One Would Think the Deep

by Claire Zorn

  Sam blinked back tears.

  ‘She broke my heart, Samuel. I thought of you as my own. I loved you. Glen was off the rails, completely.’ She sighed and shook her head like she was trying to get the memory of him out of her head. ‘But I always had my family. They kept me strong.’ She took a deep breath. ‘And then Glen was going to be put away, I was free of him. And he told me. About you. It just …’ She couldn’t speak anymore. She clasped her hand over her mouth and nose.

  Sam sat frozen. His hands gripped the blankets, either side of his knees. His knuckles were white and when he tried to let go he started trembling.

  ‘It takes two to tango, but I know now … it was his bloody fault. All of this is his fault. I shouldn’t have ever married him. But he gave me these beautiful boys. It’s the strangest bloody thing.’

  Sam managed to stand up. He put his things in his bag. On his way out the door he paused and kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’m sorry, Aunty Lorraine.’

  He didn’t look back but he knew she was standing at the door, watching him go.

  35

  At dusk Sam got up and opened the sliding door of the annex. He pulled a beanie over his ears and began the walk down to the concourse. He would meet Minty as he came out of the surf. He would be direct and he wouldn’t let Minty talk him out of his decision.

  The hand on his shoulder startled Sam and he swung around to see Shane standing there. His neck was thick like a tree branch and his arms had more muscle on them now than Sam felt he had on his entire body.

  ‘Mum wants you to come back and live at the house.’

  Sam didn’t know if it was an invitation or a threat. ‘I can’t do that.’

  ‘Well you farkin’ have to, she’s a mess.’

  ‘I’m going to Sydney.’

  ‘No, you’re not. Letter came for Minty. He doesn’t know it yet. He’s got a wildcard to California. Gotta be on a plane in two days’ time. He needs his head straight. You pissin’ off and Mum flippin’ out ain’t gonna help. He’s already lost Ruby.’

  A cold wind slashed through the tree branches above them. Icy pinpricks of rain spat on Sam’s cheeks.

  ‘You can’t talk to him about any of this till he gets back from the US,’ Shane said. ‘Come back to the house.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘What else are ya gonna do?’

  ‘I dunno.’ Sam put his hands in his pockets and kept walking.

  ‘I was always heaps jealous of you. You know that?’

  The comment caught Sam mid-step. Shane crossed his arms and tilted his face up to the angry sky. ‘You and your mum, like. Didn’t know how come I got the sucky family and you didn’t. You were always so bloody happy.’

  ‘Not anymore, I guess.’

  Shane shrugged and gave a wry smile. ‘We’re gonna have a dinner for Minty. Celebrate. Mum even wants Nana there. Everyone. One hour. Be there.’

  The table was cleared and covered in a faded orange tablecloth. Steam clouded the kitchen windows and outside the salty wind whipped at the headland and scoured the fibro cottages. Lorraine’s face was tear streaked. She sat on a chair holding a shandy while Nana moved around the kitchen, chatting to her grandsons as if she had never been away. When she set the casserole dish in the centre of the table Minty leaned in like an excited child.

  ‘Shepherd’s pie, Nana?’

  ‘My word, love. Your favourite.’ She scooped it onto a plate and handed it to him. Minty could barely sit still. The same restlessness from when they were little was still there. Sam thought that maybe it would never leave him; Minty would always be that kid with the grin, building the jumps higher.

  ‘Who’s paying your way?’ Nana asked.

  ‘Rip Curl,’ said Lorraine. ‘They’re gonna take care of him.’

  ‘Have to sign a contract telling me exactly where to put their stickers on the board and how many hours a day I have to wear their T-shirts,’ said Minty.

  Lorraine shook her head with a rueful expression. ‘You’ve never even been on a plane before.’

  ‘How’s it feel, brah?’ Shane asked.

  ‘Weird. Good but weird.’

  ‘Ah. Well, that’s life, isn’t it?’ Nana squeezed Minty on the shoulder and took her seat next to him. If Sam were to close his eyes and listen he could almost pretend that it was all those years ago and his mum was sitting there with them.

  After dinner he went to leave with Nana and head back to the caravan. Lorraine pulled him up on his way out. She pointed through to the camp bed. ‘You can sleep here, love. Please.’

  ‘Okay.’

  In the days following Minty’s departure, Sam alternated his time between school and the water. He gradually moved his belongings back into Lorraine’s. As the southern ocean cooled it pushed a stronger groundswell to the south coast and he and Shane were in the surf every afternoon until dark.

  If Ruby was in Sam would smile at her, but keep his distance. He didn’t want word getting back to Minty that he was being too friendly with her.

  One evening he rinsed his torso under the shower and made his way around beyond the kiosk, out of the wind. He leaned his board against the wall, watching the path that followed the curve of the beach, and waited.

  ‘Are you gonna follow me home again?’

  The voice gave him a shock. Behind him Gretchen was standing in the silvery light, hands stuffed into the pocket of her hoodie.

  ‘Hi! I’m … I just …’ He contemplated walking away. Instead, he took a deep breath and hoped she couldn’t hear the thundering beat in his chest. ‘What would you rather?’

  ‘I was walking home by myself for ages before you turned up.’

