Heart's Desire

by Ellie Masters

  It was more than that, but she appreciated his Monty Python humor. “Right,” she said, “just a flesh wound.”

  Normally, being surrounded by so many men wouldn’t have her feeling uncomfortable. She lived in a male-dominated world where women made up less than ten percent of those present, but it wasn’t the men of Angel Fire who had her nerves vibrating with nervous energy or her heart banging away like a kettledrum.

  Her skin heated as Ryker shifted to stand beside her. He stepped close and broke the bubble of her personal space, making her breathing hitch in her chest. They’d worked in close quarters for months without her feeling a thing, but now, her entire being pulsed in Ryker’s presence. Across the room, Forest’s gaze hardened.

  “Um,” she said, backing away, “I’m going to go check on something.”

  Ryker gripped her wrist. “I’ll come with you.”

  “No,” she said, tugging out of his grip, “I’m good.”

  He spoke under his breath, “What’s wrong?”

  She lowered her voice to a whisper. “What did you and Forest talk about?”

  No way would Ryker ever tell Forest what had happened between them. She trusted Ryker implicitly but knew Forest and his powers of deduction. An odd bird, he operated on a whole other realm from the rest of humanity. Skye had told her how socially isolated Forest had been as a teen, but he’d learned tricks along the way. No one who didn’t know his past would believe his social handicap had once been crippling.

  Ryker pulled her sleeve and backed her into a corner. Ash and the others gathered around Bent, joking about the accident, trying to make light of the seriousness of his injuries.

  “He knows,” Ryker said with a whisper.

  “How?”

  “I don’t know. He went to find me earlier, and when I wasn’t in my barracks, he headed to yours. He found me leaving and inferred the rest.”

  “Shit,” she said. Her stomach dropped, and the world spun. She clutched at Ryker for support. “This is bad. It’s really bad.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Set List

  Ryker

  Ryker ushered Tia out of the room under the brooding presence of Forest, who watched their every move. He took her back to her quarters and soothed her fears as best he knew how.

  “I don’t know what he picked up on honestly,” he said. “It’s not like we’ve been acting any differently.”

  She paced the small confines of her accommodations. “You need to understand Forest.”

  “What’s there to know?”

  Her pacing stopped, leaving her at the opposite end of the room. The space between them yawned with an awkwardness that hadn’t been there before. He should go to her, but he found himself hanging back.

  “Did you know he has Asperger’s?”

  “What?”

  “You know…”

  “Yeah, I know what Asperger’s is, but he seems to have things locked down pretty tight.”

  “It’s because he’s studied humans,” she said, “and I use that word exactly how it sounds. We’re lab rats to him.”

  “You and me?” He was trying to understand.

  Individuals with Asperger’s trended along the autism spectrum and had difficulties with social interactions, often seeing people around them more as objects than individuals with feelings and emotions. Forest had no problem interacting, although he didn’t mince words. Perhaps there was something to what Tia had said, but studied people?

  “Not just you and me, but everyone. According to Skye, he was an outcast, growing up.” She heaved a heavy sigh, and her eyes clouded with pain.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Sorry,” she said. “It’s just the things Skye told me about their childhood. My foster family was bad enough, but their foster father was a true monster.”

  A knife stabbed at his gut. He’d fucked this woman until she could barely breathe, but he had much to learn about who she really was. Forest had mentioned rescuing her from a foster home, but Ryker had never asked about it.

  “I’m sorry about what happened to you.” He made a mental note to find out exactly what had happened in her past, but now wasn’t the time.

  “Thanks,” she said with a soft smile. “It’s in the past. I owe a great deal to Forest and Skye.”

  He kicked off from the wall and strode toward her. The space between them had become unbearable. She folded into his arms, tucking her head beneath his chin, and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her hair smelled like lilacs. His eyes closed as he inhaled the lightness of her scent. This was where he wanted to spend the rest of his life—arms wrapped around the woman he called his own.

