What Once Was Lost

by Kim Vogel Sawyer

  Abe held the lanterns well in front of them, lighting their way as they headed for the wagon. “Although I’m not well acquainted with firearms, I shall gladly alert the men. But afterward I’ll need you to transport me to the poor farm so I can retrieve Miss Willems. I left her there caring for Hamilton Dresden.”

  At the mention of Dresden, Tommy’s arms put a stranglehold on Levi’s neck. Levi was forced to stop and loosen the boy’s grip. “What is it, Tommy?”

  Tommy burrowed deeper into Levi’s shoulder. “Dresden, he …”—his words scraped out—“put me in the well.”

  Levi clung to Tommy, offering security with his own strong hold. “Why would he do that to you?”

  “ ’Cause I know … what he done.” Tommy went limp in Levi’s arms.

  “We’ll get to the bottom of this later,” Levi said, setting off again for the waiting wagon in a determined stride. “This boy needs water and rest.”

  “The poor farm’s closest.”

  And according to the lawyer, Miss Willems was there. Levi wouldn’t argue.

  A single rifle shot carried on the night air. Christina lifted her head toward the open window and let out a gasp.

  Mary Ann Creeger reached across the short expanse of worn carpet and gripped Christina’s arm. “They’ve found him.” Her words washed out on a note of relief.

  Yes, the shot indicated Tommy had been found. But unharmed? They wouldn’t know until the men returned. She pressed both palms to her chest and winged up a hopeful prayer. Let him be all right, Lord, please.

  Cora had fallen asleep in a chair, so Christina roused her and asked her to keep watch at Dresden’s side while she and Mary Ann hurried into the yard. Moonlight spilled across the ground, illuminating the searchers, who came from every direction. Christina scanned each arrival, her heart beating an eager thrum. But none of the men on foot or in a wagon carried Tommy to her.

  Yet another wagon rumbled toward the poor farm, its horses frothing. Christina squinted at the pair of forms on the seat, lit by the lanterns swinging from hooks on the wagon’s sides. Her heart caught in her throat. One of the men cradled Tommy! With a strangled gasp she staggered forward over the uneven ground, her hands reaching. As the wagon rolled onto the yard, she recognized the man holding the reins and the one holding Tommy. Her gaze jumped past Ben to Levi, and the flutter in her chest became wings of delight. Of course he’d found Tommy. It was only right that the man she loved would return the boy—the boy who owned a significant portion of her heart—to her waiting embrace.

  Men crowded behind her, excited voices filling the air, as she held out her arms for Tommy. Levi lowered him to her, and she nearly collapsed beneath his weight. But another pair of arms reached to assist her—Mr. Creeger, with tears in his eyes.

  “Let me take him. I won’t let him fall.”

  Christina swallowed and released the boy, feeling a great weight lifting not only from her arms but from her heart as she trusted him to bear this burden for her. Mr. Jonnson alighted, and without a second’s hesitation Christina turned and threw herself into his arms.

  Chapter 44

  Levi held Miss Willems the way he’d held Tommy. Close to his heart, his cheek pressed to her hair. He drank in her scent, amazed at how she completely filled his senses. She belonged right there, nestled in his embrace. His heart bounced inside his chest like a bell’s clapper. He didn’t want to let her go.

  But as quickly as she’d fallen against him, she wriggled loose. In the moonlight her cheeks bore bright patches of scarlet. She touched her lips with trembling fingertips, and without thought Levi’s gaze dropped to their rosy fullness. Her blush deepened, and she lowered her head.

  “Forgive me.” Her voice released on a whisper. “I was just so thankful I … I lost myself for a moment.”

  Odd how her loss was his gain.

  Lifting her chin, she met his gaze. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “Thank you, Levi, for finding Tommy.”

  She’d called him Levi. She hadn’t quite collected herself yet. “I found more than Tommy, Christina.” He sampled her name and deemed its delivery sweet. “I found my place in Brambleville.”

  Her head tipped in puzzlement, and her lips parted as if to question his statement, but someone screeched her name. Christina stepped away from him, toward Cora, who raced across the yard in an awkward gait with her skirts in her fists.

