by Vanessa Vale
“I’m your new friend. How about that?” Sarah offered instead.
Claire smiled and nodded. Then her eyes widened as if she’d remembered something important. “I have puppies! I show all my friends the puppies!”
“Claire, a hostess offers her friends a drink when they come to visit,” Alice reminded from the porch.
“Would you like a drink to carry while we go see the puppies in the stable?” Claire wiggled and bounced with her usual excitement and took Sarah’s hand and began to tug.
I shook my head, amused. “I’m going to go get changed,” I told Sarah, tipping my head toward the house. I had on the same clothes from the fire and rollover calls on Saturday night. “I’ll catch up with you both in a few. And I’ll bring drinks.”
“All right,” Sarah said. She looked to Alice, offered her a wave as she finally let Claire lead her. Hand in hand.
I watched them for a minute, two blonde-haired beauties, heading down the drive to the stable, then went up onto the porch.
“I’m glad she’s here, Huck,” Alice said, setting her hand on my shoulder.
Looking down at the older woman, I placed my hand on top of hers. Felt the strength in it. She’d done so much for me and my brothers. For the ranch. Her plan was to retire to Alabama to be near her sister, but she wanted us happily wed—or at least paired off—before she did.
“So?” she asked, a hint of hope lacing the word.
“I’m working on it.”
SARAH
* * *
I sat in the straw and watched Claire with the new puppies. They were probably eight or nine weeks old, fat and roly-poly but sound asleep. They were sprawled and clumped around their mother. I petted the dog’s soft head as she slept, too. If I had all those babies to watch and feed, I’d be exhausted as well.
One little human like Claire was a bunch of energy and excitement. She hadn’t stopped talking since she barreled out of her house. Her hair was the same fair color as Huck’s, which had deceived me all this time. They looked blood related.
But this happy five-year-old was where she belonged. She had her daddy but also Alice, Sawyer, and Thatcher. The others who lived and worked on the ranch. A family.
“Don’t you think?” Claire asked, carefully picking up a sleeping puppy and setting it in her lap. The animal stirred but didn’t wake up. She was looking at me with eager blue eyes. Her face was round, her nose a pert button, and those cheeks were flushed with excitement. One of her pigtails drooped a little.
I smiled at her. “What, sweetheart?”
“Daddy said I can keep one even though they’re Uncle Thatch’s babies since Maple’s his dog. I think this one’s Sandy, don’t you?” She stared down at the puppy with such love, but her look shifted to the rest of the brood.
“Sandy?” I asked.
Claire rolled her eyes at me with the skill of a fourteen-year-old. Since it was followed up with a giggle, it was teenage drama-free.
“The one I’m keeping. I’ve named her Sandy.”
They were various shades of tan except for one black puppy, which could probably be ruled out. Claire said Sandy was a girl, but I wasn’t going to weed out the girls from the boys from the sleeping bunch to narrow it down. A little lesson in the birds and the bees wasn’t for me to tackle. Her mother would—
Oh.
She didn’t have a mother. She had Alice, who I knew would guide Claire on girl stuff. She didn’t need too much advice at this age, but out here on the ranch, I was sure she’d learned she couldn’t pee standing up like her daddy and uncles.
But Alice was more of a grandmother to the girl, and Claire seemed eager, almost desperate, for a mother. I could relate since while mine had been around when I was Claire’s age, she hadn’t stuck. She’d left about two years after. I’d been raised by my dad. And look where that had gotten me.
“Is she?” Claire asked, impatient.
I nodded. “She’s the cutest one, for sure.”
She looked down at Sandy and gently petted her. The joy on her face was so open and easy.
“Your daddy’s pretty nice, isn’t he?” I asked.
She nodded and scrunched up her nose. “He watches out for everyone in the whole town.”
“He does.”
“If you’re going to be my mommy, then you have to be in love with my daddy.”
