Saving It

by Monica Murphy

  Today is Friday, and I’m feeling on top of the world. I want to ask Eden to be my official girlfriend this weekend, but I worry that’s moving too fast. Considering we’ve been best friends for years, I guess nothing feels fast anymore, but I’m full of doubt. Worry. Nerves.

  My plan to get laid quick and easy with a girl who doesn’t really matter to me? Not even on my radar anymore. I can’t think about getting with anyone else. Just Eden.

  So when Kaylie corners me right before lunch with an expectant look on her face, I know it’s time for me to actually talk to her and get it over with.

  “I haven’t seen you all week,” she says accusingly after she stops me in the hallway as I’m on my way to my locker.

  “Yeah, sorry. I’ve been really busy.” I can barely look her in the eye, which makes me feel like a total jackass.

  “With Eden?” Her tone is snide, a single eyebrow raised in question.

  Slowly I nod, taking a step away from her. “We’ve gotten closer.” I’m not telling her anything. Kaylie has always been jealous of my friendship with Eden. Just like Cole was always jealous of our friendship, too. After the last few days I’ve spent with Eden, I’ve realized we were the last ones to see just how good we are together.

  “You never did answer my question.” Kaylie smiles.

  Her quick change of subject throws me. “What about?”

  “Winter formal, silly.” Her smile grows. “Will you go with me or not?”

  I look at Kaylie and it’s like our past rushes through my brain, reminding me of the good times, and there were a lot. I also remember the bad times, which were numerous, too. I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I have a hard time saying no—even with Taylyr, it was hard to tell her no.

  “Come on, Josh.” She moves in until she’s invading my personal space and rests her hands right on my chest. “Just say yes. You know you want to.”

  I hear a gasp, and I glance up to find Eden standing there, her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide. I step away from Kaylie so her hands drop from my chest, but it’s too late. Eden’s already running in the opposite direction.

  “Edes! Wait up!” I call after her, catching up to her with ease because she has short legs and she’s not the fastest runner. She just keeps walking, never glancing my direction and I keep pace with her, silently willing her to look at me.

  But she won’t.

  “Let me explain,” I finally say.

  “There’s nothing to explain.” She pauses. “I saw everything.”

  “You saw nothing—” She cuts me off with a look and we both come to a stop at the end of the hall.

  “I saw Kaylie put her hands on you,” she whisper hisses.

  “It was nothing.”

  “She asked you to winter formal, right?”

  How did she know? “Uh, yeah.”

  “You didn’t bother telling her no the first time she asked you. How about this time?” She stops walking and whirls on me, her eyes dark and full of anger.

  I can’t believe she’s pissed at me. Worse, I can’t stand how she’s trying to make me feel guilty. I did nothing wrong. “I’m not going to winter formal with Kaylie.”

  “Did you tell her no?”

  I didn’t. And my silence is answer enough I guess.

  “That’s what I thought,” she says, her tone smug, like she wants me to mess up just to prove her right. She rests her hands on her hips, glaring at me. “What are we doing, Josh?”

  “What do you mean, what are we doing? I think we’re arguing.” This is nothing new, yet it feels different.

  Truthfully? It feels ominous. Like something major is about to happen. Something majorly bad.

  “We are arguing. Over Kaylie.” She’s quiet for a moment, making me antsy. “Do you still want to be with her?”

  “No. Hell no,” I say vehemently. I can’t believe she just asked me that.

  “She was on your list.”

  “My list?” Realization dawns, and I shake my head. “You put her on my list. And let’s forget about that stupid list. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  “It matters to me,” she points at her chest, “since I wasn’t on the list.”

  “You weren’t on it because you’re the one who created it.”

  “Right. But I was never your first choice. I was never even an option.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “That’s what it feels like.”

  I frown. “Are you being serious right now?” I can’t believe she’s saying this. Bringing up the list. Acting hurt because she wasn’t on it. What the hell is she doing?

