‘Well, this’ll be a short conversation. I’ve been with Laura for over a decade and before her I’d never had a proper girlfriend.’
‘You were a virgin when you met her?’
‘I didn’t say that.’
‘Okay, then, so who was your first?’
A wind sprang up, a warm breeze like my GHD hairdryer on its lowest setting. With it came a few spatters of rain that fell on the awning and drummed on the motorhome roof. Nathan glanced back inside anxiously to see if the rain would disturb the girls.
‘Don’t worry about them, Nathan; they’re exhausted. It’ll take more than a few drops of rain to wake them. It’s been quite a day. Who was she?’
‘Why do you want to know this?’
I giggled. ‘As you once said to me before, I’m a nosy cow.’
‘I don’t think I called you a cow.’
I shrugged. ‘Bet you thought it, though – I would’ve – so, come on, answer my question.’
‘My first was a girl I knew from my biology class in school. I bumped into her at a party about a year after we’d finished our A levels. It was weird because at school she’d been pretty but didn’t really get my attention, then, when I saw her, I hardly recognised her. In fact, I didn’t recognise her when she came up and started talking to me. She’d kind of filled out in all the right places … I’m not sure how to describe it, really, she’d just changed.’
‘It’s called growing up, Nathan.’
He chuckled. ‘Yeah, maybe, she’d also dyed her hair blonde and, on the night, had squeezed herself into a really tight black dress. She looked amazing.’
‘Eyes on stalks.’
‘Eh?’
‘I bet your eyes were out on stalks like a cartoon character.’
He nodded thoughtfully and smiled. ‘Yeah, good description. Anyway, that evening we just talked, but agreed to meet up a few days later. Her parents were divorced so we went back to her mum’s flat. She was at work, which meant we had the place to ourselves. When we were finished, and all snuggled up with her head on my shoulder, she told me that she was heading off to New York with her twin brother for a joint gap year. I didn’t know she had a brother; I hardly knew anything about her at all. I really liked her, but I never saw her again.’
‘Were you her first?’
‘I never asked but I don’t think so.’
‘Is that it?’
‘No, after her I met a girl called Angela. She worked in my office. She came from Northern Ireland and I used to tease her all the time about her accent; then one Friday night after work we went for a few drinks in a pub and I asked her out. We kept it secret because working together and being involved was quite difficult. Then I met Laura.’
‘This all happened when you lived in London?’
‘Yeah, we didn’t leave London until after Millie was born.’
‘How did Angela react when she found out about Laura?’
‘I didn’t tell her. I just said I didn’t want to see her any more. We’d only been together a few months so—’
‘How did she take it?’
‘Very well. We weren’t in love or anything. I got the impression she was quite relieved. I just remember it being easier than I expected.’
‘Then Laura came along. Why did you leave London?’
‘Because she wanted to be closer to her mother in Fife.’
‘Laura’s Scottish?’
He nodded.
‘And you’ve never been unfaithful to her?’
Nathan shook his head. ‘No, never.’
I had to think about that. He’d been very loyal despite the problems they’d had. I wondered if Laura had been equally loyal. From what I knew about Oodles, probably not.
‘What about you?’
‘What about me?’
‘Who was your first?’
‘I need more wine. Let me get some more from the fridge.’ I stood and leaned into the door of the motorhome, opened the fridge and pulled out another bottle, Shiraz this time. ‘I like that – from fridge to glass in two steps.’
‘I’ve never had chilled red wine before.’
‘I’m a philistine but if I’m drinking something it has to be cold unless it’s tea or coffee.’
I poured us both a plastic mug full and sat back in my seat, took a swig and smacked my lips.
