‘That’s a double negative and I don’t deal well with that sort of question, but why not?’
‘Because it’s not possible – everybody needs to be thinking about something. You can’t walk about with an empty head.’
‘But I can. Most blokes I know are quite capable of sitting about not thinking about anything at all. When I worked in the London ad agency some of the blokes managed it spectacularly well with an accompanying vacant expression. Some managed to do it pretty much all day, judging by their work output. We men don’t have this conveyor belt of stuff trundling past us 24/7 like women seem to have. It’s not that we never think or worry about things, as my current situation shows, but generally if I’m not thinking about mundane stuff or nothing at all then I’m thinking about work problems or sex or occasionally football, or if there’s an England test match on then I might be wondering—’
‘Okay, stop, please, stop …’ I laughed. ‘I’m sorry I asked now. I won’t—’
Nathan grabbed my shoulders and stopped my reply by engulfing my mouth with his. The wind suddenly picked up as the thunder and lightning drifted away. I shivered deliciously and snuggled into Nathan. He pulled the duvet around us and this time we made love slowly, listening to the sound of our breathing and raindrops falling all around us. Afterwards, he lay with his head resting on my tummy, which felt incredibly intimate for some reason. ‘Are you comfortable down there?’
‘Yes, thanks.’
I giggled, which made his head jiggle up and down.
‘What is it?’
‘I just had a thought – I’ve got a head for bodies and a body for heads.’
‘Very good, Kat; don’t give up the day job.’
‘I work nights too.’
‘Don’t give up the night job, then.’
I punched him gently on the back. ‘That’s us now, mated.’
‘You make us sound like swans.’
‘Nice analogy; swans mate for life.’
‘I didn’t know that.’
‘You do now.’
We must have drifted off to sleep because the next time I opened my eyes dawn light had started to bathe the grass and heather-clad hills in crimson light. I sat up and then gazed back down at my still-sleeping boyfriend. He’d moved up beside me at some point during the night. He really was beautiful when he slept, lips slightly parted revealing perfect white teeth. He had to be the most gorgeous man I’d ever slept with, ever kissed in fact, punching well above my weight. One thing I knew – I was done for, totally smitten. I’d been waiting my whole life to feel what I was feeling now and although there were huge obstacles in front of me I didn’t care. I didn’t know how he felt about me and, until I did, I didn’t want to blurt out my thoughts as that would just put undue pressure on him, especially as the split from his wife was so recent and so raw.
That made me a little worried; he must have compared me to his wife. A woman like Laura – in a similar way to Hayley – must be aware of how her looks made people react. Men would listen to her, open doors for her, stare after her when she passed them and even women would view her differently. Some would envy her, some would admire her. The one thing nobody would do was ignore her.
He must have compared you to his wife when you were shagging, my inner voice whispered.
‘I know, she’s very beautiful, but she’s a bitch,’ I whispered back.
A beautiful bitch.
‘He wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t like me.’
He likes you, but does he love you? Could he love you?
‘I don’t know.’
You forgot the bodice.
‘So, I did, damn.’
I watched as Nathan’s eyes opened, at the look of surprise on his face to see me gazing down at him. ‘Hi,’ he said sleepily.
I put my insecurities to one side and tried to live in the moment. I leaned down to kiss him.
Nathan reached up and pulled me down on top of him. I laughed just as we heard Daisy’s voice: ‘DADDY, DADDY! Where are you?’
Nathan groaned, and I laughed. ‘You’d better go, Daddy.’
Nathan reluctantly pulled away from me. ‘Later?’
I nodded. ‘Definitely.’
Nathan stood up and started to walk towards the open door of the camper when I noticed something he hadn’t. ‘Nathan?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Clothes.’
He looked down and, realising that he was still naked, he quickly pulled on his boxers and jeans, both of which appeared to be damp from lying on the grass all night.
‘DADDY!’
Nathan sighed. ‘Coming, Daisy, I’m coming.’
