RAPT - The Price of Love: Everhide Rockstar Romance Book 3 (Everhide Rockstar Romance Series)

by Tania Joyce

  He clenched and unclenched his hands; gritted his teeth. He’d never forgive Vicki. Sick, psycho bitch. How had he not seen her obsession?

  Forgotten memories of Vicki rose from the dark depths of his mind. Her hysterical tears and begging for forgiveness after she’d cheated on him in high school—he’d been upset but was over their relationship anyway. In the couple years following, she’d slithered up to him at parties—he’d ignored her advances; there were too many other hot girls on the scene to take notice of her. At his engagement party, she’d joked, “Remember, I was your first love.” Nope—Gemma was. He’d been too young and naive to know what love was, too focused on their music and career, too distracted by easy girls. Underneath the rush and ride of fame and success, there was and never would be any doubt about his love for Gemma.

  But someone had to call it’s a wrap.

  They’d hurt each other more times in the past three years than he cared to remember. His jealousy, the lies, her pushing him away. She had one of the most beautiful spirits. She shone when it soared. Her talent needed to be heard. She cared for so many people without knowing it. Gemma was tough, a survivor. She’d always said to hell with anyone who put her down, or that she couldn’t do something; she went out and proved them wrong. He’d been by her side every step of the way, but he’d been on the ride for too long.

  He didn’t want to hinder her future. Especially if she felt he suffocated her.

  He loved her so much. It was time to set her free.

  Loneliness returned, resting on his shoulders like a lead blanket. It was like the nights during their first tours. Once the partying stopped, the girl of the night left, and the music switched off, he was alone. He hated it. Guessed he had to prepare himself—be more like Gemma and find some form of resilience. Face a future without her.

  A young couple walked hand in hand along the shoreline. The blood in his veins congealed. He’d miss moments like that with Gemma. Leaning forward, he rested his head in hands, fought the sting in his eyes. He needed to do something before he totally self-destructed. Something to get out of this rut. His head ached and throbbed. Seattle loomed through the clouds in his mind. Yes. He hadn’t seen much of his cousin, Kade, thanks to Everhide’s tour schedule. Chilling out with him and catching up with relatives would help him mend.

  But he had to talk to Gemma first. One phone call would be all it took. Once the tie was severed, he’d take off. Sounded perfect.

  Except it wasn’t.

  He hated himself for destroying what they had.

  Digging his fingers into his thighs, he shoved his pain, hurt and anger into a metal case. Locked it away deep inside his heart. Done.

  He dragged himself out of the deck chair and headed inside.

  It was time to pack his bags and leave.

  He’d give Gemma all the fucking space she needed.

  Chapter 24

  Gemma pulled her Mini Cooper in beside Kyle’s Range Rover and killed the engine. It was mid-afternoon and the sun’s rays flashed like laser beams off the metallic black paint and windows of his car. Checking in with Chester, she assured him she’d arrived at the beach house safely. She’d learned her lesson. Tossing her cell phone into her purse, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel and took deep breaths. She had no idea what she’d say to Kyle. Sorry wouldn’t cut it.

  She jumped out of the car and dashed up the old rickety wooden steps. Using her set of keys, she unlocked the sliding glass door and stepped inside. An empty JD bottle on the kitchen counter and Kyle’s backpack lying on the floor by the stairs were the only signs of life.

  She was about to call his name when he came in from the front deck. Her eyes locked onto his and her heart imploded. He wore the same Nickelback T-shirt she’d last seen him in. His hair was a tousled mess, like he hadn’t combed it in days. Dark circles underneath his eyes highlighted his scruffy, unshaven face. She wanted to run to him, throw her arms around him, tell him she was sorry, but something about the cold hardness in his eyes froze her to the spot.

  He threw his sunglasses onto the coffee table. “Gem? What the fuck are you doing here?”

  “I’ve come to say I’m sorry.” She dumped her purse on the floor and closed the door behind her.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about.” He stuffed his hands into his front jeans pockets and shuffled back to lean against the wall. “You’ve saved me a phone call. I was about to call you. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

  “For what?” She ambled through the living room toward him, but he held up his hand for her to stop. What the hell? “You didn’t come home. Didn’t return my calls. I’ve been worried sick.”

