Nikolai (Dangerous Love Series Book 1)

by Kristin Alexander

  I swung my head around looked at Nikolai as he was driving. I appreciated the ropes of muscle on his forearms, having seen first-hand tonight how strong he is. Jeff had never stood a chance. I felt myself filled with gratitude for the twentieth time of the night, grateful that Nikolai had not only protected me, but had seen to it that I had an amazing time tonight. I know a lot of those people were probably only being nice to me because he was standing next to me like a forbidding statue, almost daring them to step out of line. Eventually, I was going to have start handling things myself, without his stabilizing presence next to me, but for tonight it was so relaxing to depend on him for support.

  “Are you just going to sit there and stare at me?” I gasped and jumped slightly at the unexpected sound of his voice.

  “How did you even know I was looking at you?”

  Nikolai smirked, but there wasn’t much humor in his expression. “I was trained to notice shit like that.”

  I frowned. “Trained? By who?”

  He shot me a deadpan look. “Hannah, you know what my family is like. Who do you think I was trained by?”

  His father. The mob.

  I frowned again. “Is it normal to start training you for that kind of thing before you even graduate high school?”

  Nikolai sighed and was silent for a long enough time that I assumed he wasn’t going to answer the question.

  “My family is…fucked up. When you’re part of the organization, there is no normal. I’ve been aware of what my dad was almost my whole life. He’s so heavily guarded, you can’t not know something was going on. You see people showing up at all hours of the night, maybe covered in blood. You sometimes hear people screaming. Sometimes you ended up at the funeral for the guy who had been guarding you only the day before.” He stopped abruptly. “All that shit, it makes you different. Makes you tough. Makes you always prepared.”

  I wasn’t sure if it was the sadness of his story, revelations about what his childhood must have been like, or the residual effects of the liquor I had drunk, but I felt my eyes filling with tears of compassion. I bit my lip so he wouldn’t hear me.

  Of course, because he has these freaky heightened sense, he must have known something was happening. He looked at me and his expression became alarmed. “You’re not crying, are you? Stop crying, Hannah. Jesus.”

  I quickly pulled it together. “I’m not crying. It’s the booze, I swear. I am not the crying type.” I rubbed my face vigorously to erase any trace of tears. I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t confide in me for fear I would break down all the time.

  I cleared my throat. “I’m not crying,” I reasserted, “But I am sorry you had to grow up like that. I never really knew my father. He left for the last time after Emmy turned three. I was five.”

  Nikolai frowned, “The last time?”

  I was silent for a second. I never really talked about my father because the only people I’d talk about him with were my mother and my sister. For my mother, he was a painful memory she never really recovered from. For my sister, he was practically a figment of her imagination. “When I was little, he would come home for a couple of weeks, giving us presents, swearing he was back for good. My mom would be so happy to finally have him home, she would ignore the fact that this was how he was. She would believe him. I believed him too. At first. But after doing this five or six times, I would grill him when he came home. Ask him where he went, why he left, if he was sure he was staying this time. He would lie to me about all of it and eventually take off. My mother would be inconsolable, but she tried to justify it to me. He was busy, he had a lot going on, he had an important job, that kind of thing. All bullshit. He was just a lousy alcoholic and drug addict. He would come home, steal her cash and go buy drugs. He came home one last time, but my mother never even let him inside the house. He never came back.”

  I looked over at Nikolai, feeling a weird sort of embarrassment about what I’d shared. His expression gave away nothing, and now I know why he’d been so unsettled by my tears. If he had been crying, I would have freaked out. His stoic, non-judgmental face felt reassuring.

  “That sucks, Hannah,” he said, compassion leaching into his tone.

  “Yeah.”

  Nikolai sighed and chuckled a little. “This conversation is not shining a good light on fatherhood. Yours is deadbeat and mine stuck around but is a psychopathic asshole.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “Seriously. We should start writing poetry together, channel our inner emo.”

  Nikolai laughed out loud. “Definitely.”

