Paper Hearts

by Ali Novak

  He snorted. “King is my dad.”

  I gawked. “You call your dad King?” Alec mentioned his father was controlling…but making his son refer to him as king? That was just ridiculous.

  “It’s his name,” he explained. “Sebastian King Williams. No clue what my grandmother was thinking when she gave it to him. Actually, she probably knew exactly what she was doing. It fits him perfectly.”

  “He’s mad at you for missing the party, isn’t he?”

  Alec exhaled through his nose and offered me a curt nod.

  My face fell. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take you away from your work.”

  “Don’t apologize,” he said. “It’s not your fault my dad’s an ass.”

  I searched for something to say, but my thoughts and words were muddled with guilt. Alec must have been lost in his own head too, because we both fell quiet. The pump finished fueling as the door to the Gas Exchange swung open.

  “Look who scored!” Boomer yelled in his megaphone voice. He held a huge bag of Swedish Fish over his head like he was Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything. The smile on his face was all teeth and enthusiasm. Asha followed. In one hand was a cardboard drink carrier with a slushy, a soda, and coffee. In her other hand, she clutched a plastic bag, which presumably held my chips, her Pop Rocks, and whatever other junk food the two had purchased.

  “We ready to go?” she asked.

  Alec hung the gas nozzle back up and nodded. To Boomer he asked, “You still want to drive?”

  I watched my friends, waiting to see if they picked up on the shift in Alec’s mood. Neither did.

  Boomer gave another toothy grin. “Most definitely. Let’s bounce.”

  • • •

  The rest of the afternoon flew by. Sometime after leaving the station, Alec pointed out the city of Salinas as we passed through. He told me it was the birthplace of John Steinbeck, and that he’d set many of his novels in the area, like Of Mice and Men and East of Eden. Steinbeck was far from my favorite novelist, but that Alec noticed and remembered my love of American literature was enough to keep me smiling for the rest of the drive.

  At some point I must have dozed off, because I woke to the sound of someone gently whispering my name. “Felicity, wake up. We’re almost there.”

  My eyelids fluttered open, and I blinked in confusion. The last I remembered, I was listening to music with Alec, and the sun was still out. Now, dark-blue and purple hues had chased away the daylight. I lifted my head. There was a kink in my neck from sleeping at a weird angle, and my hair was matted to the side of my face. I stretched out my arms and—

  Oh God.

  I’d fallen asleep on Alec’s shoulder.

  “Sorry about that,” I muttered, quickly straightening up and wiping my mouth. Hopefully I hadn’t snored. Or worse, drooled on his shirt.

  I felt Alec shrug beside me. “I didn’t mind.” He was in the middle of wrapping his headphone cords around his phone, and when he finished, he met my gaze with a smile. “Sleep well?”

  Warmth bloomed on my cheeks, and I nodded. “Where are we?”

  “Just outside the city,” Boomer answered. Sure enough, when I glanced out the window, San Francisco loomed ahead of us, glittering against the dark sky. “I have no clue where I’m going,” he continued. “Could you give me the exact address? Asha can plug it into the GPS.”

  “Um…” I hesitated. There was a reason I was always the designated navigator. Asha and Boomer argued like those snippety couples on The Amazing Race whenever she was in charge. “Are you sure?” I asked, pulling the most recent of Rose’s letters from my bag.

  “Oh, just give it here,” Asha said, snatching the envelope from me.

  Twenty minutes later, we arrived in the Haight-Ashbury district of the city, and after taking a few wrong turns, Boomer finally located the correct street. Even at night, the neighborhood was colorful. The homes were all Victorian-styled townhouses painted in crazy color combinations like lime, teal, and magenta, or lavender, yellow, and cyan. Boomer pulled up in front of a light-pink house accented in different shades of red and turned off the car.

  “This is the place,” he said.

  Everyone was quiet for a moment as we surveyed the house. The tiny patch of grass out front was overgrown, and the potted plant at the top of the steps was well past saving, making it look like nobody had been here for a long time. But the porch light was on.

