The Second Life of Nathan Jones

by David Atkinson

‘Sid!’

  He didn’t look back, leaving me all alone with … ‘Smacktard.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘That’s what I call you now.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Why do you think? What are you doing here?’

  ‘I’d like to reset the clock.’

  ‘Reset what clock? What are you on about?’

  ‘Well, this is where we met, and I thought there might be a nice kind of symmetry in being back here again with you and—’

  ‘And what? You think I’ll go all whoopsy woo and weak at the knees?’

  ‘Whoopsy woo?’

  ‘Yeah, well, I’m flustered.’ The moron smiled, and though I did go weak at the knees I’d never let him see that, so I walked away.

  ‘Kat.’

  ‘Just go away, Nathan. I don’t want you screwing up my life again. What’s happened? Has Mrs Smacktard left you again and you need someone to make your dinner?’

  ‘I left this time.’

  ‘Why?’ I didn’t know why I even asked that question. I knew I should just have phoned Security and got him evicted, but I didn’t. What a sucker I was.

  ‘I couldn’t get over you. I couldn’t settle back with Laura; it just didn’t feel right.’

  I spluttered, ‘Well, it looked pretty bloody well all right the last time I saw the two of you. You’d got her to go all vamp, so you could have the best of both worlds.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You got Mrs Smacktard to dress like me.’

  The penny dropped. ‘Oh, Kat, she was going to a fancy-dress party. She’d—’

  ‘Fancy-dress party?’

  ‘Yeah, at her work. Remember, I told you she had a works do that night and I didn’t want to go because I hate fancy-dress parties.’

  ‘You mean you didn’t persuade her to go all Goth to replace me? Did you shag her when she was like that?’ I didn’t know why that mattered to me, but it did.

  ‘No, she came home stupidly drunk and spent most of the night being sick.’

  I stood still and silent, staring at him, wondering what to do, then he had to go and spoil it. He came over, took the rose from me and said, ‘I’m just a boy standing in front of a girl asking …’

  ‘Argh.’ I rushed at him, pushed him away and ran out of the room into the daylight, tears streaming down my face. How I hated that stupid line.

  I ran out towards the front of the hospital and plonked myself down onto a bench, holding my head in my hands. Why did he have to come and see me? I’d just got to the stage where everything felt good again.

  I sensed rather than saw him sit beside me. ‘Sorry, I didn’t know that would upset you. Sid told me it was your favourite movie line of all time.’

  I started shaking uncontrollably.

  ‘Kat …’ I could hear his concerned voice in the distance, but I’d got too wrapped up in the moment and shook even more.

  ‘Kat, Kat, are you all right? Should I go and get a doctor?’

  I lifted my head to look at him; tears were pouring from my eyes, partly for the torment he’d put me through but mostly because I’d kill Sid when I saw him. My favourite movie line indeed.

  I started laughing, almost hysterically, and the look on Smacktard’s face made me worse and I slipped onto the floor, still in hysterics. Sid had set all this up and had set Nathan up too.

  It took me a few minutes to regain my composure before I could speak to him. I took a deep breath and said, ‘How did you persuade Sid to help you?’

  ‘I came here last week. I needed to talk to him to see if you’d mentioned me at all and, well, he represented my last hope, my only way of finding out how you were feeling.’

  ‘Feeling? How I was feeling? How the hell do you think I’d be feeling? You know what? I’d got over you, I’d got beyond the bit where you used me, dumped me and the bit where you were such a coward that you had to get your wife to tell me you’d gone back to her.’

  He nodded. ‘Yeah, I can’t excuse that. I didn’t mean for you to find out that way. I’d wanted to meet you and tell you and—’

  ‘And what would you have said, Nathan? “Oh, sorry, Kat. I think I’m going to go back to my wife. I hope you don’t mind. I know she left me, said nasty things about me on TV, took out a court order against me, bullied my daughter and nailed my head to the floor but I can’t hold that against her. I deserved it.”