My heart leaped, but I remained calm. She wasn’t prying. When she looked up at me with eyes that were filled with sly curiosity, I had to rethink it. She was prying, but she was just a little girl.
“Why do you say that?” I asked, petting Maple.
“Daddy told me he wanted a love like my Nana and PopPop had. I never met them. They’re in heaven.”
Oh shit. Tears filled my eyes, but I willed them back as she chattered on.
“They made a love so good that my daddy wants one just like that. I heard him say to Seesaw that he had it once, but it was gone.”
I didn’t know who Seesaw was, but that wasn’t what I focused on. He had it once.
“But maybe Nana bought PopPop like Seesaw bought Kelsey and you bought Daddy.” She looked up at me, and her eyes flared wide with excitement. “That’s it! He was just waiting for you to pay for him.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. The girl was young but perceptive. Had Huck been waiting for me to buy him? Had that been what we’d needed to get back together?
“If you’re my mommy, then you can make me a brother. Alice said a baby comes from a mommy’s nangina and you have one.” She nodded her little head and snuggled Sandy closer.
I sputtered at her lack of filter, then sucked in a breath. She wanted me and Huck to make a sibling for her.
I hopped to my feet and sniffed. We’d used condoms the night before, and I’d been so hot for Huck I hadn’t thought about the consequences of what would happen if one failed… again. It was impossible to keep the tears back now, and I didn’t want Claire to see me like this. “I’ll be just outside for a minute.”
I fled the horse stall and bumped into someone. Hands grabbed my arms. “Easy there.” I blinked the tears away to find Thatcher. “I came to check on Maple and the—” His easy smile slipped away. “You okay, darlin’?”
I nodded absently. “Will you… will you stay with Claire?” I asked, not wanting to leave the little girl unsupervised.
He studied my face as if he could read my problems. “Sure thing.”
I walked off, out the far side of the stable, and leaned against the wall. I let the tears fall then. Cute, sassy, whip-smart Claire could have been mine. Mine and Huck’s. The blonde curls. The blue eyes. The sassy disposition. She wouldn’t have ever considered her daddy being bought. If she were the baby we’d made—even accidentally—she’d know she’d been created from love. A connection like her Nana’s and PopPop’s.
I started walking, cutting through the tall grass, blind to which direction I was going. Huck believed all the secrets between us had been shared. That my dad’s threat and Huck’s acquiescence was the only thing that had kept us apart. But there was one secret that I still held. It was a loss that couldn’t be fixed or worked through. He deserved to know the truth. Now, especially. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to break it to Huck that he’d lost more that day he’d walked away than he ever realized.
16
HUCK
* * *
I’d barely gotten out of the shower when I got a text from Noreen letting me know Lynn Bunker called in to make a police report that her car had been stolen from the grocery store parking lot.
Water dripped down my back as I sent her a 10-4 back, informing her I saw the message. She hadn’t texted for me to be on the lookout for the fancy car. I was sure it was on to some chop shop somewhere by now. She’d texted because she knew I was with Sarah and probably wanted to tell her. We hadn’t talked about how close she was with Lynn these days, but we’d get there. I also thought that Bunky’d had some pretty shitty luck this weekend.
I was halfway to the barn in fresh jeans, T-shirt, and boots when I got another text, this one from Thatcher. Sarah was crying and had ducked out the back side of the stable. I couldn’t imagine how a five-year-old and a bunch of puppies would upset her, but she and I had dealt with some heavy shit the past few days.
I’d gotten two texts in about fifteen minutes. It wasn’t impossible that her dad had reached out and fucked with her some more.
I picked up my pace and detoured around the building instead of going inside, knowing my brother would take care of Claire. I stopped when I saw Sarah in the distance, sitting on a boulder in the middle of the field.
The sun made her hair look like threads of gold, and the way it caught the breeze… she was perfect here. She’d been on the ranch before, so long ago now. I’d wanted her here. Saw her being on the ranch permanently.