  Please let someone be here. Please let Rose be here.

  “Are we going to sit in the car all night or what?” Asha asked. She undid her seat belt and threw open the door. “Let’s go. I’ve had to pee for the past hour.”

  My fingers skimmed the handle on the car door with the intention of following her, but for some reason I couldn’t open it, let alone take my eyes off the building before us. The knowledge that Rose had been here at one time or another was overwhelming. Over the past four years, I’d imagined countless places she could have disappeared to—a tiny, one-room apartment in New York or a shack on some Caribbean beach—but they were always intangible and abstract, like scenes out of a dream.

  Here was an actual concrete place where she’d eaten and slept and lived.

  A hand brushed my shoulder, and even though the touch was soft, my sunburn stung. “Felicity?” Alec asked. “You okay?”

  I nodded, still staring out the window.

  “You sure? I know this must be nerve-racking. If you’re not ready…” He stopped for a second, choosing his words carefully. “I’m sure Asha or Boomer would be more than willing to go knock for you.”

  “I know,” I said, finally waking from my daze. I shook away the lingering fog and offered him a small smile. “Thanks, but I should do this myself.”

  Alec nodded.

  After taking a deep breath, I forced my body to move. I climbed out of the car and marched up the porch steps with Asha, Boomer, and Alec at my heels. Before I lost my confidence, I rang the bell. It was quiet for a long time, and as each silent second passed, my heart slammed against my chest a little harder. Just as I was about to give up, a light in the front hall flipped on. Someone fumbled with the lock, and the door opened.

  “Duncan, if you’re shit-faced again, I’m not—” The girl stopped midsentence when she realized we weren’t Duncan. “Oh, hi.” Her curly hair was pulled back into a braid, and her face was red and shiny, as if she’d recently scrubbed it clean. She was wearing glasses, a pair of flannel pajama shorts, a camisole, and a silky kimono bathrobe.

  She pulled her robe tighter. “Can I help you?”

  I knew this girl, but the problem was, I couldn’t remember how. I searched my mind for some kind of connection until I remembered the soccer player Rose was friends with before quitting the team junior year. “Kelsey?” I asked, stepping forward. “Is that you?”

  Kelsey adjusted her glasses, eyes squinted at me in concentration, before recognition flickered across her face. “Felicity Lyon? Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it. You’re so grown up.”

  Seeing one of my sister’s friends fueled my hope. “Thanks, Kelsey. It’s good to see you. I was wondering… Is Rose here?”

  “Your sister?” She frowned. “No. I haven’t seen her since she left.”

  My heart plunged into my stomach.

  I’m too late. She’s already gone.

  “But she was here, right?” Asha asked, stepping forward. “When did she leave?”

  “About a week ago. Why, is something wrong?”

  I bit my lip, not sure whether I was going to cry or laugh. I’d missed her by days, a span of time that felt like nothing compared to the four years she’d been gone…but she’d been here. Kelsey had seen her. She was alive. I blinked a few times to clear my eyes and said, “Kelsey, I haven’t heard from Rose since she turned eighteen.”

  “What?” she gasped, pressing a hand to her mouth. “Ho
w is that possible? She never mentioned anything like that to me. In fact, she had me mail a letter to you when she left. Here.” She pushed open the screen door separating us. “Why don’t you come in, and we can talk.”

  The four of us stepped inside, and she ushered us down the hall into a cozy living room with mismatched furniture. Asha asked to use the bathroom, and after pointing her in the right direction, Kelsey said, “How about I put on a pot of coffee?” as if she knew tonight would be a late one.

  Exhausted from our day of travel, I sunk into an oversize couch. Boomer flopped down next to me, dropping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me in for a quick, supportive squeeze, while Alec took a spot on the nearby rocking chair with an afghan dropped over the back.

  We waited in silence. Asha was the first to return, and eventually Kelsey came back in with a tray of steaming mugs, milk, and sugar. She set them down on the coffee table and settled into a La-Z-Boy.

