The Determining

by Grous, Rebecca

  “You suppose correctly.”

  They said nothing for the rest of the drive.

  When Liam pulled up outside the school, Logan stepped out, offering Charlie a hand. Not wanting to be rude, despite her mortification at being babysat, she accepted.

  “What time should we be back?”

  “Don’t you work?” Charlie demanded.

  “What time?” he insisted.

  “Four.”

  “Have a good day.” Logan shot her a mischievous smile, sliding back into the car. Charlie glared as Liam pulled away from the curb.

  Thanks to Thayer’s concern, she’d arrived ahead of schedule and now had time to kill. Spinning on her heel, she stomped toward the quad, the one place with grass and trees on campus. Most students were still in class but a few milled around the area. It didn’t take her more than a minute to spot Drew sitting alone on a cement bench, tablet in hand. After a moment of debating, she headed his way.

  Stopping beside him, she waited for him to notice her. He looked up and her heart sank. He looked worse than the last time they’d run into each other. At least his hair appeared to have been washed since then.

  “Mind if I join you?” She gestured to the empty space beside him.

  He shrugged, going back to his work. She set her bag on the ground and took the empty seat. Drew didn’t say anything to her. He seemed engrossed in the tablet clutched in his hands.

  “Why are you here?” He surprised her by breaking the silence.

  She frowned. “I saw you across the quad. I thought I’d stop to talk. We’re friends.”

  “Are we?” He glanced up and the weariness in his face struck her afresh.

  “I know things didn’t work out with us, but I’ll always be your friend.”

  “Funny, it hasn’t felt like we’re friends. Not since you got married.” His eyes flicked to her ring.

  She crossed her arms, hiding the diamond from his scrutiny. “Things changed between us so quickly. I figured you needed time to deal with everything.”

  “Time heals all wounds, right?” He scoffed.

  “You know, communication works both ways. If you really wanted to talk to me, you could have,” she snapped.

  “I wanted to talk to you, more than anything.” His eyes came alive as he spoke. “But I couldn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  He sat up straight and stared her down. “You chose Thayer.”

  “I didn’t have any other option, and you know it. That’s why you walked away at the hospital.” She lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. “I couldn’t just cut the chip from my arm and disappear into the sunset with you. It wouldn’t have worked.”

  “You could’ve tried,” Drew hissed.

  “We would’ve been caught and I would be married to Mason rather than Thayer, and you’d be who knows where. Do you think that would be better? Thayer is kind to me. I’d take that over an abusive husband any day.”

  Drew leaned back, his eyes going wide. “You’re falling in love with him.” Pain laced his words.

  Heat rushed to Charlie’s face. “I’m not in love with him.”

  “Not yet, but you’re starting to let him in.” He narrowed his eyes. “It took you months to let your guard down with me. How did he do it? Did he take you the first night or did you have the restraint to wait until you’d know him more than a day to spread your legs?”

  She clenched her fists to keep from slapping him. “How dare y—”

  “It doesn’t matter.” He cut her off. “I need to finish this before class.” He went back to his work, effectively dismissing her.

  Jumping to her feet, she scowled down at him. “If this is how you treat someone you say you love, then I’m glad we weren’t Compatible. As far as I’m concerned, I dodged a bullet. And whether I’m in love with him or not, marrying Thayer was the best decision I ever made.”

  She didn’t remember the other students around the quad until after she’d delivered her tirade. All around, they stared at her wide-eyed. She glanced at them. A few stared at her in surprise, but most ignored her.

  Trying to prevent her audience from hearing any more, she leaned down and lowered her voice to a whisper. “No matter how you try to hurt me, I’ll still be your friend. If you can’t accept my friendship, understanding that it’s all I can give, then we’re done.” She turned, fleeing from the curious stares she could feel as if they burned into her skin.

  By the time she reached her first class, she looked like a wet animal. Her wavy hair clung to her face, mascara ran down her cheeks, and her clothes were soaked through. She didn’t care. The professor and the few students already seated gave her curious looks as she shuffled to her seat. No one spoke to her, but that was fine. She didn’t have the energy to deal with them.