  A sharp banging startled them both. Tia leaped back as the door flew open. A large silhouette framed the door, and then it moved inside.

  “Ever heard of a fucking lock?” Recrimination thundered in Forest’s tone. “This is what I was talking about, lover boy. What if I were one of your team? What if I were Colonel Collins? Or Colonel Vane? What would you have done then?”

  “Forest,” Tia said, “what the hell are you doing?”

  “Proving a point,” he said with a growl. “Had words with lover boy earlier today. Looks like they rained down on deaf ears.”

  “I heard every word you said,” Ryker said.

  “So, what? You decided it was time for another fuckfest?”

  “Forest!” Tia exclaimed.

  “I’ll speak with you later,” he boomed. “Seriously, the two of you need to figure a few things out. All the googly eyes and holding hands end now.” He closed the door and made a show of bolting the latch, locking the three of them inside.

  Ryker refused to let the giant intimidate him, but that was difficult when locked inside a closed space where the only exit was past Tia’s friend.

  “Look,” Forest continued, “Vane is looking for you. Ash is looking for you. Hell, I’ve been looking for you too.”

  “Why?” Tia asked.

  “Not you,” Forest said with a dismissive snort. “Everyone is looking for lover boy.” With a turn of his wrist, he glanced at the time. “We’ve got just over an hour to get you ready and prepped for the shows tonight.”

  “You’re playing tonight?” Tia’s dark eyes widened in shock. “When did this happen?”

  “After I left,” he explained. “Evidently, my co-optation into the band is official. Forest moved all my stuff into their quarters. It’s why he was looking for me earlier.”

  “And how I caught him coming out of here. It wasn’t too hard to put two and two together,” Forest said. “Had a nice, long talk with lover boy, something he has clearly decided to dismiss.”

  “You’re putting your nose where it doesn’t belong,” Ryker asserted. “Tia and I—”

  “Are fucking each other’s brains out,” Forest said. He lifted a hand, palm out, when Ryker took a step forward. “Stop the posturing, lover boy. I don’t have time for it. Two weeks. You have two weeks to keep it in your pants. Do you think you can keep your hands off her for two fucking weeks?”

  Forest might as well have told him not to breathe. Now that he’d had a taste of Tia, he couldn’t imagine a day without at least a touch. He’d rather starve.

  “Forest,” Tia soothed, “we’re being careful.”

  Shouldering past Ryker with more force than necessary, Forest gripped Tia’s hands in his massive paws. “Look, I’ve been watching. I suspected before the bus accident. He protects you, and you look at him more than you should. He was the first person you went to after the bomb.”

  “He was injured,” she asserted. “Of course, I went to him.”

  “True, but you stepped over Bent to get to Ryker. Don’t you see what that says? Fortunately, I don’t think anyone else noticed in the chaos, but I did.”

  Ryker grabbed the fabric of Forest’s shirt and pushed him back, inserting himself in the space between Tia and Forest.

  “We’ll be careful,” he said.

  “No,” Forest counte
red, “you’re going to be a fucking priest. And she’s going to be a nun.” He shook his head. “You don’t really get it, do you?”

  Ryker shrugged. What was he missing?

  “You’re taking center stage with Angel Fire. Vane has this bug up his butt about Tia and this exclusive interview on women in the military. Don’t you get it? All eyes are going to be on both of you. You can’t afford a fuckup.” Forest turned to Tia. “You get my drift?”

  She straightened her spine, and Ryker saw the first flash of her defiance. Tia hated anything to do with people telling her what she could and couldn’t do.

  He headed off her outburst and cupped her chin in his hand. Lowering his voice to a deeper register, he used the same tone he had when they were alone. “Stop.”

  Her eyes widened, recognizing the command threaded in that one word. A day or two ago, she would’ve defied him, but their roles had shifted somewhat in the past twenty-four hours.

  Dark and devastating, her beauty slammed into his gut, but it was the trust she handed over that had his heart speeding up. Whatever was happening between them had achieved a momentum neither of them were prepared to control. That should terrify him, but he was a man who met threats head-on and handled the shit life had thrown at him. He would handle this as well.