  He shrugged a shoulder. “You told me to stay away. So I did.”

  She placed her hands over her heart, hoping somehow that would lessen the pain, the regret. “I said some awful, awful things I didn’t mean. I never meant to push you away.”

  He lowered his gaze, his blond hair flopping forward. “You should’ve done it a long time ago. I can see what a jerk I’ve been.”

  She gave a flippant toss of her hand. “So you got a little overzealous about the wedding and anal about protecting me.”

  His brow pinched tight. “I should’ve done more to keep you safe. I don’t want to let you down ever again.”

  She stepped in beside the coffee table, knocking her knee, tipping the pile of beer coasters across the wooden surface. She stopped a few feet from Kyle. He was like a geyser about to explode. She could feel every rumble. “We took precautions and things went wrong. There’s only so much you, me and security can do. If it wasn’t Vicki, it could’ve been someone else. I won’t let her or any other psycho come between us.”

  “That’s the thing, Gem.” He shook his head. “Something always comes between us. We should’ve stuck to the oaths we made in high school. Do you remember them?” He spoke through clenched teeth. “We’d remain friends forever. Never become involved with each other. That no girl or guy would come between us. We’ve broken every one of them.”

  “No, we haven’t.” Her nose wrinkled. “You forgot to add that music would be our life. We’d take on the world and leave the hellhole of Montgomery behind.”

  “Someone from Montgomery nearly killed you.” The anguish in his voice shuddered through every cell in her body. “I don’t want you or any of us to go through that again.”

  “Neither do I.” She took a half-step closer, but he flinched as if he was about to run out the door, so she stopped. “I haven’t handled what happened well. I know that. And I’m sorry. One thousand times, I’m sorry.”

  His jaw locked and he stared out the window over her shoulder. “This isn’t just about Vicki. It’s about us too.”

  “I know.” The strings in her heart pulled tense like an archer’s bow. “What scared me most about being kidnapped was not coming home to you. Knowing how devastated you’d be. Over the past couple nights without you, so many of my delusions have shattered. When I lived by myself, my home was my sanctuary. But now, in every room, I see and feel your presence all around me. At first, I struggled to adjust, but now I love it. Without you there, I was lost. Because it’s our home. You’re my serenity.”

  “Not anymore.” He swiped his hair back. His brown eyes were cold and lifeless. “You want space? I’ll give it to you. I’ll go to Seattle and see Kade.” He swiped his sunglasses off the table and went to storm past her, but she caught his arm and turned him to face her.

  “No. We don’t do this to each other.” She jabbed her finger against his chest, fighting the sting in her eyes. “We stick with each other through everything. I was wrong to push you away. What has been so hard to deal with is that I don’t remember the kidnapping, just snippets, flashes of images. My life was in somebody else’s hands. I hated I had no control over what happened to me. I’ve always looked after myself.” She flattened her hand against his chest. He sucked in a deep breath. It was as if even his lungs and ribs tried to keep her at bay. “Losing
three days of my life made me realize I do depend on you. You’ve always had my back. I have people who care for me. I’m not alone. We’ve achieved so much because of the love and support from our friends and our incredible team. The people around us are our family.”

  He calmly took hold of her hand and lowered it to her side. Letting go, he shuffled back a few feet, and leaned against the fallboard on the old upright piano by the side wall. “Yeah, well . . . family only hurts you. Love blinds you. You changed because of me. I suffocate you, remember?”

  Those words she’d said still left a bitter taste in her mouth. “It’s my fault for not being honest. As the wedding plans and the threats grew worse, my frustration and fear snowballed.”

  “You were afraid to tell me how you felt?” His voice shook. Torture swirled in his eyes as he thumped his chest. “What kind of man does that make me? I never want you to be afraid of me. That’s not love. That’s sick. It’s my father all over again.”