  The day passed in a blur. Charlie moved from class to class, not listening to a word her professors said. Her thoughts were occupied with Drew. She wasn’t surprised that he was still hurt over her marriage. But she wouldn’t apologize for the decision she’d made.

  Despite her concern for Drew, what he’d said rang through her mind. You’re falling in love with him. When he’d said it, she hadn’t believed him. But thinking back over the past few weeks, she found herself wondering if he was right.

  From the moment Thayer burst into her bedroom to that morning when he’d kissed her, she’d slowly been letting her guard down. Just like Cornelia predicted. Stupid Cornelia.

  After her last class, Charlie walked toward the main building where she knew Liam would be waiting. Dark clouds still loomed overhead, but the rain had stopped. It made little difference. Her makeup had washed off and her beautifully styled hair had turned frizzy from the rain.

  Liam stood outside the car, waiting for her. She saw his eyes widen a fraction as he took in her appearance, but he didn’t comment.

  “Mrs. McLean.” He nodded, opening the door.

  “Thank you,” she mumbled, sliding inside.

  With a deep breath, she steeled herself for an onslaught of questions from Logan. Rather than his masculine voice, a shrill cry greeted her.

  “What happened to you?” Cornelia examined her disheveled appearance with concern. “You look like you’ve been dragged through a muddy puddle.”

  “Where’s Logan?” Charlie pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up, attempting to hide her ruined hair.

  “I’m here.” Logan spoke from the front seat. He’d turned to her. He wore a stoic expression, but, just like Cornelia, his eyes were filled with concern. “It looks like you had a bad day.”

  “You could say that.” She leaned back and closed her eyes, hoping they would understand that she didn’t want to talk about it.

  Cornelia seemed to get the hint. “I’m glad I’m here. Logan and I were going to take you out, but I think you need a girl’s night in.”

  “And what am I supposed to do tonight?” Logan complained.

  “It’s Friday, you must have other options,” Cornelia teased.

  “It’s takeout and bad sitcoms for me.” He let out an exaggerated sigh.

  “You’ll live. Liam, can you drop Charlotte and me off first?”

  “Yes, Miss Prescott.”

  Cornelia shot Logan a triumphant smile before turning her attention back to Charlie. “I promise that after tonight, you’ll feel a million times better.”

  Charlie smiled, unconvinced. “I hope so.”

  When they pulled up to the apartment, Charlie was relieved to see the reporters had gone home. Stepping out of the car, she half expected them to come crawling up from the cracks in the sidewalk like ants. But she still saw no sign of them. Her anxiety dwindled.

  “See you later,” Cornelia called to Logan, who just scowled at her. Ignoring his look, she grabbed Charlie’s hand and dragged her toward the apartment.

  “Go change into something comfortable,” Cornelia commanded once they’d crossed the threshold. “I’m going to order dinner.”

  Charlie went directly to her
room. One look in the mirror made her cringe. What little makeup hadn’t come off during the day had pooled around her eyes. Her hair puffed out from her head, making her at least three inches taller. Looking away, she stepped into the shower to wash away the long, emotional day.

  She’d just emerged when Cornelia knocked on the door. “Dinner’s here.”

  “I’ll be out in a minute.” She pulled on clean clothes before braiding her wet hair. As her fingers twisted through the wet strands, an unexpected wave of sadness washed over her. After a bad day, she’d always confided in Ruth. Charlie had to fight the urge to call her old friend, knowing any attempt at communication wouldn’t be well received. Instead, she pushed the feeling aside and tried to focus on her night with Cornelia.

  In the kitchen, Cornelia stood over a box of pizza, shoveling a slice into her mouth. The smell of warm dough and gooey cheese made Charlie’s stomach growl.

  “I didn’t know what you’d like, so I got half cheese half supreme. And wings.” She spoke through a mouthful of cheese.

  Charlie grabbed a slice covered with toppings and took a large bite. She groaned as the flavors hit her tongue. “This is so good.”

