Pulled

by A. F. Crowell

  By then the kiss was powerful, eager and starved as he nipped at my bottom lip. In that very second, I could feel his genuine regret, his passion and desire for me. I knew if I didn’t pull away immediately, I would probably rip his clothes off right there in my foyer and fuck him on the hardwood floor until my knees were raw and splintered.

  I pulled away, trying to catch my breath. “You should go,” was all I could manage. I tried to take a small, discreet step back. I should’ve probably gone straight upstairs and changed my panties.

  Sensing my arousal Jaxon stepped to me, grabbed my hand and placed it over his hard as a rock erection and murmured, “Tell me you aren’t just as turned on as I am from that one kiss. Are you wet for me Lei?”

  Oh God, my legs almost buckled. There was a serious chance I was going to have an orgasm just from his words. Heaven help me if he touched me. I’d be a puddle in less than fifteen seconds.

  I groaned, breaking his wanton glare. “Ughhh Jax, you have to go. I can’t do this.”

  He pressed his perfect lips against my forehead. “Bye sweetheart.” He pulled the door shut behind him as he exited.

  I’m so fuckin’ screwed.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  ~Leila~

  Jane arrived shortly after Jaxon left. She couldn’t wait to get home and show me her new purchases. She found a set of three beautiful photographs of the St. John’s Lutheran Church over on Clifford Street in the Open Market. They almost looked like black and white photographs, featuring an old yet ornate, scrolling wrought iron fence, but the essence of the photos were these tall, vibrant red doors.

  It was now about 4:00 and I needed a nap. I was exhausted. I climbed onto the bed, kicked off my sneakers and flicked the TV on and watched long enough to fall asleep.

  *****

  ~Brody~

  I finally left the office about 7:45, climbed into the Bentley and sped all the way home. I couldn’t wait to see her. Having her at my house was everything I had ever wanted. Well, it was since I came to my damn senses.

  I made the worst mistake of my entire life that night. I was so shocked by the news of her pregnancy that it sent me back to a time when I had let Jenifer get too close to me and she had claimed to be pregnant with my child. Of course it wasn’t my child, hell, she wasn’t even pregnant. I knew she was sleeping with other men at the time, but she insisted it was my child and could only have been my child. I knew then she was a gold digging whore. She was a special sort of stupid if she thought I was going to fall for that shit. She wanted to get married before she started showing, to “save appearances” as she put it.

  Anyway, it was a year before, in the same penthouse in New York, standing in almost the same spot that Leila had stood, that Jenifer made her little declaration. I never told Leila any of this because I knew she hated Jenifer already, but tonight she needed to know the whole truth. She needed to know why I had flipped out the way I did and why I walked away.

  It was a reason, though, not an excuse. There were no excuses for my atrocious behavior. I fucked up, royally. I had been trying over the last couple of months to make amends and win myself back into her good graces, but every time I got close, that dickhead Jaxon, would do something to screw it all up. He constantly goaded me into verbal sparring matches. So I pushed back. His stupid club would be having some significant real estate issues if he didn’t chill the fuck out.

  I pulled into the garage and killed the engine. I practically ran up the stairs to my bedroom. Opening the door, I heard the TV and expected to see her sitting propped up by a mountain of pillows watching some sappy show.

  She was propped up in a shitload of pillows, but she was fast asleep. As I walked to the side of the bed and sat down, her lips slowly turned up into a tiny smile but faded quickly. She must have been dreaming. She was so amazingly beautiful, it took my breath away. She lay there, turned slightly on her left side, facing the door, her right hand atop her stomach, swollen with our daughter, while her left hand still had her phone resting loosely in it.

  I sat there, watching her sleep for several minutes before I saw her belly twitch on the right side, just below her ribs. I could see a little bumping movement. Pulling back the soft gray cotton shirt, I sat in total astonishment as I watched our child move around inside of her mother’s womb. I could see the little bump slide around, then disappear. Leaning down, I whispered quietly to her.