  “Miss Willems, he’s rousin’! Hamilton Dresden—he just now opened his eyes!”

  The lawyer leaped down from the wagon, captured Christina’s elbow, and propelled her toward the house. The men swarmed after the pair, creating a barrier between Christina and Levi. He hesitated—should he leave? Tommy was safe now with Christina. Good ol’ Abe would dig to the bottom of Dresden’s activities. Levi wasn’t needed any longer.

  The surging crowd suddenly came to a muttering halt. From within the throng, Christina’s voice lifted. “Levi? Levi Jonnson, are you coming?”

  Levi grinned and broke into a trot. He’d stay.

  Christina walked Ben to the poor farm’s front door. The tall man yawned, then smiled sheepishly. “Forgive me. I’m not accustomed to this kind of activity.” His grin widened. “But I wouldn’t have missed the excitement for the finest desk job in the world.”

  Even though Christina had heard Dresden’s confession with her own ears, she still found it amazing how much harm one man could cause. Although at first he’d resisted admitting any wrongdoing, when confronted by Cora and then by Tommy and finally informed, very tartly, by Mary Ann Creeger that Christina had sat by his side and tended his wound, he’d turned into a blubbering mess and spilled every foul deed perpetrated in the name of revenge.

  Ben continued, “The sheriff won’t have any reason to continue holding you accountable for either the fire at the poor farm or the theft at the mercantile.” In the soft glow from a lamp on the windowsill, she observed his wink, the daring gesture changing his austere appearance to that of an ornery lad. “I suspect an apology will be forthcoming. And if it isn’t received promptly, I shall have no qualms about encouraging its delivery.”

  Christina shook her head. “Being out from under this cloud of suspicion is apology enough.” Although the sheriff had arrived at the poor farm well after Ham’s outpouring, a good dozen of the town’s men had witnessed the disclosures. Word would spread, the truth finally revealed. She recalled Hamilton Dresden’s broken appearance when the sheriff had escorted him to a wagon for transport to the town’s jail. Sympathy twined through her chest. What a miserable man he must be to create such chaos for others. Lifting her face to Ben, she asked, “What about the counterfeit money? Will he face charges for printing it?”

  Ben stroked his goatee, his expression serious. “I imagine so. He spent a few of the bills when he knew they weren’t legitimate. He’ll have to answer for that. But the Kansas City authorities might decrease his sentence if he helps them capture the ones who set up the counterfeiting equipment in the first place.”

  Christina sighed. “I hope he’ll be willing to cooperate.”

  A grin twitched at his cheek. “If he isn’t, perhaps another clop on the head might knock some sense into him.”

  Christina couldn’t stifle a laugh, but she clapped her hand over her mouth, muffling the sound. Tommy and Cora slept, and she didn’t want to wake them.

  Ben hesitated in the doorway. “Shall I ride out tomorrow and retrieve you?”

  From the shadows at the foot of the stairway, Levi Jonnson materialized. He stepped beside Christina and addressed Ben. “I’ll make sure Christina gets back to town. My wagon’s still here.”

  Heat flooded Christina’s face when Ben’s grin turned knowing. He tipped his hat, gave a dapper bow, and departed, leaving Christina standing very close to Levi at the doorway. The lamp glow lit his profile, the blond whiskers on his cheeks picking up the light. Tousled hair, grizzled cheeks, tired eyes … and still so handsome Christina’s stomach fluttered in response. For long seconds the
y stood looking at each other, with Jay and Mary Ann Creeger’s soft voices carrying from the newly rebuilt kitchen and Tommy’s occasional snuffle competing with the gentle croak of a bullfrog somewhere outside.

  Levi cleared his throat, and Christina jumped. He apologized, and she released a light giggle, the sound so girlish it startled her. “It’s all right. I suppose I’m a little jumpy from the long day of worry.”

  His brows furrowed, genuine concern showing in his green-blue eyes. “You’re tired. I should leave and let you rest.”

  Yes, she was tired, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. The evening’s revelations—not only Dresden’s confession, but her own to God concerning why she’d followed in her parents’ footsteps—still stood out strongly in her mind. And Levi had said something that bore examination. She said, “I don’t want you to go. Not yet.”