I headed in her direction again and dropped down beside her on the warmed rock. Our sides touched. She wasn’t crying, but the evidence of it was there. Flushed cheeks, red eyes. A bleakness about her that said she carried something heavy. I wanted to take it from her. All her problems. I was fucking strong enough to do it.
“Baby girl, what’s the matter?”
She tilted her head, rested it against my shoulder. “Claire’s perfect.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “I think so.”
“You better put a collar on one of those puppies soon, otherwise she’s going to want to keep them all. Even the black one.”
“You mean Sandy, Sandra, Sandrine, Sandor, and—”
“Sandor?” She looked up, a pale brow arched.
“Colonel Sanders?” I added, hoping to make her smile.
“She’s so smart, Huck. I bet she’s going to figure out how to tuck that dog into her backpack and take her to kindergarten.”
I tipped her chin up with my finger. “I took a frog. Thatcher somehow took the feral barn cat.”
“It runs in the family then.” Her smile slipped, and her gaze shifted away.
“Look at me,” I murmured. It took a few seconds, but she glanced back. “What’s the matter?”
“I… I have something to tell you.” She pulled at my hold, and I dropped my hand.
I braced myself, unsure of what she was going to say. Whatever it was—and it seemed bad if it made her cry—we’d deal with it together. I waited, recognizing I needed to be patient.
“You were it for me.”
My stomach dropped. “Baby girl, I am it for you.”
“When you left, I was destroyed. At first I thought you were just chicken.”
I frowned and it actually made her smile.
“I thought you were pushing me away because you couldn’t handle it. In the back of your pickup, we’d just—”
“I took your cherry. As I did so, I said you were mine.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“You didn’t believe me?” I reached up, stroked her hair back.
“In the moment I did. It was perfect, Huck. But after, I thought… I don’t know what I thought. The next summer when I came home, you had Claire.”
“We talked this through already,” I said. It had been hard enough in her kitchen. Doing it again now was like messing with a wound and keeping it from healing.
“Remember I said I thought you left me and slept with someone else right after?”
“It wasn’t true,” I reminded.
“I thought you got someone pregnant.”
“I didn’t.”
“You had a baby.” She glanced away. “Without me.”
I stilled.
“Sarah,” I murmured, kissing the top of her head. “You want to make a baby? We’ll have as many as you want.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I made a baby.” Her blue gaze lifted to mine. “With you.”
I stared at her. Confused. “What?”
“That night, I got pregnant.”
I hopped up as if the rock was made of lava. Walked away, then spun around and came back. “You… we… what?”
She cried now, but I couldn’t go to her. Not yet. I didn’t understand.
“I found out I was pregnant after I moved into the dorm. But I miscarried a few weeks later.”
The feeling… fuck. There was a piece of me I didn’t even know I had inside that revealed itself now. It hurt. Throbbed. Ached.
I went to her, dropped down onto the grass in front of her feet. “Baby girl. Oh God.” I ran a hand over my face. She’d been pregnant. Alone. Lost the baby. And me. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I pulled her into my arms so she was in my lap. I held her tight as she cried, as I mourned the loss of a baby I’d never even known we’d made. Then it all became clear.
“Claire would be the same age.”
She nodded against my chest, wiped her nose on my shirt.
“You saw Claire and not only thought I’d been with someone else, but that she could have been ours.”
I held her then, giving her the comfort she’d needed from me all those years ago. The summer breeze blew past us, the sound of it rustling the tall grass. What she’d endured and lost was so much greater than I’d imagined. I ached for the child we’d made and would never know. I remembered seeing Claire for the first time. Her bald little head, the tiny fingers. I’d thought I’d made her then. Only an hour later I’d learned the truth. I hadn’t cared. I couldn’t change that she’d become mine the instant I laid eyes on her.
But Sarah had carried the baby inside her. Loved it before she even knew what it was. Because we’d made it that night. Together.