  “Hi my sweet girl. Daddy can’t wait to see you and hold you and love on you. We didn’t have a great start and that’s my fault. I was scared to let myself get close to someone again and have it turn out like last time. But this time you’re real and you’re all mine.” I wiped a tear from my cheek.

  “I promise you, right here and now, I am your daddy and I always will be. I promise baby girl I will not become my father. I could never hurt you like that. No matter what, I will never leave you until there is no air left in my lungs and my heart ceases to beat. I will love you fiercely, protect you always and support you endlessly.”

  As I finished my little speech, I felt her eyes on me. I looked up and realized she was indeed awake and listening to my rambling.

  “How long have you been listenin’?” I secretly hoped she hadn’t heard the whole spiel. I wanted to tell her about my father and the previous pregnancy scare, not have her overhear it.

  *****

  ~Leila~

  “Long enough. I’m sorry. Actually, I’m not sorry. I loved listening to you talk to her. You’re gonna be such a good dad. I didn’t mean to overhear the other stuff though. Why didn’t you tell me before? I mean, about your dad? What did he do to you Brody?”

  He sighed and I felt a hundred pounds of sorrow wash over him. “What he did to me wasn’t nearly as bad as what he did to my mom. They always appeared to be the perfect couple. He was careful. He never let the mask slip in public.” Brody hung his head as he continued. “He wasn’t always an abusive asshole. My mom said he used to be caring and loving.”

  “What changed?”

  “It was my fault that he hit her.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “She told me. He’d never hit her until I was a few months old. I had colic really bad and no matter what she did, I would cry all night. Over the years, it got worse. If I messed up or failed at something he would hit her. He never hit me, but he would tell me that she cried because of me.”

  Brody stood and paced the room. “When I was eight or nine, it was so bad I ran into their room and found her on the floor, bleeding, with him standing over her. I pushed him away and lay on top of her, you know, trying to protect her. That’s the first time he told me that when I got married and my wife gave me a son that was such a horrible disappointment I would understand why he did what was necessary.”

  “Oh my God, Brody.” My heart broke for the poor little boy who was killing himself every day at work trying to please a ghost.

  “So when you told me you were pregnant, I kept hearing his voice in my head. Laughing at me, haunting me, telling me that I was going to follow in his footsteps. That I would be him.”

  He sat at the edge of the bed. “A few months before I met you, Jenifer tried to rope me in with a false pregnancy. When I lost it with her and threw her out, I thought I was justified based on her behavior. Back then I thought I was nothing like my father. But after that time I blew up at you on the patio in the middle of the night I wasn’t so sure. And when you told me you were pregnant…well, we know how that went. I literally couldn’t control myself. It was like an out of body experience.”

  For a few long moments I couldn’t speak. What do you say to that? “Two things,” I said as I leaned forward. “You are not your father. You don’t want to be your father and I think you now know how to handle the emotional baggage he left you with. And if you need help getting a better handle on it, there are a few really great therapists I know that can help you get where you want to be.”

  He didn’t look thrilled at the suggestion, bu
t, to his credit, he nodded his head. “And the other thing?”

  “You’re going to make a great father, Brody. I have no doubt about that.”

  At my words, he looked at me with disbelief then turned to stare at his knee. “I never thought I’d hear you say that. I’ve screwed up so badly that I didn’t think you’d ever believe I’d be a good father.” He shook his head. “And Lei, what I told you was an explanation, not an excuse. There’s no excuse for the way I treated you.” He looked up at me, his beautiful blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

  “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so sorry babe. There are so many things I wish I had done differently. So many things I’m sorry for about that night. For screaming at you, throwing the bottle and scaring you. God, I hated the way you looked at me, but most of all for letting you walk away and not stopping you. God, watching you walk through the lobby, crying, it nearly killed me. I wanted to run after you, but I was so fucked up. I couldn’t get out of my own head long enough to see I was letting the best thing that had ever happened to me just walk away. Jesus Lei, if I could go back and…”

  He stopped. I sat there waiting, praying he would finish what he was about to say. “If you could go back?”