  We pulled up to my house, and Nikolai turned off the car. We sat there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, then looked at each other. My buzz was still just strong enough to override my common sense, so I lunged forward and started kissing him.

  Nikolai’s body jerked in surprise, but quickly adapted and pulled me closer to him, so I was mostly on the driver’s side of the car. I was really starting to enjoy kissing. I don’t know if it was because Nikolai was great at it, or kissing was just great in general. Soon, one of his hands moved from my face and hair down to the sides of my rib cage, resting his thumb just under my right breast. I would have paid more attention to his hand if his hot mouth wasn’t completely devouring my own, his tongue rubbing against mine. He pulled back and started kissing my heated cheeks, swollen lips and surprisingly sensitive earlobes, before moving back to deeply kissing my mouth. I was going up in flames.

  Nikolai’s hand moved up to squeeze my right breast and rub his thumb back and forth against my hardened nipple. He pulled down the loose neckline of my blouse and the right cup of my bra and took my right nipple in his hot mouth, sucking deeply. My fingers thrust into his hair, holding him there.

  He released my nipple and reached for the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. I was about to reach up and cover my exposed breast when he reached behind me, unhooked my bra and threw it aside. For a moment, he simply stared at my exposed flesh, his expression captivated. “You are so fucking hot, Hannah,” he gritted out, pulling me to him and kissing me heatedly. I had no time to feel self-conscious as I registered the feel of my naked breasts against the softness of his t-shirt.

  Again, Nikolai pulled away and yanked his own t-shirt over his head. He gathered me close, pressing his hot skin against every inch of my naked breasts. I felt the back of my seat recline as he pressed me over to my side of the car and reclined on top of me. My legs naturally parted to allow him to settle between them. For long minutes, all we did was kiss passionately while slowly moving against each other. I was exhilarated by all the new sensations.

  Nikolai’s mouth left mine to kiss down my throat, sucking strongly on the side of my neck in a way that had my hips jumping up to press against his. There was to be direct line between where he was biting and sucking my neck, and the pulsing between my legs. He seemed to understand this as his hand grabbed my hip and pulled me tight, so I could grind my throbbing core against his rock-hard erection. The pressure was almost enough, but then he lowered his mouth from my neck to my right nipple, sucking and biting, while his other hand pulled and pinched the other. He switched back and forth between them, sucking and biting with greater pressure until I thought I would lose my mind.

  I felt Nikolai’s hand at my jeans, unbuttoning, unzipping and pushing both my underwear and jeans down in order to make more room for his roving fingers. He moved his hand exactly where I needed it, rubbing either side of my clit with the pads of his fingers. Then he slid his finger down to the opening of my pussy and pressed inside.

  “Jesus Christ, you are so wet, so tight,” he murmured, almost as though he was talking to himself. His mouth returned to my mine, thrusting his tongue in the same rhythm as his finger. I found my hips moving in tandem with his hand, unable to stop as I searched for the orgasm that was just out of reach.

  “Yes, Hannah, move just like that. Fuck,” he groaned, increasing the tempo of his thrusting and adding another finger, making me feel impossibly f
ull. He also made sure to press his palm against my pounding clit, so I would feel the dual stimulation. My fingers were clawing at his back and biceps as he kept bringing me to new plateaus of pleasure.

  I found myself gasping and moaning, feeling so close to orgasm, but it was still out of reach. I opened my eyes and saw Nikolai watching his hand as he fingered me, then looked up my body as if trying to figure out all the secrets to my pleasure.

  Suddenly, he increased the speed of his fingers and reached over, bit my nipple, tangled his fingers in my hair at the base of my neck and tugged. Hard.

  “Oh, my god, Nikolai, yes!” That was it; that’s what I’d needed. I heard myself screaming as I thrashed against Nikolai’s thrusting hand, reaching down with both my hands to hold his hand in place for my thrusting hips.

  “Fuck, Hannah, you are so fucking sexy.” I heard him from a distance but felt like I’d nearly blacked out with the level of pleasure I had received from his hands and mouth.