*
As he went inside to tend to his daughters, Nathan felt as if he were walking on air. He hadn’t experienced emotions like these in years. All his pain and anguish had vanished; he had made a connection with another human being both physically and mentally that felt incredible and he wanted it to last forever.
Somewhere deep down, he suspected that there would be a price to pay for all of this joy, but, for now, he tried to ignore it and let the feelings of new love (and lust, if he was being honest) wash all over him.
Delirium, that would be the best description he could think of. He remembered reading somewhere that love was a kind of madness that didn’t last, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy it. If it evolved into something deeper, more satisfying, you were lucky. He hoped he’d be lucky.
Chapter 24
I opened the netting and looked around for my underwear that I’d hastily discarded the previous evening. I found my bra but the bottom half of my twin-set had vanished. I wondered for a moment if Nathan had an underwear fetish and had secreted them away, but he’d not even had his own boxers in hand when he’d got up.
I gave up searching and avoided the girls by slipping into the shower cubicle. I stood under the warm water for longer than I should have, given that we only had a finite amount available. I came out to find Nathan waiting for his turn. He kissed me quickly and said, ‘You’re amazing, oh, and Millie’s got some questions for you.’
‘What questions?’
‘You’ll see,’ he said cryptically as he slipped past me.
I put on some clean underwear, a black Melrose lace top and a pair of slashed leggings – black, of course. I reapplied my dark eye make-up, discarded any thought of wearing my kitten heels (no idea why I’d packed them or why I’d thought I’d ever get to wear them on a trip like this). Instead I laced up the black trainers I’d been wearing since we left Edinburgh. I brewed myself a mug of coffee and made ready for Millie’s interrogation.
‘Kat?’
‘Millie.’
‘Do you like my dad?’
‘Yes, Millie, why do you think I’m here?’
‘Can I ask the questions just now, please?’
I laughed at her serious face, and decided she’d make a great police detective. ‘Okay, sweetie.’
‘I’m also speaking for Daisy and Chloe this morning. We’ve already got a mum, you know. I’m also old enough to know that my parents haven’t been getting on for a long time, but if you and my dad get together what kind of role will you have in our lives?’
‘That’s a very grown-up question, Millie, and I’m not sure your dad and I are really at a stage to answer it yet.’
Millie nodded. ‘Okay, but, if we assume that things progress and you “stick around”, what will you be?’
‘The evil stepmother?’
‘You’re not taking this very seriously, are you?’
I laughed again and shook my head at the serious face staring back at me. ‘Millie, you’re so …’ what was the best description? ‘… grown up. Why is that?’
Millie rolled her eyes, ‘Somebody needs to be on the ball around here.’
‘Your dad and I are on the ball, Millie. We—’
‘I heard you last night.’
‘Oh.’ I didn’t know what to say to that. ‘One day you’ll … I’m sure �
�’ I was useless at patronising and decided being honest was what I was best at. ‘I love your dad, Millie. I’m not sure he knows it yet, but I do. Last night was just an expression of that love.’
Millie smiled, enjoying my discomfort. ‘It was a very loud expression.’
I laughed and blushed.
‘Anyway,’ Millie carried on, ‘I’m glad for him. He and Mum, well … they didn’t, don’t make each other happy. I think they only stayed together for as long as they did for us.’ Millie paused and squinted at me through her fringe. ‘When he got killed Mum seemed happy and that can’t be a good thing, can it?’
I slowly shook my head. ‘No, I don’t think it is.’
‘If everyone gets to be happier, then I think that’s a good thing even though it’ll be confusing for us.’
‘How did you feel about changing schools and staying in London?’
‘Not happy. All my friends are in Edinburgh and I wouldn’t get to see Dad much. Daisy and Chloe aren’t old enough yet to understand and just kind of do what they’re told, but I said to my mum I didn’t want to stay in London.’
‘What did she say?’
‘“You’ll get used to it.”’
‘That wasn’t very nice.’
‘No, it wasn’t.’
The mention of her mother seemed to knock Millie off her stride and she said, ‘Okay, that’s all my questions for now.’
