The Cabin Escape: Back On Fever Mountain 1

by Melissa Devenport

  It was impossible not to hear the pain in Amanda’s voice. Jason’s arms closed around her tighter, as though his very touch could protect her from the pain in the world.

  “Are- are you planning on staying the winter?” Jason mumbled. It was the question burning on his mind. The question that haunted him by day and by night. He wanted her to stay, and that fact scared the hell out of him. He was just too afraid to ask, too afraid that this was just a temporary thing for her. “I mean, I just need to know how much firewood to cut.”

  “Is that all?” She laughed gently. “Honestly, I don’t really know. I want to, if you want me to.”

  She left it open, left the ball in his court. Jason’s whole body flooded with a hot discomfort. “I’ll cut extra then,” he mumbled.

  “I mean, if you want to keep employing me and all. Although it’s a little bit strange, now that we’re doing this.”

  “Is it?”

  “I guess so.”

  “I don’t think so. I pay you for the work you do, which is considerable, not for this.”

  “I know that,” she laughed again, softly. Her laugh filled the night and rose up to the stars.

  Jason shifted them both onto their backs so they could look up at the twinkling sky overhead. It was utterly breathtaking. They had started out, meaning to come out here and watch it. He wanted to finish the night off with beauty, with silence and with stillness.

  Amanda seemed to understand that as well. She didn’t move to cover herself. She just let them be, naked, under the stars. Just them, oddly enough, at a time in his life when he least expected it, just them against the force of their mistakes, forging an odd future, a day at a time.

  Chapter 12

  The Test

  Something was off. At first, Amanda couldn’t really explain it. She just felt tired. Her body was sore. She’d thought she was coming down with something, but she never did. Then she realized what it was.

  She was late. By over two weeks.

  The realization had prompted a frantic trip into Boulder. She’d told Jason she was getting art supplies. Paints and what not. In reality, she drove straight to a pharmacy and bought a pregnancy test.

  She hadn’t wanted to take the test in some gas station bathroom so instead she’d opted for a restaurant bathroom. Like that was so much better.

  Her hand shook as she tucked herself into the stall. It was a nice bathroom. Modern, the stone tiles extending from the floor to half way up the walls. She’d noticed the sleek black vanity on her way in and the modern, square lighting overhead.

  None of it mattered. It didn’t truly register with her. Nothing did. Nothing but the test she took out of her purse. She opened the top flap of the box with a shaking hand.

  How many of these had she taken over the years with Phil? This might be nothing. Her cycle wasn’t always regular. She could be late because she was on a leaner diet, working harder… or for any other reason in the world. She might not be pregnant.

  Oh god, please don’t let me be pregnant.

  The test looked like all the other she’d used in the past, when a pregnancy would have been the most welcome news in the world. She uncapped the white stick. She held it in one hand while she undid her jeans and slipped them down her thighs. She sat. Her whole body trembled as she held the stick, waiting.

  Of course she couldn’t pee. Not even one drop. She was so wound up, a thousand knots squeezing her stomach and chest, it was nearly impossible to even draw a breath.

  Finally it happened. A couple drops of urine squeezed out, enough to wet the test stick.

  Amanda recapped it and set it aside. She stood, adjusted her clothing, and leaned against the stall. She rested her forehead against the cool metal of the door, uncaring that she was in a public bathroom and it probably wasn’t sanitary.

  A few deep breaths in and out calmed her. She counted to a hundred then she counted again. Finally she whirled and picked the test off the back of the toilet tank.

  Two pink lines stared back at her.

  Oh no. Oh god no. Not this.

  It wasn’t fair, but nothing in life ever really was. A few months ago, with Phil, she would have welcomed this news. Or at least, she thought she would have. Now she wasn’t sure. Maybe it would have been more of a relief than actual joy on her part, but at least she would have accepted the pregnancy and welcomed the life that grew inside of her.

  And now? How could she be anything but horrified? She’d told Jason she was infertile! She hadn’t lied to him. She truly thought she was. She knew what the doctor had said, that they couldn’t find a reason on their tests that she wasn’t getting pregnant, but she also knew the reality of her situation. That she and Phil had tried for two years and it hadn’t happened. That he’d been cleared by the specialist he saw. That really left her as the problem. He’d hurled those accusations at her and she’d thought, after some reflection, that he must have been right.

  She almost didn’t believe it was real. Maybe the test was wrong, but that was impossible. Tests gave false negatives, not false positives.

  Amanda slowly opened the lid of the garbage can in the corner of the stall. The test fell from her hand without a sound. She let the lid fall shut. She felt sick to her stomach. Bile rose in her throat and she stared at the toilet, willing herself not to be sick in a public washroom.

  She had to go home. Home. Where is that exactly? Jason’s place? After he found out she was pregnant, she was sure that it wasn’t going to be her home for much longer. She was supposed to be working for him, damn it. No matter how much they enjoyed each other, they’d known each other for a month. Not more. Certainly not enough time to have created a life together. Well, obviously it was, but not really. Physically yes, emotional, mentally, no. Neither of them were ready for it.

