Nikolai (Dangerous Love Series Book 1)

by Kristin Alexander

  “Then what happened?”

  He looked at me for the first time since he started talking about his past. His head jerked back slightly, his eyes narrowing. What the hell was his problem? I raised my brows and moved my hand in a keep going motion.

  Nikolai frowned and shot me an irritated look. “Why am I even talking to you?”

  Was that a rhetorical question? Suddenly, he turned and planted his hands on either side of my head, his eyes roving my features. I felt heat rush to my cheeks, did I have food on my face, or something? I resisted the urge to reach up and wipe it.

  “Why did you take off your glasses?”

  “Wh-what?” I squeaked in surprise.

  His icy stare darted between my mouth and my eyes. His expression, which had been so open a moment ago, appeared hard and closed.

  “Your glasses.” He nodded his chin to where they were resting on the top of my head. “Don’t you need them to see?”

  “N-n-not really. They’re only for distance.”

  “More of the disguise?”

  I nodded my head mutely, unsettled by his unexpected closeness. The feel of his breath on my face was causing chills to break out across my entire body. I was thankful for the thickness of my sweatshirt to hide my hardened nipples. Jesus, this is what he could do with only a look.

  Nikolai’s gaze lingered for a moment longer on my face, then he dropped his arms and stepped back.

  “So, Connors? How do I need to go at him?” His arms were folded again. He looked as unapproachable and menacing as the minute we met.

  I cringed. “I hate to say it, but I guess go hard?”

  Nikolai’s lips quirk.

  “What?”

  Still smirking, he shook his head. “Are you asking me or telling me?”

  I started to pace back and forth, feeling uncomfortable with whatever fate I was handing to Jeff, even though he sucked. I covered my face with my hands and wailed, “I don’t know! I’m not used to this kind of plotting!”

  “Okay, settle down. Jesus.” Nikolai grunted in exasperation. I knew I sounded like Lady Macbeth. “I’ll take care of it. You won’t have to worry about him for the rest of the week.”

  I heard Nikolai’s phone chime with an incoming text, so he pulled out his phone and check his message. He frowned lightly at whatever he read, then tucked his phone back in his pocket. “I gotta go. Later.”

  Before I could respond, he pulled the door open and disappeared through it. I sat there gaping at his sudden departure. I pulled out my cell phone to look at the time.

  Shit, I’d missed the bus.

  Chapter 8

  Nikolai

  My fist clenched on the steering wheel as I pulled into Becker’s driveway. I frequently stopped by Jack’s house before I went home, and I needed to distract myself from my interaction with Hannah. I was frustrated that she had guilted me into helping her, but I was more frustrated with myself for how I was acting around her. Since when did I tell people my personal business? Never, that’s when. Why had I told her all that shit? I don’t think Jack even knew that story.

  I didn’t have friendships with girls, outside of Katya, so maybe hanging out with Hannah and not fucking her was messing with my head.

  This morning the thought of fucking Hannah was laughable, ridiculous. But earlier, when she removed her glasses, I was startled. Not only by the vivid, violet-colored eyes that contrasted so dramatically with her dark lashes and pale skin, but by the softness of her expression. The compassion and concern on her face. Compassion and concern for me. That expression made my chest tighten with anger and discomfort.

  Eager to distract myself, I popped out my car and headed to the back of the house. Becker usually stayed in the pool house, which would have been strange given the amount of square footage in his family’s massive home, but once you met the Beckers, you understood Jack’s need for space.

  I was almost to the door, when Shelby walked out. I was surprised that Jack had been hooking up with her so much. It definitely wasn’t his style.

  “How’s it going, Nikolai?” Shelby flirted

  “Hey.”

  “So, you’re the reason I had to leave so suddenly.” She said somewhat teasingly, but there was a bite of resentment that seeped into her words.

  I cocked my head at her. I very much doubted I was the reason Jack was kicking her out.

  “Shelby.” Becker stood shirtless in the doorway behind her, his arms folded and a look of displeasure on his face. “He’s not the reason it’s time to go, and you know it.”