‘My turn. Not much to tell, I’m afraid. My first two came along almost together like buses. Eleven years ago, shortly after my eighteenth birthday, I met Ross, a grungy drummer from a local rock band. I must have been about the last in my year to lose my virginity, no surprise really given how uncool I was. He was bonkers in a bad way, which, ultimately, wasn’t a good thing. My mum hated him, which unfortunately made him even more attractive to me at the time. We had six months of lust- and alcohol-fuelled sex before I pulled the plug on it, otherwise I might have become addicted in more ways than one. He was a bad boy and I knew he’d been cheating on me pretty much from the minute we got together but I put up with it for the sex and the fact I had someone to talk to who didn’t mind me being forthright and honest.’
I sipped from my cup and continued not looking Nathan in the eye. ‘A few weeks later I met Noah. He was much older than me, around twenty-seven. He’d been divorced twice from the same woman and was just looking for somewhere to park his penis for a few months.’
‘Nice description.’
‘Thanks. Accurate, though. I knew he’d go back to his double-ex-wife eventually. I can laugh about it now and, to be honest, I liked the fact that I had no expectations. I had fun, so did he and it didn’t last long. Eventually he moved back in with his wife and soon afterwards they upped sticks and moved away.’
‘She probably made him leave to get away from you.’
‘Yeah, more than likely.’
‘What did your mum make of him?’
‘You’re joking. I never told my mum. She still doesn’t know, doesn’t need to.’
‘There’s a bit of a theme here – both boyfriends so far have been bonkers.’
I giggled and nodded. ‘Well, the theme continues, I’m afraid. After Noah I endured a couple of years of celibacy until I met Dr Dave.’
‘Dr Dave?’
‘Yep, Dr Dave. He made me call him that all the time as well.’
‘Was he a real doctor?’
‘Oh, yeah, a consultant pathologist, not much to look at, to be honest, but initially great fun and we got on for some reason.’
‘Bonkers?’
‘Definitely. He used to come over to my flat and say, “Okay, Miss Kat—”’
‘He called you Miss Kat?’
‘He did. All the time. “Okay, Miss Kat, Dr Dave needs to do an examination – legs up,
panties down, please.”’
‘Too much information.’
‘Yeah, sorry, anyway, after a few months when he still wanted to do that it got a bit odd and when he carried on after that it felt weird, then downright creepy, and I broke it off.’
‘His cock?’ Nathan asked, smiling.
‘No, I should have, though. I reckon that’s why he became a pathologist; his bedside
manner would have got him disbarred in a heartbeat.’ I laughed out loud, then remembered the sleeping girls and bit my lip and giggled instead.
‘How long ago was that?’
‘Must have been about seven years.’
‘You’ve not been with anyone since?’
‘Nobody serious. I had a fumble in a tent with a bloke at a music festival and spent
a passionate few days with Alex, an Irish bloke I met in Dublin on a hen weekend. I really liked him.’
‘What happened?’
‘He had terrible problems with his memory.’
‘What?’
‘He forgot to tell me he was married.’
‘Oh.’
‘Yeah, well, all that makes me sound pretty trashy, I know, but I’m not at all. I’ve not
actually been with anyone at al
l for about three years – it might even have healed up by now.’
‘Kat, too much information again.’
I giggled at my confessions. Without the wine I wouldn’t have told him half of what I had, nor mentioned my unwanted celibacy. I could probably live without the sex, but I missed the intimacy of being close to someone and sharing things. Yeah, I knew my appearance sometimes caused an issue, but usually my attitude was what caused problems with men, and some women if I was being honest.
In my more introspective moments I knew my discomfort with everyday idle chit-chat and pleasantries, which most of the rest of the world seemed to love, caused me problems. Whenever someone said casually, ‘How are you?’ it took me years to realise the question was largely rhetorical and that people didn’t want to know that I’d hurt my knee on the coffee table that morning or that I was suffering abdominal cramps or had a cold.
In the end I decided I really couldn’t be bothered with such stuff, and if my appearance and, more likely, my attitude stopped that happening, well, I could live with the downside it created. It didn’t mean I shunned human company – I craved it like any other warm-blooded woman – but it had to be on my terms. Saying all that, I was fine at work with my colleagues and on nights out with other staff, maybe because they expected anyone who worked in the morgue to be a bit quirky. To be fair, most of us were.