  “Come on. Let’s go get crumbs all over the couch. Give Thayer something to come home to.”

  Cornelia grabbed two bottles of beer and the box of wings, leaving Charlie to bring the pizza. They settled on the couch with the food between them and ate in silence.

  Charlie was reaching for another slice when Cornelia spoke. “What happened today?”

  “Nothing happened. I just had a bad day.” She grabbed her beer, downing a large gulp.

  “The point of a girl’s night is to gossip and vent. So start sharing.” Cornelia flashed her a warm smile.

  “Why don’t you share first?” Charlie hedged.

  Cornelia shook her head. “Nope, I’m not the one who looked like a drowned rat. Spill.”

  “You wound me.” When it became clear that Cornelia wouldn’t relent, Charlie gave in. “I saw Drew today.”

  “Ah, the ex is jealous.”

  “I don’t know what’s going on, but it’s not as simple as jealousy.” She rubbed her tired eyes. “I really thought we could stay friends despite what’s happened.”

  “Did you tell him that?” Cornelia asked.

  “Sort of.” Charlie fidgeted with her ring.

  “What does that mean?”

  Charlie looked down at her ring, avoiding Cornelia’s eyes. “He said some things about Thayer. I didn’t get to tell him properly. But I did tell him… . sort of.”

  “What did he say about you and Thayer?” Cornelia couldn’t mask her curiosity.

  “He insinuated that I’m falling in love with Thayer because he slept with me.”

  “I knew it! I knew you’d fall in love with him!” Cornelia clapped her hands in excitement, but then Charlie’s full statement hit her. “Wait, you slept together?” Her eyes glinted with mischief.

  “No!” Charlie shrieked, her face flushing. “Well, not like that.”

  “It wouldn’t be a big deal if you did. You’re married, after all,” Cornelia teased.

  “Please, I’m just coming to terms with the fact that I might be falling in love with my husband.” Charlie fanned her face in an attempt to cool the rising heat.

  “You have almost a full three weeks to come to terms with it. When he comes home, you’ll be singing a different tune.”

  Charlie’s glare made Cornelia laugh.

  “Don’t give me that look, you know I’m right.”

  And that was exactly the problem. Her chip was paired with Thayer’s so he could never physically leave her, but nothing could stop him from abandoning her emotionally. When someone had free will, falling in love was a dangerous thing.

  Chapter Thirty

  When Charlie’s alarm sounded the Friday morning, she turned it off and pulled the blankets over her head. Thayer had been gone a week and without him beside her, the nightmares had returned. Her body ached from sleepless nights and her eyes fought to stay open.

  She’d just resolved to skip classes for the day and stay in bed when her ringtone cut into the silence. With a groan, she looked at the screen. Ruth’s red hair and warm smile greeted her. Charlie frowned. Ruth hadn’t wanted anything to do with her after the wedding. Sensing a fight on the horizon, but desperate for human contact, Charlie answered.

  “Hello?” Sleep thickened her voice.

  “Hi, Charlie. I’m sorry if I woke you.”

  With her nerves already frayed from sleep deprivation, Ruth’s apologetic tone sent Charlie over the edge. “Oh, I’m Charlie again, am I?” Throwing the covers off, she abandoned any chance of falling back to sleep. She stomped out of the room and toward the kitchen. “What happened to calling me Charlotte, the spoiled princess?”

  “I called to apologize.”

  That gave Charlie pause. “Really?” She didn’t bother hiding her disbelief. “Where’s this coming from? Last I knew, you hated me for stealing Thayer.”

  Ruth’s sigh whooshed in the phone. “Can we please meet in person? I feel like I’ll do this better face to face.”

  More from curiosity than anything else, Charlie found herself agreeing. “You have a lot to make up for,” she warned as she entered the kitchen and walked straight to the coffee pot.

  Ruth’s relief was obvious. “I’m flying into Portestas tonight. My mom has some event she wants me to go to on Sunday.” There was an audible hesitation. “Could we get together tomorrow?”

