To Rise Above

by Jones, Julianne

  Cassandra waved a fair hand in the air. “But she’s so ignorant. I know all of what she has taught me already. What do I want with needlework and housekeeping receipts and French?”

  She pulled a book out of a pocket and held it so that Samuel could read the title. He immediately recognised it as a Latin text that he had studied at Cambridge. Idly he wondered where she had found such a book.

  “You see, I want to learn – really learn – and how can I do that if no one will teach me?”

  Samuel gazed down at the face before him. So earnest and yet so … what was the word he was looking for? … calculating. Suddenly he realised what she was attempting and felt disappointment.

  “I can make some enquiries and see if there’s anyone else in the area who can extend your studies – perhaps the wife of one of the officers – but I’m sure you’ll agree, Miss McKay, that it would be totally inappropriate for me to tutor you privately.”

  “Why should we care what others think? Those that pursue knowledge are often misunderstood by others.”

  Samuel hid an amused smile. “Indeed. But are you sure it’s knowledge you’re seeking?”

  Cassandra furrowed her brow in a most convincing manner. “I don’t understand.”

  Samuel studied the girl for a long moment. Under his penetrating look she dropped her eyes in some confusion.

  “So you refuse to tutor me?”

  “I think it’s the wisest course of action.”

  “But if I spoke to my father –”

  “I doubt your father would agree. And even if he did, I would still refuse. It just wouldn’t be right.”

  “What wouldn’t be right about it?”

  “I think you know.” Each word was measured.

  Cassandra jumped up, her face flushing. “You – you – you –” she sputtered but obviously failed to find a word to describe the contempt she now felt for him. Her hands shook with anger and the book she had held now fell to the ground. As Samuel bent to retrieve it, a letter slid from between its covers and he picked it up. Straightening he was surprised to see his name written in a hand that he knew very well: Katie’s.

  “Where did you get this?” his voice sounded strange even to his own ears.

  “Give that to me. It’s mine,” and she tried to snatch it from his hand.

  “I think not,” Samuel’s voice was quiet. “It’s addressed to me and it’s postmarked three months ago.”

  The girl’s face turned a most unbecoming shade of red. “I was bringing it to you.”

  “Three months late?”

  “At times the mail gets held up.”

  “Not that long. Your father runs a reliable service. He wouldn’t be impressed to know that someone has been tampering with the mail.”

  “Please don’t tell him. You won’t will you?” there was fear in the girl’s voice.

  “Are there any more letters like this?”

  “No. This is the only one.”

  He looked at her but nothing in her face or manner indicated that she was telling him anything but the truth. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask her why she had kept the letter aside, but then he realised he probably knew the answer already. There was no need to embarrass the girl further.

  “What are you going to do?”

  “At this point nothing. But if I ever suspect that you’re keeping mail again I’ll go straight to your father.”

  “Are you going to marry her?”

  Samuel raised his eyebrows. “How do you know it’s from a woman?”

  Cassandra shrugged. “A woman knows these things.”

  He didn’t point out that she was not yet a woman. “It could be from my sister.”

  “Your sister’s in Scotland. This has come from Newcastle.”

  He was surprised at how much she knew about him already. But then he hadn’t tried to keep anything secret. He just hadn’t realised that people would be particularly interested in his personal affairs. He’d been wrong.

  He fingered the letter, anxious to read it. “I think you should go home now.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He smiled at the title. She’d just tried to flirt with him and yet now she called him ‘sir’. She was still a girl with a lot of growing to do. He handed her the book and with one quick glance at him she took it and hurried away down the hill.

  His heart pounding in his ears, he quickly broke the seal. He almost laughed out loud when he saw the closely written lines. Katie had written – at last. And it was more than the three lines of her last correspondence. He couldn’t be sure that this letter contained good news, but his spirits rose all the same.

  Sinking onto the bench, he took a deep breath before beginning to read.

  Dear Samuel,

  Rhiannon tells me that I should be honest with ye, and even though I hate to admit it, I think she’s right. It’s going to sound so petty and I’m afraid of what ye’ll think of me afterwards, but ye have a right to know the truth.

  I doubt ye even remember the day ye delivered me into the care of Doctor Sanford.

  Of course he remembered. Together he and Katie had looked forward to landing with such excitement. It was a new start for them both. The doctor had been there to meet them and it had appeared that the doctor and Katie had warmed to each other right from the start. But what did any of that have to do with what had happened between Katie and him?

  We’d arrived at the wharf in Newcastle and ye were excited about yer future direction. The doctor had told ye of a family that would be travelling inland and ye hurried off to see them – without even saying goodbye.

  I know it sounds silly. I’m so ashamed of it now, but I thought we were friends and I was hurt that ye didn’t even take the time to say goodbye.

  Samuel dropped the letter in his lap and groaned. What an idiot he’d been. He’d been so intent on his own plans that he’d not given a thought to how Katie must have felt that day meeting the doctor for the first time and having to face a totally new family. He’d been selfish – only thinking of himself – and it was no wonder Katie had been hurt.