  ‘She didn’t nail my head to the floor.’

  ‘I might.’

  Nathan laughed, and my heart melted a little bit. ‘I think she would like to do that now. Maybe you can both get together and have a “let’s nail Nathan’s head to the floor” party.’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  ‘If I let you nail my head to the floor, will you go out with me again?’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to go out with someone with big holes in the side of their head.’

  ‘No, I suppose not.’

  We both sat in silence for a moment before I said, ‘I don’t know if I can trust you again, or even if I want to try. Where are you living?’

  ‘I’ve rented a small flat in Meadowbank. It’s not much but it’s all I can afford just now.’

  ‘So, the girls are with your wife in Dumbiedykes?’

  ‘No, we sold that and bought a big house in Portobello, or, rather, Laura did. I just kind of went along.’

  ‘Like a piece of the furniture.’

  ‘That’s what it felt like.’

  ‘So how do you see the girls?’

  ‘Laura drops them at school and nursery and I pick them up. I get them most Saturdays and she has them on Sunday. They stay over at mine but it’s very cramped, not ideal, but it’s been okay.’

  ‘What will she say when she knows you’re seeing me again?’

  ‘She won’t be happy.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘She thinks you’ll turn her daughters into punks.’

  ‘Goths.’

  ‘Goths. Will you?’

  ‘Maybe,’ I said, laughing.

  ‘Okay. I probably won’t mention that.’

  ‘Will you not miss lording it up in the big house?’

  ‘I wasn’t there long enough to “lord” anything really and, another thing, it’s always cold and if you lose anything it can be a nightmare. I put my watch down somewhere and it took me three days to find it.’

  ‘You spent three days looking for your watch?’

  ‘No, silly, I gave up after about half an hour, but it was three days before I came across it again.’

  ‘Where was it?’

  ‘Where I’d left it.’

  ‘Where was that?’

  ‘I can’t remember now.’

  ‘No wonder you lose things. When did you leave?’

  ‘Two months ago.’

  ‘When are you going back?’

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I can’t. I’ve tried that. I’ve learned that you can’t go back. What Laura and I had, we lost. A long time ago.’

  ‘So why did you do it, then?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘The little head ruling the big head again? Did she tempt you back with unlimited sex?’

  ‘Her heart wasn’t really in it.’

  ‘What’s her heart got to do with it?’

  ‘Everything. I love you, Kat. I used to love Laura and I knew as soon as we were back together that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life. I went for what seemed like all the right reasons—’

  ‘Unlimited sex.’

  ‘Okay, for most of the right reasons, but that’s not how things work, is it?’

  ‘I wouldn’t know,’ I said huffily.

  He took my face in his hands. ‘You do know. I tried to do the right thing for my girls, but they knew it wasn’t right and even Laura knows … I think. She won’t like the idea of me being with you, but it’ll be easier than what we were doing. She can be herself and get another boyfriend i
f that’s what she wants.’

  ‘Did she explode when you told her you were leaving?’

  ‘No, she cried.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘I couldn’t give her my last bagel.’

  ‘She’s crying over a bagel? I mean, could you not go to the shops and get more?’

  ‘Well, yes, but she’s not crying about bagels.’

  ‘Good, not many people would.’

  ‘It’s all about what the last bagel represents.’

  ‘You’re crazier than me. What does it represent?’

  ‘It’s like the last chance of, err … I tell you what, ask Millie. It’s the bagel test. She’ll explain it to you.’ He shut up and stared at me.

  I was in trouble here; what should I do? I could tell him to take his bagels and bugger off, but then I’d spend the rest of my life wondering and possibly regretting the decision. The alternative of opening myself up to hurt and possible betrayal again wasn’t much better. As Nathan stared at me waiting for a decision I remembered what Sid had said about love phoning and maybe not calling back if you let it go to voicemail or text or … Well, I understood the gist of it anyway; it was somewhere up there with the bagel analogy. It suddenly occurred to me that Nathan had recently been given a second chance at life so maybe he deserved a second chance at love too.