  His lips quirked into an odd little smile.

  That silly rush of heat returned. She ducked her head. “I … I hoped we might … talk.”

  He held his hand toward the front porch, and she stepped outside. The night air was cool but not overly so. Even so, Levi tugged off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders. The duck fabric was warm from his body, infused with the musky smell of his skin. Another wash of warmth flooded her cheeks. But she wouldn’t remove it.

  She led him through the patch of lamplight that fell from the window to the corner of the porch where a white painted swing hung on tarnished chains. A cricket began chirping a cheerful song as they settled into the seat together. Stars winked blue and white in a black velvet sky, like many eyes keeping watch. The breeze tossed coils of Christina’s hair across her shoulders. To her amazement, Levi reached out and lifted one strand, seeming to examine its texture between his fingers, then tucked it gently behind her ear. The tender gesture brought the sting of tears to her eyes. She whispered, “Thank you.”

  His hand lingered near her ear, his fingertips brushing the delicate spot on her jaw line. Did he feel the pounding of her pulse? Discombobulated by the unfamiliar feelings coursing through her, she blurted, “What did you mean when you said you’d found your place in Brambleville?”

  He lowered his hand, placing it over his thigh as if holding himself in the swing. He cast a sidelong look in her direction, his eyebrows lifting. “That question requires a lengthy answer. Are you sure you want to explore it?”

  At that moment she wanted to explore everything about him. She nodded.

  “All right.” Levi pulled in a long breath, his shoulders squaring. Then he shifted on the seat, placing his arm along the back. He didn’t touch her, but he didn’t need to in order to alert her senses. She nearly sizzled, having him so near. And when he began to speak in a soft, serious voice that held both pain and peace, she found herself mesmerized.

  “I’ve held on to a burden—a burden of unforgiveness—for many years, and it kept me from trusting people. I told Tommy that folks kept their distance from him because they weren’t sure what to say to him—that being uncomfortable with his blindness and his scars kept them quiet. I encouraged him not to blame them for their ignorance. But not once did I stop to offer the people who turned their backs on my far—my father—the same understanding.”

  Christina braved a question. “What happened to your father?”

  A sad smile crossed his face. “Far was a furniture maker—a true craftsman. His designs were unique, different from anything else available, and people clamored to purchase his fine tables, desks, and wardrobes. He couldn’t keep up with orders, so he brought in a partner. The partner, without my father’s knowledge, took Far’s designs and showed them to a man who owned a furniture factory. That man stole the designs, purchased patents so no one else—not even my father—could use them, and then simplified them for his workers to churn out the pieces in great numbers and at a much-reduced cost.”

  The unfairness pierced Christina. “So your father’s business was ruined?”

  Levi nodded, his head low. “He felt he’d lost everything. He sank into a deep melancholy and refused to come out no matter how much Mor begged and prayed. She tried to get Far into a hospital where they treated illnesses of the mind, but we had no money, so they refused him admittance. Townspeople held their distance from our family, some fearful and others disdainful of my father’s odd behavior. Far died two years later, a broken, bitter man. And I’ve carried his bitterness with me, blaming the townspeople for their unkindnesses toward us, blaming his partner for cheating him, blaming God for not healing my father. I refused to forgive, and I refused to trust. And the one I hurt the most by holding myself away from everyone was myself.”

  Christina gazed at him in silence. So much pain he carried. She dared to brush his arm with her fingerstips. “I’m so sorry, Levi.”

  He turned to look deep into her eyes, startling her with the intensity of his gaze. “I am, too, for the years I’ve wasted, hiding away, thinking I could be happy completely on my own. I was wrong, Christina—so very wrong.”

  Something in his eyes ignited a warmth deep in her soul. She held her breath, wondering what he might say next.