  Shelby pasted a thin smile on her face and turned to him, putting her hand on his bare chest. “I know you need your space, Jack. I’m happy to give you what you need, that’s why our relationship works.”

  Relationship? That was a huge red flag. I gave Becker an incredulous stare, but he was glaring down at Shelby.

  “We’re not in a relationship, Shelby. In fact, I just told you ten minutes ago that this was the last time I was going to fuck around with you. You need to get it – we’re done. No more sex, no more texts, no more phone calls, nothing. I don’t want a girlfriend. We had sex, it was fine. Now, it’s over.”

  Jesus, why did I have to be here for this shit show?

  Shelby sighed, as though Jack was trying her patience with this information. She reached up and rubbed his chest. “You’ve said this before Jack, and we always end up back together.”

  “We were never together,” Jack gritted out. “I just happened to fuck you a few more times than other girls. That doesn’t mean shit.”

  I saw Shelby’s nails start to dig into Jack’s chest in anger, so Jack reached up, grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand away. Shelby used her other hand to punch Jack in the chest, so he grabbed that wrist as well.

  “Fuck you, Jack! You know you want to be with me! Stop playing games!” Shelby screamed in his face.

  Jesus fucking Christ.

  Jack pulled Shelby’s wrists together and leaned in to where their faces were only inches apart. “Shelby, you need to get the fuck out of her now. We are done with this shit. Find yourself another guy to fuck.”

  With that, Jack let Shelby go so abruptly she stumbled back slightly. She looked back at me, as if suddenly remembering I was there.

  “You’ll regret this, Jack. You’ll call me,” Shelby asserted, then spun around and ran off.

  “Jesus Christ, dude, did you have to that shit with me standing right here?” I complained as I walked through the door and fell back on the sectional sofa.

  Becker slammed the door and grabbed a t-shirt off the dining room table. “Sorry, that turned into kind of a mess. Technically, I told her before you got here, but she was not really interested in absorbing the new reality.”

  “Obviously.”

  Becker flipped me off as he walked to fridge and pulled out two beers. He handed me one and sat down on perpendicular part of the L shaped sofa.

  I took a deep pull on the cold beer and used my bottle to gesture towards him. “I told you you were hooking up with her too much and she was going to get the wrong idea.”

  “I know, I know, she was just convenient. She supposedly understood our arrangement, so it was just easier to keep hitting her up.” Jack chugged half his beer in one sip, evidently trying to drown out the memory of Shelby’s dramatic scene with Budweiser. “You should talk, by the way. I saw your new “girlfriend” in the hall today.” He said, making finger quotes even with the half empty bottle in his hands.

  “Shut the fuck up, you know that’s not what’s going on.”

  Jack took another sip and shot me a puzzled look. “Why the fuck are you doing this again?”

  I sighed and tipped my head back on the coach cushion. Jack had every right to ask me that question. To say my random act of chivalry was out of character was an understatement. However, I didn’t know how to explain why I felt compelled to help Hannah, how her pleading eyes made me feel. I also didn’t want to explain how powerful it had felt to watc
h her walk freely through school knowing I had given her that, and I definitely didn’t want to explain how interesting and attractive her previously unnoticed features had become when they were softened with empathetic curiosity about me and my life.

  I took a long, slow sip of my beer, giving myself the time to create an explanation that would pacify Jack.

  “I don’t know,” I finally answered.

  Brilliant.

  Jack’s eyebrows about jumped into his hairline and he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as his hands cradled his beer. “You don’t know?”

  I frowned at him. “Have you ever had some girl being stalked and harassed by some crazy bastard approach you and ask for help?”

  Jack looked at me as if trying to figure out some secret agenda. “That’s really it? She asked for help and you felt bad for her?”

  “Why the hell else would I do it? Certainly not to fuck her,” I said caustically, but felt a little dart of discomfort because all of a sudden fucking Hannah didn’t seem all that unappealing.

