up the email, please? I didn't read it all the way through."

  Amanda quickly did as she was asked. She had also missed the last half of the letter, and gasped in shock at the revelation. "My mother? How did she get out of the mental institution? She wasn't up for evaluation for another four months."

  "I don't know, but I bet you ol' mother is shitting herself over all this. You know how she hates to lose."

  "Do you think we're in any danger here? From her, I mean?" The last thing Amanda wanted was for her mother to come back and make their lives miserable again. Like burning down the house wasn't enough. She had to steal from both of us? "Family or not, if I ever see her again, I swear I'm going to punch her in the face."