  “If I could go back to that night in the penthouse, I would have said that I love you. That even though we weren’t expecting this, I would take care of you and we’d be a family. I would’ve told you that I was terrified of being a dad and screwing up, but that with you as her mom, she’d be perfect. I should’ve told you that before you, my life was futile and monotonous, and after you came along, it was vivacious and complete. You fulfilled me in such a way I finally realized how empty I was before I walked into that waiting room and saw your gorgeous face. I would’ve made love to you all over that penthouse.”

  He turned and looked at me as if I were the answer to all his prayers. That look melted all of my defenses away and in that moment, I want nothing more than for him to kiss me.

  “I should have done this.” As if he were reading my mind, he reached over and brushed his hand along my jawline, then around to circle my neck and pull me to him. His mouth found mine. Gently sucking on my bottom lip he traced it lightly with his tongue. My body took over, and instinctively, I wrapped my arms around his wide lats, pulling him closer.

  A deep groan resonated in his chest as I tilted my head and deepened the kiss. Feeling his warm tongue meet mine, my legs shuddered. His tongue expertly tantalized and tangled with mine. The sensation shot directly between my legs. I could feel his passion and hunger as he lifted me to him, pressing my swollen breasts to his tight washboard abs.

  I moaned into his mouth as he laid me down and stood over me watching, waiting for a sign as to what to do. Then, without any warning or indication, he crawled over me. His mouth captured mine, then moved to my neck with warm, wet kisses from my ear to my collarbone. His tongue traced back up to my ear as he nibbled my earlobe. I tipped my head back and ran my fingers through his dark, unruly locks. And just as my inner lioness started to purr her approval, he stopped and all but leapt off of me.

  “Fuck Lei, I shouldn’t’ve done that.” He looked so torn.

  “What?” I said incredulously, sitting up on my elbows. “You shouldn’t have kissed me?”

  “Baby, it’s not fair to you. I knew better, but I just couldn’t help myself. I have wanted to do that since that night. That night that I destroyed everything.” He looked at me with such guilt. “But Lei, you’re still wearing Jaxon’s ring. I want nothing more than to make love to you right now, but when we make love, and we will,” he said cockily, “you won’t be wearing his ring. You’ll be mine, in my bed, in my heart and in my life. Forever.”

  Good one. Open the floodgates to my heart, and my panties. Then, right on cue, the rushing river of regret and guilt followed right behind.

  And with the world’s worst timing, in strolled Damon, Brody’s best friend. “Knock, knock. S’up kids?”

  I groaned and climbed out of bed to leave the room.

  Brody cleared his throat and grabbed my hand before I got too far. “D can you give us just a few minutes? We were just in the middle of something.”

  Damon chuckled quietly. “From the look in your eyes and looks of her hair, you might need more than a few minutes B.”

  “Oh my God.” I rolled my eyes at his crassness. “I’m going downstairs Brody. You know, to feed our child. We can finish our conversation later.”

  “Wait babe, don’t go. Let’s finish this now, I still have something I need to say to you,” he pleaded and almost won, but then Damon’s big mouth started flapping again.

  “Oh, yeah, congratulations Leila. I hadn’t seen you since this dumb fucker here screwed you over.” He tossed his head in Brody’s direction.

  “Thanks D, I almost forgot” He flipped Damon the finger.

  “And on that note, I’m going to eat. You boys have fun.”

  I exited the room and made my way downstairs. Jane was sitting at the table, reading on her tablet as I padded quietly on the hardwood floors into the kitchen. I had hoped to just grab a quick bite without disturbing her.

  “Oh my sweet girl, you should know by now you can’t sneak past me.” I smiled, her words reminding me of something my mother would have said. She got up from the table and walked over to me. “What can I make you? There is stuff for salads or there’s leftovers from the other night.”

  “Actually, I really just want a glass of milk and ice cream.” I shrugged.

  “Well, I guess it’s a good thing Brody had me stop yesterday and get some, huh?”

  “Ooh, what did you get?”

  “Butter crunch. He said that was your favorite this month.” She grinned as she walked over and opened the mammoth refrigerator. She pulled out the milk and poured a glass. Then she pulled out the ice cream and, sure enough, there was my craving of the day.