‘Did I pass?’
Millie smiled and flicked her hair back. ‘I’ll let you know later.’ She wandered outside, and I got the feeling I’d been let off lightly.
*
Nathan and I sat close at breakfast. I wanted to be near him and the feeling was obviously mutual. He kept touching me, my hand, his knee pressed against my thigh, stealing kisses when the girls weren’t watching.
After we’d tidied away the plates, I got a text from Hayley saying James would be arriving in about half an hour. We got the girls dressed and ready the best we could. Millie was still playing with my GHD straighteners (switched off, of course) when I heard a car engine pull up and stop outside.
I stepped out of the door and Hayley emerged from the car. I ran over and we hugged. It felt great to see her and, on the verge of tears, we both did that strange dance that women did when they were trying not to cry, bouncing and fanning our eyes with our hands.
I pulled Hayley over to meet Nathan. ‘Nathan, this is Hayley.’
‘I’d gathered that,’ he said, staring open-mouthed.
‘Eyes on stalks, Nathan,’ I warned.
‘Sorry.’
‘She is gorgeous, though, isn’t she?’
I watched and could see him wondering if agreeing with me would land him in trouble, but if he’d learned anything about me at all he’d know I expected everyone to be honest even if that expectation was rarely satisfied. He smiled and said, ‘Stunning, definitely eyes on stalks.’
‘What is this “eyes on stalks” business?’ asked Hayley.
‘You know, babes,’ I answered. ‘Like those cartoon characters when they see something amazing – their eyes pop out on stalks.’
‘Oh, okay.’
I glanced over her shoulder. ‘I didn’t know you were coming. I just expected James and the Dads for Daughters bloke.’
‘I couldn’t resist tagging along. Besides, I don’t think James wanted to come on his own in case you beat him up.’
‘I’ve never beaten anyone up in my life. I’m a pussy Kat.’ I giggled at my own joke.
‘Yeah, well, it’s probably because I’ve given him such a hard time that he wanted some reinforcements. Here he comes now.’ Hayley stepped back to let James into our little circle.
‘Kat, it’s good to see you again.’
‘James,’ I said coolly. ‘It’s not really, is it? Under different circumstances maybe. This is Nathan.’
Nathan shook hands very formerly with James, just as a large dark-bearded man pushed into the group. James introduced him. ‘This is George from Dads for Daughters, also known as the bearded wonder.’
‘Especially by my wife,’ he added.
‘Too much information, I think,’ I said, wondering why someone would say something like that in front of strangers. Maybe he suffered from the same foot-in-mouth syndrome that I did.
‘What a drive,’ James said, changing the subject. ‘It took us four hours from Glasgow. It doesn’t look that far on the map and we must have driven past the opening to your little hidey-hole about five times.’
James gazed out across the little glade and said, ‘What a beautiful place.’
I beamed. ‘It’s amazing, isn’t it?’
James then spotted Millie, Chloe and Daisy standing nervously a few feet away. ‘Wow, your girls are gorgeous, and, if you don’t mind me saying so, little dark-haired carbon copies of their mother. In fact, you know what they remind me of? Little Russian dolls, each one a smaller version of the previous one.’
Nathan smiled. ‘Someone said that once before when we were in Turkey on holiday. Kat says you know each other from school?’
James nodded. ‘Yeah, and that’s how I know Hayley too.’
‘What, like childhood sweethearts? Kat never told me that.’
I watched as James shuffled uncomfortably as Hayley answered, ‘Well, that’s not exactly how it happened, to be honest. We hadn’t seen each other in years, then one day he turns up at my work.’
‘Looking for a job?’
‘Looking for a divorce.’
‘So, you asked out the lawyer handling your divorce?’ Nathan asked James in a surprised tone. ‘Isn’t that a conflict of interest or at least unethical?’
I watched my friend squirm uncomfortably. ‘Well, technically I’m not his lawyer, and we’ll keep it secret, obviously, until James’s divorce is finalised.’
