From Our First: A Promise Me Novel

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  There was also the mom with her five kids, looking frazzled but excited because they were outside in the fresh air, the beautiful mountains the perfect backdrop for any occasion.

  Then there were the crunchy granola hipsters, the ones that kept Boulder weird.

  The college students. The ones either half-baked, fully baked, or completely exhausted because I had a feeling it was midterm season given what my friend Hazel had said. She taught at one of the main universities in the city. Though the huge university was the University of Colorado, Boulder University was up-and-coming.

  All of those people plus many more made Boulder unique, and all the weird that it wanted to be. It was completely different from what I had grown up with, and precisely what I needed. I might’ve tried to go to college for a bit in Denver, but that hadn’t worked out. And I didn’t want to think about it. I couldn’t.

  Once again, I pushed that out of my mind and told myself that I would talk about it with my therapist. The next time I went. If that ever happened.

  I looked up at the small coffee shop and smiled. The place was busy, Dakota’s steady stream of customers loyal and increasing by the day. She was doing amazingly, and I was so proud of her.

  She had been through hell and back more than once in her life, and now she and her son and Macon were making things right. They were a family. And they were doing wonderfully.

  I ignored the little clutch in my belly at that. It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy for her. I was beyond happy. But there was jealousy there, too. And there shouldn’t be. I shouldn’t be envious of an idea that wouldn’t change my outcome.

  And I hated that I knew that. I wanted the idea of that family. The idea that I could have one. I wanted that. I desired that happiness. I had tried for it once, but I had been wrong. So, yes, I was jealous of my friends. And I hated that. But I knew if I went for it, if I walked in there, I still wouldn’t have what they did.

  Because I would never have him.

  “Suck it up, Myra,” I said and walked through the doors, a little out of breath. “Hello there, girls,” I added, making my way to our usual booth.

  Hazel sat there, her tablet in her hand as she worked through something. Work or planning her wedding, I wasn’t sure. She was starting to get that bridal fever, and I kind of loved it.

  She and Cross were made for each other, even though they’d almost lost everything to get where they were. Much like everybody else at this table had. Somehow, the courtships brought about through this pact system of ours had created a craziness that I still couldn’t explain.

  But it had worked out for them.

  I didn’t think there was enough fate and magic pixie dust left in the universe to make it work for me, though.

  “There you are,” Paris said, setting her enormous paper planner down beside her. The thing seemed to increase in size every time I looked at it, and I couldn’t help but hold back a smile.

  “I promised I’d be here. Hello, Paris. And Paris’s planner.”

  “Are you making fun of my planner?” Paris asked in her most haughty tone.

  “Maybe.” I took a seat across the booth from her.

  My friend narrowed her eyes at me. “Beware, I will write down in my planner that I will have to smite you if you continue to do so.”

  Hazel took a sip of her drink and snorted some foam. “Smite?” she asked, and I shook my head, doing my best not to let my lips twitch.

  “Is it smote? Or smoted?” I asked, playing along to annoy Paris.

  “Please stop trying to make up words when you don’t understand.” Paris scrunched her nose.

  “You just threatened to smite me, so I’m not exactly sure you have a leg to stand on,” I said.

  “Speaking of promises, I’m glad you came.” Dakota set an herbal tea in front of me. It smelled lovely and was already made perfectly with a dash of honey and a dollop of cream.

  “Oh, thank you.” I brought it to my nose to inhale its scent. “It smells divine.”

  Paris sighed. “If you’re done making love to your tea, let’s talk about that promise you made. A pact, indeed.”

  I narrowed my eyes into slits as I stared at Paris and casually took a sip of my drink. It was the perfect temperature.

  Dakota was a genius.

  “Scooch,” Dakota said, and I sighed, setting down my cup and sliding across the booth.

  “Shouldn’t you be working?” I asked.

  “I have been, but I’m not allowed to be on my leg for too many hours a day or Macon starts growling.”

  I winced, having been so entirely focused on myself that I had forgotten that Dakota had been injured. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay? What can I do? Do I need to get you coffee?”

  Dakota laughed, shaking her head. “No, I got myself some earlier. And don’t worry, I’m fine. This is my allotted break time, though. And it is time for the final straw.”

  Hazel clapped her hands in front of her. “Yes. Just wait until you see the list I have for you.”

  “Me, too!” Paris said, clapping her hands together.

  “You have lists?” I asked, wondering why I felt nauseous and excited at the same time.

  I had thought maybe they’d try to put me together with Nate. It only made sense. Everybody could tell something was going on between us. The girls liked to joke that it may sound like hate, but it had to be sexual attraction.

  I was not sexually attracted to Nathan Brady.

  There.

  And since we were all in the same group, four men and four women, and with three couples already paired up, it would only make sense for me to be with Nate.

  But it didn’t make sense. At all. I was not going to be with Nathan Brady.

  And I had to stop saying his name like that, or every memory I had of him would come back to me, and I would likely throw up.

  “I have a list, too.” Dakota smiled

  “I’m really worried about this. I thought we exhausted our lists with Paris. There were a lot of men on that list,” I said dryly.