  When she remained silent, he leaned in close, pressing his forehead to hers. She tracked his movement, her gaze tied to his by an electrifying power thrumming in the space between them.

  Silence descended in the too-small room while he did nothing other than simply breathe her in. The light fragrance of lilacs, the crisp freshness of the soap she’d used in the shower, the overwhelming femininity floating up from her entire being—all of it intoxicated him. He wanted to suspend this moment and linger here forever. With a sigh, he released her and turned to Forest.

  “We’ll be discreet as shit,” he said, “but there’s no way we’re staying apart.”

  A tear pooled in the corner of her eye, and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

  “You’re fucking idiots,” Forest murmured, “but I’ll do what I can to lock this down.”

  “Who knows other than you and Ash?” he asked.

  “That’s it as far as I know.” Forest wiped his palms on his jeans and turned for the door. “Both of you need to come with me. I told the guys I’d grab you. They want to go over the set list with you and make sure you’re ready to step up.”

  He was more than ready to step up. This was a dream he’d ached for since high school. Granted, it wasn’t playing to a crowd of thousands, but he’d take what he could get. Two weeks beside his rock idols would give him more than enough memories to last a lifetime. He released Tia and joined Forest by the door.

  “You coming?” he asked.

  “It’s better than sitting here.” She stretched her lithe body, perhaps working out some of the restless energy or defusing the sexual heat that had flared between them in that too short of a moment.

  “Good.” Reaching out, he offered his hand, but at Forest’s grunt, he pulled back. Right, no hand-holding. Shit, how was he going to make it through the night? Hell, what was he going to do for the rest of this deployment? In all honesty, it would be better and safer if Vane released Tia from the interview. Maybe he could talk to Forest about putting a bug in Vane’s ear to cut Tia loose after a day. How long did it take to ask a few questions anyhow?

  Slamming his hands into his pockets, he turned to the door. “Let’s go then.”

  “You good?” Forest asked.

  “No worries,” he said.

  Forest opened the door but didn’t head out. Instead, he gestured for Ryker to go ahead. “Boys are waiting for you in their barracks,” he said. “I’ll bring Tia by in a bit,” Forest said, banging the door closed on Ryker’s face.

  Perhaps he should have forced his way back inside, but he didn’t. The next time he got Tia alone, he would dig into her past. It gutted him that Forest knew more about her than he did, but he was wise enough to understand their bond. Forest had saved Tia from a bad situation, and they had a past, but Ryker intended on becoming her future.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Front and Center

  Ryker

  Even though all his things had been brought over, Ryker still knocked on the outer door of the VIP quarters. He was greeted by the frown on Smiley’s face.

  “About time,” the road manager said with a sniff. “Get your ass in here. We’re getting ready to head to the hangar.”

  “That him?” Ash called out from the small galley kitchen. He walked into the room, munching on a sandwich.

  It had been months since Ryker had the pleasure of something that simple. The band must’ve brought in some of their favorite foods.

  “Hey,” Ryker said, lifting a hand in greeting.

  “Cool,” Ash said, speaking with his mouth open while he chewed. He called down the hallway leading to the bedrooms. “Guys, Ryker’s here. Let’s go.”

  The outer door opened, bringing the hulking form of Forest into the mix. “Hey, you guys are supposed to be at the hangar,” he said with a bellow

  With Forest’s arrival, a rumble of doors opened and then slammed closed, the rest of the band joined Ryker and the others in the living area.

  Noodles came over and shook his hand. “Hey, thanks for doing this. We really appreciate it.” The muscles of his forearm flexed, and the tribal tats on his biceps bunched.

  Ryker returned the keyboardist’s firm grip, meeting strength for strength. Noodles was thankful to him? Now, that was a crazy idea.

  “No problem,” he said. “I’m stoked.”