Sid had got his whole ‘gay denial’ and ex-punk singer thing going on, Gina, who did the same job I did, was living with a boyfriend she no longer loved but was too comfortable to break up. ‘I can’t leave Gary, Kat; that’d mean moving into a crappy flat and no more Caribbean holidays, Christmas trips to New York or Michelin-star restaurants.’
There was also Paula, who’d just started as a pathologist, replacing Ken Gordon, who retired. We hadn’t worked Paula out yet, but she owned six cats, which probably wasn’t a good sign.
Only Sid knew that I’d started seeing Nathan, or ‘the zombie’ as he’d named him (I probably wouldn’t tell Nathan that bit). I wasn’t sure what the reaction at work would be now that they’d have seen the whole sorry saga on TV. Personally, I didn’t see anything wrong with it ethically, but I supposed it might be viewed as a little weird. The thing was, speaking to Nathan was easy and I felt relaxed in his company, which was rare for me. Maybe he was bonkers – too, which would fit in with the pattern of my love life perfectly. I fixed him with a stare and said, ‘Yeah, sorry, I kind of speak first and think later.’
‘I’ve noticed.’
‘Is it a problem?’
‘Not for me. Laura’s always been a bit like that too, so I’ve got used to it.’
‘What do you want to do now?’
‘Sit here and chat some more?’
‘We could, I suppose, but I think it’s time we had sex.’
I laughed as he choked on his wine. When he recovered from his coughing fit he said, ‘Do you?’
‘I do. We’ve been circling around this for a while now and I think it’s time, plus I’m
very horny.’
‘It’s the wine.’
‘No, it’s hormones; my nipples are hard and—’
‘Err, too much information … again.’
‘Yeah, sorry. Go and get the double quilt off the bed, then we can stay out
here without disturbing the girls.’
Nathan needed no further encouragement. In fact, it was the fastest I’d seen him move.
While he was away I quickly zipped up the insect netting, effectively sealing us into a canvas cocoon. I then stepped out of my jeans and pulled my top over my head and wished I’d taken the time to wax my bikini line in my flat before we’d left. I’d borrow his razor in the morning. I hoped he had some spare blades as my legs were going to need doing again too. I had anticipated this evening and, after getting soaked earlier in the water-fight, I’d changed into my red Huit underwear.
I felt Nathan’s eyes on my back.
‘What is it, Nathan? I know you’re standing staring.’
‘Your underwear’s red.’
‘It is.’
‘I’d expected it to be black.’
‘Sometimes I like a change.’
‘Your body’s in great shape.’
I smiled but didn’t turn around. ‘Well, as you know I don’t have … didn’t have a boyfriend and not much of a social life, so what else do you think I do with my time?’
‘Makes sense. It’s just in your normal clothes you can’t see very much.’
‘And that’s a bad thing? Do you want other men lusting after me?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘You’d rather I wore tight clingy clothes that made other men stare at me whilst having carnal thoughts?’
‘Maybe.’
‘You mean you’d like other men ogling your girlfriend?’
‘I don’t know – are you now officially my girlfriend?’
‘You don’t know much.’
‘I know lots, just not much about women, I suppose.’
‘You and the rest of the male species and, yes, I’m now your girlfriend. The media have me down as your girlfriend, so it must be true.’
‘I don’t believe everything I read.’
I spun quickly around, pleased to see his eyes meet mine and not drop to my boobs. ‘So, you want other men lusting after me?’
‘I think men like to think that their girlfriend is attractive to other men.’
‘It’s like a validation thing, then?’
He shrugged. ‘Probably.’
‘Men are weird.’
‘We are. Shall I get my coat?’
‘Oh, no, I don’t think so – putting clothes back on is not what I’ve got in mind right now, my nipp—’
‘Yeah, yeah, you’ve said all that.’