  “Of course I’m being serious! The list, helping you try to find someone to have sex with, I should’ve never have done any of that. Talk about the dumbest idea ever. I just set myself up to fall for you, even though I knew you’d hurt me in the end.”

  “Fall for me?” Had she really fallen for me? I know I’ve fallen for her.

  She ignores my question. “I’m surprised you didn’t hold me to the pact. Why didn’t you?”

  I can hardly keep up with what she’s saying. “That was just stupid kids’ stuff, Edes. I only mentioned it as a joke,” I explain, my voice soft. I’m trying not to get angry, but the more she says, the madder I get.

  “So now I’m a joke.” She crosses her arms in front of her. “Great.”

  “I never said that—”

  “This was a mistake.”

  “What was?” Eden’s talking so fast she’s making my head hurt.

  “All of this. You and me. Us. Saturday night. Helping you, making that list, trying to get you laid. I’m so stupid.” She shakes her head, and I swear I catch a glimmer of tears shining in her eyes, but maybe I’m wrong. Right now she’s acting too heartless to actually cry. “We should’ve never happened.”

  Her words feel like a knife driving into my chest over and over. “You really believe that?”

  “Yes.” She takes a deep breath, exhales loudly. “I do.”

  And with those words, I stop. Stop talking, stop thinking, stop functioning. It’s like I just got body slammed and the wind was knocked out of me. I can’t believe she just said that. Worse?

  I can’t believe she meant it.

  …

  I sulk for the rest of the afternoon. Mom comes home from work around six with Chinese takeout from our favorite restaurant, and when I tell her I’m not hungry, she rushes straight over to the couch where I’m sprawled out, pressing the back of her hand against my forehead.

  “Are you sick?” I can’t tell if she’s joking or not.

  I push her hand away. “Stop. I’m fine.”

  She rests her hands on her hips, her lips thin. The usual look she sends me when she suspects something’s wrong. “You’re not hungry for Mr. Wu’s? Seriously, Josh. Something must be wrong.”

  Sighing, I stretch my legs and arms out, then rise to my feet. “Fine, I’ll eat. Only because you’re making me.”

  “Uh huh.” She sounds skeptical but doesn’t say anything else. Just hustles over to the kitchen and grabs plates out of the cabinet and silverware from the drawer. I grab a Coke and a bottle of water for her, and we sit at the kitchen counter, Mom doling out the food while I grab a pot sticker, dunk it in the sauce that came with it before shoving the entire thing in my mouth.

  “You are disgusting,” she says mildly, reminding me of Eden. Sounds like something she’d say. If she were here, I’d take another one and shove it in my mouth too just to make Eden laugh or squeal or roll her eyes in disgust. Any type of reaction from Eden always makes me happy.

  The pot sticker turns to sawdust in my mouth, and I choke it down, then crack open the soda can and take a big drink. I set the can on the counter with a loud clunk and push away the full plate Mom just set in front of me.

  “You’re really not hungry?” Mom asks as she cracks open her water bottle. “Is something bothering you?”

  Should I tell her? “Just having uh, relationship issues.”

&nb
sp; Mom frowns. “With who?”

  “Eden,” I mumble, taking another swig of my Coke.

  “Eden? Are you guys fighting?” Mom gives my arm a squeeze. “You two never fight.”

  “I know. We’ve, uh, we’ve kinda complicated things.” I duck my head when I can feel Mom staring at me. “Now it’s a big mess.”

  Mom starts rubbing my back. “Aw, I always knew this would happen.”

  Immediately irritated, I shrug away from her touch. “You knew what would happen?”

  “You and Eden, finally getting together.”

  “Yeah, it’s not working out that way though. She called us a mistake.” I feel like the saddest little baby, crying to his mama, but I can’t help it.

  “She did?” Mom sounds surprised. “I bet she didn’t mean it.”

  “Sounded like she meant it when she told me to my face that she thought we were a mistake.”

  “Aw, sweetie.” Mom pushes her plate away, too. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you guys will work it out eventually. You have too many years of friendship to just throw it all away over a minor fight.”