  Finally, she said, “Tell me everything.”

  So I did. First, we breezed through introductions—Kelsey raised an eyebrow when I mentioned Alec, but she didn’t ask any questions—and then I explained that Rose had disappeared on her birthday, and I’d just found the letters she’d sent me hidden beneath my mother’s bed.

  “Wow.” Kelsey shook her head when I finished. “I knew Rose was going through some stuff in high school, but I didn’t realize she’d run away. We lost touch after she quit the soccer team.”

  “So how’d she end up living with you?” I was desperate to hear how the two had reconnected since my own attempts to track down Rose had been futile. She didn’t have a Facebook or Twitter, and even a simple Google search turned up nothing.

  “Rose never lived with me,” Kelsey clarified. “I can’t remember if it was for work or if she was just visiting, but she only stayed in the city for a few days. Running into each other was a total coincidence. I bumped into her on the street, and we spent the rest of the day catching up. I wish I could tell you more, but I don’t know anything else.”

  Something cold and sharp coiled inside my stomach, like a spool of barbed wire. That’s it? We’d driven all the way here to discover what? That my sister had vacationed in San Francisco? Why had I thought taking this road trip was a good idea? It was the kind of rash, reckless decision that Rose would make. Not me.

  Boomer leaned forward, resting both elbows on his knees and folding his hands together. “So you have no clue where she is now?”

  “I think she’s living in Seattle,” Kelsey answered. “I asked for a forwarding address in case her letter was returned. Hold on. Let me go get it.” She disappeared to the kitchen again and returned clutching a slip of paper. She handed over an old receipt with crinkled edges and an address written on the back in bright-pink ink.

  Everyone was quiet as I stared down at it.

  When a full minute passed and I had yet to say anything, Alec spoke up. “We should go.”

  Startled, I glanced in his direction. “Where? You mean Seattle?”

  He nodded.

  “Ooh, totally!” Asha said before I could answer. “I love Seattle. My cousin lives there. Last year Riya and I went to visit him, and he took us to the Seattle Center to see this glass exhibit that showcases some famous artist. I can’t remember his name. It’s like…Cholula or something.”

  “The hot sauce?” Boomer asked, and Alec coughed to cover the sound of his snort.

  Asha scratched her head, a flush coloring her cheeks. “I knew that didn’t sound right.”

  “Do you mean Dale Chihuly?” Kelsey asked.

  “Yes, him,” she said, snapping her fingers. “There was a garden and a bunch of galleries filled with these colorful glass sculptures. I don’t know how to describe them, but it was like being on an alien planet or in a Dr. Seuss book. My cousin took us to some cool places, but that was by far my favorite and—” She stopped midramble, the smile shrinking on her face, and looked at Boomer. “You don’t have to babysit Kevin tomorrow, do you?”

  “Nope. My dad’s taking him fishing. I’m down for Seattle if everyone else is.”

  “Awesome.” Asha clapped her hands together and faced me. “Felicity? What about you? You’re super quiet.”

  “I don’t know, Asha…” I didn’t want to see the smile fade off her face again, so I lowered my gaze back to the receipt.

  When Kelsey had first mentioned Seattle, I’d felt a wisp of hope flicker inside me, but now, as I looked at Rose’s handwriting, it was merely a reminder that my sister didn’t want to be part of my life anymore. She was obviously running from something. Whether it was her bad relationship with Mom, her heartache over Dad, or a deeper issue I wasn’t privy to, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t important enough to be included in her life. Sure, she wrote me the letters, but the more I thought about them, the more I realized they weren’t enough. Why couldn’t she spare time for phone calls or holiday visits? Why did she sneak out of my life in the middle of the night?

  “What does that mean?” Asha asked, her tone somewhere between anger and alarm. “Fel?

  I pressed my hands to my face and let out a sigh. “It means I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  Nobody said anything, so I peeked out from behind my fingers. Asha was gaping at me as if I’d punched a baby or run over her grandma, and Boomer cocked his head and frowned.