  Spike clapped him on his back. “Yeah, thanks. Tour would be a bust without you helping out.”

  “At least he knows how to play,” Bash said, tugging a white T-shirt over his head. “Not such a bad set of pipes either.”

  “Um, thanks,” he said.

  “Come on.” Smiley herded them to the door. “We’re already late.”

  Ryker looked for a clock. With everything that had been going on, his time sense was shot. It still felt like early morning, except he’d spent his morning and most of the afternoon with Tia. A chuckle escaped him, thinking about the fun they’d had.

  “What’s so funny?” Forest slapped him on the back, propelling him out the door, on the heels of Ash and Bash.

  The band members took off, setting a quick pace, while Smiley locked the door to their barracks.

  “Nothing,” he said, sobering up. He’d have to learn to keep thoughts of Tia locked up tight around Forest. “Just excited to play with Angel Fire.”

  “Yeah, right, and I’m fucking Peter Pan.” Forest took off after Ash and the others, closing the distance with his powerful stride.

  “You up for this?” Smiley asked. The road manager rubbed at his chin and gave Ryker a long stare.

  He felt weighed and measured and not at all certain about the conclusion Smiley had drawn.

  “Nervous as fuck, to be honest,” he admitted.

  “Good,” Smiley said. “Don’t fuck it up.”

  “Easy for you to say,” he said.

  Smiley clamped his hand around Ryker’s neck and gave it a squeeze. Then, he urged him forward. “You’ve got the chops. Just play the songs. And, for the love of God, try to stick to your spot!”

  “I plan on it.”

  “Liar,” Smiley said with a snort. “Come on.”

  The walk across base took a few minutes. Fortunately, Smiley seemed content to cross the distance in silence. Ryker’s thoughts tumbled in his head. He’d already played with the band. This wouldn’t be any different, except he’d be anchoring them for the entire show with the bass riffs. Every song. Not just one or two. He was it, and that scared the shit out of him. It also set his nerves to buzzing with anticipation. Every high school dream would be coming true tonight. It wasn’t a sold-out stadium show, but it would be amazing.

  Smiley gathered everyone backstage and went over the set list on
e last time, mostly for Ryker’s benefit. While he knew every song by heart, it helped knowing which would play in what order.

  Base personnel had already started gathering out front. The normally quiet hangar growled with the sound of hundreds, troops eager to put aside their worries for an epic night of entertainment. The heat of the day lingered. Base services had set up large fans to circulate the air. At least the dryness meant sweat didn’t make their clothes stick. He could only imagine how much hotter it would be onstage, beneath the glare of the stage lights.

  Speaking of…the lights overhead dimmed. Those gathered called out with hoots and ear-piercing whistles. Their excitement for the show grew into a generalized mass of seething energy.

  Ash gathered the guys into a circle. He draped his left arm over Bash’s shoulder and gestured for Ryker to stand to his right. Noodles and Spike joined them. Noodles’s lanky arm wrapped around Ryker and gave a squeeze of encouragement. The five of them drew the circle in, bringing their heads to the center for a preshow pep talk.

  Ash gave a wink. “I’d like to thank our guest, Ryker, for helping us out. Let’s make this a show he’ll never forget.”

  With a combined shout, they broke apart. Ash and Bash took to the stage first, and a roar split the air as the troops went wild. Ryker hung back, letting Spike and Noodles take the short flight of stairs, leaving him to bring up the rear. He tried not to fidget. He failed. Muscles tensed with the readiness to fight an unseen enemy. Only, this time, the enemy wouldn’t be shooting bullets at him. It would be weighing him with eyes and judgment, proclaiming him not enough to stand side by side with his rock idols.

  He was ready, as ready as he’d ever be, and his pulse hammered with purpose, flooding his veins with adrenaline. Instant, boundless energy invaded his being, and he could no longer stand still. Shifting foot to foot, he bounced on his heels, hungry to begin and aching to jump right the fuck in and prove to everyone what he’d known his entire life. This was his world, and he burned to devour it.