“I wore a condom, but obviously that had failed. But I’m glad.”
“That the baby died?” she asked, tipping her head up to give me her confused eyes.
“That we made something that was a part of both of us. Our baby was loved, baby girl.”
Tears lodged in my throat. I’d had a child, and I hadn’t even known it. The loss was sinking in. I kissed her, wanting to be as close to her as possible. To let her feel me, know I was holding her. That we were meant to be, that I craved her. Not just her body but her heart. The child she’d carried for us. I, too, was grieving the loss of what could have been. The child we’d lost.
“I loved you,” I told her, dotting my lips across her brow. “Then. I love you now. Nothing can replace the baby we lost. Not Claire, not any baby we make. But I promise I’ll be with you from now on. Nothing will keep us apart.”
“I… I love you, too. I want to try again,” she admitted.
I’d thought Claire would be my only child. Being blessed with her was good enough for me, but getting Sarah back, making a family with her?
“You want to make a baby with me?”
She nodded. “I’m not sure about five though.”
I laughed then, wiped my eyes because they were filled with tears like hers. “We can ditch the condoms and work on it all you want. But I want a ring on your finger if we’re going to put a baby in your belly.”
She smiled then, brilliantly. Even with her cheeks splotchy and the weight of our loss heavy on my soul, this was one of the most perfect moments.
Sarah was mine, and she’d have my name. And give me our child.
17
SARAH
* * *
I sat in Huck’s arms for a while. Keeping me on his lap, he’d settled back against the rock. We talked. Whispered. Kissed. There was no ring, but we were engaged. There was no sex, so we hadn’t made a baby, but we would. We had our entire lives before us. Together.
Eventually we got up and made our way back to the stable hand in hand. Huck didn’t seem to want to let me go, and I was content with that. We peeked in on Maple and the puppies, but they were alone and nursing. We walked up to the main house, but it was quiet. Huck assumed Alice had gone into town with Thatcher and Claire.
Whenever I thought of the baby, I’d think of it as the one we’d lost. I wasn’t alone now. I would carry my own grief about it and so would Huck. But w
e had each other to lean on now.
And it wasn’t a secret any longer. The baby wasn’t mine to hide.
“Stay with me,” he said, tugging me so I was pulled into his arms again. His lips settled on the top of my head as he hugged me. “Stay here on the ranch.”
“What about Claire? And Alice?”
“I’m thirty-two years old. I’m not sixteen trying to sneak you in. Besides, Alice is the one who put me in the bachelor auction in the first place. It’s all her fault.”
I couldn’t help but laugh as I tipped my head back and looked up at him. “Her fault?”
“She’ll take the credit, I’m sure.”
“And Claire?”
“She’s little. She just wants you to be her mommy. You good with that?”
Have a five-year-old? I smiled. “I’m good with that. Then yes, I want to stay here with you.”
“Let’s go get a few of your things. We can figure out the rest.”
He held the door open for me as I climbed into the passenger seat of his police SUV, then leaned in and buckled my seat belt. Then kissed me.
I could do my own belt. Huck knew it, but I loved the gesture, saying without words that he’d always protect me. I certainly didn’t mind the kiss or the look in his eyes that promised more.
As we headed into town, I thought of Huck. Us. Claire. Everything. But I was happy. I’d always wanted this, to be with him. To have a family. We’d just taken a really big detour. Not all our problems were solved. My dad was going to be difficult.
“I forgot to tell you, your sister put in a police report that her car was stolen,” Huck said.
I flipped the visor down as we turned a corner and the sun was in my eyes. “The fire and now this. They’re having bad luck,” I said.
“Seems that way,” Huck added. “I think—”
A car coming our way veered into our lane and then slammed on the brakes, the back end fishtailing so it blocked our way. The front of that car almost faced where it had come from. Huck stopped the police car. My head whiplashed. His gaze narrowed as he looked out the front windshield as the driver’s door opened and a woman staggered out.