  I slowly became aware he was placing soft kisses on my slack mouth as he zipped and buttoned my pants. I couldn’t help but noticed his huge erection straining against the front of his jeans. I frowned, feeling guilty that he hadn’t had the same pleasure I had.

  I reached for the imprint of his cock. “Nikolai, what about you?”

  Nikolai grabbed my wrist. “I’m fine, Hannah.” He pulled my hand up and kissed my palm, as he looked in my flushed face. “I will take care of myself, if I need to, and believe me the image of you getting off that hard should make it easy enough.” He smirked smugly after that. I couldn’t argue; he earned that smug smile.

  Still, I swatted him in the arm. “Conceited jerk,” I accused good-naturedly.

  “Probably,” he responded, looking half serious.

  I snorted and pushed him back, so I could sit up. I adjusted my seat and searched for my shirt and bra while he pulled on his t-shirt. When I finally got my clothes back on, I found him looking at me inscrutably.

  I felt so awkward now. What did this mean? Was this just a hook up? Did he like me? Shit, I had no experience with understanding men.

  Glancing at the blue glow of the numbers on the dashboard clock, I said, “Well, I guess I better go in. My mom is probably grateful I didn’t start having a social life until my senior year.” I laughed limply.

  Nikolai cracked a smile, although it looked begrudging. Okay, I had to get out of here. I was going to have a panic attack.

  I opened the door to hop out, when I felt him grab my arm and pull me back. I looked at him questioningly, and he reached over and put his hands on the either side of my face as he leaned in to kiss me. What started out as a chaste good night kiss quickly heated up as he slanted his mouth over mine again and again, as if branding himself on my lips.

  As I started to feel the same darts of desire I had felt earlier, he pulled back and looked at me. His eyes taking in my swollen mouth, before moving to look at the side of my neck. He rubbed his thumb against what must have been a hickey because it felt sensitive. He frowned slightly and then looked me in the eyes, his light-blue eyes practically glowing in the dim light.

  “When you get inside, go drink an entire glass of water and take two Tylenol. Bring another glass of water to your room and put on your nightstand and put 2 more Tylenol there for when you wake up. Trust me, you’ll need it.” Nikolai sternly lectured. It sent a thrill through me when he spoke like this.

  “Okay, thanks,” I responded, somewhat breathlessly, half waiting for him to kiss me again.

  Nikolai frowned again and pulled away. “Good night, Hannah.” Jesus, he was confusing.

  Uncertain about what any of this meant, I hopped out of the car, shut the door and ran onto my front porch. I saw Nikolai waiting in his car, making sure I got into my house safely, and gave him a little wave. He gave me that nod thing that guys give and continued to wait until I opened the door and stepped inside. I was locking it and looking through the little window on my front door as I watched his taillights disappear.

  Chapter 26

  Nikolai

  I watched Hannah run into her house feeling conflicted. Touching Hannah’s body, kissing her, feeling her come like that lit me on fire. I had the unfortunate reminder of that pressing against the zipper of my jeans. Fuck, I wanted her. All of her innocent reactions, some of them surprising, almost had me coming in my pants.

  Pulling back onto the road to make my way back home, I contemplated my whole attitude about relationships. I definitely understood why I have avoided them for so long. I had no interest in revealing myself to someone, revealing aspects of my past and my personality that expose my weaknesses. Yet, today, I found myself sharing information with Hannah that I had never shared with anyone. I mean, I spoke to her about my father, who was as off limits of a topic as it gets with me. I rarely even talked about him to Jack. Sure, Katya and I would talk sometimes, but our communication was mostly knowing looks about our fucked-up families and mutual avoidance of the whole subject. I still wasn’t sure about what made me feel so comfortable confiding in Hannah.

  The second reason I had avoided relationship is the hassle. I saw how relationships functioned, and all it has ever looked like is a leash around the neck. You have to check in all the time; you can’t just make plans, you need to find out if it was okay for you to make plans. The idea of having to get fucking permission to do anything made my skin itch. Relationships all felt like one big power trip. This was only reinforced when I would hang out with some girl who, after we slept together once or twice, would start ranting and raving about her expectations. It was such a turn off.