  I smiled at him, he smiled back and my bits twitched so of course I had to take him home.

  Later in my dark bedroom he leaned over and kissed me again. ‘Mm, I’ve missed your kisses,’ I murmured.

  ‘Me too.’

  ‘You can kiss yourself any time you want.’

  ‘I can’t kiss myself. I wouldn’t want to anyway.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘I don’t fancy myself.’

  ‘You should, you’re lovely.’

  ‘Not as lovely as you.’

  ‘Flattery might get you into my knickers.’

  ‘You’ve not got any knickers on.’

  ‘See, told you.’

  Nathan laughed. ‘Our conversations are still bizarre. I missed that.’

  ‘Did Mrs Smacktard not do bizarre?’

  ‘Not really. She’s very matter-of-fact, no time for nonsense.’

  ‘That’s a shame; everyone needs nonsense in their lives to make up for all the serious stuff.’

  ‘I agree. I probably never used to think like that, but you’ve changed me.’

  ‘I’ve not changed you. It was always there, I just pulled it out of you.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘My pleasure. But I need to be serious for a minute.’

  ‘Do you really?’

  ‘Yes, sorry. I’ll be silly again soon and you can get into my knickers again.’

  ‘You’re not wearing any.’

  ‘Oh, right. I’ll put them back on and you can take them off again.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Right, we need to talk about what we’re going to do.’

  ‘About your knickers?’

  ‘You’re obsessed with my knickers.’

  ‘I’m obsessed with you.’

  ‘Nathan, I need you to do something for me, and don’t mention my knickers.’

  ‘I wasn’t going to.’

  ‘You were so.’

  ‘Yeah, I was.’

  ‘I need you to get dressed, walk one hundred yards down the road and get some wine, crisps, milk and bread. Can you manage that?’

  ‘It’s not a Tesco’s, is it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘That’ll be all right, then. Anything else?’

  ‘Yeah, hurry up. I’ll get cold in here on my own.’

  He clambered out of bed and I watched his naked backside sway across the room as he gathered up his clothes. As soon as he’d left I grabbed my phone and eagerly dialled Hayley’s number. She answered on the first ring; it must be a quiet day in lawyer land. ‘Guess what I’ve been doing.’

  ‘Err, dancing with the devil.’

  ‘Ooh, so close. I’ve been in bed with Smacktard.’ Silence. ‘Hayley, are you there?’

  ‘Yeah, just concerned about my couch and, of course, your mental health.’

  ‘My mental health’s fine. Listen until I tell you what happened.’

  After I’d finished speaking, she said, ‘Romantic and creepy, right up your street.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose.’

  ‘Sweetie, are you sure he’s not going to hurt you again?’

  ‘Of course not, how can anyone ever be sure about that?’

  ‘Well, fair point, but you think he’s left her for good this time?’

  ‘I think so, but I’ll be careful.’

  ‘You’d better be. I suppose this means a kind of happyish ending, then.’

  ‘Not really – happy beginnings maybe.’

  ‘True. Listen, when he needs a good divorce lawyer he knows where to go.’

  I giggled. ‘I’m not sure I can recommend a firm where the lawyers sleep with their clients.’

  ‘I thought it was a novel way of drumming up business.’

  ‘The other partners didn’t agree with you.’

  ‘They didn’t so I won’t do it again.’

  ‘Okay, then, I’ll give Smacktard your card.’

  ‘You can’t keep calling him that.’

  ‘I can, and I will.’

  ‘When will you stop?’

  ‘When he proposes to me.’

  ‘That might be some time.’

  I smiled. ‘I know.’

  ‘Right, this from the girl who thought she wasn’t the sort of girl anyone would want to marry.’

  ‘That was a long time ago.’

  ‘You said it only weeks ago.’

  ‘A lot has happened since then.’

  ‘It certainly has, so what’s your plan?’