Nathan nodded, and noticed me shaking my head. He took the hint and changed the subject. ‘Okay, James, so what do you want me to do?’
‘We’ll spend the remainder of the morning coaching, how to look at the camera, how to hold yourself—’
‘Hold myself?’ Nathen interrupted, puzzled.
‘Posture and eye contact mostly, then we need to pick up any tics that you might have.’
I said, ‘There’s lots of midges but I’ve not seen any ticks. Don’t you get them from sheep? I haven’t seen any sheep.’
‘Not that sort of tick, nervous tics, like mannerisms and habits. We want to make sure that when we’re talking the focus is on what Nathan is saying, not on what he’s doing.’
‘I didn’t know it’d be so complicated.’
‘You wouldn’t believe how complicated it gets, but all I’m after is some good interview footage with everyone. George here will be sympathetic and provide some advice and hopefully a few shots of you all playing with the girls.’
I didn’t understand. ‘Why do you want me involved? I’m the wicked witch, remember?’
James scratched his head. ‘Yeah, exactly, we need to dispel that myth as well. In many ways this is as much about you as it is Nathan. At the beginning of the Donaldson interview they made out that you’ve led Nathan astray. They even suggested that you might have been the cause of all the Joneses’ problems.’
I couldn’t believe that. ‘What a crock of shit – is that what she’s saying? We must have missed that bit.’
Chloe appeared behind me and tugged on my top. ‘Wait a minute, Chloe, I’m talking to James,’ I said kindly.
Nathan came over and put his hand on my arm. ‘Don’t get annoyed. You’ll get the girls upset if you start slagging off their mother. We both know it’s a pack of lies but we just must try and deal with it and fight back – that’s what James and George are here to do. The thing is, I’m not one hundred per cent sure why we’re even bothering.’
Chloe said, ‘Kat, Kat …’
‘Wait a minute, Chloe.’ I still hadn’t looked at her.
James stepped in. ‘Good point. When you get back to civilisation Laura will be
waiting for you. She wants the girls to live with her and you want them with you. She’ll have everyone on her side now, so you need some ammunition to fight with. Currently you have nothing.
‘In this wonderful setting they can’t fail to look happy and content and that is probably the most important and powerful thing we can do – show your girls happy and playing with you both. That one shot will probably do more good than all the other footage we put together, but it’s all about building a picture completely contrary to that being painted by your wife.’
‘You make it sound like a war,’ Nathan said.
‘In a way it is, I’m afraid, whether you like it or not.’
Nathan sighed and said, ‘Okay, what would you like me to do?’
‘Kat!’ Chloe said very loudly.
I turned around. ‘What is it, Chloe?’
‘Are these yours?’ Gripped between her forefinger and thumb, very gingerly she held up my missing knickers for everyone to see.
‘Oh,’ I said, turning beetroot.
‘I found them over there near the bushes. Did you lose them doing a pee pee?’
Everybody roared with laughter as I grabbed them, tucked them into my pocket and said, ‘Yeah, something like that.’
James came to my rescue by saying, ‘The weather’s not looking too promising so let’s get a move on.’ He noticed Daisy scooping mud from a puddle. ‘Can we keep them clean, do you think?’
Everybody followed his gaze and started laughing again. ‘She wouldn’t have dared do that a month ago,’ Nathan observed.
‘Why not?’ asked Hayley.
Nathan nodded towards me. ‘Because someone’s taught them how to be naughty and they’ve become proper little tomboys.’
I punched him playfully on the arm, glad the attention had been taken off my underwear. ‘I taught them how to have some fun. They were timid little mice before I appeared on the scene.’
James switched his gaze between me and the girls. ‘So, it’s your fault they’re playing in a muddy puddle, then?’
I shrugged. ‘And Peppa Pig’s. They were watching that this morning.’
Hayley noticed the darkening sky and said with her practical head on, ‘It also means that we might need somewhere to stay overnight,’ as she walked over to the motorhome. ‘Ooh, what a lovely camper van.’
The Second Life of Nathan Jones Page 19