  This fake relationship, which felt more real every minute, enlightened me to some aspects of dating I hadn’t understood. There was a power dynamic, but I didn’t realize how it felt to be on the side exerting the control. I had to admit it; I liked it. Taking care of Hannah, making her feel safe, being responsible for her. Being a part of her first kiss, first orgasm. I liked owning all of that, that it was mine. That, at this moment, she was mine.

  But, fuck, even if I decided I did want to have a relationship, what the fuck person drags someone, someone they supposedly liked, into the kind of drama that is associated with my family. If I indicated I had any real feelings for Hannah, I’m putting her target on her. Not necessarily to the organization’s enemies, but to my own father. I could very easily see him using her as leverage against me. My father was ruthless, and if he wanted me to do something, he would use anything at his disposal to make it happen.

  As I pulled into my driveway, I realized I hadn’t come to any conclusions about Hannah. Did I like her enough to date her? Did I like her too much to potentially put her in harm’s way? I sat in my car for at least an hour trying to figure out the answer, but I never did, so went in the house and went to bed.

  Chapter 27

  Hannah

  God, I felt awful. I turned over and blearily reached for the water and aspirin Nikolai directed me to put by my bedside. I had to admit, I was grateful for it. My mouth felt like it has been pasted together and my head was banging like someone was playing a tiny percussion instrument inside of it. After taking the water and medicine, I flopped back in my bed and reflected on the many, many things that happened in the last twenty-four hours. It was almost too much to absorb.

  I reached over for my cell phone on the nightstand and found a hilarious drunken text from Ava that she sent at 3:30am.

  Ava: Hannnnnnnnahhh, so glab we hung ot! Love u girl! Y did you let Jack tak me home??? I made some bad decisns. ://

  I guess we’d exchanged numbers at some point last night. I laughed again at her horrible spelling, and then found myself incredibly curious about her bad decision making. Did she hook up with Jack? I saw that it was ten o’clock, and, not certain of what time she usually got up, sent her text to see if she was awake.

  My phone soon lit up with an incoming phone call from Ava.

  “Hey, how do you feel?” I mocked gently, because, seriously, I had n
o room to talk.

  “Ha! I could ask you the same question!” Ava responded, laughing.

  “I know, I know. Trust me, I’m feeling it right now.” I said and took another slug of water.

  “Oh my god, I know, I’m dying over her.”

  “So, do you realize you sent me a text last night?” I asked Ava.

  “What? I did? Oh, Jesus, hold on, I want to read it really quick.” There was a short pause while she, I assumed, read the text.

  “Oh my god!” she squealed. “I can’t believe I sent that!”

  “So, do you mind telling me about your bad decisions?”

  “Holy shit, Hannah. This is so embarrassing. I kind of made out with Jack last night. Well, made out and a little more.” I could practically feel her blushing over the phone.

  “Whoa, tell me everything! What is making out and a little more?” I wondered if what Nikolai and I had done would be termed that way. I thought people used bases for this kind of thing. First base was kissing, and so on. I was so out of the loop.

  “Well, we made out for a little while. Then…we did other stuff.”

  “Ava! You cannot hold out on me. Look, I know we only really became friends like five minutes ago, but I like you, and I have gossip to share with you, too.”

  “You do? What? Did something happen between you and Nikolai? Tell me!” she insisted.

  I sighed. “You see the irony here, right?”

  Ava sighed too. “Okay, I get it. Full disclosure, okay?”

  “Deal.” I replied. It was fun to have a girlfriend to confide in. It was also fun to actually have noteworthy events to confide about to said girlfriend.

  “Okay, well, my memory isn’t one hundred percent, here, but Jack took me home and parked in my driveway. I think we got into a little fight about, something, I don’t even remember. Then all of sudden, we were kissing. I felt like we kissed for hours, but it was probably like fifteen minutes or something. He is an awesome kisser, Hannah, I’m not kidding.” Her seriousness when relaying that information was kind of funny.