  ‘Sure. Yeah. I know. Sorry.’

  ‘And I never had a problem with anyone lurking around.’

  ‘I don’t mean to lurk. I’m a dick. Sorry.’

  ‘Fishing for compliments again.’

  She could still make him smile.

  ‘I’m going back now. If you want to walk with me, I won’t call the cops.’

  Steam rose from their shoulders and hung on their breath, misting into the chill twilight air as they walked. The sky was wide and cloudless, threaded with a fading vanilla light above the weatherbeaten cottages. Sam walked beside Gretchen, the two of them so quiet they could hear each other breathing. At her gate she stopped and turned to him. The hair at her temples and the nape of her neck was damp with sweat and clung to her skin. It took determination to run fourteen kilometres no matter what the weather. And patience.

  ‘Minty’s gone to the US?’ she said.

  ‘Yeah. Be back in a week or so. Supposed to be, anyway. If he doesn’t take off looking for big waves.’

  ‘What about you? Are you sticking around?’

  ‘Um. I don’t know. I’ll see what happens. Maybe. Yes.’ He felt his heart thudding against the walls of his chest and wanted that moment alone with her to stretch on forever. It felt like anything he said would cut it short. She wouldn’t look him in the eye and he couldn’t tell if she felt the same way he did or if she just thought it was really awkward. The feeling that he wouldn’t get this chance again crept through him.

  ‘I still really like you.’ He tried not to rush the words. ‘More than that. I want you to know. You have to know.’

  She looked up at him without saying anything.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered.

  It felt like an age, then she reached out and took his hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

  ‘I know you are.’

  ‘Even if you were covered in fur. I’d still choose you.’

  ‘Well, now I just think you’re an idiot.’

  ‘Even if you were a crazy Star Trek fan?’

  ‘That’s better.’ She gave him a small smile. Then she took his fingers and kissed them. That moment felt more intimate than any of the others he’d ever had with her. She let his hand go and went through the gate, latching it behind her.

  Sam’s mixtape

  Beastie Boy
s ‘Get it Together’

  Beck ‘Loser’

  R.E.M ‘Drive’

  Jeff Buckley ‘Grace’

  Jane’s Addiction ‘Jane Says’

  Pixies ‘Where is My Mind’

  Jeff Buckley ‘Lover, You Should’ve Come Over’

  Split Enz ‘I Got You’

  Radiohead ‘Creep’

  Rage Against the Machine ‘Killing in the Name’

  Green Day ‘Longview’

  Foo Fighters ‘Alone + Easy Target’

  Nirvana ‘About a Girl’

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Thanks must go to my draft-readers: Marcella Kelshaw, Nathan Zorn and George Bryan. Special thanks to George, my dad and a grey-belly from way back, who acted as my consultant on all things surf related. Thanks also to Carla Brown for allowing me to borrow from her extensive catalogue of ‘What Would You Rather’ questions and Lauren McCorquodale for her insights into the Queen’s favourite songs.

  It would not have been possible for me to write the characters of Ruby or Aunty Violet without the consultation and detailed guidance of Dr Ernie Blackmore of the Woolyungah Indigenous Centre at the University of Wollongong. A lot of the ideas for Ruby’s history and her future came from Ernie who embraced her with enthusiasm. Thank you, Ernie, for your generosity and wisdom.

  As usual, I must finish with thanks to my super-duper editorial and publishing team: Kristina Schulz, Kristy Bushnell and Jody Lee. Youse guys are ace.

  First published 2016 by University of Queensland Press

  PO Box 6042, St Lucia, Queensland 4067 Australia

  www.uqp.com.au

  uqp@uqp.uq.edu.au

  © Claire Zorn 2016

  This book is copyright. Except for private study, research, criticism or reviews, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without prior written permission. Enquiries should be made to the publisher.

  Cover design by Astred Hicks, Design Cherry

  Cover photographs by Jeremy Bishop/Unsplash

  Typeset in 11/15 pt Adobe Garamond by Post Pre-press Group, Brisbane

  Lyrics excerpted from ‘Here Is The Sea’ written by John Fox (ABC Music Publishing/Mushroom Music Publishing) reproduced with kind permission.

  Lyrics excerpted from ‘Anyone’s Ghost’

  Words and Music by Matthew D. Berninger and Bryce David Dessner

  Copyright © 2010 Val Jester Music and Haek Ridge Songs

  All Rights Administered by BMG Rights Management (US) LLC

  All Rights Reserved Used by Permission

  Reprinted by Permission of Hal Leonard Corporation

  Verse Job 3:8, 41:32, 41:7–11 excerpted from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011

  by Biblica, Inc.®

  Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

  Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

  National Library of Australia

  http://catalogue.nla.gov.au

  Zorn, Claire, author.

  One would think the deep / Claire Zorn.

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5394 2 (pbk)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5639 4 (pdf)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5640 0 (epub)

  ISBN 978 0 7022 5641 7 (kindle)

  For young adults.

  Young adult fiction.

  A823.4

  University of Queensland Press uses papers that are natural, renewable and recyclable products made from wood grown in sustainable forests. The logging and manufacturing processes conform to the environmental regulations of the country of origin.