  I’m asking ye to forgive me.

  Forgive? What did he need to forgive Katie for? He was the one that needed to be forgiven. He was the one that had blown it.

  That night that ye came to say goodbye, I was rude to ye. I was angry and I ignored ye and I’m admitting now that I was wrong. I was hurting but that was no reason to treat ye the way that I did. I hope ye can find it in yer heart to forgive me.

  Can we please be friends again?

  That was what he wanted more than anything. And of course he forgave Katie. The question was: would she forgive him?

  Rhiannon’s calling me so I had better finish this letter. If I don’t hear from ye I’ll know that I’ve shocked ye and that ye can’t forgive me. Please believe me when I say how terribly sorry I am,

  Yours,

  Katie.

  Samuel put the letter down and passed a hand across his eyes. What must Katie think of him now? In all probability she would think that he had deliberately chosen not to reply. How she must be hurting now.

  He’d been a fool – but he could rectify that at once. He would write to Katie and apologise immediately and explain why he had not replied sooner. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

  Standing up he felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t ask the reason. It was enough that he and Katie were friends again.

  Katie pushed open the door to Rhiannon’s room with her elbow but not before pasting a smile on her face. She hoped that Rhiannon wouldn’t look too closely and discern that she’d been crying. Planting the tray on Rhiannon’s bed, she walked across to the fireplace and stirred up the fire.

  “Another cold day. Ye should be thankful that ye don’t have to be outside in it.”

  “I can hardly wait until Father lets me up. Hopefully a few more days of these hot and cold compresses on my legs and I should be able to get up.”

  Kati
e looked up from her position on the floor. “Has he said as much?”

  “Not yet but I can feel my legs getting stronger. I’m sure I can.”

  “That’s good, Rhiannon.” Katie looked back down at the fire so that Rhiannon wouldn’t be able to read anything on her face. So no one had told her yet that she might never walk again. They weren’t going to be able to keep it from her for much longer. It was surprising that Rhiannon hadn’t started asking questions yet.

  Katie rose and slowly walked over to the bedside and lifted one of the lids on the tray. “What would ye like to start with?”

  Rhiannon turned her face away. “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Ye have to eat to get yer strength up.”

  “Well perhaps just a little bit of the egg.”

  Katie cracked the egg and removed the shell before handing it to Rhiannon. “Eat.”

  Rhiannon took the proffered egg and slowly took a bite.

  “Shall I pour the tea? Lola sent up two cups. We could have one each.”

  “Oh all right,” Rhiannon’s voice lacked enthusiasm. Suddenly she burst out, “I’m sick of being in bed all the time. Father had you up and about before this when you were sick, why won’t he let me up?”

  “He cares for ye, that’s why.”

  “He cares for you too. That’s why he and Mother want to adopt you.”

  “Yes, but Rhiannon ye’ve always been fragile. Ye must make sure ye’re fully recovered afore ye get up.”

  “It’s just so frustrating.”

  “Shall I bring up a book and read to ye?”

  “What good is a book when I want to get up? When I want to play the pianoforte and run along the top of the cliffs? I’m tired – tired – of being in bed. How am I to get well when I’m not even allowed to move?”

  Katie reached out and smoothed Rhiannon’s hair. Rhiannon pulled back and glared at Katie. “Some times I think I’ll never get well. When I ask Father he just keeps saying ‘all in good time.’ But how much more time will it take?”

  “I don’t know,” Katie answered miserably. She didn’t want to be the one to dash the girl’s hopes. It should be Rhiannon’s parents that conveyed to her the seriousness of her illness.

  “I’m sorry Katie. It’s not your fault.”

  “I understand.”

  Katie stood mutely not knowing what to do as Rhiannon closed her eyes. Her lips were moving and Katie wondered if she was praying quietly. Bowing her own head she prayed for her friend. If only God would heal Rhiannon …

  “Perhaps I’ll have that cup of tea now.”

  Katie lifted her head and reached for the teapot. Pouring a cup, she then held it out to Rhiannon who took it listlessly.

  “And perhaps you can get that book to read to me. I guess it’s better than nothing.”

  Katie picked up the tray. “I’ll be right back,” she promised.

  “It’s not as if I’m going anywhere,” Rhiannon grumbled and Katie’s heart stung at the words.

  “I had something interesting happen today.” Samuel was washing his hands and face in the bowl near the fireplace that had been set aside for that purpose. On the table their plates had been laid out and Mark was serving up the food he’d prepared. Since coming to stay with Samuel, Mark had taken over the cooking of the meals while Samuel taught school. As Samuel took his seat at the table he reflected that it was certainly gratifying to walk into his home after school and smell the rich aromas of food cooking.

  After giving thanks for the food, Samuel briefly described his encounter with Cassandra.

  Mark laughed. “You seem to attract females like bees to a honey pot.”

  “It’s not intentional.”

  “Maybe not, but it happens all the same.”

  “It’s not my first – how shall I put it? – unfavourable encounter with the opposite sex since I came to this colony. There is a member of my congregation who periodically tells me I should marry and set a good example and has even suggested several likely – and willing too I believe – candidates.”