  Jack shot me a leering grin. “I don’t know, you take off those ridiculous glass, brush her hair, she might not be too bad. She looked like she might have a banging little body under those baggy clothes.”

  I absolutely hated this conversation. Jack talking about fucking Hannah was starting to make my blood pressure climb, and the fact that I cared at all was making sweat gather at the base of my spine.

  I couldn’t help leveling him with a stare. “Leave her alone, Jack. She’s dealt with enough shit.”

  Jack shot me a surprised look. “You think I’d go after an unwilling girl?”

  “No, no, she just doesn’t have any experience with someone like you.”

  Jack looked at me in mock offense. “Like me?”

  “Yes. You’re a whore.”

  Jack laughed and put his hands up in mock surrender. “Message received.”

  I breathed an internal sigh of relief but covered it up by drinking my beer. “You may have to help me with Connors later in the week if he recovers too quickly from that basketball to the face he got today.”

  “Fine, fine,” Jack responded, but he was distracted by some yelling coming from the house. He got up and walked to the window to see what was going on.

  “What’s up?”

  “What the fuck else? My parents’ shitty marriage.”

  “Why are they yelling this time?” I don’t know why I asked, it was always the same thing.

  Jack walked back to the couch and sat back, staring at his beer broodingly. “The usual. My dad got caught cheating, my mom got mad because he brought one of his girls here and the neighbors might have seen.” Jack smiled mirthlessly. “Then they’d know the Beckers aren’t the perfect all-American family.”

  “How did she find out?” Although dealing with his parents’ marriage had damaged Jack, we sometimes found a dark humor in all the ways his stupid father got caught.

  “Frank brought her to the house when they were both drunk. He forgot to disable the alarm, so it sent a signal to my mom’s phone. She can access all the security cameras remotely, so when she did she saw my dad doing…Stephanie? Samantha? I don’t know, whoever the hell his secretary is right now. Or was.”

  I shook my head. I didn’t understand why Jack’s mother put up with it, and I’d consider her a martyred saint if she wasn’t such a complete bitch.

  “Yeah, so, good times.” Jack raised his almost empty beer in a fake salute and finished it off.

  “Alright, I’m out of here.” I got up, put my empty bottle on the coffee table and headed to the door. Becker got up and headed to the fridge for another beer. He opened and raised it in another salute to me as I was about to walk out.

  “Say hi to Hannah for me.”

  I flipped him off and walked out.

  Chapter 9

  Hannah

  As I was lying in bed, I reflected on my day. In fact, it was this very reflection that made it hard for me to fall asleep. Every time I thought of confronting Nikolai this morning and his response to my problem, I felt a rush of exhilaration, and if I’m completely honest, adoration for him. There was definitely more to him than I expected, although I can’t say I knew to about him before confronting him this morning. In fact, I’d assumed he was pretty much a criminal, which was why I sought him out in the first place.

  I was rolling over our various interactions in my mind when I heard my phone chime on the nightstand next to my bed. I reached for it so quickly, I nearly knocked my nightstand over. There was only one person who would text me at 11:49pm, which was why my heart was galloping in my chest.

  Nikolai: Connors has a concussion. He’ll be out until Friday. I’ll handle him when he comes back.

  I collapsed back on my pillow cradling my phone to my chest. I wasn’t sure what to do. Did I text him back? I didn’t really have anything to say, but a part of me desperately wanted to continue communicating with him.

  Hannah: Okay. Thanks! 

  Ugh, lame. I couldn’t help myself, but repeatedly cringed when I read my response. I stared at the screen, once again waiting to see if he’d write back.

  I fell asleep holding the phone.

  ****

  I walked down the hallway to my locker feeling a pinch of discomfort. Knowing that Jeff wouldn’t be here today made me re-think my clothing options. My wardrobe consisted of clothes that ran the gamut from sloppy to boring. I usually leaned into the sloppiness in order to discourage Jeff’s attention, but knowing he wasn’t in school today allowed me to reconsider my typical, terrible styling.