  “I am not afraid of you. Never have been. Never will be. You’re so not like your dad. You aren’t violent. You couldn’t hurt a flea. You avoid walking on ants on the sidewalk.” She drew a foot closer to him. He gripped the edge of the fallboard, his knuckles turning white. This wasn’t like him. She had to get through his thick skull. “I know you’re protective. That’s something I love about you. You make me feel safe and adored. You put up with my idiosyncrasies. You’ve stood by me through every issue with my mother, my dad, and Vicki. You’re always there for me. And I’m here for you.”

  “You’ve pushed me away one too many times, Gem.” Bitterness dripped off every word.

  She caught the back of the sofa to stop her knees from buckling. She’d hurt him too much. Over and over. Fuck. “I just needed time to process what had happened. You need to understand and respect that sometimes I need to be alone.”

  “I do.” He flicked his hand. “Chill, go out with your friends, stay in when I go out. I don’t care. But you use it to keep putting up this wall to stop letting me in. I have given you every ounce of my heart. You have seen every raw part of me.” White-hot flames burned deep in his dark eyes. “But with you? I won’t deny I’ve seen you through a ton of tough shit. We’ve had some intense moments. But most of the time, you fight so hard to keep your feelings bottled. You keep me at a distance.” He shook his head slowly and flexed his jaw. “I won’t put up with it anymore.” He turned the volume up, anger shaking his voice. “I wanted all of you. Every pain, heartache, nightmare, dream, hope. We should’ve worked on what you went through together. You should’ve leaned on me. Not pushed me away.”

  Fog swirled through her head. How did he see this in her when she didn’t see it herself? “I don’t know how to be any different. I cry on your shoulder. We deal with shit by jamming out music. We write amazing songs. You have stood up for me, encouraged me, lied for me, been my strength . . . and you’ve saved me. In the very literal sense of the word, you’ve saved me. You didn’t give up on me. Don’t give up on us. Stop fighting this because I know you love me.”

  “That’s not the problem.” He leaped to his feet. Red crept up his neck. “You’re still holding back.”

  A tear caught on her cheek. What more than her love did he want?

  “The wedding plans made me realize you’ve still got issues you haven’t worked through.” He took a step toward her, towered a foot in front of her. “Tell me, what the fuck are they?” His voice fired like a gun. “Why can’t you let me in? What the fuck are you so afraid of?”

  This. She was afraid of this. Every cell in her body burned under his lethal gaze. “Losing you.”

  “Why?” He staggered back three steps and bumped into the piano. “Tell me why or I walk away.” His voice was like an arctic chill, ripping through her bones.

  “You can’t.” She clawed her brain for a handle to grab to stop her from crashing to the floor. “We have our music.”

  “Maybe we should stop that too.”

  “What?” Her heart screamed like a siren. The ringing in her ears deafened her. “No. Never. We can’t.” Her bottom lip trembled. She wanted to sock him in the ears, knock some sense into him. “I won’t let you. Are you that pigheaded you want to end this? End what we have?”

  He stared through her as if she was a ghost, clenching his fists at his side. Stood there like she was nothing.

  She shook her head, not wanting to see the end in his eyes. “You want to call it quits? Go back to being alone?”

  The air warped with the force of a sonic boom. His pupils dilated to pinpricks. His red-rimmed eyes welled with tears. His teeth ground so loudly she could hear them.

  She’d hit a nerve. Yes. She needed more ammunition, more firepower to penetrate his heart.

  Her tears stung like acid as she glanced around the living room. So many memories of vacations here after grueling tours and promotional schedules. The countless hours with him on the deck playing tunes on their guitars. The parties. Their friendship. His light had gone out and she needed to reignite it.

  She took a deep breath. She felt like she was about to plummet off a cliff, but she wasn’t ready to give up the fight. No way. She sniffled and softened her tone. “At home, I found something in our wardrobe. A box. Full of your old notebooks, journals and songs. I read some of them.”

  There it was . . . a flicker of life . . . or was it hate, in his eyes. He slammed his eyelids shut.

  “Those songs aren’t about other girls, are they? They’re about me. You’ve loved me since we first met. We’ve weathered everything together. Sworn oaths and survived hell. Now stop being foolish. Come home and marry me.”

  Lowering his chin and shook his head.

  Fuck!