  Charlie agreed. Once they’d hung up, she couldn’t help wondering if giving Ruth a second chance was a mistake. The problem plagued her as she got ready, as Liam drove her to class, and throughout the day.

  ~

  “How long until Ruth gets there?” Thayer asked, his voice echoing through the phone.

  Charlie glanced at the clock. “Twenty minutes.” She cradled the phone between her shoulder and her ear. She held two different shirts at eye level, glancing from one to the other.

  “What’s going through your head?”

  “Honestly?” Charlie laid her options out on the bed and stepped back to consider them. “I’m wondering what to wear. Blue shirt or brown?”

  Thayer’s laugh made her stomach flutter. “Aren’t you worried about what she’s going to say?”

  In the grand scheme of things, a confrontation with Ruth was the least of her worries. With the threat of Richard trying to possess her and discovering that she loved Thayer, Ruth seemed miniscule.

  “Patching things up with Ruth would be great, but it’s not the most important thing. Now,” she swapped her yoga pants for a pair of fitted jeans, “blue or brown.”

  “Blue.” His smile was evident even through the phone.

  “Give me a second.” Charlie set the cell down and took off her oversized sweater, replacing it with the navy blue Henley. “I’m back.” She placed the phone against her shoulder and headed to the bathroom.

  “I have a question for you.”

  “Alright.” Charlie started pulling out compacts from her makeup bag.

  “How are you sleeping?”

  She paused, a makeup brush pressed into her foundation. “Where did that come from?”

  He sighed, “Just answer the question.”

  “I’ve had better nights.” She blended foundation over her dark circles.

  If she were honest, she’d hardly slept since he left. For the first few days, she’d held his pillow and pretended it was him. That worked until his scent began to fade. Now, even sleeping in his bed or wearing his shirts didn’t keep the nightmares at bay.

  “I’m sorry I can’t be there for you.”

  She was sorry too, more than she wanted to admit. “You have to work. I understand.” She applied her mascara, being careful not to stab herself in the eye.

  “How much longer until you’re finished at University?”

  Not soon enough. “Four and a half months.” She finished her face with a touc
h of bronzer.

  The buzzer sounded, interrupting their conversation. Charlie pulled the cell from her ear, glancing at the screen and the waiting text message. “Ruth’s here.”

  “We’ll talk later,” Thayer promised before hanging up.

  Charlie buzzed the girl in and waited at the front door. The knock sounded a minute later. She opened the door, feeling totally unprepared for what waited on the other side.

  “Hey.” Ruth twirled a red curl around her finger. Charlie recognized the nervous habit.

  “Come in.” Charlie stepped back, holding the door open. Before she could get another word out, Ruth started in.

  “Can we get the awkwardness out of the way?” Ruth’s shoulders were hunched and her eyes averted.

  Charlie ushered her into the living room and took a seat. “Go ahead.”

  With a deep breath, Ruth plunged in. “I’m a bitch and an awful friend. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did.” Charlie bit her lip to keep from agreeing. “When I found out about the wedding, it was like my future had been ripped away from me. I was upset and everything I said was out of anger.”

  “I get that, believe me.” Charlie leaned back on the couch, drawing her legs under her. “I just wish you believed me about the Lottery.”

  Ruth glanced up. “I’m sorry, but all that doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is you’re with Thayer and I’m okay with that.”

  Charlie’s brow arched. “Really?”

  Ruth nodded. “I met someone at University.” A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Having him in my life made me realize that Thayer wasn’t my only option. It also made me realize that I’d treated you unfairly.” She pulled on a curl as she spoke. “Will you forgive me?”

  If it weren’t for the sincerity in her voice and the uncomfortable way she held her body, Charlie wouldn’t have believed Ruth. But having known each other for years, Charlie could tell the apology came from a genuine place.

  “I forgive you.” Charlie allowed herself a small smile.

  Their conversation from there was a little bumpy, but after a few minutes, things smoothed out. Charlie even found herself laughing as they headed to the kitchen to cook dinner.