  She would have to tell him. Discuss it with him and see what he wanted to do before she made any decisions about her future and what exactly that was going to look like.

  If Jason kicked her out, she could always go to her mother’s. It was really the only place left to her. Or she could get a long term stay motel room until she found an apartment. Maybe move to a city where rent was cheaper. Find a job… and then what? Raise a child? On her own?

  Amanda shook her head. The pressure pounding at her temples was so painful it was nearly blinding. She couldn’t think about it or she was going to go insane. She had to force herself to remain focused. She still had an hour drive ahead of her.

  Hopefully it was enough time for her to come up with words she never thought she’d get the chance to say.

  Chapter 13

  Words That Change Everything

  The swing of the ax, heavy and methodical as it split logs, was the only sound that disturbed the quiet of the woods. There was no breeze. The sun shone done, filtered through the trees, hot overhead in a cloudless, crystal clear blue sky.

  Beads of sweat rolled off Jason’s forehead. They slid down his nose and dripped into his eyes in little stinging bursts. He reached up and mopped his brow with the back of sleeve of his cotton plaid shirt.

  The afternoon was sticky despite the shelter of the trees overhead. They cast a shadow over him but their cooling boughs weren’t enough. Not when there was no wind and he was slaving away, cutting and stacking logs. It was funny, when it was so warm out it was hard for him to imagine a time when winter ever settled in, cold fingers choking the life from the land. A time when he’d need all the firewood he cut. He and Amanda.

  It felt strange, to include her name after his. Like normal people did, but he was beginning to think of her being a fixture in his life. She’d said she wanted to stay the winter, so that meant more wood, if nothing else.

  Eventually, after an hour more of hard work, he straightened. His back ached and his shirt was drenched in sweat. He thought about a quick dip in the cold creek, but his stomach rumbled, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast.

  He wondered if Amanda would be back from Boulder yet.
She’d left early, right after she’d made him eggs and bacon.

  An odd stirring sensation gripped Jason’s chest. His heart beat a little faster whenever he thought of Amanda, but he was used to that. He’d made his peace with his body’s physical to her. The hard want, the burning need that never quite went away, no matter how many times they’d had each other. What he hadn’t banked on was the feeling that flooded his chest. He couldn’t really describe it. It was somewhere between a fierce protectiveness and a desire to make Amanda happy. He basically lived to see her smile, to watch her eyes light up. How pathetic was that?

  Jason stomped over to the woodshed. He pulled open the door and the rusty hinges protested madly. Their shrill squeak rent the quiet of the woods. He placed the ax back in the holder on the wall. he stared at it for just a minute before he turned, closed up the shed and started up the path towards his cabin.

  Amanda’s car, the black, sleek sedan that her ex had bought her, was parked in the drive. Ever since she’d told him about that car, he’d wanted to sell it. Or rather, urge her to get rid of it and get something cheaper and more practical. Of course he hadn’t voiced his opinion. One didn’t just say things like that. It wasn’t just a car. To him it symbolized another man in Amanda’s life and, even though it was irrational since he accepted everyone had a past, it made him jealous as hell.

  A flash of movement appeared in the front window of his cabin and his heart leapt hard. Amanda. She was there, probably preparing dinner. Even that made Jason feel funny. Not quite in a good way, either. He liked having her there in his cabin, far more than he should. This was how it started. Love. And love made you a fool. It made you vulnerable and irrational.

  Jason gave himself a shake as he stalked up the stairs onto the porch. He pushed open the door and stepped inside. The smell of bread, probably still baking and some kind of roast, filled up the cabin.

  Not only was she back, she’d been back for a while.

  The minute Jason walked through the kitchen door, Amanda spotted him. She whirled around, a fleeting look of guilt on her face, like he’d caught her red handed at something she shouldn’t be doing. She was peeling potatoes, standing over the counter, collecting the peelings in one of those tin pails.

  Jason walked up behind her. Her eyes dropped away to the peeler in her hands and she stiffened unnaturally when he wrapped his arms around her waist. He pulled her in against his chest, but she didn’t melt against him like she normally did.

  The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end. Something was wrong, or at least, something wasn’t right.

  “Amanda?”

  “Jason,” she whispered. The peeler fell from her hands and clattered noisily onto the counter. She turned slowly and his hands fell away from her waist. When she looked up at him, her eyes were filled with pain and uncertainty.

  His heart stopped mid-beat. It was obvious that she was afraid. Something, maybe everything, had changed between them. For a second he was afraid she had found out about him. His past. The real Jason Strathmore. He rejected that idea after a moment’s contemplation. There was no way she would know. If she knew, she probably would have come back, packed her stuff and disappeared without so much as a goodbye.

  “I need to talk to you,” Amanda whispered, her voice breathy and broken by uncertainty.

  “Alright.” Jason swallowed hard, forcing his own tone to be strong and sure though he felt neither of those things. His chest ached. He could barely coordinate his limbs enough to stumble over to the table and pull out a chair.

  Amanda pulled out the chair beside him. The smell of bread filled up the kitchen, so homey and at odds with the hard stab of fear that filled his chest. Was she leaving him? Is that what she was going to tell him?