  Paris discreetly flipped me off. “They were all duds, and the guy we set Hazel up with originally is back with his wife. However, we have been waiting for this. You are the perfect person for the men we couldn’t be with,” Paris added and blinked as her words caught up with her.

  I sighed. “Thanks for that. All of your rejects are for me.”

  “No, not rejects. Simply not perfect matches. I do believe we can find your perfect match,” Hazel corrected.

  I’d thought I already found it.

  I ignored that thought once again. What was wrong with me? I had gone years without thinking of Nate like this. Apparently, having him in my life daily and trying to talk to one another and not fight all the time just put him on the periphery more.

  I couldn’t ignore him. I couldn’t overlook the memories.

  I couldn’t forget that I knew what he felt like hovering over me as he gently kissed me, taking me to sensual places I’d never been before.

  But then the memories overlapped one another. The idea that I knew what he looked like when he lost all faith. Or the betrayal that slid over a person when they realized that the one they thought they loved more than anything didn’t trust them.

  No, I wasn’t going to think about that.

  “So, what you’re saying is that I have a lot of men to choose from?” I asked. Yes, I needed to do this. Because the more I thought about Nate, the worse it would be for everybody. Nate and I needed to learn to be friends. We hadn’t exactly been that before, and somehow, we needed to figure it out now.

  Because I could not be Nate’s.

  And he certainly wasn’t mine.

  I had lost that hope long ago, given up on that promise. I would make a new one. To anyone that I could. Anyone but Nate.

  “Okay, girls, sign me up,” I blurted.

  They all stared at me, blinking.

  “Really?” Paris asked. She let out an oof as Hazel elbowed her.

  “Wha
t Paris means is that it took you a lot to get here, and now you’re about to lean into it. You aren’t going to forget to show up for these dates, right? Because that would be rude. And you are not rude.” Hazel paused. “Okay, you can be rude sometimes, but not to strangers.” She paused again. “Okay, what I mean is—”

  I cut her off, holding up my hand. “No, no. I think I know where you’re going with this, and the more you keep digging that hole, the harder it is for me to remain your friend.”

  “Sorry,” she mumbled.

  “No, I understand. I’m the icy bitch queen. It gets me where I need to be. However, we talked about promises. And I’m not going back on that.”

  Plus, I needed a future—an idea of a promise that wasn’t with Nate. So, I would do this. I was going on some dates and maybe I’d find the one. Or perhaps just get Nate out of my mind.

  “Okay, so we have a list,” Dakota said.

  “I might not be looking for forever,” I began and cut the others off before they could say anything. “You all got lucky. I understand that forever might not be for everyone. However, I do agree to this, so I’m in. Let the dating begin.”

  And, once again, I ignored the slight twinge in my heart.

  I had once thought I’d found my happily ever after, but it wasn’t meant to be.

  I had learned the hard way, and that was fine. Because now I had a second chance. Maybe not at true happiness, but at least at contentment.

  As I looked around at my friends, pure joy and satisfaction radiating off them, I knew I needed to find something. Because I had been alone for long enough.

  And I was afraid if I didn’t take this chance, I would be forever.

  Chapter 2

  Nate

  * * *

  “You want me to what?” I asked, staring at my brother.

  “I want you to go on a date,” Prior said, steepling his hands in front of himself.

  “You aren’t Professor X. You don’t need to give me that look.”

  Prior looked down at his hands and smirked. “I don’t know, I think Magneto does this more than Professor X. Or maybe that’s because Ian McKellen does it more than Patrick Stewart.”

  “That’s true, we could watch the movies and decide. Of course, we may need to watch the cartoon from the nineties as well, to make sure. And I think I still have a few of my old comics. If not, we can go look them up. Did you know that they have digital comics now? And they work cool where they slide right across the page instead of like a normal book. It sort of goes from frame to frame.”

  My brother’s eyes brightened. “Yes, that would be—wait... Did you just get me distracted that quickly with an X-Men reference?” Prior asked, and I did my best not to smile.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about. This is legitimate research.”

  He shook his head. “Either way, we both agree that the third movie of each trilogy is the worst. It is the curse of X3.”

  I grimaced. “It is. So maybe we should skip those and move on to the next set and pretend X3 never existed.”

  “That is what we’ve always decided. And stop distracting me. Tonight, you need to go on a date.”

  I shook my head. “No, that’s the pact sisters. The girls do blind dates.”

  “Yes, and I think it ended up quite nicely so far,” Prior said, smiling dreamily.

  If I didn’t get Prior out of here soon, he would start talking about Paris and get even more blissful, and I’d have to deal with the sickly sweetness of it all.

  I didn’t begrudge my brother’s happiness. Hell, I was one of the first in our family to like the guy that our little sister, Arden, married. Arden was my twin, but she was so much smaller and frailer, that I thought of her as the baby.

  Every single one of my siblings was happy and either married or engaged. They were already talking about adoptions and pregnancies, and Macon even had a son with Dakota since the two were already working on the paperwork to make Joshua a Brady legally.

  Everybody was taking steps into their futures, but I was at a stalemate. I was fine with that, though. I didn’t need a future of happiness and marriage and babies. That was simply what society told the world a person needed.