  I had looked over my options this morning and was disturbed to discover that I had gotten into such a pattern of picking unflattering clothing that it left me with few choices now that I was interested in looking marginally better. My sister was no help, she wore a uniform to school every day, and was two sizes smaller than me. I had settled on a better fitting pair of jeans, ballet flats and a black Nirvana t-shirt that was only about one size too big. I had my hair in a French braid, instead of my usual lopsided bun, but kept my glasses. I had considered leaving them at home, but looking at myself had felt too foreign, and not wearing my glasses was like taking off a life preserver on the high seas. I felt too exposed.

  As I started depositing books from backpack into my open locker, I spotted Nikolai walking down the hallway listening as Jack Becker kept up what looked like a steady stream of conversation. I was certain that Nikolai didn’t know where my locker was, so he would have no inclination to look in my direction. Of course, even if he’d known where my locker was didn’t guarantee that he’d look for me. I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms on front of my slightly more fitted jeans and waited to see if he’d notice me. I would be a total liar if I didn’t admit that part of my decision to dress a bit less horribly was motivated by Nikolai, and his reaction to my appearance yesterday. Even though my outfit was inarguably better than what I usually wore to school, it was by no means great.

  Nikolai was just about to pass me, when his eyes landed on mine and I froze. Did I say hello to him? Would he acknowledge me? I just stood there, paralyzed by my locker, staring at him.

  Nikolai’s head jerked back briefly, as though he was surprised to see me there. Then he frowned slightly and completely dismissed me. He simply turned his attention back to Jack and walked past me as if I wasn’t there. I turned my head and stared blindly into my locker, shocked at the extent of my disappointment and embarrassment. My face felt hot, and I was sickeningly close to crying. Crying. Because Nikolai Ivanov, a boy who didn’t even know I went to school here yesterday and who I had begged to help me, didn’t acknowledge me.

  I took a deep breath and forced myself to shake it off. Jeff wasn’t in school today, I didn’t want to waste this day feeling sorry for myself because my soon-to-be, fake boyfriend didn’t say hi to me in the hallway.

  Shit, non-dating was hard; I was almost relieved it wasn’t real.

  Almost.

 
Chapter 10

  Nikolai

  I walked down the hallway to school, hating that my eyes immediately looked to Hannah’s locker to see if she was there. Seeing her yesterday has been unsettling. She had looked different, better than when she’d marched up to me the day before. She was still wearing those oversized glasses, but her clothes fit better, showing off more of her shape, a shape I found myself thinking about more often than I would have liked. After catching her eye before first period, I found myself seeing her everywhere. We must have had classes near each other all along, but I had just never noticed. Never noticed her. I made sure to never make eye contact again, but I could feel her presence like a gravitational pull. I found myself always looking for where she was, who was around her. Had any of these other fucking guys noticed how much better she looked today?

  Fuck. I felt resentment and frustration like a clawed hand around my throat. I didn’t like this building awareness of her. It hadn’t helped yesterday to see her staring at me, her violet eyes wide with apprehension and hopefulness. I knew what she’d been looking for, and that was the exact reason I’ve never wanted any woman to have emotional expectations of me.

  I leaned against my locker and tipped my head back, trying to regain my former apathy. I did not care about his girl. I got suckered into helping her, and once we put this thing in motion, we could quickly wrap it up and I would forget about her.

  “Hey, Nikolai,” I heard a female voice purr. I jerked my head up and saw Taylor Ferguson standing next to me, smiling flirtatiously. She’d been hitting on me for years. We messed around a few times, but I was no dummy. She wanted a boyfriend, and that was never going to happen between us. I actually didn’t mind her because she understood we could flirt with each other and it wasn’t going anywhere. She was pretty harmless.

  Taylor was another girl I couldn’t figure out. With light hazel eyes and long medium brown hair, she also had guys falling over themselves to date her, but she only wanted the ones she couldn’t have.

  I smirked back her. “Hey, Taylor.”