  Then there was Alec. Normally he was impossible to read, his thoughts and feelings carefully concealed behind a blank expression. But my response must have thrown him off guard. His eyes were wide, his forehead creased, his lips parted slightly.

  He was concerned. For me.

  As I looked at him, I felt the need to explain myself. “I have to work on Sunday. There’s no way we can make it to Seattle and all the way back to LA before then.”

  “Call in sick,” Boomer suggested. He scrubbed a hand through his tight curls like he was still trying to process my abrupt change of heart. “I do it all the time. Say you have the stomach flu or strep throat. It just has to be nasty enough that they don’t want you coming in.”

  “I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Daisy will know I’m lying. I don’t want to get fired.”

  “So you find a new job.” He shrugged a single shoulder. “Big deal.”

  Easy for him to say. Boomer had a bad habit of blowing through jobs like cash. Last month alone, he worked at three different places.

  “Yeah,” Asha agreed, jumping back into the conversation once she’d recovered from her shock. “Isn’t finding Rose more important?”

  “Well, yeah. But my mom doesn’t know I left. She’s going to freak when she finds out I’m gone.”

  “But you wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t hid those letters in the first place.” Asha poked her tongue into her cheek and sucked in a long breath. I could almost see her editing words in her head, trying to remain civil and composed. “I don’t get it, Felicity. You’ve been dying to know what happened to your sister, and now that you have the chance to figure it out, you’re going to walk away?”

  “It’s not like that.” I knew she was frustrated. And I understood that she came from a place of concern, but I also knew that only someone who’d been through what I had—the dread and grief and betrayal—would get how I was feeling.

  “Really? It sure seems like it.”

  I contemplated how to make them understand. “You’re right,” I told Asha, and her eyes lit up at my words. “I did want to know what happened to Rose.” Pausing, I watched her shoulders slump as she realized I’d used the past tense. “It just took a road trip and coming away empty-handed to realize that maybe I shouldn’t. I’ve been terrified that something terrible happened to her. That for some reason she couldn’t come home. But now that I know she’s fine, it’s obvious she wants nothing to do with me. I don’t consider it walking away. It’s more like accepting reality.”

  Asha s
ighed, a long-suffering, you’re-impossible kind of noise. When she didn’t fire back with another well-constructed argument, I thought I’d won.

  “Is it though?” Alec asked, his quiet voice cutting through the silence.

  “Is what though?”

  “Is it obvious that she wants nothing to do with you?” I was ready with a response, but Alec kept talking. “Maybe her letters seem insignificant weighed against the time you spent in the dark, but I think you’d feel differently if you’d received them when you were supposed to. I don’t know what she’s written to you, and I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I saw the stack of envelopes. There’re enough to fill an entire book. Someone who doesn’t care wouldn’t invest that much time or effort into writing them.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut. “Four years, Alec. I haven’t seen her since I was thirteen. How would you feel if Vanessa just left?”

  “I’m sure I would be as hurt and upset as you are, but for someone who was hell-bent on getting answers, you’re awfully eager to jump to conclusions without them.”

  There was nothing for me to say to that, no other excuses I could offer. Because he was right, of course. Damn him and his beautiful, see-straight-though-me eyes.

  “If it helps,” Kelsey said tentatively, “you’re all welcome to stay the night.” She nodded her head in the direction of the stairs. “There’re two spare bedrooms and an office with a pullout couch. Plenty of room for everybody.”

  “Come on, Felicity,” Asha complained. “Say yes. We can crash here tonight and leave in the morning.”

  My gaze moved to Alec’s almost instinctively, and he gave me a small nod of encouragement. He was still willing to help me. We were going to find my sister, and I would get my answers.

  “Okay,” I said, lifting my hands in surrender. “We can go to Seattle.”

  Asha didn’t need any more conformation from me. She stood from the couch and stretched. “One of you boys help me get our stuff from the trunk. My body needs a bed, pronto.”