  “It’s not minor though.” I can’t tell her what happened. What Eden and I did in her bed Saturday night. How we kissed until my mouth and jaw were sore and I’d touched her in places I never thought I’d get the chance to touch. She shuddered in my arms and touched me everywhere and gasped my name and it was…

  Incredible.

  The last week with her has been incredible.

  And according to Eden, it was all an incredible mistake.

  Damn, that hurts.

  “Maybe you should go talk to her.”

  I’m still not ready.

  “Josh, don’t be stubborn.” Mom knows me too well.

  I pull the plate back in front of me and dive in, desperate to occupy my thoughts with something other than Eden. “Let me eat in peace, Mom.”

  She goes quiet and starts eating, too, and I’m so freaking thankful she’s not saying anything else. I need the quiet.

  I need to think.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Eden

  “Go with me to winter formal.”

  “What? No.” I shake my head, making a face. I don’t want to go to winter formal with anyone. I don’t want to go to formal at all.

  I’d rather stay home alone and sulk.

  “I mean it. Just—go with me.” Abraham puts his hands together like he’s praying. “Come on, Eden.”

  It’s lunchtime on the Wednesday after the big “this was a mistake” moment, and Josh still isn’t talking to me. And I’m not talking to him, either. Abraham is trying his best to play mediator between the two of us, but we’re not having it.

  At least Molly and I have made up. She apologized to me for being so brutal, and I apologized for being too sensitive. We’re all good now. Abraham has been hanging with the both of us when he’s not with Josh or playing basketball, and we even went to a game last night to watch him.

  Well. Molly watched Abraham. I couldn’t take my eyes off Josh. Of course. So irritating, how I couldn’t stop watching him. We made eye contact once, when he first ran out on the court and the game was just about to start. His eyes were cold when they met mine, his expression pained, and when the buzzer kicked off the first quarter, he went into high gear, practically showing off every second he was in the game.

  And of course, he played perfectly, scoring the highest out of anyone on the team. They won by a landslide, and everyone treated Josh like he was some sort of hero, his teammates high-fiving him, his coach literally hugging him, and the entire gymnasium erupting in cheers, chanting his name over and over again.

  I found the entire night both irritating and amazing. I was proud of him for playing so well, yet irritated that he had to show off for me. Because the way he played felt like it was all for me—one big, fat F-U aimed straight at Eden Sumner, thanks so much for asking.

  It hurt, too. How easily he cut me from his life, how it doesn’t seem like he’s suffering, while I feel like I’m on the brink of crying twenty-four/seven.

  Though, really, I’m not being completely honest with myself. He’s suffering. I saw it in his eyes that night at the game. I see it in the way he holds himself at school. He’s suffering, but he’s also defiant. Almost angry.

  The only one he can be angry with is himself.

  “Why don’t you ask Molly to go to winter formal with you,” I suggest, glancing around to see if she is nearby. But I don’t see her, and usually she’s sitting with us by now.

  “Nope.” Abraham shakes his head, smirking at me. “She’s asking Josh to winter formal.”

  “What the hell?” My voice is extra sharp and draws the attention of more than a few people sitting at the tables near us. I lower my voice almost to a whisper. “Are you serious?”

  “We have a plan, Eden. Just roll with it.” He smiles, going for innocent angel face but I know that’s crap. “Say yes.”

  “Please don’t try and pair us together. It won’t work, and you know it.” Josh and I haven’t talked since that big blow-up on Friday. This is the longest we haven’t spoken to each other since we became best friends. Yes, we’ve argued before. Yes, we’ve been so mad at each other, we gave each other the silent treatment, but never for more than a few hours. It’s almost like we couldn’t stand to be apart.

  And yes, I still feel that way. I miss him so much, my heart aches every time I spot him. In class, in the hall, during lunch, after school in the senior parking lot, driving by my house in the morning when he goes to school, driving by my house again in the afternoon when he’s on his way home. I’ve been working less lately since business slows down by the pier during the winter months, and I’ve been busy with school stuff, mainly student council and the holiday festival that’s happening tonight, but still there’s no Josh in my life.