  “Why are you sitting there staring into space?” Prior asked.

  “I was just thinking about societal norms. I don’t need to conform. We are in a new age where we can follow whatever paths we want to.”

  “Of course. But first, you’re going to follow the pact rules.” Prior gave a tight nod.

  I frowned. “I thought Cross and Macon were the bossy ones. Where do you get off?” At Prior’s leer, I gave a full-body shudder. “Let me rephrase that.”

  “I’m not going to talk about that right now. Especially since we’ve already discussed Paris today.”

  I made a gagging sound. “Thank you. I hate this. I need to go burn this room so I never have to think about it again.”

  “This is your house. You don’t need to burn it. Maybe burn some sage or throw some salt in the corners. You’re fine.” Prior grinned. “However, as I was saying, you can go and do whatever societal norms you want. After you do this.”

  “I’m not going on another date. I’m fine. I went on a date like three weeks ago.”

  “You attended a business dinner with a couple of your clients who are married to each other and you were the third wheel. Unless you’re entering into a triad situation. If that’s what you truly decide, then we support you. But you’re going on a date tonight.”

  “What if I had plans?” I asked.

  “You’re Nate. If you had plans, it would have been with one of us, and we already talked. You don’t have plans.”

  “I have friends other than you,” I said, affronted.

  “Whatever you say. I believe you. Especially with you leaving the house all the time since you now work from home.”

  I clenched my jaw, and Prior had the grace to wince. “Fuck. That’s not what I meant. I know that you love your current job, and you left your old one for medical reasons. I wasn’t insinuating anything. Shit. I’m sorry. Let’s start over.”

  “I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I don’t need to be an EMT anymore. I do just fine as a copywriter. It’s a completely different path than I thought I would be on, but…here we are. I like my life. I have a steady job. I’m saving for retirement. I need to pay for my medical insurance, but that’s neither here nor there.”

  “That’s always here, but I digress,” Prior began. “It’s time for you to find somebody. You don’t need to fall in love on the first date, just get out of the house.”

  “Why is it that happy couples want to set up all of their single friends?”

  My brother scowled. “You helped push Macon in the right direction, why are you hesitating now?”

  “I pushed Macon because he was madly in love with Dakota and refused to see it.”

  Prior shook his head. “Okay, that’s a good reason. However, you saw a good outcome with that. Why don’t you think you can have a good one?”

  Because I already had one.

  I wasn’t going down that path. I’d done it once before, and I had been betrayed in the end. I wouldn’t allow myself to get stuck in that cycle again.

  “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Okay, just once.”

  I narrowed my eyes at Prior. “How does just once fit with me not doing it at all?” I asked.

  “Because if you do it once, then the family will move on to something else and forget that we put you in this situation.”

  “Are you now playing good cop/bad cop with the Bradys? Because that was a bizarre episode.”

  “Stop making Brady Bunch jokes.” Prior’s eyes twinkled.

  I snorted. “I’m just saying. And with our last name, they come out of nowhere.”

  “That is true. Thank God we’re older now. Because when we were kids? That was ridiculous.”

  “Mostly with the parents,” I said, reminiscing before we burst
out laughing.

  “Seriously. Just try it out. It’s only dinner and drinks. And if it sucks, you can go home. But at least you can say you tried.”

  “What if I don’t want to?”

  “What if I dare you?” Prior asked, smug satisfaction in his gaze.

  * * *

  And that was how I found myself standing at a host stand, my hair clean and pushed back from my face, ready for a blind date.

  I could have said no to many things. But a dare when it came to my pesky and annoying bigger brother? No, I couldn’t back down.

  Prior had been one second away from clucking like a chicken. So now here I was, caught in the middle because I was an idiot.

  I moved up to the hostess stand and smiled. “Hi. I’m here for Smith, party of two.”

  “Ah, Smith,” the woman said, a wicked gleam in her eyes.

  I didn’t know if that boded well for me. Maybe she knew it was an alias. Apparently, the brothers wanted to make sure that it was a completely blind date. So, here I was, unable to use my name or know the last name of the person I was supposed to meet.

  “Your party is already here. I will take you to your table now.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I sure hope you have a wonderful time, Mr. Smith.”

  I nearly tripped over my feet at her tone. “Did you have a photo of me so you knew I was the right Smith or something?”

  The hostess beamed. “Yes. I was also told that if you try to run, I’m supposed to make clucking sounds. I refuse. However, I do have a recording of who I believe are your brothers making those chicken sounds.”

  “Why would I run from my date?” I asked, but I didn’t need her to answer. I didn’t need the hostess to say anything because I knew what had happened.

  Myra sat at the table, looking regal and sexy as fuck in a tight black dress that showed off her curves with the tiniest bit of cleavage that begged me to look.

  I wasn’t going to look.

  Simply because I knew what she looked like naked when we were younger, didn’t mean I knew what she looked like under her clothes now. And I wasn’t going to imagine it either. She had filled out a bit more and looked even sexier than she had when we were together, but that didn’t mean I needed to focus on it.