  “Ah yes. I think you mentioned that once before.”

  “What do we do?”

  “We?”

  “Do you mean to say you’ve never had this problem before?”

  “Well,” and Mark spread his hands, “there’s not a lot of opportunity for matrimony in a secondary colony composed mainly of male convicts and their gaolers.”

  “True. Still,” Samuel took another bite. “You should consider getting married. You’d make a good catch. This food is delicious.”

  Samuel ducked as Mark pretended to cuff him around the ear.

  “I haven’t told you all of the story yet.”

  “There’s more?”

  “The lady in question was hiding a letter. From Katie. Postmarked three months ago.”

  “Ah.” Mark laid down his spoon. “And what did this letter say?”

  “She explained her coolness. I’ve been such an idiot. Can you believe it?”

  “Easily.”

  Samuel snorted. “Whose side are you on anyway?” He paused and looked at his plate. “I hurt her. Badly. And I had no idea. No idea at all. How am I going to put it right?”

  “Can you put it right?”

  “I don’t know,” Samuel’s voice sounded desolate and Mark looked at him in surprise. Samuel obviously cared more for this girl than he let on – perhaps more than he even acknowledged to himself.

  Mark offered his friend advice. “Reply to her letter. Tell her what happened. And apologise. I think Katie will understand.”

  “You really think so?”

  “I do. But you must write to her.”

  Samuel stood up and reached for the dishpan. “As soon as I’ve done these few dishes, I will.”

  Mark stood also. “I’ll do the dishes. You go and write that letter. Don’t delay.”

  “But you cooked.”

  “I don’t have much else to fill my time these days. I’m not sure what I’m meant to be doing but I don’t think washing a few dishes is going to interfere in any way with God’s plans for my life. Write that letter.”

  Samuel paused at the door to his bedroom and looked at Mark. “You know, I’ve never asked this before, but were you ever married?”

  “Yes.”

  Samuel hesitated at the unexpected answer, his gaze taking in the pain that was evident on Mark’s face.

  “What happened?”

  “She left me when I was sentenced to be transported.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “She’s dead now. Died giving birth. The child was born dead too. I’d been in the colony two years before I heard. I have lots of regrets. Lots of things I should’ve said before it was too late.”

  Samuel stared at his friend for a long moment. “I think I’ll write that letter now.”

  August 1830

  Chapter Eleven

  Katie pushed the hair that had been teased from its braid by the wind out of her eyes. With Seamus’s hand firmly grasped within her own, the two were taking a slow walk – slow because Seamus insisted on stopping every few steps to examine a leaf or a flower or a bug – along the top of the cliff opposite the Sanford house. Despite the wind off the sea, it was a clear day and she could see out to where a ship waited on the horizon. There was a time when she would’ve wondered where the ship was heading – if perhaps it was carrying passengers back to her beloved Ireland – but today she barely gave it a thought.

  Instead her thoughts were on Rhiannon. Earlier that day the doctor had told his daughter that she might never walk again. Although not in the room, Katie had heard Rhiannon’s cry of anguish and denial and it had torn at her very being. Just the memory of it now threatened to break her resolve to be strong and not shed tears on Rhiannon’s behalf.

  “Boat,” Seamus had spotted the ship and was pointing out to sea.

  “Yes, Seamus. A boat,” Katie replied absentmindedly.

  “Beach.”

  “Ye want to go down
to the beach?”

  At Seamus’s nod, Katie deftly hoisted him onto her hip and made her way toward the narrow path that led down to the beach.

  “I really must stop carrying ye around,” she huffed as she negotiated the steep and twisting path. “Ye are getting too heavy.”

  “Beach.”

  “Yes, we’re going down to the beach.”

  “See beach. Swim.”

  “No we’re not swimming. It’s too cold to swim.”

  “Swim. Me swim,” Seamus squirmed in her arms and Katie almost lost her footing.

  “Seamus, stop squirming. Be still. We’re almost there. If ye keep moving Katie could slip and we’d both fall.”

  At her voice, Seamus stopped his squirming.

  “There!” Katie deposited him on the sand. “There’s yer beach.”

  A shower of small stones came sliding down the path behind them and suddenly Katie was aware that someone had been following them down. She knew the doctor and his wife were with Rhiannon, and in any case, neither had ever used the path before. It could be Lola and her young man, Monty, stealing a few minutes together, but Katie didn’t want to wait around and see. Picking up Seamus she ran awkwardly down the beach hoping to see some sign of life. Seamus made his objections known by squealing in her ear but she refused to loosen her grip. She must get as much distance as she could between the two of them and whoever it was who was coming behind. She almost cried when she saw a young couple strolling along the beach. Huffing and puffing she made her way in their direction, but suddenly Seamus arched his back and threw himself backwards in her arms, and she lost her balance and toppled to the ground. Before she landed face down in the sand she saw that the couple had witnessed her undignified fall and that the man had left the side of his companion and was running in her direction.

  “Are you all right?” he called as he neared her.

  “Don’t let him near me.”