  “He’s so sweet to remember.” I smiled.

  “What am I sweet to remember?” Brody came around the corner with Damon following.

  “Who said I was referring to you Mr. Cocky?” I waggled my head, sitting on a barstool.

  Brody walked up behind me and began massaging my shoulders lightly. “Let’s just say I have my ways. Besides, your eyes light up when you talk about me.”

  Both Jane and I laughed. “Wow, if your head gets any bigger you’re gonna have to trade your cars for convertibles.”

  As I took a sip of my milk he leaned forward and whispered into my ear, “From what I remember, you like my big head.”

  As I choked on my milk, he chuckled and walked to the refrigerator. Clearing my throat, I asked, “So what are you and Damon gettin’ into tonight?”

  “I came by to see if B wanted to get a drink and hang out for a little.” Damon came over and sat next to me at the raised counter.

  Brody started shaking his head and I could see he was going to decline, but he needed to get out and I needed some time to think. I needed to figure out what the hell I was going to do.

  “I think that sounds like a great idea Damon. He needs to go out and relax.” I turned my attention to Brody. “You do. You need to go hang out with the boys and get away from all of this craziness. Other than going to work, you’ve been stuck with me for a week.”

  He pursed his lips and cocked his head. “I’m not stuck with you Leila. This is where I’ve wanted to be. And if things weren’t crazy at work, I would’ve blown that off too.”

  “Well, I’m telling you to go out for a drink. It’s only one drink and you’ll be back here in a few hours. Besides, I’m gonna eat my ice cream, take a bath and get in bed.”

  “Yeah, listen to her B. It’s just a few drinks and we’ll be back before you know it,” Damon added. “Unless you’re afraid of losing a few games of pool.”

  Brody threw his head back and laughed. “Shit, that was good.” He pretended to wipe a tear from his face. “You, beat me, in pool? Nah bro, I don’t think so.”

  He looked ov
er to me and I nodded toward Damon, silently telling him to go.

  “All right D-bag, let me grab my coat, but two drinks and one game of pool, then right back here,” Brody declared.

  “Deal. I’ll drive.” Damon turned to me. “Lei, thanks for the assist. Take care and don’t pop that kid out before we get back.” He smiled his million megawatt smile.

  “I’ll see what I can do, but I make no promises,” I teased back.

  Brody’s eyes came damn close to bugging out of his head. “I’ll have my phone. If you start having contractions again, call me. I’ll come straight home.”

  “Relax, I’m not gonna—arrgghhh,” I screamed out, hunching forward and clutched my tummy.

  “Holy fuckin’ shit man!” Damon jumped off his barstool and away from me like I just spontaneously caught on fire.

  Brody sprinted to my side. “Contraction?”

  I straighten with a huge smile stretched across my face. “Nah, just messin’ with ya. Go have fun, I’m fine.”

  “Jesus Christ Leila. Don’t do that. You freaked me the fuck out,” he admonished as I grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Why are you still smiling? It’s not funny damn it.”

  I struggled not to burst out laughing. Finally, when he left the kitchen, Jane and I lost it; we laughed ’til we cried.

  “You do know I can still hear y’all up here, right?” Brody scolded us from the top of the stairs. This just made us cackle louder.

  “Oh God, I have to stop, I can’t breathe,” Jane huffed with a bright red face.

  “You?” I giggled. “I think I might actually pee in my pants. I better go to the bathroom before I do.” When I came back from the bathroom Brody and Damon were standing around by the garage door.

  “Jesus woman, what were you doing in there?” Brody taunted.

  “Well, gee, let’s see if I can explain this again.” I planted my hand on my round tummy. “I’m almost nine months pregnant and my bladder is officially the size of a walnut”—I tapped my index finger on my lips—“because you knocked me up. So now I pee every twenty minutes. Oh, and because you knocked me up, I’m as big as a house or as big as your ego, which coincidentally are about the same size. So, if you must know, it can sometimes be difficult for me to pull my pants up.”