I smiled and stepped into Nathan’s space and gazed into his eyes. I leaned into him and when our lips met my body suddenly felt it was in the presence of superior genetics and in a rush of adrenaline it liquefied.
My breath caught in his mouth and I felt him stiffen against me in more ways than one. He slipped his hands down my back and pulled me in close. One of his hands slipped instinctively lower, touching the elastic of my knickers, and as he slipped his thumb just under the fabric I was sure he could feel the sweat that had accumulated on my lower back just above my buttocks. It felt incredibly intimate, him touching my perspiring skin.
As I felt his hand sink lower I allowed myself to relax into him. The moment I’d been denying myself for so long had arrived and I wanted to enjoy every second of it.
I pulled his tee shirt over his head while he fumbled with his belt and jeans. Now we were both standing in our underwear staring into each other’s eyes and gasping. A fleeting thought about suggesting we both shower first flashed across my bizarre brain as neither of us had bathed in the last twenty-four hours (excepting the water fight, but that hardly counted). The scent coming from him, all male and musky, made me forget all about the shower; I didn’t want to wash any of that away. Before I could think about anything more Nathan pulled me onto the duvet.
Nathan hadn’t been with anyone but Laura for a decade.
I hadn’t been with anyone for ages.
I worried that I’d be inadequate in some way, unable to match up to Yummy Mummy Laura. My self-doubts and fear that our first encounter would be crap had played a role in delaying us getting together. What I hadn’t bargained for was it being amazing.
Nathan rolled on top of me, pinning me under his body, and the storm that had been building broke in more ways than one as the first fork of lightning sparked across the sky. Hormone-soaked lust took over and everything felt natural and easy, as if we’d known each other forever. I only wished I could have shared the mind-blowing feeling I could feel building and expanding outwards. As I rushed towards climax the lightning flashed, momentarily freeze-framing Nathan’s face distorted in ecstasy as he too neared his zenith. The sight pushed me over the edge and I couldn’t help crying out as
the thunder rumbled dramatically overhead and rain began to hammer on the canvas above us.
When I came to my senses I lay clutching Nathan’s body, slick in sweat and arousal, and could detect above the intoxicating scent of our own bodies the subtle but unmistakeable metallic sparky smell of ozone. I didn’t normally notice smells and scents much, probably because I’d desensitised myself from years of working in the morgue, but for some reason tonight my sense of smell had heightened. I panted like a thirsty collie and wondered how incredible the world must be for dogs with a sense of smell forty times more sensitive than ours.
‘Nathan?’
‘Mm,’ he mumbled.
Still coming down from my orgasmic high, I giggled. ‘It must be amazing to be a dog.’
‘Eh?’
‘It must be amazing being a dog.’
‘We can do doggy in a while if you want. I need a few minutes.’
I slapped his sweaty but cool bum. ‘No, I didn’t mean that. Dogs have such sensitive noses they can smell everything, loads more than we can.’
‘Not sure that’s very romantic, Kat.’
‘Can you smell heather?’
‘Who’s she?’
‘Not who – what. The heather, it’s kind of like herbs.’
‘I don’t think heather is a herb. It might be though – I didn’t do botany at school.’
‘What can you smell?’
‘I can smell you. You’re delicious.’
‘Thank you. Anything else?’
Nathan moved off and lay beside me and pulled my head around and kissed me deeply. ‘I can’t really concentrate now. You’re so beautiful I can’t take my eyes off you.’
I laughed nervously. I wasn’t good at afterglow chat, nor could I accept compliments gracefully, so I kept quiet, kissed him back and asked, ‘What are you thinking about?’
Nathan sighed. ‘Why do women always want to know what you’re thinking? Laura used to ask me that when we first got together. I wasn’t thinking anything.’
‘You were thinking about nothing?’
‘No, I wasn’t thinking anything. Thinking about nothing implies I was thinking about nothing and my brain had been engaged in thinking, but it wasn’t.’
‘You can’t not be thinking about something.’
The Second Life of Nathan Jones Page 18