  “I… I went into the city this morning,” Amanda mumbled. She studied her hands, folded tightly in her lap.

  “I know. To get art supplies.”

  “It wasn’t to get art supplies.” She finally looked up and her green eyes burned with guilt.

  Jason’s gut tightened. “What did you do then?”

  “I… I took a test. I’m pregnant, Jason.”

  The world narrowed and spun violently when her words finally sunk in. The whole cabin tilted and black spots hit his vision hard. “I’m sorry… what?” Jason finally forced out.

  “I’m pregnant,” Amanda whispered. She didn’t need to tell him again. He’d heard her the first time.

  “How is that possible? You said… is it mine?”

  “Yes. It’s yours. I… I don’t know how it’s possible. It didn’t happen before. We tried for two years… Phil and I. He said it was my fault. We both saw specialists and he was cleared. They couldn’t find a reason I couldn’t get pregnant but Phil said it was my fault and I accepted that. I know sometimes these things don’t show up on a test, but now… I don’t know what to think.”

  “No- no fucking way.” Her eyes flew to his face and he saw the light of alarm in the mossy green depths. Guilt stabbed at his chest, but he pushed it away, the anger rising enough to close his throat and force words that he didn’t know if truly meant or not. “You said you couldn’t get pregnant when you knew full well there was nothing wrong with you. You tricked me into this. You think that if you get pregnant that I’ll look after you? Give you a place to stay? Take care of you?”

  “No, of course not!” Indignation twisted Amanda’s features.

  Jason wanted to stop. He knew he should stop, but he couldn’t. “You’re a liar, Amanda. A liar and a con artist. God, you’re one of the best aren’t you? You went from one relationship to another. When he dumped you, you needed someone else to latch onto. It’s easier than facing the real world, having someone else take care of you, isn’t it, darling? I should have known better, when I looked at those white, smooth hands of yours, to trust you. To give you a job and let you into my life. You played me. You played me like a real fool and I fell for it.” He shook his head at the same time he shoved his chair back roughly. It scraped loudly across the floor. “No more. You can pack your shit and get out.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Amanda whispered. Her eyes were round and wide with fright. All the color had drained out of her face.

  “I do mean it.” He didn’t mean it at all. He didn’t truly want her to leave, he just knew he couldn’t voice those thoughts. He couldn’t open himself up any further. Weakness was his greatest enemy and at the moment he was as weak as he had ever been. He’d let her into his heart, allowed her to crack through the armored wall into a part that was fleshy and had feeling. It had been a mistake.

  He couldn’t sit there and speak to her rationally. His anger was so great his throat closed completely. His head and chest both felt like they were going to explode. He needed to go out. To drive and not look back. To find a place where he could vent his rage silently, without her there to watch. Then he’d come back. Then they would talk. He’d probably tell her he didn’t want her to leave at all. That they would figure it out together, their next step. The life inside of her, they would figure that out too. Dear god, the life inside of her.

  Jason stomped through the kitchen and out of the cabin. He nearly fell going down the steps, his feet so heavy they were like lead weights. He managed to throw himself into his truck, start the old thing up and tear out of the driveway.

  He didn’t know where he was going or how long it was going to take before he could be rational again. He just knew he had to get out of there.

  A few miles away from the house, the gravel dust filtering in through the cracks and crevices in the truck, choking him as it always did, the realization set in.

  Amanda was a part of him now. She was in his heart. Even though he was a stranger to love, he knew she would be with him until the day he died. He saw it all. Her face, those wide eyes filled with hurt, her ashen complexion, and himself, walking out on her. Hoping like hell he could change the past, powerless to change the future, walking out on it all, because that’s what he’d always
done best. Run.

  Chapter 14

  Leaving Paradise

  What did you do when your entire world imploded? When nothing felt like it was real?

  Amanda stumbled through the front door of her cabin. She closed it hard, leaned against it, and took raspy, deep breaths. That sick feeling was back, bile flooding the back of her throat. She swallowed hard, forcing it back down. Her stomach clenched so hard it was impossible to feel anything but pain.

  Here she was, alone again. Right back at the starting point, in the same spot she was in when Phil kicked her out. Except now there was a baby growing inside of her.

  Jason wanted her to leave. He hadn’t given her an hour to get out, like Phil had, but he’d been pretty damn clear on what he wanted.

  The cabin was cool even though the day had been swelteringly hot. She felt nothing. Not the hot, not the cold. She figured she was in shock. Soon it would wear off and she’d be left with the lonely grief she’d experienced before.

  She had nowhere to turn. She thought again of her mother. She could always call. Always reach out and try…

  Her phone was in the top drawer of the dresser in the bedroom. She hadn’t turned it on for weeks. She finally understood what Jason had once said about not using his. She never needed to.

  Amanda stumbled over to the bed. She sank down and switched the phone on, stared blankly at the screen as it changed from black to bright white. She was shocked as her messages downloaded. Thirty-three missed calls. Fourteen texts. She didn’t even check her emails. She noted that most of the missed calls were from Phil. At least twenty odd calls, dating back as far as two weeks ago.