  “Kyle, please?” She closed the gap between them and caressed the side of his head, stroked her fingers through his soft hair. What could she do to break through his defenses? She knew him. What would work? Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath to stop the chaos swirling in her head. She focused her thoughts on him, their love, and everything they shared. Songs flooded her mind. That’s it. She clutched the pendant on her necklace, the one he’d given her on her birthday, out here on this deck. She licked her lips, swallowed hard, and recited the lyrics to “All Wound Up,” the first song they’d written together. The one he’d immortalized the first note of into her pendant.

  You’ve got me all wound up,

  And I’m thinking crazy thoughts.

  You’ve got me all wound up,

  Because I want to be yours.

  He lurched to his feet and turned to face the beach. “Gem, stop.”

  Yeah—the lyrics were bad, but they’d been fifteen when they’d written it. She stepped in behind him, rubbing her hands down his arms. Rested her cheek against his back. Thank God he didn’t push her away. “What about ‘Horizon?’”

  Let’s aim for the horizon,

  Let’s touch the stars,

  Sail across the oceans,

  Follow our beating hearts.

  With you by my side,

  We’re gonna touch the sky,

  Gonna love you forever,

  ’Til the day I die.

  He spun to face her. His eyes were wet with tears. His voice was barely above a whisper. “Enough.”

  Shit. We’re so alike.

  He wouldn’t give in. She wouldn’t give up.

  Her heart threatened to explode, shuddering against her ribs. “Every magical moment in my life is because of you. From finding you and Hunt, to writing songs, our first gig, and winning the YouTube contest. The albums, the tours, the awards. Our first kiss. Do you remember? It was right there.” She wiped a tear from her cheek and pointed outside to the deck. Her twenty-fourth birthday would be one she’d never forget. “The first time we made love.” She waved upstairs toward his bedroom. “Proposing to you. Everything has led us to being together. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  His shoulders rounded as if his lungs had collapsed. He clasped the side
of her head, his eyes locking onto hers. “Then be honest with me. Even now, you’re holding back. You’re using lyrics and moments to hide the truth. Every time the shit hits the fan, why do you push me away? What are you afraid of? You want a future with me? Then let me in.”

  Her chin quivered. “You want to know what I’m afraid of?” She closed her eyes, swayed on her feet. Dug to the bottom of her soul. She took a sledgehammer to the wall around her heart and smashed it into a gazillion pieces. She drew her shoulders back and trembled.

  She lifted her chin and met his gaze. He wanted every piece of her; she’d let him have it. “I don’t have any grounds to base our future on. I’m afraid of becoming a family, that I won’t meet your expectations as a wife. I have no clue how to be one. I’m afraid of having my heart broken again. It hurts too much. I’m afraid if I give you my everything, you’ll leave like my dad. And that would destroy me. Because I’ve never, and never will, love someone as much as I love you.”

  He let her go, staggered back, and connected with the fallboard again. A tear escaped down his cheek and his hand shot over his mouth. Anguish contorted every muscle on his face.

  What the fuck?

  This was why she hated opening her heart. It hurt too much. She’d just bared her fucking soul to him. But it was too late. She’d shattered him beyond repair.

  No. No. No.

  This was not the end.

  No fucking way.

  “I have something for you.” She rushed to her bag and dug out the velvet pouch she’d grabbed before she left. Running back to him, her fingers fumbled as she tipped the pocket watch into his hand. “This was my grandfather’s. It was in the box of my dad’s stuff. I don’t remember much about him other than he stank of cigarettes.”

  “Gem, I can’t take this.” His hand shook within hers.

  “Take this as a symbol of timeless memories.” She closed his fingers around the watch and held his hand tight. “I would sooner go through hell every day than not have you in my life. I’ve been a screw-up not knowing where my dad was. Wasted too much time looking for someone who didn’t want to be found. I won’t lose another second worrying about my past. My dad left because he was a coward. You’re not. I want you to have this as a reminder I want to spend every second with you. We have a lifetime of amazing memories. Our love is timeless. Time nearly got taken away from us, so let’s not waste another moment of it. I want to love you, make music with you, be with you.” She tightened her hold on his hand. A tear caught on her lip. “You have my whole heart, own my soul, have all of me. Please come home and marry me.”