  ‘Well, I’ve got Sid’s wedding coming up and there’s nothing like a good wedding when you’re madly in love.’

  ‘You’re madly in love?’

  ‘I think so. I’m mad anyway.’

  ‘Yeah, no argument there from me.’

  ‘I get to wear black. I might even resurrect my tiara from prom night. It’s still in the wardrobe in my old bedroom.’

  ‘I can smell the gloss paint now.’

  I heard the front door opening and the general scuffling sound that men made when they came into a house. ‘Listen, I need to go, sweetie, he’s just come back. I’ll call you later.’

  I heard him going into the kitchen and stowing things in the fridge. A few minutes later we were curled up in bed again. ‘I’m not sure I can trust you again,’ I whispered into his ear.

  ‘But we’re in bed together.’

  ‘That’s lust, not trust. Everything is not back to normal.’

  ‘What’s normal?’

  ‘Yeah, good point. Not us anyway.’

  ‘So, what do you want to do, then? My heart is in your hands,’ he said, sitting up on his elbow and staring at me.

  ‘Yeah, for me, that brings up a whole different picture.’

  ‘Right, sorry, I forgot. Okay, I’d like to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.’

  ‘What film is that from?’

  ‘I don’t know, none … I mean, well, I don’t think so, it might be, I suppose, but …’

  I laughed at the panicked expression and realised for the first time in my life that I held the power in a relationship, or at least I’d be on a level footing, and it felt wonderful. ‘It’s okay, I’m just kidding. What we’ll do is take it nice and slow and see how things develop.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For taking me back.’

  ‘Well, I’m still considering it, to be honest, and I’m going to make you work extra hard to make it up to me. Anyway, I can’t let you leave as I’ve saved your life twice so I’m responsible for you forever and a day.’

  ‘Twice?’

  ‘Yeah, once in the morgue and the second time from a fate worse than death with your wif
e.’

  ‘I’m glad you didn’t stay normal.’

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘The blonde hair and sensible clothes it … well, it just isn’t you and it impressed Laura.’

  ‘Wait, my being normal and sensible impressed your wife and you didn’t like that?’

  ‘I didn’t like that you’d tried to change who you were for me, or for anyone. I love you just the way you are.’

  ‘There’s probably a few things you need to know about me if you’re going to stick around.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘My parents are a bit mad.’

  ‘My mother fell off a boat.’

  ‘Oh, yeah, so she did. Okay, you win that one. I sometimes talk to myself out loud.’

  ‘No, you don’t.’

  ‘Don’t I?’

  ‘No, you argue with yourself. I heard you in the Highlands.’

  ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yeah, when we were lying together in the morning after the storm, I heard you wondering if I loved you.’

  ‘That’s embarrassing.’

  ‘It’s not and I should have told you then and there how I felt.’

  ‘But you didn’t.’

  ‘No, I didn’t want you to know that I’d been listening.’

  ‘Well, at least you know life won’t be perfect and orderly with me.’

  ‘I’ve had enough of trying to do everything perfect and orderly.’

  ‘Good, and, on that note of being unconventional, I’ve got a stag party to organise.’

  ‘A stag party … don’t you mean a hen party?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Whose stag do are you organising and why?’

  ‘Sid’s getting married and I’m his best man/woman/whatever.’

  ‘Best whatever. I like the sound of that.’

  ‘Yeah, well, if you’re going to be around you’ll need to help me.’

  ‘I’m going to be around, am I?’

  ‘I hope so.’ I lay my head on his chest and murmured, ‘I don’t plan on going to this wedding on my own.’

  ‘When is it?’

  ‘Halloween.’

  ‘This Halloween?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘That’s only a few weeks away.’

  ‘It is. You’ll love it.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘It’s fancy dress.’

  ‘Aww, no, I hate fancy dress.’

  ‘I know. I’ve got the perfect costume idea for you.’

  ‘You have?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Go on, then, disappoint me.’