  It’s weird.

  “Next weekend is the dance, Eden. We can’t keep putting this off,” Abraham says, trying to use his logical voice on me. “Say yes.”

  “You’re not going to let me get out of this, are you?” I sigh wearily when he grins, like he knows he has me. Which he does. “Fine, I’ll go.”

  I can’t believe I just agreed to this.

  “Seriously? Yes.” He actually does a fist pump in the air. “Now Molly has to come through on her part and we’re golden.”

  “You’re trying to set us up.”

  “So what if we are?”

  “It won’t work. Josh and I are over.”

  “You two are being so freaking ridiculous, it’s almost laughable.”

  “Yeah, no. It’s not that laughable.” It hurts, that he won’t talk to me. He won’t hardly look at me. I go to Snapchat him and remember we’re not talking. Travis and I got into a huge fight Sunday night and I wanted to FaceTime Josh so bad but I couldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t pick up my call so I refused to make myself look stupid.

  We’re both being so ridiculous neither one of us is willing to give first. It’s stupid. But I’m remaining stubborn and so is he.

  Josh is the king of stubborn. And I guess I’m the queen.

  “No, it really is, Eden. But whatever, we’ve got a plan.” Abraham rubs his hands together and Molly shows up just in time to see him act like a greedy villain hell bent on total destruction.

  See? There go my overdramatic thoughts again.

  “He said no.” Molly barely spares me a glance, she’s too focused on Abraham. “What should I do?”

  “I can’t even believe you’re discussing this right in front of me.” I go to stand but Molly’s grabbing my arm, forcing me to sit back down before she slides onto the bench next to me. “Of course he said no. He’s probably going to winter formal with Kaylie.”

  Oh, I sound like a jealous bean, but screw it.

  Molly sighs, like I just sorely disappointed her. “Josh is not going with Kaylie. He already told her no. He doesn’t want to go period. Not even with me.”

  “What did he say when you aske
d him?” Abraham asks.

  “He asked me if you put me up to it.” Molly points at Abraham. “And then he told me he wouldn’t go to winter formal with me even if I paid him a million dollars and guaranteed him a spot with the Golden State Warriors.”

  “What a prick.” I sound shocked because I really am shocked. I can’t believe he said that to Molly. “Seriously, that’s so freaking rude.”

  “Yeah, well, he’s pissed off and acting like a wounded animal.” Molly is totally sincere when she says this, which is blowing my mind. “And you know how wounded animals are. They snap and bite and snarl at innocent people. That’s Josh right now.”

  “Are you saying he’s a wounded animal because of—me?”

  They both just stare at me, saying nothing.

  “This is stupid.” I swing my legs over the bench and rise to my feet, glancing around the cafeteria until I spot Josh sitting on the opposite side of the building, at a table all by himself.

  He looks pitiful. And mean. People pass by him and if any of them are too close, he sends them a murderous look that would make pretty much everyone else run.

  Not me. Nope, I’m headed straight toward him.

  “Where are you going?” I hear Molly call after me. Then I hear Abraham laugh and that just spurs me on even further.

  I march up to the empty table Josh is commanding and slap my hand on the table surface with a loud smack, making Josh startle. He glares at me and I glare at him back, the both of us silent for what feels like hours but probably only lasts about thirty seconds, if that.

  “You’re being a dick,” I tell him, my voice low. Being this close to him, my entire body is trembling. I wish I could sock him in the face.

  Or kiss his stupid, perfect mouth.

  He raises a brow, and oh my damn it, he looks so freaking sexy doing that. He’s angry. I can feel the tension vibrating from his body, and he’s wearing the blue flannel shirt that brings out his eyes.

  His icy cold yet absolutely mesmerizing blue eyes.

  “How exactly am I being a dick, when we’re not even talking?” His voice is in full-blown snotty mode. I didn’t know he could even sound that snotty.