  His voice turned husky, thick, as if he battled a fierce emotion. “I might have gone on that way my entire life if you hadn’t come knocking on my door in the middle of the night and forcing an eleven-year-old boy into my keeping. But you did, and now everything’s changed.” He took her hands, his grip strong yet gentle. “I never wanted to be like my father, yet I’ve become him, trapping myself in solitude. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of running from the God I loved and trusted as a boy. I’m tired of carrying the burden of bitterness. I realized tonight when Tommy lifted his hands to me in complete trust—me, who he has never seen—that it’s time for me to lean trustingly into the hands of the One who might be unseen but is always watching me.”

  Tears pricked Christina’s eyes. The sincerity in his face, the fervency of his tone, the sure pressure of his fingers on hers communicated so beautifully his desire to return to a right relationship with God. She clung to his hands, unable to speak, but hoping he read joy in the smile she offered.

  The cricket ceased its chatter. The lamp flickered and then went out, leaving the two of them in deep, shadowy silence. The moon slipped lower in the sky, its white face fading as the black changed to a smudged gray. In the east, pink fingers of dawn crept upward, announcing the impending arrival of the sun.

  Levi pointed to the wisp of lavender illuminated by the first rosy beams. “Look, Christina. A new day is dawning.”

  Christina absorbed the sight, her heart lifting. Papa’s voice rose from her memory, and she found herself repeating his oft-delivered words of promise. “No matter how dark the night, God’s mercies are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness.”

  Levi’s hand slipped from the back of the swing to Christina’s shoulder. He drew her against him, his chin resting lightly against her temple. Together, they watched the sky change until the sun eased above the horizon. And when its bright beams had chased away the vestiges of night, Levi rose and held out his hand.

  “Come, Christina. I’ll take you and Tommy to town. The sheriff said he needed you to stop by the office and confirm Dresden’s confession.”

  Christina took his hand, allowing him to draw her to her feet. But she didn’t move toward the house. Not yet. She met his gaze. “And … then what?”

  “And then …” His fingers tightened on hers. Determination squared his jaw. “I must return to my mill.” He lifted her hand, placed it in the bend of his elbow, and guided her into the house.

  Chapter 45

  As Ben had predicted, Sheriff Garner apologized to Christina for the confusion. Withdrawing Christina’s watch from a drawer in his desk, he said with a hint of contrition, “I got this back from Dresden, but I’ve gotta take it to the Creegers. They bought it from you, you know.”

  Christina nodded. She stood on the boardwalk and watched the sheriff until he disappeared into the mercantile. Pa
rt of her wished she could follow the man and offer to buy back Papa’s watch, but she needed the little money in her pocket for her new start. Now that the poor farm house was no longer hers, she must seek a place to live. She’d promised Ben not to leave town until he’d received a letter from Mr. Dunnigan, which he’d been instructed to share with Christina. Until then, he would cover her hotel bill. Although tempted to decline their charity, she swallowed her pride and offered appreciation instead. The old adage “ ’Tis easier to give than to receive” certainly rang true after spending her life observing her parents giving to anyone in need. How odd to be the one in need, yet how peaceful to rely on God to meet her needs.

  She set off for the hotel, tiredness slowing her pace. Had she really sat up all night talking with Levi Jonnson? If Mr. Regehr knew, he’d call her unseemly, and this time he’d be right. Although she’d done nothing untoward—except lean against his shoulder and let him hold her hand—her feelings for him delved more deeply than her actions indicated. As she’d sat on the swing with him, listening to him share his darkest hurts and then profess his desire to stop hiding, she’d longed for him to draw her into his embrace, to declare he wanted to build a future with her, to press his lips to hers in tender possession.

  But despite the sweet embrace they’d shared, igniting hope within her breast, upon reaching town he’d merely deposited her at the sheriff’s office, offered a quiet and somewhat regretful farewell, and departed with Tommy in tow. Tears threatened. What of all his fine words proclaiming a desire to change? Hadn’t he meant them after all? Or perhaps he wanted to change but not with her. The thought hurt.

  She entered the hotel, offered a smile and a hello to the clerk in response to his greeting, then climbed the stairs to her room. Once she was inside her little sanctuary, the long night of worry and no sleep stole her remaining energy. Still fully clothed, she stretched out on the bed, closed her eyes, and allowed exhaustion to carry her away.